Sorry I'm Not Sorry

"You and Daryl seem to have gotten closer."

My eyes shifted to Rick, granola bar frozen halfway to my mouth, "If we're going to have the sex talk can you draw pictures? I'm a visual learner."

He kept his face carefully blank, trying to be nonchalant, but fell about ten miles short as I cocked an eyebrow at his lame interrogation attempt. His "casual" needed work. It was almost as bad as Daryl's which was utterly non-existent. The man was about as subtle as a train wreck. On a boat.

He rolled his eyes, sitting down beside me on the hood of a car. "Just an observation."

"Mhmm." Observation my ass. Good to know that even when the world literally stopped turning the gossip mill kept right on trucking. "You know, it's not too late to shut your mouth and mind your own business." I popped the last bite of granola bar in my mouth as he chuckled next me.

"It's a good thing. Seeing the two of you together, it makes me remember when Lori and I first started dating." His words made me choke on what was left of my granola bar, a coughing fit forcing me to lean forward in an effort to dislodge it as he pounded on my back. "You good?"

Sipping some water I looked at him, "Are you trying to kill me?"

His eyes sparkled with amusement that was so rare these days you'd sooner find Carol without her nose shoved in porn. It would have been nice if he wasn't using the dark side of the force.

"I'm not sure what you're talking about, we're just friends."

It wasn't that I was in denial as much as I was selective about the reality I choose to accept. What I felt for Daryl was anything but friendly, but I'd sooner replace my toilet paper with steel wool than admit that to Rick. Admitting it would mean facing it, and facing it would mean dealing with it. Neither of which I was ready for ...whatever it was.

I wasn't a relationship guru, but compared to Daryl I could have passed as the Millionaire Matchmaker. Meaning I'd actually had one. If you could call dating someone for two straight weeks a relationship. And even that was just two weeks of sex with a few food runs sprinkled in to keep our energy up. I didn't consider that a relationship, it barely passed as a rendezvous in my book, but since all Daryl managed were a few one night stands I won this round in a landslide. Which was just sad when you thought about it. Over 60 years of life between us and Beth had more relationship experience than the two of us combined. Pathetic.

It wasn't that surprising when you thought about it. Nothing about Daryl was easy or conventional, and I had never dated anyone without a foot already out the door so right now our "relationship" amounted to us dancing around each other like we were in junior high, minus the tongue action. Sigh. Junior high sounded good right about now. I could use a little tongue action.

"I just want him safe," I admitted, squinting against the sun that was out for the first time in days, making the day somewhat tolerable temperature wise. "And naked. I wouldn't put up a fight if he was naked from time to time."

Now it was Rick's turn to sputter and choke. Ha, payback's a biotch!

"Stop, I don't need that visual." He cringed and I shrugged.

"You started it."

He laughed, "Lesson learned. Forget I mentioned it." Fat chance of that happening. I had a naked Daryl movie playing on repeat in my head now. It was going to be a long day.

"Tell me why I'm benched again?" I asked.

"Everyone needs to be able to survive in case we ever get separated. You've been training them and they're getting better, but they need real life scenarios."

I drug my tongue across my teeth in irritation. I understood his reasoning, would have even supported it if it didn't leave such a sour taste in my mouth. I wasn't one for sitting on the sidelines, and that was exactly what I was doing while almost everyone else was out scavenging a nearby traffic snarl on one of the larger country roads we'd come across.

It was standard practice to have someone stay behind to guard the vehicles and supplies, not to mention Hershel and Lori, but I'd never given it much thought before today. Mainly because the poor, unfortunate soul had never been me. Now that it was I didn't like it one bit.

Lori and Hershel were lounging in one of the other cars, doors closed to ward off the chill. He was napping as she focused on growing limbs. Daryl took Carl and Carol north, further up the road, and I couldn't stop from turning around to see if I could catch any sight of them, but just like the last 1,000 times I checked, nothing. Maggie and Beth went in the opposite direction, and I could barely make out the neon blue tank top Beth wore at this distance. That left Glenn and T-Dog to rummage around in the vehicles nearby which judging by the curse words flying around wasn't going too well.

My job was simple, sit here and look for bad guys and dead people.

Boring.

As.

Fuck.

"We're on our way back." Daryl's voice rumbled through Rick's walkie talkie.

"Find anything?" he asked.

I wasn't holding out much hope. These cars looked like they'd been ransacked a couple of time, but we couldn't afford to let any potential resource go unchecked. The big traffic pile ups on the highway would yield better booty, but I would sooner ask Charles Manson to be my life coach than willing venture there. You've heard the saying like shooting fish in a barrel? Well, on the highway we were the fish and that was one big ass barrel.

"Nah, ain't nothin' here worth takin'," Daryl responded, confirming my suspicions.

Rick looked both disappointed and pissed. I gently squeezed his shoulder, offering the only thing I could, my support. His lips thinned, but he nodded, walking away to check on T-Dog and Glenn. Glancing back ahead I squinted, using my hand to shield my eyes from the sun as I tried to make out something in the distance. I stood up slowly on the hood of the truck. Dread building in my gut like a pressure cooker as I took in what looked like a giant, black blob slowly coming down the road.

I was up and moving before the alarmed shrieks of Beth and Maggie were heard over the walkie talkie. Pivoting on my heel I ran up the hood of the truck, jumping into the bed and grabbing a duffel bag, ripping it open. It only took me seconds to find the two P99 AS .40 S&W semi-automatic pistols we found in Senoia and were saving for a rainy day. They were already loaded, thank god for Rick's paranoia, so I flicked off the safeties, chambering a round in each weapon.

Tossing my PPQ down into the bag I put one of the P99's in my leg holster and tucked the other in the waist band of my jeans, hopping over the side of the truck back onto the road. Racing forward I swung the passenger door open, running my hands along the cheap, plastic, faux wood lining the door. At one of the edges the adhesive was failing causing the edge to pull away from the metal of the frame and I was able to grab the corner, pulling the entire component off in one motion. Discarding the plastic I squatted down, grabbing a bundle of speaker wires, separating out just one and wrapping the thin, white wire around my hand, yanking down on it as the cable snapped off.

"There's a herd coming, we're surrounded!" Maggie's scream crackled through the walkie talkie sending a chill down my spine.

Rick was trying to keep her calm, but I could hear Beth's terrified cries in the background drowning out his voice. Yeah, no way that was gonna work. The herd had to be over a hundred strong. I'd be screaming too at this point. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Glenn dart forward, his face desperate as he listened to his girlfriend's terrified voice begging for help, but T-Dog tackled him to the ground, using his weight to pin the lighter man. I grimaced, my heart aching for him, but turned away.

Focus.

"Can you hide?" Rick sounded frantic, and I could see Lori attempting to console Hershel as I stood up, racing past them towards the other side of the highway.

"No, they see us, we're on top of the cars, but there's too many. We need..." Her voice cut out and the pressure building inside me burst like a balloon.

Running towards an abandoned Ducati motorcycle I spotted earlier I knelt beside it, grabbing a grouping of wires at the base of the steering column and pulling the cap off the ignition wire. Using the speaker wire from the truck I inserted it into the socket of the cap, twisting the wires together to hold them in place as the motorcycle console lights blinked on.

Swinging my legs over the bike I hastily stuffed the wires under the gas tank as I pressed the ignition switch, the engine roaring to life with a purr as I twisted the throttle all the way back, keeping the breaks locked. The back tire started spinning with a deafening squeal, a cloud of white smoke building behind me from the friction of the tire against the asphalt. I leaned to the left, bracing my foot on the ground as the bike slowly turned.

"Alex!" Rick yelled, his eyes wide. I glanced across the highway, teeth clenched in unease, but it wasn't Rick that had me second guessing what I was about to do. Just over his shoulder I saw Daryl racing down the road, his face an open book for the first time since I met him. I saw shock briefly flit across his face, but it was quickly replaced with horror as understanding dawned in his blue eyes.

"Tell them to get ready!" I hollered over the roar of the engines. Rick swallowed hard, his face ashen as he nodded mutely. I let go of the breaks, shooting forward at a pace slightly slower than bat out of hell. I could just make out the enraged shout of "Red!" over the rushing wind in my ears.

The traffic jam made maneuvering difficult at this speed, the cold air whipping my hair around in my ponytail as my eyes watered causing me to blink rapidly to clear my vision. I felt like Trinity in the Matrix, minus the dominatrix leather and kickass sunglasses which was a look I would totally rock.

I kept the throttle pegged, zipping back and forth between the cars, debris, and dead bodies littering the road. One wrong move would send me crashing to the ground in an accident I wasn't likely to walk away from, alive anyway, but the Ducati was easy to handle, moving with stealth like precision as I raced towards the pair.

The motorcycle was all performance, a hybrid derived from the classic Ducati racing bikes. It was sleek with an engine that could crank out 13,000 rpm's at top speeds. I argued with Rick earlier about adding it to our caravan, but he dismissed the notion when my only reason was, "it's sexy as hell". Wasn't that reason enough? Figured I'd get to ride it...to my death.

Looking up I saw Beth and Maggie ahead of me, so close yet still impossibly far away. They were marooned on a dinky, little, mid-sized car, Beth swinging away like Sammy Sosa with a bat as Maggie shot her pistol with wild abandon at the walkers grabbing for them.

I wanted to vomit as I took in the size of the herd behind them, slowly but surely lumbering down the road. I was wrong earlier. There were more than a hundred. This had to be the largest one we'd encountered to date. Thankfully the majority of them were still pushing down the road at a sluggish pace, only the freshest having the speed and agility to break away. I hastily counted twenty, surrounding the car, which wouldn't normally be an issue if we had the time and weapons to deal with them. Right now we had neither and the collective strength of the few surrounding them was threatening to overturn the tiny car. There simply wasn't time to take them out one-by-one before the trailing herd overran us.

Man, boring lookout duty was looking better and better.

Maggie heard the motorcycle, her head snapping up as her terrified eyes found mine. They needed help and they needed it now. My eyes darted around, trying to keep my stomach from rolling now that it was time to put my "plan" into action. It hadn't seemed like that bad of an idea a few minutes ago, but I was also on the verge of listening to my friends being eaten. I could practically hear Daryl growling in my head, telling me this shit was going to get me killed, and I hated that he was probably right this time. This plan made what I did to save his life when he was sick look like pure genius inspired by divine intervention.

If someone wrote a book about my life it would only have three chapters.

She came.

She saw.

She did something really fucking stupid.

The end.

More of a novella than a book.

Taking a deep inhale I scanned the large, grass median that separating the north and southbound roads. It was a large divide with a natural downward slope, creating a perfect launch platform at the other end. Well, go big or go home. Maybe that could be the title of my short story.

Leaning hard to the right the motorcycle swung out wide in a half circle towards the other end of the road. Once my tires made contact with the rumble strip at the edge I leaned in the opposite direction back towards the girls, my body practically parallel to the ground as I extended my knee to keep me balanced, coming dangerously close to scraping the road. I twisted the throttle hard as I slowly straighten out the bike which was now headed straight at them as I righted myself in the seat, leaning down low over the gas tank. I saw Beth's face blanch at the same time Maggie's mouth dropped open, a bewildered expression on her face, the group of walkers still clawing at their feet forgotten.

The path towards them was a mercifully clear and I clenched my thighs against the bike as the tires left the smooth surface of the road, traveling down the grassy slope so fast I'd probably jump this thing and land somewhere in Alabama. The uneven terrain jostled me in the seat as I hit the bottom of the decline, starting my ascent, making sure to keep the throttle pegged. My body was so tense it felt like I might break apart at the slightest touch as the bike thundered up the hill as I pressed down with my foot, shifting gears as I built more and more speed. I had just enough time to swallow down my nerves as my stomach bottomed out, the bike shooting out of the median like a missile launch.

The bike sailed through the air straight over Maggie and Beth. As I got closer I took my left hand off the handle bar, reaching down and pulling the pistol from my leg holster as I aimed at the surrounding walkers whose attention was now skyward, hands extended trying to reach me. Using my right hand I pulled the bike to the right, shifting in the seat slightly so I could lean down to the left, giving me an unobstructed view of the walkers below. When I was right over the top of the car I squeezed the trigger, the distinctive rat-tat-tat of semi-automatic gunfire filling the air.

The bullets slammed into the walkers, throwing them backwards, their bodies jumping with each impact as they stumbled. They weren't all kill shots, but it was enough to drive them away from the car and create some much needed space. I kept firing as I flew over them, holstering the weapon at the last possible second.

As I neared the ground on the opposite side of the road I frantically grabbed the handle bars only seconds before the bike touched down with enough force to almost propel me off. The tires skidded, the body of the bike wobbling precariously as I struggled to right my balance, avoid obstacles, and not die.

It was a tall order.

I slammed on the brakes, turning hard to the left, the bike rotating 180 degrees in only seconds as I held on for all I was worth. Once the machine came to a stop I put my feet down on either side, keeping it upright but freeing my hands. Snagging the gun from my waist band and my holster I narrowed my eyes at the undead standing in front of me, squeezing the trigger as I fired without prejudice on the small herd surrounding my family. The semi-automatic gunfire decimated the walkers, ripping their bodies open, removing limbs and even cutting more than a few in half as they dropped to the ground.

When there was finally a large enough path I screamed at the girls to jump, and they complied without hesitation, racing down the windshield and hood of the car as they leapt onto the road. The walker's didn't notice. Their focus on me, attracted by both my aerobatic routine and the noise of the guns. A blur cutting up the opposite side of the road caught my attention and I let out a sigh of relief at the deep, familiar rumble of Daryl's motorcycle.

"Go!" Maggie screamed at Beth, pushing her towards Daryl while she sprinted for me. He skidded to a stop, motioning for Beth to hurry up, his eyes hard as they took in the scene.

I kept firing, taking care to avoid hitting anyone now that they were all in the open, but I was almost out of ammo with no way to reload. I lowered my weapons briefly, allowing Maggie the time to hop on behind me. Beth was almost to Daryl and I fired once more taking out a few stragglers trying to follow her. Once I was sure she was safe, wrapped around Daryl so tight he'd be lucky if she didn't snap a rib, I yelled at Maggie to hold on as I twisted the throttle, pushing down on the clutch as we pulled away. The road back was no less dangerous as I weaved in-between cars, and I felt Maggie's head pressed against my back, her shoulders shaking with tears I couldn't hear over the roar of both motorcycles.

Daryl glanced at me and I met his eyes for only a moment and swallowed hard, his face like granite as he pointed right, his bike already veering that direction. Pressing my lips together I followed him as we turned off the main highway, looping around a half-clover exit which spit us out on a small farm-to-market road that traveled underneath the one we'd just been on. I took the curve slower than was necessary and I told myself it was for Maggie's sake, but in reality the slower we got to wherever we were going the longer I could avoid the livid redneck in front of me. Straightening up the motorcycle I tucked in behind him as the adrenaline high I had been riding began to fade incredibly fast, leaving behind nothing but fatigue and a heavy dose of doubt.

We traveled for close to twenty minutes before he started to slow down, pulling off the road into a gas station parking lot in the middle of nowhere. It was an old mom-and-pop store that appeared to have been closed long before the end of the world if the caved in roof and decrypted gas pumps with no nozzles were any indication. We pulled around the back, obscuring our bikes from the road, and I noticed immediately the other cars already parked. Pulling to a stop I killed the engine, using my heel to push out the kickstand as I glanced over my shoulder. Maggie had yet to release me, her head still buried in-between my shoulder blades and I wondered if she even knew we were stopped.

"Maggie, we're here. You're alright, Beth's alright, you can let go now." I said the words slowly, cautiously, giving her time to calm down, but she didn't budge. Glancing towards Daryl I saw him physically removing Beth's arms from around his waist, gently pulling her off the bike and practically carrying her as he sobbed. The back door of the gas station burst open and Glenn came sprinting out.

"Maggie!" he called, skidding to a stop beside my bike, eyes searching her frantically for any injury. I finally felt her hold on me loosen as she flung herself at him.

Quietly I slipped off the bike, stepping away to give them privacy even though it didn't look like they cared. I could hear her crying, reassuring him she was unharmed even as he continued to pull at her clothes and examine every inch of exposed skin. Hershel made his way over to Beth, taking the distraught girl from Daryl and wrapping his arms around her. She buried her head in her father's chest, her shoulders shaking as she wept.

Behind them I saw everyone standing just outside the gas station, relief evident on their faces as they watched the tearful reunion. I bit my lip, standing there awkwardly shifting my weight from foot-to-foot, unsure where to go or what to do as the family held each other. Stepping to the side I kept my head bowed as I started making my way over to the gas station, but before I could take another step a body slammed into me, sending me stumbling back.

"Thank you," Maggie exclaimed, her arms so tight around my neck she was threatening to choke me. I could feel her tears as they fell on my shoulder. Wrapping my arms around her lightly I hugged her back.

"You're welcome?" I said it like a question because I didn't know how to respond.

She released me and Glenn stepped forward, ready to take her place, but I held up my hand stopping him. It wasn't that I was ungrateful, but thanking me for saving them was unnecessary. They were family. It was what we did. He nodded, eyes glistening with tears as he kept a firm hold on her like she might disappear if he let go. She was going to have a difficult time doing anything without him right next to her for a while, or ever.

Glenn guided her towards the door, his arms still around her waist, eyes never leaving her. Smiling to myself I followed behind them, but was once again forced to stop as Hershel stepped in front of me. I looked over his shoulders to see Beth in Carol's arms as she walked the shaky girl inside.

Lord, at this rate I'd be lucky to get inside before morning.

The old man stood in front of me silent, but the emotions churning within him were obvious on his expressive face. I bit my lip, uncomfortable under his scrutiny. Truth was Hershel had always unsettled me. He was what I always imagined a father would be like, but had never experienced. He was the best humanity had to offer wrapped up into one package.

His faith was unwavering.

His moral compass always pointing true north.

If I hadn't seen him hold tight to his faith even when the world told us we were forsaken I wouldn't believe it possible. He was pure light and standing in his brightness only served to remind me of my many inadequacies. I'd never lived one day of my life the way Hershel lived every minute, like it was a gift, and that made me feel tremendously exposed. He made me want to hide in the shadows where I belonged, where I was comfortable.

"Hershel..."

He put his hand up stopping me, his lips quivering slightly. Oh shit, if he cried then I'd cry. It was like when someone puked causing a chain reaction no mere mortal was able to withstand.

"I know I wasn't fair to you in the beginning," he started.

My shoulder's tensed. This was not at all how I thought this would go, and the thought of it continuing made me want to run. I knew he wasn't my biggest fan back at the farm, and I wasn't stupid enough to think it was just because I was another person he never wanted on his land.

I was a realist, and thinking Hershel eyed me with disdain because I was a reminder of a life that had come crashing down around him was a fool's errand. There was always more to his contemplative looks and critical comments than that. He didn't like me because he saw me for who I really was, and he didn't want it anywhere near what was left of his family.

The two of us were polar opposites. He wasn't a violent man and violence was all I'd ever known. His faith taught him compassion and empathy while life had taught me those things didn't exist. In the end, he allowed me to stay because of Rick's persistence, and because his Christian principles couldn't reconcile sending me away.

I opened my mouth to dismiss his statement, to do anything to end this conversation, but his eyes hardened and I snapped my mouth closed.

"I couldn't see passed my own fears where you were concerned. I didn't think you were good for this group. You've been through hell, I see it in your eyes, and I know better than most men what that's like. I wanted you away from my family because I wasn't sure you'd found your way back, but I was wrong. I let my past effect my judgment and I'm sorry."

Twisting my hands in front of me I nodded jerkily, more uncomfortable in this moment than I had been in a long time.

"I mistook your actions for recklessness and I was scared it would end up getting someone killed." He took a deep breath, his eyes locked on mine so intently I couldn't have looked away if I tried. "You have been to Hell, but you found your way back. I understand it now. I understand you. You venture back willingly to spare the ones you care about from having to experience that kind of pain. It's not recklessness I first saw in you, its love. You're the soul of this group Alex, never forget that."

My eyes widened, unsure of what to say or do, painfully unprepared for this.

"You saved my daughters today, thank you." His voice was thick, shaky as he squeezed my hand briefly before going inside.

I didn't respond because I couldn't. What did you say to something like that? Thank you? No problem?

I watched him and swallowed hard, promising myself I would do everything in my power to be worthy of his words. With Hershel gone there were only three of us still outside and our leader looked briefly at me before his eyes slide to the man beside him. Daryl kept his head down, refusing to make eye contact with anyone, his fists clinched at his sides, body stiff as a board, his hair fluttered in the evening breeze.

I could only guess Rick was here to play Kevin Costner to my Whitney Houston, but I didn't need a bodyguard. He was like the big brother I never had (or wanted), but his instinct to protect me was cute. It was even cuter that he thought I needed it.

Groaning internally I made my way over to them. This conversation was going to be the equivalent of a sock sliding off inside your shoe, uncomfortable and impossible to fix. Rick waited patiently for me to walk the plank towards them and then waited an additional 30 seconds for someone to say anything before he sighed.

"You alright?" I nodded, biting my lip as I eyed the redneck beside me with a frown. Was that steam coming out of his ears? "Care to explain how you know how to hotwire a motorcycle?"

Wait, what? Was this guy serious? Out of everything that happened today that was what he chose to focus on?

Once a cop, always a cop I guess, but there was no way was I telling him I used to steal cars, and anything else not nailed down. I would sooner admit to farting in the room while everyone slept and blaming it on Lori.

"Google?"

Rick chuckled, patting my shoulder with one eyebrow cocked, the message clear, 'good luck'. I grimaced, nodding at him as he walked inside. With Rick gone it was just me and The Incredible Hulk standing outside as he continued to seethe and I continued to stand there, waiting for him to do anything other than mumble incoherently.

He seemed to be fighting some kind of internal battle, a silent thunder rolling through him that physically made his body shutter. I wouldn't be surprised if the first words out of his mouth were "Hulk smash" at this point. Knowing the slightest twitch or wrong word could send him spiraling out of control I did my best to patiently wait.

Patience wasn't really my strong suit, but I'd give it my level best if it meant avoiding an arrow in my ass. Realistically I knew he'd never hurt me, not ever, despite his words to the contrary, but his anger right now was teetering on hysterical. I didn't want to do anything that might send him tumbling over the edge. Anger might not solve anything, but it could destroy everything.

So I counted to 10.

Then I counted to 20.

When I was done with that and he was still speaking in tongues I tried to remember if we had any ABCs and 123s left. I thought I remembered one can stuffed at the bottom of Carol's pack, my mouth watering just thinking about it. Unconsciously I started tapping my foot on the ground, a silent timer ticking in my head as I imagined Carl sniffing out my prize. The kid was part bloodhound when it came to finding canned goods. If he took my ABCs and 123s we were gonna tussle.

"Ya got a death wish?" Daryl's furious voice interrupted my thoughts and caught me off guard.

"Huh?"

He stalked forward and I stepped back, my body tensing as I raised both hands into a defensive posture, the action not going unnoticed. I didn't think it was possible before, but he looked even more infuriated now.

"I'd never hurt ya," he hissed.

I knew that, I did, it was simply my body's fight or flight instinct kicking in, identifying a threat and responding to it regardless of the truth I knew deep in my soul...that this man would never harm me.

"I know." He frowned, eyebrows raised in question as I stared at him. Oh yeah, his stupid question. "No, I don't have a death wish."

"Then what the hell was that?!" That was a trick question if I'd ever heard one. There was absolutely no good way to answer that so I stayed silent. Besides I didn't think he would like my answer much anyway.

"Ya could've been killed, do ya get that?!"

That was also rhetorical, but he was starting to piss me off. Where the hell did he get off screaming at me like a wayward child? My temper flared, officially done idly standing by being the meek one in the conversation. I hadn't done anything wrong and I'd be dammed if I let him berate me while he sorted through his issues.

"Yes Katniss, I'm well aware of the danger you hypocrite! But in case you missed it Maggie and Beth's lives were on the line." I spat the words at him and his nostrils flared in agitation as I straightened my spine and pinned him with a cold look. "And let's not forget you were right behind me Evel Knievel."

The rational part of me understood his anger was coming from a good place. That he was worried about me because he cared, but screaming outside Bob's Stop N Shop wasn't a healthy way to express those feelings. Plus, if he was expecting an apology he was going to be waiting until Hell froze over. There was a better chance of Anne Frank needing a drum set than me ever regretting what I did today.

"Are you forgetting that last week you practically pole vaulted into a herd of walkers to save Glenn or that a few days before that you were the last person out of the house, like always, even though it was practically overrun?" My voice was getting higher and higher the more I ranted, my anger boiling over unchecked. "And let's not forget my personal favorite...when you dove, head first, through a window to save Carl!"

I was fuming at this point, so angry I was seeing red as I pushed passed him, heading for the door. No one was a harsher critic of my actions than myself, but I did what I had to today so he could take his judgement and shove it up his condescending ass.

"Ain't the same thing!"

I rounded on him, my finger in his face. "Isn't. Isn't the same thing. Ain't- Is- Not- A- Word- you hick!" Now I was just being mean, but I could throw stones at glass houses like Randy Johnson when the occasion called for it. "And are you high? Did you get into Merle's stash? What I did and what you do is exactly the same thing!"

"Fuck you Winters!"

"Fuck you Dixon!"

"Ya got a hero complex and it's gonna get ya killed!"

I scoffed, laughing without humor at his ridiculous statement. "I'm sorry, are you the pot or the kettle in this scenario? I'd like to be the pot cause I was the kettle last time."

"Don't take nothin' serious!"

He turned away from me, livid, dragging his hands through his hair so hard I was surprised he didn't rip out a chunk. It was a miracle no one had come outside to make sure we weren't killing each other, but my guess was Rick had barred anyone from coming near the door until the screaming stopped. Safer that way. The irony of the situation was the only people who could handle us when we were like this was each other.

"I do take this seriously," I retorted, offended he thought different. It wasn't like I planned to be awesome today, but sometimes shit just happens. "It was Maggie and Beth! What was I supposed to do? Sit there and watch them die?"

He turned on his heel, stalking back towards me a thunderous look in his eye and I backed up trying to keep some distance between us so I didn't do something I'd regret. The sad truth was Daryl would never hit me, but if he kept on like this there was a very real possibility I'd knock him the fuck out. As my body hit the wall of the gas station, effectively ending my retreat, he just kept coming and I curled my hands into fists, willing myself to keep it together.

"What 'bout yur life?"

"What about it?" I spat at him sarcastically. "I'm fine. We're all fine. What is your fucking problem?" He would have done the exact same thing in my shoes so why were we having this conversation?

He snarled, eyes darkening in fury as his control finally snapped. "Goddamnit Red, I don't know why I even bother. Yur a waste of fuckin' time! I'm done. Ya ain't my problem no more. Go ahead and get yurself killed. I don't give a shit!"

He spoke the words with such vehemence and finality I reeled back, feeling myself pale slightly as his declaration hit me like a slap to the face. If he was aiming for a killing blow he delivered one and then some. The sting of his words made my stomach clench as all the fear and doubt I lived with my entire life came roaring to the surface with the force of a tsunami.

My eyes watered and I hated myself for not being able to push down my sentiment. There was absolutely no way I was crying in front of him, not after what he just said. I just needed to get away from here, put some distance between us so I could lock down this tidal wave of emotions that was threatening to undo me.

I pushed off the wall, brushing past him without a second look, our shoulders bumping as I headed down the deserted road. I only managed to put a few steps between us before he snagged my wrist, pulling me back against the wall, his body pinning me in place as he braced his arms on either side of my face. I sucked in a ragged breath as our eyes met, his anger morphing into something else as he watched me.

"I didn't...I wasn't..." he stuttered, and the words, though spoken softly and incomplete, carried the weight of regret. I couldn't remember him every apologizing and theorized it was because he'd never done it before. It showed. He sucked at it.

"M'sorry."

It sounded like he was chewing on nails as he ground out the words, but everyone had to start somewhere. The look on his face told me he meant it, but it didn't erase his earlier words. Those puppies were still banging around in my head like a pinball machine. I pushed on his chest in an effort to move him, but he didn't budge. I ground my teeth together in frustration as I fought down the instinct to physically move his hulking form from my path. His face was too pretty to mess up.

"Alex," his voice was whisper and I couldn't help but look at him. "I didn't mean none of it. Ya just..." he trailed off as he leaned in closer, his chest pressing against mine as he moved me backwards, my back pressing harder against the wall behind me. I watched him carefully. Not speaking more because his proximity had caused me to lose cognitive function than anger at this point.

He leaned his forehead against mine, his eyes closed. "Ya drive me crazy."

Yeah, well, the feeling was mutual.

At some point my hands had unknowingly curled into his shirt as I pulled him closer. His breathing hitched, hands dropping down to my hips as a burn inside of me sparked to life that set my blood afire. Before I knew what was happening his mouth smashed against mine, his lips hungry. The kiss was hard and demanding, a lot like the man himself as his tongue traced along my lower lip causing me to moan. He growled in his chest, my response spurring him on as his tongue swept into my mouth. My legs wrapped around his waist as he cupped my ass, grinding against me as he held me up, the kiss intensifying as we both fought for control.

I had my fair share of kisses, but this, this was something else entirely. I was ready to lose myself to the undeniable attraction I felt for him. It was becoming painfully obvious my mind would forever be divided into before and after...before Daryl and after Daryl. It was like having a veil lifted and seeing everything through new eyes.

I tilted my head, giving him better access and he didn't hesitate, devouring me as my nails drug across his shoulders. This wasn't the Daryl I knew. The Daryl I knew was cautious, reserved, and kept himself carefully in check. The man currently placing his mark on my soul was confident, calculating, and ravenous.

How many times had I fantasized about this moment?

A hundred?

A thousand?

But I wasn't sure it would ever actually happen, and my daydreams had nothing on the real thing. When I imagined this moment it was always slow with a hesitancy born from unfamiliarity with intimacy, and excruciatingly brief. Instead, Daryl's body was solid under my touch, his mouth firm on mine without a trace of caution, in complete control as I found myself surrendering to his ministrations.

It was all I could to hang on and enjoy the ride and what a ride.

"Oh my god!"

The voice was like a bucket of cold water bringing us both crashing back to reality. Daryl jerked away from me so fast I fell towards the ground, barely catching myself before I landed on my ass. Bracing my hand against the wall to support my wobbly legs I felt my face heating up like it was on fire as I panted harder than when I ran five miles through the woods.

Both our heads snapped to the side just in time to see Carol's mouth opening and closing as she gaped at us. It took her a full minute to recover from shock, but when she did she pivoted on her heel, swinging the door open so hard it ricocheted against the wall with a thwack as she bolted back inside.

Carol's life story would also be only three chapters.

She came.

She saw.

She made it incredibly awkward.

While Carol barging in on our "moment" was less than ideal it wasn't the end of the world. There was no such thing as privacy in our group so trying to keep anything a secret was a waste of time. I was ready and willing to mount Daryl and continue right where we left off, but as I looked at him I knew that wasn't going to happen.

His demeanor was completely changed, and I didn't need a degree in psychology to know he was shutting down. His shoulders were hunched over, hands shoved deep in his front pockets as he kept his face carefully blank, eyes diverted. I felt myself start to panic, afraid what this might mean. My need to fix it overpowering.

"Daryl..." I started, but he turned abruptly, walking away without a word.

I fell back against the wall, covering my face with my hands, an all too familiar uncertainty creeping inside my disjointed mind. Did he regret it? Did he think it was a mistake? I wasn't stupid enough to think physical intimacy would be easy with someone like Daryl, but the feeling of outright rejection coming from him was debilitating.

Dragging my hands down my face I tried to get my bearings, to get a handle on the feelings that were bursting inside me. He just needed time to process everything, that had to be it, right? I wasn't the only one who felt the spark between us, the electricity that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. That wasn't normal and it definitely couldn't be one-sided, but as the seconds ticked away I felt myself questioning everything, the memory already hard to recall.

Who had initiated the kiss?

Was I dreaming when I felt him pull me closer?

Hadn't I heard him mutter my name like a prayer?

I bit my lip as a bitter taste burned in the back of my throat. I mentally chastised myself for letting this happen. I promised myself a long time ago I wouldn't let anyone have this kind of power over me and yet here I was repeating my mother's mistakes in real time. It was dangerous to let someone consume you, to surrender the most sacred parts of yourself because if it went bad, as it almost always did, you didn't recover. I had seen that first hand watching my father systematically dismantle everything that made my mother who she was. I learned a long time ago to never expose yourself to someone else's mercy. I spent a lifetime building walls around my heart, fortifying my defenses with years of brutal training, but one kiss from Daryl had torn them down like a paper dollhouse.

Cursing my stupidity I made my way towards the door with a heavy heart, having no other option than to trust that he would come around even if it meant he wanted nothing more than friendship. It would be hard (impossible), but I would respect his decision if it came to that. I wasn't sure if my heart could handle only friendship from the man, but my head would figure out a way to make it work. There was simply no other option. Pausing outside the door I glanced over my shoulder looking for any sign of him in the darkness as I felt tears well in my eyes, but he was gone.

What did I do if we couldn't fix this?

With a sigh I swung the door open making my way inside with slow steps. I already knew the answer to my unspoken question and it made my heart ache.

I would find a way to survive without him.

I'm dying to know what you guys think about their first kiss? Love it? Hate it? Love it ;)

Let me know...