Fourteen

It took Stella all of thirty-six hours to go stir crazy at the apartment. Having Kelly at home for a day was great and she'd all but pushed him out to the door for his shift, but once she was alone things changed faster than she'd anticipated.

Noises.

Noises crawled along her skin.

A passing car rumbling in the street outside the window had her heart leaping up in her throat.

"Fuck."

Stella pushed up and off of the couch and walked away into the kitchen. Picking up a pot she set it on the stove and then walked to the refrigerator and opened it up.

"Hmm.."

Her thoughts solidified and she realized that he refrigerator was nearly empty, because Kelly'd spent much of the last week in the hospital with her.

"Okay then." She saw the containers of cereal on the counter but she didn't want it. Walking back into the bedroom she picked up her phone off of the dresser. Pulling up the app for a car service, she ordered up a ride.

She was actually grateful that Rescue was out when she arrived at 51. She didn't want to see Kelly's concerned face… not just then. She was feeling like a big ol' wuss for even turning up at the house. She didn't want them to think she couldn't handle being at home alone.

She didn't want them to… because she already felt that way about herself. Herrmann was the first one to see her and she smiled at the look of shock and happiness on his face.

"Hey, Kiddo… goodness! It's good to see you!"

She rustled up a smile. "Hey, Herrmann! Thought I'd come and see what's up today?"

"You missed me, admit it. Having Severide wait on you hand and foot just isn't as fun as me ribbing you endless over every little thing."

Stella nodded. "Exactly."

Herrmann stepped up for a hug and stopped short when Stella pulled back ever so slightly. Herrmann's face colored a little, his expression pinching ever so slightly.

Stella closed her eyes and shook. "Herrmann. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry-"

"Hey, hey," she could hear the forced smile in his tone, "don't you say that… I should have eased up on you."

Shaking her head she winced as she blinked back a sudden prickle of tears. "No. You didn't know." Her lips flattened into a thin white line. "I didn't know."

He lowered his voice and leaned closer. "You okay?"

She nodded. A bit too hard. A bit too quick. "I'm fine."

His look said he didn't believe her for a moment, but before he could say anything else, the door swung open and Mouch and Otis came through. "Hey! Stella!"

Her smile eclipsed her wince. "Hey, guys!"

Otis looked out at the street. "Rescue's on a call, but last I heard from Cruz, they're finishing up. So Severide will be back soon."

She put her hands on her hips and winced as the echoes of her bruises. "I can't come and see my friends?"

She watched Otis expression tense and before she could say anything, Mouch gave Otis an elbow to the side. "Relax."

Otis' laughter burst from his lips but his eyes were still a little wary. "Sorry."

Stella shook her head and looked Herrmann. "No need for sorry. I just wanted to come and see you guys."

Mouch nodded with a knowing look on his face. "Going a bit stir crazy at the apartment?"

"Yeah, kind of."

Herrman gestured toward the door. "Let's go inside. We were just starting on lunch. Come on in, have a seat. Maybe Mouch will even let you pick the channel."

Stella caught Mouch's owl-eyed look.

"I what?"

She waved off his concern. "I just want to hand out with you guys… I'll even help prep if I can sit down somewhere."

The reminder that she wasn't quite back up to snuff reverberated through the group, ever-so-slightly dampened their spirits, but they recovered quickly, eager to make her feel comfortable in the house.

Truck crew fell into a comfortable round of joking as they prepared lunch and as the positive energy around Stella made her smile, it also pulled down her defenses.

She was home here.

"Hey, Stella, good to see you-"

Her mind heard Matt's voice. She knew who was walking up behind her, but the minute she felt his hand on her back, Stella shot off of the stool she had been sitting on.

Her foot tangled with a leg of the stool and both she and it went down on the hard-laminated floor.

All it was one look at Matt's horrified expression and Stella's heart seized in her chest.

"Oh My God," she grabbed at her chest, back-peddling on the floor, "I'm sorry."

Matt recovered quickly and stepped forward, reaching his hand out to help her up off the floor.

It was Herrmann that saw it first, but he couldn't quite get a hand on Matt to stop him.

Stella's conscious mind shut down just as her heart hit the gas pedal. "No, no…"

The door to the Apparatus floor squeaked open and Rescue walked in, tired and dirty. Capp walked into Tony's back as they stopped short just inside the door.

Cruz saw the look of blind panic on Stella's face as the stunned shock on the faces of the truck crew. "Lieutenant? Get in here!"

#

Kelly swore under his breath and dropped his phone into his pocket, running into the common room to see what the commotion was about. He didn't ask a question. He didn't have to.

One look and he knew. It had happened to with him twice since he'd brought her home.

"Everyone relax." Kelly tried to keep his voice even… calm. "Hey, babe." His attention was on Stella. Completely on her. "Go ahead, take a breath."

He watched as she sucked in a breath no longer than a quick gasp. That was something. As he moved in front of the other guys from Rescue, he put a hand on Cruz's shoulder and gave him a slight squeeze and a push toward the far end of the room.

Kelly didn't have to wait for an answer from Cruz, he knew his friend would understand.

"Why don't we go sit in my office for a bit, okay?"

Stella didn't answer. She didn't even look at him. Her eyes were locked on Matt. Kelly knew their good friend was frozen in fear. If this was a call out, Matt would likely have picked up the signs in a moment.

"Stella. Baby. Tell me something you can touch."

The guys from rescue, as big as they were, moved like ghosts across the room.

Swallowing first, Stella stretched her fingers out on the linoleum floor. "Tiles."

Kelly felt a little of his apprehension relax from his shoulders. "Good. Something you can hear."

She took in a breath, something deeper than before. "Ice."

Kelly saw Matt turn his head toward the refrigerator. No one else had noticed the ice falling into the container inside the freezer. Stella had great hearing. "Great. Something you can smell."

Another breath, deeper. The answer faster. Her nose wrinkled. "Onions."

Mouch took Herrmann's arm and the two of them backed away, following Cruz into the hallway.

Kelly began the next step. "Good, babe. Something you can-"

"I can test metal, in my mouth." She winced. "I bit my tongue." Before Kelly could say anything she looked up and blinked a few times. "And I can see Matt. I'm sorry I freaked out on you."

Matt shook his head. "I wasn't thinking. I saw you and I wanted to say hi. I didn't think… I shouldn't have put my hand on you."

Kelly nodded. His guess confirmed. There was no need to tell Matt where he'd gone wrong. His friend… THEIR friend… guessed it.

"I have to get used to it," she closed her eyes and bit down on her lip, "I miss the hugs. I miss… simple touches."

"Stella," Kelly moved closer.

"I'm going to get it back," she turned to look at him. "I'm going to get through this. I'm just going to have to get better at surprises."

Kelly held out his hand to her and said a silent thank you when she took it without thinking. "it's going to be an adjustment for all of us, Stella."

"But we're here for you." That from Matt, whose skin color was getting better by the moment. "And I'm so sorry-"

"Don't be," Stella managed to smile at Matt, "I didn't call ahead, I just came down. I wanted to see everyone. So this is on me."

"Hey," Matt shook his head, "if I can't apologize again, you can't take the blame. We're just glad you wanted to see us. Dawson and Brett should be back in a bit. I was coming down to let the guys know they were on their way back from Med."

Kelly saw Stella brighten.

"I'd like to see them." Stella stepped closer to him, touching her hip and her shoulder to his. Having her that close filled him with happiness. She was trying to connect and he'd take every little success. "Do you think I can go sit down in your office and let the guys get their lunch? I don't think I can handle the whole group right now."

Matt gave her a smile. "Everyone is in the opposite hall. Go ahead and go up. I'll send Ambo up when they return."

Kelly gestured toward the doorway and Stella took a step in that direction, but before she made it more than a couple of steps, she reached out with her fingertips and touched his hand with a gentle exploration.

He had to fight back tears as his returned the gesture and held his hand as still as he could, and still walk beside her. By the time they got to the elevator, Stella had woven their fingers together and was holding his hand.