A/N: I lied, Hailey will not be meeting the boys in this chapter. That will be the next one lol. I forgot that I wanted to put this chapter in. Sorry! Also, I am sorry that this chapter took so long. It's been a busy weekend, concerts , birthdays, stuff like that. Trying to party before school starts up.

Chapter Rating: M

(I think the scene is a bit more explicit that those of the last chapters. Just a warning.)

Enjoy.

On My Way Down

On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you.

Chapter Fourteen – You Got It Bad

You got it, you got it bad if you miss a day with your friend, your whole life's off track… You got it bad when you're out with someone but you keep thinking about somebody else, you got it bad.

For the first time in almost an entire month, James is sitting alone at eight with nothing to do. He's bored, stumped, got nothing to do. He doesn't feel like drinking, he doesn't feel like going out, which is so weird; James doesn't feel like doing anything.

He's trying to come to terms with the fact that he only has eight days before he's off on tour for three months, and Hailey has decided to go to Davenport with Shane to see their parents for five of those eight days. He's not going to lie, he's upset. Hurt even.

James gets that those are her parents, that Hailey's family isn't fucked up the way his is. Her parents still talk to each other, hell they live together. They love each other. The thought of which makes James snort and get his ass up off the couch, he's suddenly in a drinking mood.

He gets out the Jack Daniel's, and fills up his glass almost to the brim, he'll drink it all too. Then fill up his cup again.

What the fuck does anyone know about love? It isn't fucking real.

"Dude, what's going on?" Carlos is the one that walks in on him just as he's begun to gulp the alcohol down. It burns so good.

James gives a slight shrug. "Care for a drink?"

"I don't need another night in the hospital." Carlos replies holding his hands up. His arm is still in a sling, but it's out of the cast. He isn't supposed to use it much yet. He sits down next to James and takes the smallest sip from his glass. He passes it back, James chugs it.

Carlos shakes his head. "Don't drive anywhere." Then he's off out of the kitchen again. James is left alone to drink the night away. Which he does.

Hailey has been gone for two days now, which means that he still has three days left without her. He doesn't like this, her being gone. He doesn't like that she chose to leave especially when James is so close to leaving as well.

But James also doesn't like the fact that he's feeling so attached. This distance that she's put between them is a good thing, whether James likes it or not. He surrounded himself with her, he was suffocating himself. Hailey never forced herself on him, never tried to control him, in fact she was hardly ever the one who initiated any of the time they spent together. James just liked being around her, so he tried to do that as often as possible. James realizes that for once, he might be the one more invested in the relationship. He isn't quite sure how he feels about that.

The diabolical, non-believer, murdered of the heart, side of him is telling James that this is bad. That he should end things now before they go too far and he ends up hurt, more fucked up than he already is. But this other side of him, the side that optimistic just tells him that he's having fun. That this thing with hailey isn't anything serious, that it's just two friends having fun and the fact that James is physically attracted to her just makes things a lot more fun. It's all fun, there is nothing serious going on between the two of them and the moment that things start to get serious, James can just pack it up and say goodbye like he's done to everyone else.

And then, there's this tiny, whispering voice in the back of his head that just keeps says that he hasn't felt this way before, that Hailey isn't every other girl he's fucked around with or dated for publicity, this girl has become one of his best friend, she is someone that makes him happy.

And that scares him. What if he can't bring himself to leave when things get serious? Hell, she's gone for five days and he's spent one day moping and the next night getting fucked up by himself, which is still kind of considered moping. If James can't bring himself to leave her alone right now when they aren't even a couple, what will happen when things get too deep? When the word love is being said or suggested, what would he do when that day came?

He would have to leave. He could never love her. Like her, want to be with her, but love her? He couldn't.

When he thinks this though, Elliot's perfect fucking prince charming charade comes in to his mind and he imagines him riding in on a horse. James also imagines the he pulls Elliot off the horse and beats his face to a pulp, until it's unrecognizable. Like in Fight Club, when Edward Norton beats the shit out of Jared Leto.

The thought of it gets him riled up, and he's off to the home gym to beat the shit out of a punching bag, but pretend its Elliot.

When he's done, before he even hits the shower, he call Hailey, because everything he's thought of before is gone. The work out cleared his mind and all he wants to do is talk to her.

"Hi James." She says and James can hear the smile in her voice.

He's automatically smiling, her voice just triggers the muscles in his face, he doesn't have a choice, he has to smile when he hears her talk.

"What're you doing?" he asks.

"Mmm. I'm sitting on the beach. Got my toes in the sand and a song in my head."

James laughs slightly and he's imagining her up there on the northern coast of California, wearing a sweater because it's cool enough there even in the summer. "What song?"

"One of yours actually."

"Really?"

"Which one?"

"If I ruled the world."

"I'd dream out loud."

She laughs, "It's weird to hear you sing on the radio. I never dreamt that I'd ever know anyone famous."

"You live in LA you were bound to meet someone eventually."

She says something to agree with James and then he can hear her humming. He knows that it's the tune of their song and so he asks what part she's thinking of.

"I keep rapping with Iyaz over and over again. If the cops ever try and pulls us over, we can tell them hey Mr. Officer we own ya."

James laughs and he wishes he was there with her.

The four boys are out at a party. It's a rager. There's famous people and there's not so famous people, but it's one of those parties where the lights are too low and the drinks are too strong for anyone to actually care. The guys are wild and the girls are willing.

For once it wasn't James's idea to come out. It was Kendall's. The three other boys decided James need to get off his ass because all he'd done for the past three days was eat, sleep, work out and drink his liver closers to cirrhosis.

The party won't help with cirrhosis but at least he'll stop hitting the damn punching bag. James doesn't need to hit any harder than he actually does. People are always surprised if they're lucky enough to hit by James Diamond. Sure he's ripped, but he's such a pretty boy, everyone expects him to be a pansy. But James Diamond will hesitate to kick no one's ass. He will get straight into it, fist to face and they'll be on the ground, K.O.'ed before they even know what happen if they're lucky.

The wrestling matches between the boys always end in submissions and tap outs because James is a fucking beast. But all of the boys love a challenge, so till this day they still roll around on the floor like idiots and try to get a good hit in on James. They all know better than to his the face though.

James slips easily into the party atmosphere and he loses sight of his friends quickly. They've always cramped his style when it came to the party scene. Kendall is such a light weight, and Logan is way too committed to Camille to ever have any other girl draped over his shoulder, and Carlos is just so not smooth. Though James has been helping with that.

He's got a drink in his hand, raised high into the air as some girl who didn't even bother with her name, is rubbing her ass against his crotch. The hand that isn't in the air is too far down her thigh. The girls back is pressed into his chest, but then she turns and she's basically riding on his leg, she wraps one hand around his neck and pulls his head down so that his lips crash against hers. It's brutal and rough, he's pretty sure one of them is bleeding, but which doesn't matter, because the music is too loud and there's too much poison flowing through his veins. His pulse feels like it's in rhythm with the base of the song that's playing, some remix of a hit song with some dub-step added, it's pounding in his ears but all he can pay attention to his how smooth the roof of her mouth is, the feel of her hands down the front of his pants while they're in the middle of the dance floor. James doesn't know how or when she made her move, but all he knows is that now she's got her fist wrapped around his dick. Not much else matters.

They slink off somewhere where the music isn't as loud and there's no one else but them. James is lost in the moment; he's reverted back to his old self. All he cares about right now, is getting his jeans off, and then pulling her dress up. He's betting himself that she isn't wearing panties.

There's barely any light in the room, but James can see her sly grin as she steps away from him and slowly pulls his shirt up, he helps her out and takes it the rest of the way off. She doesn't waste time; the nameless girl is immediately kissing, sucking, and touching his torso, one hand palming him through his jeans.

She hooks her fingers in to the belt loops of his jeans and tugs on them, looking up at him with lust filled eyes. James keeps his hands out of the way and lets her do as she pleases because, fuck, it feels so good, and he's pretty sure he's got to be fulfilling some kind of fantasy that she's always had about him. James is like a walking orgasm, it wouldn't be normal for a straight girl to not fantasize about him. He'd kissed Camille before, and then there was that one time that all the Palm Woods kids got drunk and played Truth or Dare, Jo admitted that if she wasn't dating Kendall she'd fuck James. Sometimes James wonders why his friends are still friends with him. But he's about to get fucking laid and asking philosophical questions is not what she should be doing.

She pulls his jeans down all the way, helps him step out of them and then discards them somewhere in the dark room; he'll have to find a light later for sure. Then she pulls down his boxers painstakingly slow. It's like torture. The cool air hits his sensitive skin and all he wants is to fuck into her mouth. He spits out long streams of profanity as she finally touches him. It's soft, experimental at first, but soon she's getting into gear and his head is slick with her saliva. It occurs to him that he'll have to find his jeans for a condom later unless she's got one somewhere. His hands are tangled in her hair, pulling a lot harder than necessary as she sucks him off. But who gives a fuck? Every time he pulls she moans with his dick in her mouth and it feels heavenly. Her cheeks are hollowed and he's hitting the back of her throat now, there's no hint of a gag reflex and shit, that's kind of sort of really hot. She's got one hand gripping his bare thigh while the other is pumping in time with the bobbing of her head, James is close, and fuck close, he shoots down her throat without any warning.

He watches as she licks her lips and then wipes her mouth with the back of her hands.

"Condom." James manages to grunt out, he hears the unmistakable sound of a condom wrapper ripping, and then he feels hands on his manhood once again. She slides it on and James is ready to go again.

They end up on the floor and James doesn't even know what kind of room this is, but for the moment, he doesn't care. He'll be showering when he gets home anyways. Her breathing hitches when he slips in, and he closes his eyes for a minute, brain fluttering up and away. She wraps her legs around his waist, the heels of her feet digging into his ass, pulling him closer, pushing him in further. James grins into the sloppy kiss, there's way too much saliva being exchanged between the two, there's probably multiple strands between them when the pull apart to breathe, but he grins because he didn't have to take off any of her under garments, he knew she wasn't wearing anything.

Heels in his ass, nails digging into his shoulder, head thrown back, James's mouth on her collar bone, sucking, biting, leaving marks that she'll be able to brag about to her friends, they're this sweating heaving pile of limbs and bodily fluids. Slick with sweat, each other's saliva all over different parts of their bodies. The harder she digs her nails in, the harder James thrusts, the higher pitch of her moans James goes faster. They're both trying to get to a release and that's all that matters to James until she says his name.

"James, ah!" It's this loud scream followed by so many other unintelligible sounds and lots of "oh my gods" but James isn't drunk anymore when he hears his name. He's brought back to reality where he's having sex with a complete stranger, he doesn't even know her name and they're in a dark room, James has no idea what's in it, who's been there before him. He doesn't want to do this. He realizes. He wants to stop, find his pants and leave, because what the hell is he doing? He's so close to making things happen with Hailey, then she's gone for five days and he's fucking some drunk chick at a party, back to the same way he was before he even met Hailey? Truth be told it'd been two weeks since he had sex, and he hadn't been missing it because he'd been coming to learn that there's more to life than just sex. But here he was, on the floor, with his dick in some stranger.

He can't stop now. He's in the heat of the moment and she's expecting him to finish. So he does, he fucks her hard, trying to lose himself again, trying to forget his realization even if it's just for a moment. He wants his body to take over again. Eventually it does and he loses himself in bliss just after her body stiffens and she screams his name again, pleasure rippling through her.

James gets up and tries to find his pants as fast as he can.

"James Diamond." She says lazily. She's standing now, leaning against something, he can only see the outline of her body. "You do live up to expectation."

"Thanks." He tries to sound charismatic and suave like he enjoyed the sex he just had. While his body odes, his mind is not happy.

He finds his pants, and slips them on as fast as he can. He bids the girl adieu and is out of the dark and into the lights and sounds of the music again. He doesn't bother to search for Kendall, or Logan or Carlos; he just leaves feeling dirty and disappointed in himself.

"I have a publicity date."

"With who?"

"Jessica Bartlett."

"Ooh." Hailey says suggestively, "Sounds like a good time."

James feels so guilty. He doesn't have to tell Hailey what he did the night before, but mostly he doesn't want to. He doesn't want her to think badly of him. James is planning on making them something official before he leaves. What would she say when he brings up the topic if she knows that just days before he was fucking some chick whose name he didn't even know, he couldn't even remember her hair color.

"Probably won't be."

James doesn't even like Jessica's music. She's this pop star from Seattle and all her music sounds so generic. She can sing, but none of her songs have any meaning. Big Time Rush isn't exactly as deep as the Foo Fighters or John Mayer, but come on, this chick sings the same song with different lyrics. Not to mention she uses way too much auto tune. James detests the tool.

"Why do you sound so down?" She's so perceptive.

"I did something I shouldn't have." He says quietly.

"Did you have sex with someone?"

James takes the phone from his ear and looks at it, how the hell does she know? Is James that obvious? How does she get sex from doing something wrong? To James sex is never supposed to be wrong. But last night it was.

"Yeah."

"Why does that mean you did something wrong?" He notices how her voice changes. It doesn't sound hurt, and it doesn't sound like she's upset, it's just calm. Even. And that's how he knows he shouldn't have said anything. Her voice is always happy, calm and even might as well be the same thing as broken hearted and crying. She always talks like that right before she's about to cry during a movie or something.

"You and I aren't dating-"

James is sick of that answer, so he cuts her off. Not dating my ass, they might not be official but they sure as hell are doing something like dating. "But I want to be dating."

Hailey doesn't answer and James isn't quite sure if that's a good or a bad thing.

"We can talk about that when I get back." She says quietly.

"Okay."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Tomorrow seems like too long though. James will probably spend the day circling the airport waiting for her plane to land.

James dresses nice for his date. Armani suit, pressed white dress shirt, black tie. His hair is combed neatly back and to the side. He looks pretty fuckable, but last night he realized that there's only one person he wants to get down and dirty with, and he probably won't be able to do that for at least three months. For a moment, standing there, looking in the mirror, he wonders how he will survive without sex for three months. He went for two weeks and really didn't miss it, but that was because he spent every night feeling just as good while being around Hailey. He looks down at his right hand and at his crotch in the mirror. He figures that Mr. Righty and James Jr. will become good friends.

Jessica Bartlett is tall without heels and with them she stands at eye level with James. She's pretty, big brown eyes, tan skin, bright smile. Her hair is silky and dark. She's charming enough and very even-tempered when the paparazzi are flashing cameras in their face as they exit the limo. They're at the same restaurant that James went to the day after he met Elliot with all his friends.

She's wearing a short green dress, but while it's short, it's conservative as well, after her main fan base consists of children from 7 and up. Much like Big Time Rush when they started out, and then people discovered that they were really hot and it was no longer just screaming twelve year olds. It was screaming sixteen year olds, twenty year olds.

They walk arm and arm into the restaurant and take the elevator up to the right floor. They're seated immediately because Katie made them reservations.

They sit across from each other and James is really trying to pay attention to Jessica, because she's nice and he doesn't want to seem like a dick, though he totally is one.

"Don't you just love the California weather? It's always so cold and overcast in Seattle, I love living in L.A."

"Yeah," James says, "After being here, I don't see how anyone could ever go back to Minnesota."

Jessica starts to talk about stuff that James should really find interesting because she's smart. She's not just some idiotic or ditzy pop star. She's got a brain. But his mind just isn't in the conversation. He's wondering about what Hailey felt when he admitted to sleeping with someone. It wasn't like he had actually cheated on her, but it felt like it. She had to be hurt, she had to be disappointed in him. When she said that they could talk about them dating when she got back, did she already decide to tell him no? Had he just ruined any and all chance of them? He found himself praying that he hadn't.

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you hear anything I said?"

He looks at her blankly, she'd been talking?

She smiles at him.

"I'm sorry Jessica, I'm just- well, distracted."

"Is it a girl?"

"Am I that obvious?"

"I'm not trying to be conceited, but I'm a pretty good looking girl, not to mention I'm smart and funny," She winks at him, "and you aren't here at all. You've got to be thinking about another girl, unless you're gay. Which, I'm guessing you aren't."

James laughs, "Nope, not gay. It is a girl."

"What's she like?"

"She's fucking amazing. We aren't even dating."

Jessica is smiling and she shakes her head slightly, "you've got it bad James." She says in a sing-song voice.

"As if I didn't know."

"Well," she says, "I was actually kind of hoping that this would go somewhere, because you're one fine man."

"I'm sorry Jessica, I know that-"

"Relax James; this was a publicity stunt anyways. We'll tell the press it was a friendly outing and then you and you're lady friend can work it out."

"You know," James says, "I'm pretty sure that I would like you a lot if I weren't so-"

"In love?"

James freezes, what? Love? No. In like, yes.

He laughs, "I wouldn't say love."

She shrugs, "Give me a call if things don't work out between you two."

"I'll be sure to do that."

At home, James is turning over the word Love in his head. Love is destructive, it's painful, it makes people turn cold and hard, it makes people regret. James doesn't want to end up like either of his parents and the only way he can avoid that is to avoid love all together. So he decides, that he can be with Hailey, but the moment love gets thrown into the picture, he'll leave.

He has to.

A/N: So, I think God is frowning down upon me from heaven for writing that sex scene. I bashfully admit that I have been reading some random smut to try and improve my own skills. Blush, lol.

ANYWAYS, hope you liked it. Will James be able to keep his promise to himself? Gasp, you have to read on to find out. The next chapter probably won't be up till late Sunday or sometime Monday, maybe even Tuesday. Got things to do!

Lol, love you all, review!