AN: Thank you for the reviews for the last chapter and sticking with this story. Sinistergateslegend and nikki1335, you guys are the best! I got through that transition chapter that I was dreading writing and I feel like I can finally get moving. Hopefully, Randy can get some answers to the questions he's been asking all his life. How will Jesse fit into all of it now that she's happily with Roman? There's still so much to uncover... As always, read, enjoy and review. Oh, and Merry Christmas!

Friday night's snow had covered the countryside with a blanket of white so pure. Icicles hung from the naked branches and twinkled against the bright sunlight. Three cars turned down a long path paved with overgrown pine trees. They winded down on the last stretch and parked on a circular driveway that perfectly framed a picturesque stone and log cabin.

Randy stepped out of his Range Rover and planted his boots onto the fresh snow. No matter his age, there was always an odd sense of satisfaction knowing you were the first to touch something so pristine. There was also an ache of sadness that went along with it. John and Cody hopped out of the car to start removing bags and other equipment from the back. A white Jeep Wrangler Sahara parked right behind them. A brief bang of throwback 90s pop music reverberated through its walls before the car turned off. Nikki hopped off the wheel followed by her sister and one of their girl friends, Natalya. The last car, a Chevy SUV, turned the corner and parked right behind the girls. Randy took a deep breath and exchanged a pathetic smile with the woman on the passenger seat. Neither one of them knowing the casual invitation for a weekend away from the city would turn into this.

Seth nudged Dean and pointed at the mammoth of a house, but the blond officer had his eyes fixed on the only other blonde in their group of eleven. Alicia hooked her arm around Jesse's and turned towards the porch steps. "So, this should be fun, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess," Jesse replied doubtfully. She glanced back at Randy, who was still helping the other girls retrieve bags from the back of their Jeep. Roman walked up to them with the girls' bags on each shoulder. "Thanks," Alicia beamed. He leaned in to kiss his girlfriend and Jesse couldn't help but smile into the kiss. The last few weeks with Roman were like a fairy tale. He went above and beyond treating her like a princess; not in the sense that he spoiled her with gifts, but that he spoiled her with affection.

"God, you guys should get a room," complained Seth, who had dropped his duffel bag into their pile.

"Seth," Roman called out, "shut your damn mouth."

He playfully punched his friend on the shoulder and dodged Roman's counter attack. Dean joined in and shoved Seth who nearly fell over a man in his late sixties. Seth quickly helped the man regain his balance before he fell to the floor and broke a hip. He dusted off his corduroys and fixed his glasses. "You must be Randal's guests. I'm Dominic but you can call me Dom. I'm the caretaker."

He looked at all the strange new faces but stopped when he saw Jesse. Dom was about to say something but he was scooped into a massive hug that lifted him off his feet. Once Randy finally let the old man down, he led them all inside the lake house. The interiors were a beautiful stone and dark wood with large windows that overlooked the frozen lake. A fire was already started at a stone hearth about the size of an archway. There were deer heads and antlers hung on the walls and fur rugs and throws strewn all about. There were picture frames everywhere. It was only then that Jesse realized that Randy hadn't kept any pictures in his condo.

She picked up a frame and looked at a family picture. Randy was so little, probably no older than two years old. His mother and father had their arms around each other and they both looked at their son with so much love in their eyes.

The bedrooms in the house were surreal. Each one had a door the led out to a balcony that had the most stunning view of the lake and the forest that surrounded them. She stepped back into the room, sealing the whistling of the wind. Roman was seated at the foot of the bed; he held out his arms and she found herself drawn to him. Wrapping his arms around her, he breathed in her scent. "It's going to be the best weekend."

His room hadn't changed much from when he was twelve. It was their weekend home up until his dad got too busy with work. He had put up posters on the walls of his favourite sports teams and rock bands. Books lined the shelves. Most of them were from his school's summer reading list like Moby Dick and To Kill A Mockingbird. Others were James Bond novels that first got him excited about the possibility of sex. He remembered turning out all the lights and hiding under his covers. He'd turn on the flashlight and read the sex scenes over and over, filling in the gaps with his more graphic imaginings.

Randy chuckled and placed the book back on the shelf. He sat on his bed and heard the discernible squeak that was caused by years and years of jumping on the bed. "No more monkeys jumping on the bed," his mother sang to him. But he didn't listen. Not until he fell and bumped his head.

Mama didn't call the doctor. And when papa learned about it, he was livid.

There was a knock on the door. "May I come in?"

"Yes, Dom," he recognized the old man's voice.

Dom entered his room and looked around before he smiled at the younger man. "She's very beautiful."

Randy didn't even have to ask. He knew Dom was talking about Jesse. "She's perfect."

"And she's also sharing a room with another man."

Randy chuckled, "thanks for the reminder."

"You were just in before Christmas, and you told me how thrilled you were to have her back in your life. She was the girl who picked you up after your mother-, am I right?"

"Yes," he replied, "she's the one."

"The circumstances are unfortunate," Dom began, "but I am glad to see that she is your friend. You must hold onto those special souls; they bring light and give us hope when there is so much darkness."

The sun was beginning to set as the sky turned into a deeper blue. The boys were outside playing a game of hockey. It took about an hour for Roman to get used to the skates, but once he was on his feet he actually made a decent goalie. Dean and Seth, who grew up playing street hockey as boys and JV hockey in high school, showed the trust fund kids exactly how the game was played. John slid and tried to block a goal from Dean, but the puck had passed and hit the net. That was the game and the score was a humiliating 8-1.

"Woo!" Alicia yelled, cheering for the cops.

The twins and Natalya came back outside carrying mugs of hot cocoa. Halfway through the game, they got tired of cheering for the losing team and decided to bring out their inner domestic goddesses instead. They all sat around the bonfire as they sipped their decadent drinks. It was strange to think how things would turn out with worlds colliding like this, but it was actually rather ordinary. The twins toned down their talk of designer labels and socialite drama, and the cops decided it wasn't a good idea to talk about their low-level criminal cases. Once the sky darkened into a deep black and the stars began to appear, the chill became unbearable.

They headed inside to have dinner. The girls prepared a feast of roast beef and vegetables. Randy took care of choosing the bottles of wine for the evening while John and Cody argued about the music. After tossing the vegetables into the oven and letting them cook, Jesse sunk into the space beside Roman. "You were doing so well out on the ice today. Ever consider switching to a career in hockey?"

He playfully pinched her nose, "I would but I was terrified of falling on my ass half the time. I'm not nearly that scared when I'm at work."

Randy saw them being playful with each other and he felt that deep pang in his chest. He wanted so badly to be happy for her. Roman was a great guy. In fact, if he had to choose a boyfriend for her, he would be it. He took care of her and treated her like she was his world. He filled two wine glasses and walked towards the happy couple.

They both took the wine he offered and smiled. "Thanks for inviting us," said Roman.

"Thank you," she said sincerely. Jesse was hesitant to come to the lake house, especially since she hadn't spoken to him in over a month. Fortunately, the large group had kept them away from the possibility of having a one-on-one conversation to discuss certain unresolved issues. Jesse was thankful for that.

"You're welcome," Randy replied, "I have to say it's been a lot more fun having all you guys around than if I was just here with John and Cody."

"Oh, I know what you mean," said Roman, "I have to clock in over 50 hours a week with Seth and Dean and by the first hour I'm sick of them. It's nice to be able to spend this weekend with my girl and meet some other people while we're at it."

"Seems like your friends are enjoying this weekend too," Randy nodded towards Dean, who was chatting it up with Natalya, and Seth who was helping Brie set the table.

"Don't forget Alicia," laughed Jesse. Cody and Alicia were by the stereo talking – perhaps arguing, or flirting – while they discussed the rich history of hip hop.

"Seems like everyone's paired up except for me," Randy joked. It was a self-deprecating jibe that was meant to be funny but it only made him sound sad and pathetic. "Excuse me, guys."

Randy got up and went into his father's den down the end of the hall. He shut the door and sank into the encompassing leather chair. Fuck my life, he thought to himself. He thought he could handle it all. They would all be at the lake house and hang out as friends. Jesse would be there with Roman. But it didn't matter because he'd get to joke around with the boys and if he needed the feel of a woman, he'd get to cuddle with Brie in a purely platonic way. But with everyone being paired up, it only seemed to underscore the fact that he was the odd one out. Isolating himself further out of the group and out of the conversations allowed his mind to wander back to Jesse.

She had on those stupid, furry earmuffs that somehow managed to get lost in all her hair. Her nose and cheeks would go pink the moment she stepped outside. He could've scored a second goal in their game that afternoon had he not been distracted. She was biting that lip again. Then the sun caught her eyes and there was a lightness to them that made his chest feel weightless. For a moment, he forgot he was on skates and tried to walk towards her, only to lose his balance and fall on his ass. Seth swept in and stole the puck, carrying it towards the goal and scoring for the other team.

He picked up a book on the side table and without glancing at the cover, he flipped it open. There was an inscription on the first page.

"I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was sitting on a bench in Central Park. I had a coffee on one hand and this book in the other. I was so absorbed into the life of Ms. Esther Greenwood that I had not noticed you take the seat beside me. The sun shifted and your shadow loomed over the pages. I glanced up to see your face and there was a sense of lightness in my heart. You were so beautiful, so brilliant, so driven to chase after your dreams. I fell in love with you on that park bench under the shifting sun and the Central Park shade. You asked me what I was reading, but I never got to tell you because I was so lost in you. I was reading this book. And on the night before we are to be married, I choose to share it with you. I love you, Robert."

"Kate"

Randy closed the book, The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. It was a story of a beautiful and brilliant woman falling into a deep state of depression and insanity. He couldn't help but wonder if this was some odd foreshadowing by the universe. Or perhaps it was his mother's way of communicating her inner battles.

"Dinner's ready," said a voice from behind the door. Randy set the book back on the side table and turned off the lamp. An eerie darkness enveloped him before the door opened slightly to let light from the hallway spill through. He saw the silhouette of her curls and the pout of her full lips. "Randy?"

"Jesse."

"They asked me to come get you."

He stepped out towards her until his face was lit. Her mouth fell open and she reached out towards his face but stopped midway through. Jesse could see the red in his eyes and the dark, stormy greys that clouded his irises. "Are you ok?"

He nodded, side-stepping her and walking down the hall. They broke their bread and had their dinner. And none was the wiser except for the girl who saved him when he was seventeen.

The moon was full that evening. Against the snow so pure and white, it lit everything around it with a glow so dreamlike and romantic. Jesse lay on her side and stared out through the window. She listened to Roman's soft snores and the sound of branches swaying in the whistling wind. Licking her lips, they felt sore and dry. As long as she's lived in the Midwest, she's always longed for warmth all year round. She dreamed of California weather but never dreamed of leaving home.

Sliding out of bed, she crept out of the room and down the hall. A set of doors was ajar and she noted the embers from a fire flicker through the doorway. She gently pushed it open to find a large bedroom with a four-poster bed and two wingback chairs positioned in front of a fireplace. The person seated by the fire immediately turned their head to the unanticipated visitor.

"Jesse?"

"Randy, why are you up?"

He smiled, "I could say the same about you."

She walked towards him and saw the book in his hands. She took a seat on the other chair and faced the fire. "I couldn't sleep. I thought I'd go downstairs and make myself a cup of tea and it would help. What about you?"

"I found this book," he lifted a copy of The Bell Jar. "I found it in my dad's den. It was a gift from my mom the night before they got married. She wrote this in the inside cover," he passed it onto Jesse who proceeded to read the inscription.

"Wow, you could really feel that she loved him."

"How did things change? When did they change?"

"I don't know, Ran. People drift apart."

Randy looked at the book and traced the embossed title with his fingertips. "I can't remember a time in my life where I saw the kind of love she wrote about. I look at their wedding albums and it's sickening how sweet they are with each other. The video of their first dance brings my grandmother to tears every time. Sometimes, I wonder if I messed it all up."

"Randy, don't say that. That isn't true."

"No, but think about it. Everything changed between them after I was born." Randy stared into the fire as he rubbed his temples. "I found out a few years ago that my father tried to file for divorce three months after I was born. After another month, he withdrew the petition for a divorce. When I was five, my mother tried to divorce him. They were separated for nearly a year. She lived in Paris. Again, it never pushed through and she returned."

Jesse didn't know what to tell him. She would always be there to listen to him, but when it came to his parents; she was just as in the dark as him. It was hard to be there to support him when all he wanted was answers, and she had no idea how to give it to him.

"I just want to know what happened," said Randy. "I'm an adult and people still don't talk to me about what happened between my parents or why my mom killed herself. I'm not stupid. I know she was ill, but why didn't he help her? Why wasn't he compassionate? How could they have loved each other at one point and then thrown it all away like it was nothing? Why didn't they just get a divorce when they had the chance? And all these people still put their hands over my eyes and ears and pretend none of it has to do with me."

"Your grandparents haven't talked to you about it?" Jesse asked.

"My dad's parents are both dead. My mom's parents moved to New York after she died. I see them on occasion but it's business as usual. They own shares in my dad's investment firm so it's all we talk about these days."

"You've never asked them?"

"My grandfather is just like my dad. He doesn't want to dwell on the past or even mention it. My grandmother is completely under his control. It's not much different to my parents' relationship now that I think about it."

"I wish there was something I could do for you."

Randy stood up and walked towards the stone hearth. "When I was a kid, we'd go here on weekends when my dad was away for an international meeting. It was one of the few times mom could read me a story and tuck me into bed. I hated going to sleep and waking up the next day to drive back to the city. It meant that things would go back to normal and I hated 'normal'. So I'd get out of bed and come here. Mom would have the fire going and she'd be reading a book with no pictures in it," Randy laughed. "I'd crawl onto her lap and she'd stroke my hair until I fell asleep. I'd wake up the next day on that bed with her arms wrapped around me. She just always had a way of making me feel safe."

"That's what mothers do."

"Do you miss her? Your mom?"

"Everyday," replied Jesse. "Our neighbourhood was not exactly the safest, but she always made me feel protected. When she got cancer, she still tried as hard as she could. It took a while for her to loosen her grip of that motherly instinct and let me take care of her. Being the one to help her allowed me to find some peace when we learned she was terminal. It was like I was able to return some of that love she gave me."

"You're really strong, Jess. You're much stronger than me."

Jesse shook her head, "our situations are different. My mom had cancer and we had time to accept it together. We had time to talk and understand each other. There was time for answers. You never got that in your childhood and it was stripped away from you when your mom passed." Jesse stood up and faced him. She took his hand in hers and squeezed tight.

"Grab your coat," Randy squeezed back. "Come with me."