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Note: Beta: Mist

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Chapter 14: Broken Sunsets

The ride home was as silent as the trip to the beach. Jake sensed that Bella was more upset that she had let on with Paul. He was a bit upset himself. More at himself rather than Paul. He knew that Paul had a right to speak his mind. After all he had been the one who had helped Jake out the most when he got in his drunken stupors.

The others were just as supportive but it was Paul who stayed up with him until the early morning hours listening to him as he rattled on and on about how much he loved Bella and how badly it hurt him to lose the baby and her at the same time. Paul would tease him, saying that a baby would not have solve their problems but Jake knew deep within that somehow it might have kept her home. Given him more time to prove that he was a good man. A man willing to provide for his family.

When he proposed to Bella he had not intended on trapping her. No, he had tried to show her he was an honorable man. He helped make the baby and he was going to stand by her side. He was going to show her and everyone else that he could grow up and be responsible for his mistakes. Not that he really considered creating a life a mistake but the timing was not exactly the best.

Still, he hated that Bella had to be confronted so harshly by Paul. When she began to stand up for herself Jake was surprised by her brazen behavior. The old Bella would have ran off weeping. This Bella seemed to know how to defend herself. It was a unusual thing to witness for Jake. He was use to being her hero. Stepping in and kicking ass whenever she needed it. This independent side was rather surprising and downright sexy on her.

He hoped when they got home she would finally open up to him. They needed to discuss what happened. They needed to discuss a lot of things. He knew he had to get past his fear of hurting her or making her feel cornered. If this marriage was going to have a chance then they had to start being honest with one another no matter who got hurt in the process.

"I don't want to go to your house." Bella broke the silence.

"What?" Jake nearly jump at the sound of her voice.

"I don't want to go to your house." Bella repeated.

"It's OUR house, Bella." Jake replied with a stern voice.

"Fine, I don't want to go to OUR house." Bella looked at him with anger in her eyes.

"Fine." Jake sighed sadly as he drove past the road that would have taken them home.

"Where do you want to go?" Jake asked he headed toward Forks.

"Anywhere but there." Bella mumbled as she turn to look out the window.

Jake wasn't sure what was going on in her head. There was a time when he always knew what she wanted but not anymore. This Bella was different. Not so much in a bad way but just different.

Finally Jake thought of a place where they use to go hang out when they were teenagers. A place where they would often park and make out. He wondered if she would remember it's significance. It was the place where he gave her his class ring. They had kissed for hours, he had hoped she would go all the way that night but of course she had got angry instead, accusing him of only giving her the ring so that she would have sex with him. It wasn't the only reason he had given her the ring. He wanted everyone to know that he was only hers.

Several girls were chasing him and he got tired of pushing them away. He hoped when they saw the ring on her finger that it would send a clear message that Bella was the only girl he wanted. Of course he could not tell Bella that or she would have went all jealous on him. She acted as if he purposely sent out some sort of radio signal to attract these girls. He never gave them any reason to believe he would ever break up or cheat on Bella. He was loyal to her. He adored her. She was his everything.

He just wished that she could show him the same type of loyalty. She would tell him that she loved him, she would make out with him, she would give him presents from time to time to surprise him but she never really prove to him that she would never, ever, leave his side. In the end she had left him. She had took off with out a word.

Pulling onto the dirt filled road he parked the truck where a beautiful view of the mountains set before them.

"How about here?" He suggested as he turn off the ignition not waiting on her to answer him.

"I guess." Bella took off the seat belt. Slipping out of the truck without a word to Jake she walked to the side of the cliff. Sitting down she stared at the view before her.

Jake waited a few moments before following her. Sitting next to her he quietly stared in front of him.

"I'm sorry for leaving you the way I did but I am not sorry that I left." Bella finally spoke the words that had been screaming in her head since the confrontation with Paul.

"Why? Why did you leave me?" Jake felt his heart ache at her honesty.

"I needed to grow Jake. I needed to know who I was with out you. I needed to find out who Bella Swan was and what she was capable of doing. All my life I have been your friend, your lover, your Bells. I have never been just by myself." Bella answered softly as she gulped hard.

"So you needed space. I get that. Four years of space?" Jake chuckled a bit more harsher than he had meant to. He was struggling with his pride. He knew he had to remain calm. She was finally opening up to him, if he overreacted she would just shut down again. He could not afford to let that happen. Not now. Not when they were this close to finally communicating openly about their past.

"Once I left Jake it was too hard to come back. I mean, I wanted too, I use to cry myself to sleep missing everyone here. I knew that when I return I would only find pain here. No one would be pleased to see the girl who abandoned her husband, her friends, her family without a word to any of them. I knew that everyone would be so bitter toward me. I could not face it. I just couldn't." Bella bit down on her lower lip trying to keep the tears from flooding her eyes.

"So you did not want to face the consequences of your actions." Jake understood that fear all too well.

"Yes." Bella nodded her head.

"Bella, I would have let you go to college. I would have been so supportive of your dreams, if you had just talked to me about it." Jake pick up Bella's hand holding it gently.

"I did not believe that at the time. You seemed so caught up with being the big man in a small town that I seriously could not see you wanting to leave your home or your family behind while I chased after my dreams." Bella replied softly.

"Did you ever think that I might have dreams outside of Forks?" Jake ask. It was true, he had considered going to one of the few colleges that had actually

offered him a scholarship while he played sports for them. He just was not sure if he would qualify once they learn that he was married. He had never spoke to Bella about the schools because he knew they were not one of the Ivy league schools that she had suddenly become so zealous about.

"No. Honestly I did not see it happening." Bella turn looking straight into Jacob's eyes.

"Well, for your information I did get a few offers. They were for school here in Washington. Not anywhere fancy." Jake revealed.

He saw Bella's eyes blink disbelieving him.

'I have the papers at home to prove it." Jake chuckled.

"Why did you not go?" Bella cried out in dismay.

"I feared you might come home and think that I had given up on us." Jake answered as he rubbed her knuckles gently.

Bella felt the tingling sensation course up her arm.

"Jake, that is so stupid. You should have gone." Bella gasped.

"I would have gone if you were there. I had to be near a place that reminded me of you. I know it sounds pretty pathetic but it's true. I was so lost with out you." Jake gulped hard as his eyes stung with unshed tears.

"I managed fine without any fancy school degree. I took some local classes at the community college and it helped me start my business." Jake smiled at her.

"Still, you could have gone further with your dreams if you had gone." Bella felt her heart break at the thought she had cost him a great education. A education that not many from La Push ever took the opportunity to get.

"My dreams were not about being in a fancy school or earning tons of money. My dreams were about doing something I loved, being with the woman I loved, and starting a family that loved me." Jake decided to bring up the white elephant in the room.

Neither had dared spoken about the baby up until this point. If he was honest he use to hate her for acting like the loss of their baby was the best thing that could have ever happened to either of them. True they were not really prepared for such a responsibility but they would have managed.

"Jake…please." Bella slipped her hand away as she wipe away a tear from her face. She did not want to speak about the loss of their child. It had been the final straw for their relationship. It had been a sign to Bella that they were not meant to be together and that she was not ready to be a mother.

"Bella, we need to talk about it. I NEED to talk about it." Jake pleaded with her.

"Why? Why should we bring up something that …well….that was never meant to be." Bella sobbed as she remembered the pain she had felt when the doctor explained that it was normal to lose a fetus at such a early stage in pregnancy and that someday she would be able to have more children.

She had feared that her anger and disappointment had been the caused of death for her unborn child. She also suspected that Jake blamed her somehow for it.

"Maybe it was not meant to be then but that doesn't mean someday …well…we could….try again if you gave our marriage a chance." Jake knew just saying the words out loud would probably freak her out but he had to be truthful about it. He did want kids someday. He wanted kids with her.

He often feared that Bella never wanted children. When she got pregnant she acted like it was the worse thing that could have ever happen to her. When she lost the baby she had been so quiet. So mute for the first day that he wondered if she was actually happy or even hell relieved. Was it the idea of having a child when they were both young that repelled her or did she not want any children with him? He had often found himself wondering that question several times over the past four years that she had deserted him.

"I don't know Jake." Bella shook her head as her eyes widen with fright.

"Did you hate me that much? I mean was it the idea of having my kid that sickened you so much?" Jake heard his tone deepen as his anger began to simmer.

"NO! God no!" Bella sobbed as she covered her face with both of her hands.

"Then what? Do you never want children Bella?" Jake reached out tenderly as he pulled her hands away from her face. Staring into her eyes he forced her to open up to him. It was time to discuss something that was very important to him. He wasn't sure if he could stay with someone who had no desire for children, ever.

"I do. Someday. I just…well…look at me. I'm so screwed up Jake. How could I raised a little person to be a wonderful person if I don't know how to be one?" Bella whispered as tears spilled out of her eyes, sliding down the sides of her face and onto her pants.

"You are wonderful Bella. You might be a bit screwed up on some issues but over all you are a good person." Jake chuckled hoarsely as he wiped away the tears that stained her cheeks.

"Jake, I'm sorry I lost the baby. I did not mean too." Bella forced the words out of her mouth that she had imagined telling him years ago. Each time the day of her pregnancy loss came around she would sit alone thinking about how old their child might have been if it had survived and who it would look more like. She knew it was a sick game to play. It was depressing and useless but she could not turn her brain off from going off in that direction.

"Honey, I know you did not do it on purpose. Bella, WE, lost that baby. Not just you." Jake explained as he pulled her into his arms, pressing her tightly against his chest.

They both cried quietly over the loss of the baby that might have kept them together. A child that would have been a part of each of them combined.

"Thank you…thank you…" Bella weep as she wrapped her arms tighter around Jake's neck, nearly crawling up in his lap. She needed his touch, his warmth, his strength to surround her. Her heart was aching. It was bleeding. She no longer wanted to hold onto the pain that was always attached to this memory. To that loss.

Slowly, saying the words out loud, listening to his side of things was helping that pain to fade away.

"No, honey, thank you. Thank you for coming home so we could talk about this. For years I wanted to do this. For years I wondered so many things. I was miserable. You….well…now I have the answers. We survived it. We can survive anything, together, as long as we are open and honest about our feelings." Jake soothed her as he pulled away, lifting her head up to look into her red swollen eyes.

Pressing his lips against hers, kissing her with all the longing that he had been trying so hard to keep at bay. He did not want to frighten her. He did not want to overwhelm her with his emotional needs but holding her this close made it so damn hard to resist showing her just how much he wanted her. Desire her. Needed her.

Bella continued to hold onto him as if her life depended on it. Hearing a soft hum coming from the back of her throat. She welcomed his tongue, silky-smooth and wet against hers.

Her heart began to pump rapidly. Her head filled with imagines of them, from their past. A time when they were so young, so innocent. A time when she thought no one could ever love her as much as Jake did. Her life had been a shade of color after she left him. Being with him she felt as if everything around her was more vibrant.

He nibbled and teased, catching her lower lip lightly with his teeth, then swept his hot tongue over the sting. Bella's fingers threaded in the back of his head, through the coarse hair. Her breath hitched, when his lips drifted away to stroke a burning path across her cheek, paused over her closed lids, then return to her eagerly waiting mouth.

"Jake….mmmmm…" Bella whimpered.

Jake knew that he had to stop before they went too far too fast. He knew he had to keep her wanting more. If he caved in now then she would lose interest in him before the full thirty days was over. Placing soft feathery kisses on her swollen lips he pulled back. He watched as she opened her hazy passionate eyes staring at him with confusion.

"We need to get going. Your cold." He rubbed her upper arms, feeling the goose bumps.

"I am cold but you always keep me warm enough." Bella moaned.

"Yes, I do." Jake agreed as he pressed his forehead against hers.

"This has been a crazy day." Bella yawned.

"Yes, it has. But it has also been a very useful day." Jake answered.

"Useful?" Bella scrunch her nose as she stared into his eyes.

"I got answers. I discovered that you are stronger than I had ever imagined possible." Jake replied as he stood up, extending his hand. Pulling her up on her feet he held her hand until they reached her side of the truck. Opening the door for her, he waited until she was safely inside before closing it. Feeling his heart leap happily he practically skipped to his side of the truck.

Jake and Bella watched the movie while eating pizza and drinking beer on the couch. Neither had mentioned their earlier conversation that day out on "make out" hill. They both decided to move forward with their relationship. They had covered the miscarriage and felt there was no more need to delve on something neither was to blame for or could change the outcome. It was what it was.

"This has to be one of the most funniest movies I have seen." Jake cracked up laughing as he watched the movie nearly spilling his beer on his shirt.

"You must be easily amused then." Bella cracked up as she secretly agreed with him.

A soft knock on the door made them both abruptly stop smiling at one another.

"Who now?" Jake growled with a twisted smile as he sat his plate down on the table in front of him.

Bella continued to cuddle up in her corner of the couch eating her dinner.

Jake had intended to swing the door open and treat whoever was on his porch with a tongue lashing but something warned him to check to see who was on the other side first. Pulling the faded lace curtain back he saw it was Rosalie. His heart froze, his stomach knotted up. He knew that he would have to explain to her that he could no longer converse with her like they use to, not until he and Bella had made a final decision about their marriage.

"Who is it?" Bella turn her head noticing that Jake seem suddenly tense.

"Be back." Jake mumbled as he open the door just enough to step out on the porch.

"Jake." Rosalie smiled brightly at him.

"Hey." Jake shoved his hands in his front pockets as he stared at the woman who had once comforted him, loved him, and had been his closest friend when Bella was no longer available to him.

Glancing around anxiously he put a smile on his face.

"Hey, I'm sorry for intruding on you guys but I wanted to thank you for the tickets. They came in today. I know how excited Michael with be to go to the ice escapades." Rosalie smiled warmly at him.

"No problem." Jake smiled a little more brighter.

"So how are things goin?" Rosalie had told herself not to pry into Jake's and Bella's relationship but she could not stop herself. She could sense his nervousness with her. It was quite apparent that any feelings that he once had for her was starting to fade away. It hurt her to see the love, the trust that he always had in his eyes when he looked at her now replace with fear, uncertainty.

"Good. But there is a problem." Jake slipped one hand out of his pocket as he rubbed his chin.

"What?" Rosalie felt her heart quicken. Was it possible that the love birds were no longer in love? She knew it was ridiculous hope to cling to but it would have eased her fears if it was true.

"I can no longer see you." Jake replied gently.

He watched as her face paled, her eyes squinted with pain clearly shown in her bright blue eyes.

"I'm sorry." Jake started to reach out to her but she flinched when his hand touch her upper arm. He pulled it away and put his hand safely back in his front pocket.

"What do you mean you can't SEE me anymore? Are you two prepared to make a real go of it?" Rosalie's voice quivered as she stared into his face.

"Actually, we are still on a trial run. I promised not to talk to you if she promised not to talk to Mason. It was a hard agreement to make with her but Rosalie it is important that we have no outside interference in our marriage. I want to make this work with us. I need to know once and for all if what we feel for one another is the real thing or a teenage fantasy. In order to do that we have to focus on one another and no one else." Jake explained as he heard his voice falter for a second when he spotted tears brimming in her beautiful eyes.

"So, I guess that means you won't be using that extra ticket to go with Michael and I." Rosalie stated.

"No. I'm sorry Rosalie." Jake watched as she forced a smile on her face.

"Don't be. I told you myself you needed to work things out with her. I understand. I really do. I don't like it but I get it." Rosalie nodded her head as she felt her heart splintering into a million pieces.

"If Bella and I do manage to salvage this marriage I hope to continue being your friend, if you let me." Jake offered.

"I guess that will depend on what Bella thinks of that." Rosalie snorted. She knew there was no way in hell she would allow Jake to keep up his friendship with Bella if the shoe was on the other foot.

"True." Jake sighed heavily.

"I need to run. Thanks again Jake for the tickets and good luck." Rosalie felt the urge to reach out and hug him but feared that Bella might be watching their interaction at the moment.

"No problem. Say hi to Michael for me." Jake answered as she forced her legs to turn and walk back to her parked vehicle.

Jake waited until she was safely out of the driveway and on the road before returning inside of the house. He worried that Bella might have been spying on them the whole time but when he stepped in he heard the soft sounds of a familiar snore. Bella was passed out on the couch wrapped up in a blanket. He laughed softly.

Picking up the mess that they had made he warned himself that he would have to tell Bella later about the visit and hoped like hell she understood that it was not Rosalie's fault for any of this. She had been just a friend, she would never hold a candle to Bella. Bella was his life. She was his heart. She was his soul. Nothing and he meant nothing would ever come before her in his heart.