Me: 'Hello, everyone, I'm finally writing again after my stop because of the exams (the last chapter was already written before). However, I'm not ahead of the uploaded pieces anymore, so the next chapters might come more irregularly. This chapter is somewhat longer than the previous ones, because otherwise you wouldn't have much Kanda in it and I felt sorry for that, because this is YUllen after all. I hope you like this chapter.'

Lavi: 'You've been quite inactive indeed. Are you going to continue writing again?'

Me: 'I plan to, but I have a bit of trouble dividing my time between all the things I want to do, because I'm also working on a Allen plushie.'

Allen: 'A plushie of me? Why?'

Me: 'Because I want to be able to hug you whenever I want.'

Allen: 'Okay...?' *looks a bit creeped out*

Lavi: 'Don't mind the fangirls, Allen. Just do what I would do.'

Allen: 'But you would hug every girl that asked you!'

Lavi: 'Exactly.'

Me: *looks at Allen with big eyes of adoration* 'Lavi, you should give Allen advice more often.'

The next morning Allen woke up on his own and made his way to the dining hall at his usual hour. As he entered he saw that Jerry had finished some meals for him already and was busy cooking the rest for the biggest eater of the whole order. He greeted the chef with a smile and took a cart filled with plates to a table where he started digging in to his food with his always present companion: Timcanpy, who didn't need it, but somehow always felt the urge to share it. Allen wondered if it was some kind of way to show his affection as he always liked the food of his owner the most, or if it were just itching teeth that felt better when he chewed on a piece of meat.

He looked up as he heard feet approaching. It happened a lot that people passed, but these steps sounded familiar and he felt the urge to look up to see who it was. As he recognized Kanda with his usual breakfast consisting of soba (just like his lunch, dinner and all the other food he might eat. Apparently it was possible to live on only that kind of food, but Allen doubted if that unvaried diet could ever be healthy) he suddenly had to think of those days they had spent chained in the restaurant. It hadn't been that bad to eat together and the others had yet to arrive. He was sitting here alone right now.

As the other exorcist passed him, he quickly shoved away some empty plates to make place, then stared at the man who had stopped to look at him with one raised brow of surprise.

Allen gave a slight nod to the chair next to him, not letting his eyes leave the stare of the other for a moment. It took seconds, which proceeded awkwardly slow, but after that Kanda walked up to the table and put down his soba on it. He took a seat and started eating in silence, just as his companion, who even forced himself to take the food slowly and decently to make sure he wouldn't annoy the other too much.

Allen wasn't aware of the attention they had caught until he stood up to get his second cart of food. He noticed that everyone was staring at the two exorcists, even Lavi, who had come in and was looking at them in surprise. As he reached Jerry and exchanged his empty plates for full ones, the redhead approached him and unexpectedly wrapped an arm around his shoulder. 'Oi, Allen, I see you've made a new friend. I always thought you would only tolerate each other's presence when you were allowed to kill one another.'

'It's still not really different,' the boy answered in a neutral tone as he freed himself from the other's grasp and walked back to the table. 'There was just no-one else to eat with.'

Kanda stood up with his finished dish and passed them, he didn't seem to think of them as worth for his attention and just ignored both.

'But you were sitting next to each other!'

'And ignoring one another.' But Allen knew himself that he was lying. Kanda and he were able to tolerate each other's presence now and they hadn't been ignoring one another, they had just been silent, accepting the wordlessness of the other.

He sat down again and Lavi took a seat on the opposite of the table.

'You sure? It really looked like you weren't annoyed at all.'

'That's because I won't let him ruin my day.' He put the fork in his mouth with a stoic expression. 'He ifn't worf it.'

'Moh, Allen, at least swallow your food before talking.'

Lavi also started eating now and they were silent for the time being.

Allen nearly choked in his food as a loud explosion further down the hallway surprised him. He coughed severely and managed to spit out the chicken bone that had nearly cut off his air. He looked to the entrance of the dining hall, then met Lavi's eyes who returned his shocked and suspicious stare. Explosions in the order, but no alarm, that mostly didn't predict anything good.

But they didn't get the time to think about it, because suddenly the whole wall collapsed and screaming people ran in all directions. Allen could see the pieces of stone raining down on others and hurried over there to shield them with Crown Clown. At the same moment Lavi had pulled out his hammer and kept another part of the wall from coming down.

'You don't think…? '

Lavi didn't get to end his sentence, because a huge robot appeared through the hole and scanned the area. A tinier figure came running to them, yelling: 'Komurin 6, wait, don't destroy everything!'

Both the exorcists sighed.

'Yes, Lavi, it is.'

The robot stepped into the dining hall, destroying the tables and chairs under its feet.

'Komui, this is your doing again, isn't it?!' someone yelled angrily.

The little figure stopped and laughed uncomfortably. 'I'm sorry, everyone, I thought I could better give Komurin a special curiosity-function. It seems it causes it to wander around to look everywhere though.'

'A what?' Lavi asked with a horrid expression.

Allen could only look at the place Komurin 6 was heading to and felt his face beginning to burn with rage when the robot took a look at his food and then crushed some of it in a curious attempt to touch it with its metal paws. This thing was destroying his most precious place of the order: the dining hall and not only that, it was destroying his food!

'Stop that!' he screamed as he charged to his new enemy. 'That's mine, get your own food!'

Lavi turned around to see his friend dashing away and produced one huge sweat drop. 'There he goes. One of the robots goes berserk and the only thing he cares about is his food.'

Allen didn't even hear the comment. He used Clown Belt to pull himself to the head of the robot then raised his claws. 'Edge End!'

He just wanted to let them cut the ridiculously big opponent when something hit his stomach and exploded. It tossed him against the other wall, which collapsed as well, on top of the last leftovers of his meal.

Allen pushed the rubbish off of him and looked back at Komurin with eyes filled of comic tears. 'Why would you do that?' he asked. 'That was my food.'

The robot tilted it's head to the side as it zoomed in on Allen. 'There is water flowing out of the exorcist, chance of dehydration, have to stop it.' Suddenly the robot pulled out a flame thrower. 'Have to burn the holes where it's flowing from shut.'

'EEHH? No, no, wait!' Allen screamed as a metal arm picked him up by his leg roughly. 'Don't! You can't burn my eyes!'

'This is bad,' Lavi mumbled as he saw everything happen. 'Allen!' he came to the rescue and punched the flamethrower out of the robots hand with his hammer, then tried to punch the head, but Komui was again quicker and shot a bomb to him as well, causing Lavi to fly to one of the two undamaged walls and making a hole in it as well. The only standing wall now was the one Jerry was working usually, but he had left his post and fled, just like the other wise people.

Komurin looked at the hand that had been hit with the innocence and if robots could have had surprised expressions he would definitely have had one. Allen used that moment to free himself from his opponent's grasp and wrap his enemy in his Clown Belt, making it unable to move or get another flame thrower wherever he had gotten the first one from.

'Stop it, let my poor Komurin go!' the chief yelled a few meters away from the fight.

'No way in hell!' Allen called back. 'He's going to pay for my food.'

Komurin zoomed even more in on Allen, especially his face. 'Recognizing signs of aggression and murderous intent. Switching to defense and offense mode.'

'That doesn't sound good,' Lavi commented as he finally had managed to crawl up from under all the stones of the wall he had been thrown against. 'Oi, Allen, be careful!'

'Huh, what?' Allen turned around to the friend he hadn't heard well just long enough for Komurin to suddenly reveal an extra paw that hit the exorcist right on the head.

The boy was surprised by the hit and staggered slightly as pain unexpectedly rushed through his head. While he was still recovering from the sudden attack Komurin pushed a needle in his skin, giving him a paralyzing drug that took effect immediately. His legs gave away and just before he hit the ground the robot had picked him up and held him dangling from his ankle.

Allen looked at him with eyes wide from surprise. He wasn't able to control anything anymore except for his eyes and breathing, but his mind was still really clear. He knew he was in real trouble now.

'Exorcist identified: name Allen Walker. Quick inspection: muscles are fine. Is in good condition. Seemingly no health problems. Hair is too long, it's hanging in front of the eyes, can be hindering. New mission: cut Allen Walker's hair.'

'EEHHH?' screaming was the only thing the exorcist was capable of as his tongue was numb from the drug. This robot wanted to cut his hair?! Oh dear god, what would he look like after it, an even greater freak with not only white but also badly cut hair?

A loud battle cry interrupted them. 'Don't you even think of cutting anyone else's hair! I'm going to cut you to pieces!'

A new sweat drop emerged on Lavi's head as the new exorcist joined the so-called 'battlefield'. 'It seems Komurin has hit Yu's sore spot,' he mumbled to himself. 'I can see everyone has his priorities straight here.'

Allen couldn't help but smile of relieve as Kanda appeared in his eyesight when the exorcist jumped in the air and sliced Mugen right through the robot, from top to bottom.

Komui screamed in desperation. Allen yelled as the metal arm let him go and he fell to the ground, head first, without being able to catch himself at all. Fortunately Lavi and Johnny appeared just in time to catch him and lay him on the ground carefully.

He couldn't see it, because his head was facing the ceiling and only the two friends' faces were visible, but he could hear Kanda rampaging by killing every moving part of Komurin and after that turning against Komui who had caused it all. After some time the noise departed as the guilty scientist fled to other parts of the building followed by the angry samurai.

'Are you okay, Allen?' Johnny asked.

The boy could only respond with a short tone, but the others seemed reassured and smiled.

'Let's take you to the nurse, she probably has an antidote for you,' Lavi suggested.

Johnny nodded and they picked Allen up. Lavi the front and the scientist his legs. They carried him to the infirmary, where the drug had to wear off before he was allowed to walk around again. When he finally seemed healthy enough he helped with repairing the dining hall that was severely damaged. Meanwhile Jerry cooked for all the hard workers and Allen got new food. Kanda wasn't seen the whole day anymore, but nobody wanted to tell their grumpy savior to help them as well, so he probably was just in his room, enjoying the restored peace in The Black Order. At least for now…

Some peaceful, Komurinless days passed in which Allen followed his usual routine for when he didn't have a mission, consisting of coming out of bed, eating breakfast, helping the science department, eating lunch, training, eating dinner, socializing with his friends, eating snacks, sleeping. However there had been a change recently. Something had been added to this list in the mornings and evenings. Not only did he eat with Kanda when Lavi and Lenalee weren't around, but he also visited him twice a day now to meditate. Never would he have thought he would spend so much of his time with the grumpy Japanese willingly, but here he was, in front of his room with a bag of chips in his hand.

He knocked on the door and waited for the answer that would definitely come.

'Allen?'

'Yes, it's me,' he opened the door before the man had given him permission, knowing he was allowed to come in if he wasn't explicitly told not to.

The other exorcist looked at him with an annoyed glare.

Okay, he took that back, he wasn't allowed to just come in, but the other wouldn't try to kill him for it anymore.

He sat down on the ground and pulled out a hand full of chips from the bag of food he had brought. 'Want some too?' he asked just out of politeness.

'Tssk, you know I don't eat that crap, idiot. Come here with soba next time.'

'Okay.' Allen shrugged his shoulders and put it in his own mouth instead. 'More for me.'

Kanda sat down on the floor as well with folded legs, ready to meditate.

'Ne, Kanda,' Allen said with a neutral voice of irritation when a cold shiver ran up his spine from the wind that blew around them. 'Aren't you ever going to fix that window of yours?'

'Tssk, shut up, Allen. There's no reason to and I'll never let those idiots in my room.'

Allen knew that he meant the scientists with 'those idiots' and he couldn't blame him after all the accidents that had happened in the order. He just growled softly to share his annoyance with Kanda and then closed his eyes too.

They meditated for half an hour. Then Kanda stood up and began brushing his hair, that still hang loose from coming out of bed. Allen also opened his eyes and started eating again. He looked at the man as he let the brush stroke his hair and make it look even sleeker. Usually a man brushing his long hair reminded him of his master and made him feel bad, but with Kanda it was different. His hair was the total opposite of Cross' wild red hair and Kanda brushed it more violently without really caring what it would do to the way it would fall around his face. It would be bound in a ponytail anyway, he didn't have to model it.

Allen tilted his head a little so the light seemed to glide over the dark strands. 'You know, Kanda,' he said while his hand disappeared into the bag on his lap again, 'you shouldn't always tie it up like that. It's not like we have to fight every day. You should let it hang loose sometimes.'

'Tssk, a typical suggestion from someone with short hair,' Kanda scoffed.

Really, couldn't that man listen to any suggestion without making hateful comments? If one of them always started a fight it was obviously Kanda. 'Well, maybe you should cut it sometime too then,' he snapped back offensively, 'so people can't mistake you for a girl anymore. Or wear pretty dresses, they will love it.'

He got a murderous glare as answer.

Allen ignored it and stuffed his mouth full of chips again.

They continued what they were doing in silence for some time, then Kanda bound his hair with a tie and sat down again.

'Ne, Kanda,' Allen said less aggressive this time while he poured the last crumbs in his mouth and laid the empty bag on the ground. 'I really wonder when we'll get our new mission.'

'I've already got one.'

Allen straightened his back in surprise. 'What, really? When?'

'Yesterday. I'll leave at noon.'

'I wonder why I haven't gotten one yet.'

'Because you're just a useless Moyashi.'

The boy narrowed his eyes angrily. 'Stop calling me that. It's Allen.'

Kanda shrugged, imitating Allen's earlier gesture.

'But really, Kanda,' Allen stated returning to the subject of the window, 'you should replace the glass, it's becoming winter. Or do you like it when it's literally freezing in your room?'

'I don't mind, I'm not a whining Moyashi.'

'I'm not…!' Allen protested.

'What, did you feel addressed?'

'Dammit, Kanda!' He clenched his hands to fists in rage.

Somehow his visits always ended up like this. Why did he ever come here in the first place? Even Tyki would be better company than this jerk.

The man looked at him with an amused glance in his eyes, but his mouth was still a grimace as always.

'Well, I'm sure it's just because of some childish fetish of you or something.' Allen threw back as if it was a duel of who could offend the other the most. 'Is it the snow? Do you like snow in your room, so you can feel like an ice-princes with that beautiful long hair of yours?'

'I'd rather slice your throat with Mugen.'

'Not before I've cut yours with my Edge.'

They glared at each other like in the old days, but no weapons were drawn and after some time Allen turned away his face, that oddly enough started to burn. 'Let's just meditate again.' He said to change the mood.

'Are you an idiot?' Kanda answered grumpily, 'I said that I would leave at noon, it's already nearly that time. I have to go.'

'Oh… right…' Allen stood up and watched the man pick the few things he needed before he left the room with the empty bag of chips. 'See you after the mission, Kanda. Good luck.'

'Tssk, I don't need it.'

The boy closed the door with a demonstrating 'Bang' and walked away to his own room.

Well, it seemed he would have to meditate by himself for the time being. Kanda would probably be away for a few days, so he would need to learn it now. He looked at Tim who was riding his shoulder for a change. 'We'll be fine, right Tim? I've meditated enough times now to be able to do it on my own. I won't need Kanda anymore.'

The ball looked at him and nodded.

'I probably won't miss that jerk anyway.' Allen boasted. 'I'd probably be better off on my own.'

He reached his room and entered it. He locked the door and then realized that he had nothing to do here. Usually he went to help the science department around this time. He must have really been out of it because of Kanda's announcement to come here without noticing. He turned around again and left.

He would look for Johnny or Reever and ask if there was anything that he could do. If he would meet Komui on the way he could also ask about his next mission and how long Kanda's would probably take. No wait, he wouldn't need to ask something like that, it wasn't his business. He would see the samurai returning when he was done, it didn't matter how long it would take.

But he would ask about his own mission. He hoped he would get one soon.

However, he wouldn't. Komui had sent a lot of exorcists away already and wanted him to stay to defend the Order just in case. So he was doomed to staying home. But at least he wasn't alone. Lavi was there too, although most of the time he was with Bookman, working on stuff only Bookmen would understand.

And like that two days passed and Allen began to lose the urge to keep following his usual routine, causing him to somehow end up sitting on the windowsill one particular afternoon, knees pulled up against his chest, looking at the raindrops that splattered on the glass.

He had draped his arms around his legs and stared in nothingness, although a passerby would probably think he was looking at the grey sky. Tim, who had been sitting on the knees until now, flew away in surprise when Allen let his chin sink and rest on them. The golem flew a few restless circles above his head before landing on its owner's hair and started to nibble on the white strands.

'Neh, Tim, do you think Kanda will be away for much longer?'

The ball stopped chewing for a moment and Allen could see it looking at him in their reflection in the window. However no real answer came and Timcanpy just continued what he had been doing again.

The boy sighed and let his eyes slide shut. He felt so odd. Nothing seemed to soothe him. Even eating somehow didn't really bother him anymore. There had to be something wrong with him. Maybe he was falling ill. Going to the nurse might be a smart move now, but it was only his mental state. He didn't feel sick nor did any part of his body hurt. And then there were these thoughts of Kanda, which seemed to pop up in his mind all the time. Even now he could see the image of the stupid ponytail burning behind his eyelids. Was it because he had trouble meditating again? Or maybe something bad was going to happen to the man and these were some kind of premonitions?

Anyway, this wasn't like he used to be and he wanted to find out what caused it.

'Hey, Allen.'

The exorcist woke up from his thoughts as Lavi's voice reached his ears. He lifted his head and looked at his friend. 'Hey, Lavi,' he responded, feeling a bit surprised because he had thought the Bookmen would work the whole day together again, 'what are you doing here?'

Lavi grinned. 'I could better ask you. I'm just done with my work, but what are you doing here? I've never seen you sitting on the windowsill like this before. You know, if I wouldn't know better I would say you are in love.'

'In love?' Allen pulled up a brow skeptically.

'Yes, in love,' the other stated while his grin grew even bigger. 'You are so absent-minded these days. It's like you live with your head in clouds. You also eat less and now you're sitting here, wasting time you could spend eating on the windowsill, eyes closed, obviously gone in thoughts again. It's not like you at all, Allen.'

'Well, I'm not,' the boy protested, 'Who should I be in love with anyway?'

'I don't know,' Lavi shrugged his shoulders, 'I can't read minds, you know. Just think about it yourself. Who have you met recently? Who do you think the most of?'

Allen widened his eyes as he slowly took in the words that were just spoken to him. Who have you met recently? Who do you think the most of? He swallowed as he let the memories of the last days pass his mind at least twice, but only two things stood out so clearly that all the others seemed to disappear in darkness: his meditation meetings and his unstoppable thoughts of Kanda. He shook his head, but he knew what he had seen. He knew what Lavi's words could mean. But this was just ridiculous. He just thought so much about Kanda because the man had changed so much so suddenly, because his attitude to him had become better. But that could also exactly be the reason that…

'No!' He jolted up in horror. 'That can't be the one. That's impossible!'

It was only when Lavi looked at him with surprise and later amusement that he realized he had said the last sentences out loud.

'Well?' the redhead asked with a naughty smile, 'who did you think of?'

'No-one!' Allen snapped even before thinking. 'I… I just remembered something important. Have to go, see you later, Lavi!'

Then he jumped off the sill and walked away quickly. That turned to jogging after he had passed a corner and later even to running. He arrived at his room panting and immediately slipped in. He locked the door behind him and let himself fall on his bed.

No, it couldn't be right. Lavi was always just saying things, it didn't mean they were real.

He curled himself up into a ball and buried his face into the comfortable dark space between his legs and chest. It couldn't be true. Seriously, Kanda was a man! He couldn't be in love with his own gender. Or could he? He swallowed. Wasn't that something that happened pretty often? It wasn't really that unusual to be homosexual. But he wasn't! He had never been that way! He had even thought Lenalee was cute. He still thought that sometimes, when she wasn't in a bad mood. How could he even think of Kanda then?

His arms started to press against his folded legs with more and more force. Had he really never been what he had thought he was? But even then, even if he was someone who fell for guys, that still couldn't explain why Kanda. Of all people he met, Kanda seemed the most unlikely person to be in love with. That man was a jerk and had never been anything else than mean to him. Okay, maybe he had been a bit nice a few moments in the past few weeks, but that wasn't even nearly enough to be friends with the other exorcist, let alone in love…

A soft wing touched his cheek and made him look up. A white cross in a yellow background looked down on him as the feathers kept resting on his skin. Timcanpy must have noticed how bad he felt. The golem could probably come to the same conclusion as he had come to already.

'Tim, what do I have to do?'

A soft touch with a tiny paw was the only answer, indicating that Timcanpy also didn't know, but would be there to support him in any way.

Allen let his eyes dart around the room for a while, then just stared at the wall without really seeing anything except that longhaired image that had been stalking his head for days. It was unbelievable. He knew he should accept this, that it was impossible to fight his own emotions, but he couldn't, he just wouldn't give up and believe this idiotic realization, because that would mean he disgusted the same person he loved.