Over the next few days, Jake visited the Darkwood's - turns out the seven of them were the T-Ghouls from the Umbrella days - to explain each and every single bit of intel he possessed on Neo-Umbrella. From known safehouses, corrupt officials in the government and police, down to the names of people he'd had the misfortune of meeting directly. Not a single detail he had was overlooked, and thanks to the very detail oriented Serenity and the perpetually analytic Kaneki, they had essentially pinpointed every possible Neo-Umbrella operative in the city that Jake knew existed.
"So, why do they have such a large number of Navy and Coast Guard personnel on their roster?" Tobias glanced at the fifteen year old redhead for a moment before returning his gaze to the tablet in his hand that displayed the people in question.
"That... I don't know." Jake shrugged. "Like I said, I only know as much as I do because I'm a Wesker. Wouldn't know jack shit if their boss wasn't my dad."
"I get the feeling they have a ship, maybe even a submarine." Kaneki pointed out, standing with his hands on his hips beside his brother. "Makes sense, given their Navy and Coast Guard personnel."
"That's a sound theory. Maybe I could weasel something out of the asshole next time he calls me?" Jake suggested, which made the polar opposite, but visibly similar men both stare at him with matching raised eyebrows.
"I'd pay cash to see you pull that off, kid." Tobias smirked, but Kaneki was curiously impressed.
"That's not a bad idea, actually. Just we'll take a 'wait and see' approach, at least until new information comes to us."
"He usually calls me to try and convince me to join Neo-Umbrella about once a week. Otherwise he just calls to be his usual arrogant self." Jake smirked. "For such a deadbeat father, he does check in pretty often."
"That's because you're still useful to him in some way." Tobias replied right away. "Believe me when I say this, the second he gets a chance, you're fucked. He's going to try and betray you, whether you see it coming or not."
"Is that why he hates you so much, Mr. Darkwood?" Jake asked, catching a hint of experience in Tobias' tone.
"He couldn't control me from the very beginning. Only thing he could do was point and say 'please' in case I was in a bad enough mood to tear his head off." Tobias smirked. "So, I'll speak to some of my military contacts to see what they can dig up about outlying ships outside of direct military jurisdiction in the Pacific. I doubt your father'd have a fleet in the Atlantic if all of his primary targets are on the West coast."
"And if they can't find anything worthwhile?" Jake asked.
"Then I go check my damn self." Yuuki's voice came from behind them, and she was smirking with her hands on her hips. "You forget what my powers are already?"
"Your mother won't approve." Tobias' immediate reply showed that even with all his power and capability, he wasn't the one in charge of the household. That title belonged to Mother Dearest, Rize.
"So?" Yuuki smirked at her father. "It's not like you have the ability to find a submarine, or track down a Neo-Umbrella owned ship of any size. I have a domain where nothing is unknown to me, and that's the ocean."
"In other words, you're our best shot at finding a sub, but we'd need to narrow down the surface ships via my military contacts before we send you anywhere near the surface." Tobias concluded with a sigh. "Well... Fine. Just don't do it on a school day."
"I know, I know." Yuuki waved her hand dismissively. "Waste my own time, not school time. I know the stupid mantra."
"You taught her well..." Jake leaned over and joked with Tobias in Russian, only for a resounding smack to echo from the back of his head.
"Asshole." Yuuki glared at him as she lowered her outstretched hand. "If you were my actual boyfriend, you'd be blueballed so fucking fast, Mishka couldn't even keep up."
"But I'm not, so I'm pretty safe." Jake replied smartly, only for Yuuki to pull out her knife and press it against his neck.
"I have a notorious habit for playing with sharp objects..." Yuuki spoke in a deadly clam voice, almost sadistic in sweetness. "And I'm not very fond of dicks, so I know some very interesting methods of removing them from my vicinity. Get my point yet, smartass?"
To drive her point home, she tapped the very tip of her index finger's claw against his throbbing jugular.
"You're a kinky fucker, ain't cha?" Jake replied, not willing to fold. "Sherry must have so much fun with you in bed, huh?"
"Okay, now I'm tempted to rip out that tongue of yours, kid." Tobias glared at him darkly.
"I have a sense of humour, what can I say?" Jake shrugged again.
"Nothing." Yuuki replied. "That'd be a very good start."
"Excellent. Alright, speak with our usual camera crews, see if they want to return for the show. If not, call me back, and I'll arrange a meeting with the candidates to glean through and pick who's needed. Yes, yes... Goodbye."
"So the show must go on, huh?" Alice had heard about Darkwood only in passing, a casual conversation she'd heard while out walking on the street. She knew it was put on a temporary hiatus, but by the sound of Rize's phone call, it was being reconsidered for renewal.
"We are technically celebrities, as unusual as that sounds." Rize replied as she lowered the phone. "Honestly, it helps all of us, despite the occasional bit of friction it may cause."
"So what about the younger aspect?" Alice was of course, referring to Yuuki directly, and indirectly, Jake and Sherry.
"She's got quite the cult following. Every guy her age can drool all they want, but they know they can't have her. So, of course, every little lesbian out there has a gleam in her eye."
"I meant more along the lines of Jake and her." Alice corrected herself.
"Jake himself made it very clear he's just a friend. He friendzoned himself." Rize replied with a smirk. "So, I guess we should brief him on the incoming clusterfuck."
"That's a very good idea." Alice smirked, then followed her oldest daughter through the house to find Jake in a rather compromised position under Yuuki's knife. "Please tell me you're joking?"
"Oh. Hi, Miss Abernathe..." Jake glanced over to see the two of them entering the living room. "Um... I said something stupid?" He smiled awkwardly, his explanation coming out more like a question.
"Let him go, Yuuki." Rize sounded rather bored by the incident, like she'd given that command many times before... Which was, of course, the truth.
"To be fair, Rize, he did say something stupid." Tobias smirked as his daughter released her friend from the near-lethal threat.
"Kinda had that one coming for me..." Jake laughed nervously, but Alice cleared her throat for attention.
"Jake, I'd like to speak to you about some upcoming events that will be occuring here."
"What, is the Army gonna get involved?" Jake thought she was talking about the conversation he'd just had with Tobias and Kaneki.
"No." Alice shook her head. "You watch any TV in your spare time?"
"My spare time involves oil, metal, tools and the occasional bit of swearing." Jake smirked, but Alice's narrowed eyes made him elaborate on his joke. "I'm training to be a mechanic... I work on cars in my spare time."
"Well, that's actually helpful." Alice was slightly surprised. "So, I'll get to the point: We're all celebrities, as hard as that is to grasp. We're all on a reality show, called Darkwood. Right now, the show's on hiatus, but Rize just got off the phone with the studio, and she agreed to resume the show."
"So let me guess, you're warning me about the cameras and the bullshit that's gonna be coming my way if I'm seen on screen with Yuuki?"
"You catch on fast." Alice nodded. "You and I are the only ones that haven't been on screen, so you're in it with me whether you like it or not."
"Why haven't you been on screen?" Jake asked, confused.
"Because to the general public... I've been dead for sixteen years." Alice smirked. "The proof hangs around my granddaughter's neck." She pointed at the heavy black chain that disappeared into Yuuki's respectably deep cleavage.
"You even think about staring down my shirt, I'll stab you." Yuuki glared at Jake, who held up his hands innocently.
"A smartass, I may be... but suicidal, I am not." Jake replied in an oddly sagely tone.