By twelve the next afternoon I had taken care of most of the business for the next day, both of our dress uniforms were being steam cleaned, flowers organised, wake organised for the beach bar later that night; the family couldn't make it due to grief, so I agreed to take the responsibility of everything and take care of the business as required. I promised them I would visit as soon as possible, but they understood I had business to deal with first.
The rest of the day was just relaxing, Steve was trying to keep me busy by going surfing, volunteering to take me shopping for new clothes and even going to the rifle range to get some stress relief, I decided that today I needed to get the conversation with Danny out into the open and I was trying to psych myself up as I rustled up lunch in the kitchen and prayed for small mercys!
Steve was busy tinkering with the Marquis in the garage when I brought him a beer and lunch out, I had gone all out and made chicken noodle salad for him, even promised steak for dinner! While he sat munching it with chopsticks and a grin across his face I plucked up the courage and started.
"I need to tell you something and I don't want you to go postal as it was my decision and in hindsight now, it's a doozy!" I whispered before he freaked out.
"Okay…what's on your mind?" he said wiping his mouth.
I paced the floor for a moment and then sucked in a deep breath, he looked at me with a smirk on his face, he knew I got embarrassed about asking questions about relationships and he knew that he would be my first when I decided to go for it – he just didn't expect what came out of my mouth now.
"Operation Sparx, does it ring a bell?" I whispered.
He frowned and had a quick drink as he racked his brains, he then clicked and nodded as he located the information in his brain somewhere.
"Yeah, it was experimental, we had to decide the pros and cons on it after a briefing….why? Are you part of the panel or have friends on the recruit list?" he said warily.
I paced the room cracking my knuckles.
"No. I was number six. That's the real reason I was in Falcon Base. The final exams were that week, but were delayed due to the incident; I think that's why Bravofourniner are after me….I think we found something out after studying all their mission histories. Danno and me where talking yesterday and then something unblocked part of the black hole…..i remembered faces, names…..even Thompson trying his luck one night outside the commissary…..a lot is still in the dark, but it came back to me out of nowhere and there is useful leads to us from it." I said turning back round to him.
He was standing there stiff as a board, eyes glaring at me with recriminations and anger…..shit….this was not going to be good. He moved towards me very slowly and my senses told me to run, he had his SEAL persona back on and it was not happy to hear the breaking news.
"You were member six…from Sparx….one of the most controversial experiments done by the US and UK forces?" he asked.
I looked in his eyes and nodded, swallowing slowly as I saw his muscles clench and his eyes darken.
"Yes. If things hadn't gone sour then I would have been active leader of the first female SAS team members in the history of the forces, the other five were from air force, army, navy and reserve units that volunteered for the duty. Since I was the only medic who applied, I was thought to be the weak spot in the chain and they could try to exploit that weakness; Thompson caught on quickly to what they were going to do and started to train me….how do you think I got my weapons and close quarters so quickly." I replied.
He paced the garage, both hands going through his hair in disbelief, turning to me he grabbed my shoulders and pinned me to the garage wall…within seconds I was free and he was standing back as my defences had come back with a force. He stood staring at me in disbelief, I had used a tactic that he was not expecting me to be aware of and he was caught off guard.
"That's a move only known to SEALS….it takes months of practice to do safely…" he said stretching his shoulder.
"And you'll be happy to know that's really the first time I have managed to do it properly…" I replied with tears going down my face.
He grabbed my wrist and held me as I calmed down my breathing and his, I promised him truth today and I delivered; but I also knew he had to process this for a few minutes so I grabbed a seat and my beer.
"Why in gods name would you volunteer for Sparx, you're a medic, you save lives…..you respect the way of nature, of life….but the training would have put you in direct conflict and could have killed you!" he whispered.
I cooled my own temper down and held onto his waist as he ran his hands over my shoulders and back to ease the tension running through my body; he knew what this must have cost me to tell him – he was thanking me by keeping me close and supporting me as I relaxed.
"It almost did Steve, several times! The training killed the rest of the team on their fifth mission when I was recovering, Joe sent me the details…..it looks like Mitchell set the trigger switch onto their Humvee that blew them up in Afghan. I'm telling you this now as it's the biggest secret I had, there is no more secrets between us now, at least none that I remember. Joe knows all the details, I spoke to him earlier today, and he's going to meet us after the funeral tomorrow with some more info from Pearl."
He sat on the chair and just looked at me before laughing, looking at him funnily I was dragged in towards him and held against him as he shook.
"You know, Sparx would have worked….six females armed to the teeth….god help anyone who got on your bad side!"
"Yeah, we looked weak and girly…..the trainers found that out the hard way during one of the exercises….we lasted for 98 hours floating on 'Survival Island'. I always told Master Chief that Brownies taught us ninja skills."
He ran his fingers over my face and dried my eyes, I wanted him there and then but he shook his head.
"Not that I don't want you Sadie but it would be too painful for your first time when I am trying to deal with this news – it would end up feeling like I was using you to calm myself down and I want to give you nothing by pleasure!" he whispered.
I went beetroot as he said the last sentence, he pulled me in for a deep kiss and then held me close as we processed the information, now he just had to go speak to Joe about all this and he would leave telling everyone else up to me.
The next morning we both got up early and decided to go swimming, Steve had shown me the Hawaiian goodbye ritual that we could do as a team later on to lay things to rest, for a couple of hours I relaxed and just finally enjoyed the beautiful paradise that Oahu was, I see why Robert loved it now.
An hour later after getting sorted, I was standing downstairs in my dress uniform putting the final touches to my hair; Danny, Kono and Chin all arrived in dress uniform and I had told them to make themselves at home. Steve came downstairs and wrapped the black ribbon across my RAMC insignia, heading off twenty minutes later we arrived at the chapel for the service and then travelled by car to the graveyard to inter Roberts's coffin as requested.
Both Steve and I stood at attention as the coffin was lowered, giving a final salute of farewell to him, I shut myself down, if I cried I would keep going….the bastards were not going to win this one! The funeral was very basic by request, a lone piper played Highland Cathedral as the coffin was lowered and the Priest gave final prayers. Ten minutes later, after thanking those who came, I headed back to where Steve was at his father's grave along the path.
"What does it feel like? To catch the person who destroys part of your soul? Does it feel right to want to put a bullet in their head?"
"No, never kill unless necessary….it takes too much to recover from." He replied taking my hand in his.
"I would have loved to meet him, he must have been a wonderful man!" I whispered.
Steve looked at me and nodded, I bent down and placed the small bunch of roses in the spike and cleared the headstone in the grass of debris, it was simple but beautiful – very much like his son.
We headed home a while later after taking a walk to clear our heads and visit some other graves, I hadn't had time to do the whole tourist thing yet, so we agreed to go to Pearl on our next day off and see the Arizona and other memorials from the war. All of us had been given the day off by the Governor and would only be called if urgent; we agreed to meet up at Kamekona's for lunch and spend the afternoon on the beach relaxing.
At lunchtime we met up and I got introduced to Kamekona who I instantly loved for his complete savvy attitude, grabbing a table we got introduced to some new recipes he had been developing, I decided on the chicken and beef and he was desperate for me to try the shrimp jambalaya.
"Hate to tell you this Kamekona…I don't eat fish!" I said apologetically.
He stares at me in shock and I grin at his expression.
"I have never met anyone who doesn't eat fish….." he said shocked.
"Wait a minute…you don't eat fish, but on a yearly basis you eat a sheep's stomach stuffed with oatmeal and organs and whatever else?" Danno said shaking his head.
"Pretty much…the Haggis is a one nighter deal with plenty of drinks…..Fish, I will swim with, feed bananas…don't eat them cause I don't like them!"
"Do you think your fragile stomach can handle Kamekona's jambalaya then? Super spicy, three chilli special?" he said grinning.
"Bring it big boy, I'll even top the challenger list if you want?" I replied laughing.
Shaking my hand he went off to sort out the challenge and the others were shaking their heads at us, grinning I laughed at them and downed my coconut water….a little trick I had learned from eating spicy things.
"I've had some of this challenge before, sure your stomach can handle it…..it's probably strong enough to be weaponised!" Steve whispered.
I nodded and kissed his cheek.
"I love spicy things, they give you a little buzz due to the endorphin rush….but please don't expect any 'special kisses' for a day or so…..it would fall off!" I whispered back grinning.
He went slightly red, we hadn't had sex yet – didn't mean we didn't enjoy each others body in other ways – and he was damn glad I had agreed to that option!
Twenty minutes later I was handed a plate of food that smelled wonderful, digging in I was hit by the wall of heat from the spices but just went to my happy place and munched right through the meat, rice and vegetables; it was delicious and authentic Hawaiian food. Ten minutes later I dropped my fork on the empty plate and had a stretch before leaning back against the post.
"Kamekona, where is the challenge….the appetiser was delicious!" I shouted towards his truck.
Everyone burst out laughing as he came over and stared at me in utter surprise, he really didn't think I would manage to eat it, I wasn't that slender, but a healthy appetite and strong muscles due to my work and training had helped burn carbs to my benefit.
"What do you know? The Highlander can shovel her food away…..that was some seriously impressive moves there girl!"
"That was some seriously delicious food, little more salt next time," I said hugging him for a free meal.
Chatting for a little while we grabbed our boards and headed to the beach, I had never surfed before and Kono was giving me the crash course on how to stay on board when you hit the waves. Laughing my head off as I was told what Danny was like doing the same thing, I had completely forgotten that I was in my half suit and I was getting a lot of stares from people about my back. Sighing I shrugged my shoulders and headed to the water to try out some of the moves on the lighter waves.