I do not own Syfy's Alice.

But we've already been through that, yeah?

Bloody Maddening

The Daring Rescue Mission of Robinson and Duckworth Part 2

"Hatter!"

I've never been so happy to see such a terrified expression in all me life.

And she was terrified to say the least.

Every right to be.

Dangling out over a great deep abyss with nothing between her and it but a floating desk.

Which was something I just didn't have time to process right then.

Nor the bald, pudgy, yelling heads of the Doctors I'd heard nightmare stories about.

No time for any of it.

Because we needed to get outta there.

And if Alice didn't trust me, we'd all die.

Come on, Alice, just this once, love.

"Jump!"

I held out me arms to her, out across the void.

And me brave little Oyster did it.

Climbed right up on that floating desk, swung across a chandelier and right into me arms.

Nearly knocked the wind outta me, she did.

Slender and frail she looked on the outside.

But underneath that blue dress and red tights, all lean muscle and strength.

Her grip was a deathlock for the longest of seconds but then she let go.

And immediately started the thing she did even better than fight.

Question me.

"How did you get in here?"

Not a clue. Think he slipped me something.

"Dunno. Ask Charlie."

Charlie was talking to the Alice door he was playing with but all I could do was stare at her.

Safe.

She was safe.

And alive.

And whole.

A bloody beautiful miracle that was.

One I really didn't have time to appreciate just then because now that we were in, we had to get back out.

Which was just as difficult as I had dreaded.

Alice was much quicker than she should've been in those boots.

And had no idea which way to go.

The general consensus appeared to be 'down'.

I ran point in case we were confronted by Suits.

Which we were.

Charlie rambling in from behind in case we needed another worry.

Which we didn't.

Can't fault him too much though.

There were a lot of stairs.

And a lot of Suits.

Coming in from behind.

The front.

There was me, in me big clunky boots sliding around that slick floor waxed within an inch of me life.

Alice later mentioned something called 'sneakers'. Said they would have been much more helpful than our boots.

I have since tried them.

She was right.

Now I own more than any grown man has a right to.

And I do not care.

They're fantastic.

But then, no.

Just me and me boots. And Alice's.

Against all those stairs and waxed floors and Suits.

So Charlie and his newfound elevator were a lifesaver.

A real elevator.

Not a busalator-elevator.

But an elevator.

With real doors.

And wood paneling.

And glowing buttons.

And a furious Alice.

Again.

After arguing over the only direction left to us . . .

Think this one's too standard to be a horizontal mover, love. And have you seen what's going on down below?

. . . barely surviving another one of Charlie's rants of loyalty and steadfastness . . .

Got too many spots in me eyes for you to start dancin' in 'em too, mate.

. . . me and Alice did what, up until that time, was the only thing we were good at together.

Arguing.

". . . shouldn't have come . . . get yourselves killed . . ."

Too much to start this conversation with a 'thank you', then?

The ring, the ring, no additional info there, why did I start with that?

Right.

Because I was an idiot.

And she was yelling already anyway.

And she was an idiot too.

Actually thought she was getting close to bargaining with the Queen.

Bloody maddening, beautiful little Oyster.

You could be dead. You would be dead! What is wrong with you?!

And all because . . .

". . . you really think the Queen's just gonna send you and your boyfriend home?!"

Oh for crying out loud, I swear if I ever come face to face with this bloody git, I'm gonna clock him!

"No . . ."

Yay, reality.

"No, of course not . . ."

Now we're finally getting somewhere . . .

". . . because he's her son."

What the hell.

I couldn't process it.

"The Prince?"

The words weren't words.

"Jack Heart?!"

They didn't make sense.

Jack Heart is your boyfriend?!"

Too much Tea, I'm on the Tea, too much Tea. Bad Tea.

And I looked at Alice's face.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will break my heart.

I've heard that in your world since I came here.

And unlike other verbal oddities I couldn't quite grasp, I didn't need this one explained to me.

It was written all over Alice's face.

She had trusted him.

She had believed in him.

She had sacrificed, nearly her life, for him.

And he had lied about everything.

And was with them.

The them that had ruthlessly hurt so many.

Would have, did to some extent, hurt her.

And now the truth was out there, out in the world, for all to see.

And me.

The one she'd fought so hard against believing.

I'd been right.

And she'd been wrong.

And she knew it.

And we could all die for it.

Oh, Alice.

I was so angry, so furious.

For her.

At her.

I dunno what I would've done had those elevator doors opened just then.

Shake her? Yell at her?

Gather her into me arms and hold her because she was so hurt and all alone?

Probably not.

Didn't matter anyway because those elevator doors did open.

And I s'pose I'm just glad there were only two Suits on the roof.

Quick lil brawl.

Took some punches.

Bloody hat flew off again.

But I got me own in.

'Bout ten seconds after nearly getting strangled off the roof.

Gave him what-for though.

Even worked in a hat trick for flair.

Aww, dunno why. 'Cause I can, I guess.

And as I was flippin' me hat back onto me head again, I saw the second Suit on the ground with Charlie knocking him smartly in the head while Alice gazed on from the sidelines.

Cheers, mate. Bet there's more to it though, yeah?

Insteada stoppin' for a cuppa . . .

Celebratory nip? No?

Congratulatory handshake . . .

Now tell me what really happened, love . . .

Or tea forbid, a happy lil hug . . .

Mmm, warm . . .

We didn't even have time for a breather.

"What now?"

I looked around.

Bugger, just couldn'ta been a Scarab, could it?

Still . . . better than waitin' to grow wings . . .

"We get on one of those."

Now mind you, we were on a very high up roof.

Nothing but air around, above, and below.

Didn't bother me.

Too much.

But you know Alice.

Not much for all the ups and downs.

So I knew jaunting off on those weird pink bird fliers with her wouldn't be a simple lil stroll through the Jabberwock woods.

Still . . .

"I am not getting on that!"

Not really much built-in discussion time here, love.

"What genius!"

Well, at least Charlie was excited by the prospect.

I hopped on the bizarre contraption, discovering straight away me bits were going to be taking a beating.

Sorry, boys, nothing for it.

"We don't have another choice."

And Alice wasn't making matters any better.

"You don't understand. I'm not getting on that!"

Oh bloody hell, woman!

"It's perfectly safe!" No lies, mate. "Safe-ish."

Nope.

"I have a thing about flying!"

The newly arrived Suits didn't help.

"Yeah? I've got a thing about bullets!"

Rooted to the ground, me stubborn, terrified little Oyster.

Rather face a hail of bullets than plunge off the side of a house of cards.

Her worse fear come to fruition.

Heights.

And me.

Jabberwock ballocks.

It was the ledge all over again. Even . . .

"Look at me."

Alice.

"I wouldn't let you do it if I didn't think you'd be okay."

Trust me, woman, trust me. Just this once.

And she, in a fearful agony, did.

Sorta.

At any rate, she clamored on and Charlie shot off, screaming all the way.

I followed suit (metaphorically, really) and Alice the untouchable Oyster locked me in a death grip that nearly crushed me sterum.

Still, woulda felt good if I hadn't been engaging in a crash (poor choice o' phrase, that) course on modern Wonderland high speed aviation.

Oooh, I'm gonna be sick.

Alice wasn't fairing too well either.

And as charming and verbose as I can be, I was also trying to ignore being scared out of me wits.

And having a tad bit of difficulty with distracting conversation.

"I suppose it's his lofty airs and graces, eh?"

Odd that shooting through the air on a flying pink flamingo that was all I could think to say to her.

Interestingly enough, Alice was right on target with me.

"He doesn't have airs and graces!"

Oh please, he's got more airs shut up in that Casino than we do out here in the actual.

"Really? Well, what then?"

What am I trying to do to her here?

I really had no idea.

"Look, just shut up and drive!"

You mean 'not crash'. Okay. Sure.

And while Alice and I argued (again), Charlie was practically blissful in his element.

Singing and waxing poetic on the merits of mechanical flight.

Until the Suits and their bullets found us.

Again.

"Alice! Hold on!"

I needn't have requested.

She had her strong wrapped all around me, head jammed between me shoulderblades. I could feel her entire front pressing into me back.

Might've enjoyed it if I hadn't been so intent on not crashing and dying.

And then Charlie, the joyful White Knight, went plunging into the lake below.

And moments later, against all me best efforts, Alice and I followed.

So gracious, you are, me loyal reviewers, DinahRay, ThatGypsyWriter, and HardfacedQueenofMisadventure. I'm very appreciative you're out there reading and talking to me.

And thanks to you too, guest Cassie, for such an enthusiastic message. Tho, why wouldn't it sound like me, love, it is me! *pauses* You're not on the Tea, are ya? ;)