What He Does Best
Chapter 14
Neal had no idea where he was or what was going on, but he didn't feel scared. Sure, he hated the feeling of whatever was in his throat and he hated the fact that he didn't feel in control of his body. But, from the moment he had opened his eyes and was finally able to focus, he was calmed by the fact that Peter was sitting right next to him.
The older man was sound asleep in a chair next to Neal, his head slumping chin to chest. The loud snoring that was coming from the man made Neal wonder why no one was coming to investigate the fact that it sounded like a train was running through the room. He had never heard Peter snore quite like that!
As Neal watched his partner sleep, he realized that something warm was covering his right hand. Lifting his head off the pillow slightly, he could see that Peter's hand was gripping his with a firm grip. Neal didn't know why, but the sight of that quickly brought tears to his eyes. Peter had always been a rather affectionate man, frequently placing his hand on Neal's shoulders or ruffling his hair, but this was different. This was a more intimate touch, not just a fleeting act of a friend or co-worker. This was more like something a father would do to a son, a big brother to a little brother, even a husband to a wife. This was the touch of family, he realized, and suddenly he felt shocked to the core of his very being.
Neal had known for some time that his relationship with Peter was more than just a working, partner-type relationship. He knew that he and Peter both thought of each other as friends. Somewhere along the way, though, Neal had started to think of Peter in other terms. He wasn't sure exactly when it started, but he figured that it had something to do with his father.
Once James Bennett had reappeared in his life, Neal began to realize what Peter truly meant to him. He wasn't lying the day that he told his father that Peter had been more of a father to him than James had ever been. It was Peter that had been there for him when Kate died. It was Peter that had helped him through Ellen's death. He had been there, right by his side, as Mozzie lay fighting for his life on two separate occasions. Peter was there to help him whenever things were going crazy. Whenever his life seemed to be spiraling out of control.
Of course, there had been some bad blood between the two, as well. Neal knew that he was responsible for most of that bad blood and he was amazed that Peter had stayed true, even through the worst of it. Neal had done some pretty foolish and impulsive things in the last few years, but Peter hadn't given up on him.
Neal remembered how surprised he was that Peter was able to forgive him after the whole fiasco with the Nazi looted art from the submarine. Even after Elizabeth had been kidnapped by Keller! Of course, Peter had been inordinately upset with Neal when he found out that Neal had the art in his possession. Neal knew that Peter felt as if he had been betrayed. Neal also knew that he deserved to go back to prison for his part in that and he wouldn't have blamed Peter at all if that had happened. Instead, when Keller admitted to stealing the art all by himself, Peter had kept quiet about Neal's involvement. Neal still felt guilty at the thought of Peter compromising his own rigid set of morals, especially knowing that he had done it time and time again because of him. Peter had every reason to despise all things Caffrey, but luckily for Neal, he didn't.
In fact, Peter seemed to really care for Neal. This fact made Neal incredibly happy, but it also scared the hell out of him. His circle of friends had always been kept fairly tight. His circle of trusted friends even tighter. Actually, up until recently, his circle of trusted friends consisted only of Mozzie. Neal had loved Kate immensely, but after her disappearing act, he never really trusted her again. Alex was too much like him to be trusted and he knew that Sara would never be able to really accept him for who he was. The only other person he had ever unequivocally trusted was Ellen Parker, but due to his life choices, she hadn't been around much and now she was gone.
To realize that he unequivocally trusted Peter had been a life changing moment for Neal. It wasn't that he thought that Peter would always look the other way for him or even that he thought the man really accepted him for who he was. The reason that Neal truly trusted Peter was because he knew that everything the man ever did for him was done with only his best interests at heart. He might not think they were done in his best interest, but he knew deep down that they were. Peter Burke tried to hold him to a higher standard and wanted him to be a better man, and that, too, scared the hell out of him.
Neal wasn't sure if he had it in him to be the kind of man Peter wanted him to be. He wasn't one to blame his flaws and failures on other people, but Neal knew that he had grown up with a huge disadvantage. What kind of man would he have been if he had grown up with positive role models and in a nurturing environment? What path might he have taken if Silas Dmitri hadn't entered his life? If his mother had actually been a decent mother? If his father hadn't been a murderer and a corrupt cop?
He had enjoyed the life he was living before Peter caught him, but Neal realized now that he wanted more than that. It was exciting and adventurous to travel the world, running cons and schemes, living the high life, but Neal always remembered that at the end of the day he was left wanting more. He had never admitted it to himself, but he had been exceedingly lonely and tired.
Meeting Peter and Elizabeth had changed things for him. Being witness to the life they had built together stirred up a deep yearning in him. Suddenly, it wasn't enough to be able to travel the world. It wasn't enough to wear the finest clothes, eat the finest foods, drink the finest wines. He realized that he wanted someone to share his life in a way that Kate or Sara never could. He wanted someone that made him want to be a better man. He wanted someone to protect, to cherish, to love unconditionally. And once he recognized that, he realized that he wanted even more. A home, a regular job, children of his own. He wanted the only dream that ever really mattered…. a shared life.
As he lay there thinking about all of these things, he pondered again the man sitting at his bedside. The one thing he could never understand about the man was why he felt that Neal was worth saving. Peter Burke had caught many a criminal in his time with the FBI and Neal was pretty sure that he didn't feel for those criminals the way he felt for him. Why? What did Peter find so special about Neal? What made him want to help such a selfish, dishonest criminal?
Neal knew that Peter had a deep respect for his intelligence. He also knew that the man liked a good challenge and that he saw him as the greatest challenge of all. But, after all that Neal had put the man through in the years they had known each other, why hadn't he given up yet? What did Peter have to gain from having such a cancerous presence making his life harder than it needed to be? All Neal did was bring heartache and frustration. How could Peter not see that?
As he continued to study the sleeping face of his partner and friend, Neal failed to realize that the door had opened. He didn't know how long Elizabeth had stood in the doorway, studying him as he studied Peter. He had no idea how long she stared at his pale face, witnessing the raw emotion that showed so clearly in his eyes. He wasn't sure what made him look up, but when he did, his heart melted at the sight of Elizabeth looking at him with so much love and concern.
Elizabeth immediately walked over to Neal's side, excited to see that his eyes followed her the entire way. He looked so young and vulnerable lying there, his face pale, but with a slight flush to his cheeks. His hair was plastered to his forehead and she could see small beads of sweat on his face and chest. One of their biggest concerns was that an infection would consume Neal's body, sending his organs into failure. The doctor had warned them that Neal's kidneys might fail, requiring dialysis, but so far that hadn't happened. Fortunately, whatever treatment they were giving him seemed to be effective.
"Hi, sweetie," Elizabeth said softly as tears streamed down her face. "We've missed you."
Neal wanted to reach out and wipe the tears from her face, but when he tried to lift his arm, he remembered that he was strapped down. Elizabeth noticed the movement and quickly grabbed his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
"It's okay, Neal. These restraints are just to keep you from pulling out the endotracheal tube. We can take them off as soon as the tube comes out, okay?"
The thought of keeping the restraints on for any longer nearly sent Neal over the edge. Despite the fact that he could usually get out of any type of restraint if given time, he hated being restrained. Especially now, when he thought that he wouldn't have the strength to work his way out of these anyway. He pleaded with his eyes, hoping that Elizabeth would understand how desperate he was to be free of the restraints.
She must have understood him, because her next words sent waves of happiness through him.
"Okay, sweetie…..I'll ask the nurse if we can take them off for a while."
Leaning over his bed, she grabbed his call light and pushed the button to call the nurse. Minutes later, Grace walked in to see what was needed. She couldn't help but be surprised to see her patient wide awake. She also couldn't help but be taken aback by the vibrantly blue eyes that were staring desperately at her.
"Neal! You're awake!" she said cheerfully. "When did this happen?" she asked as she turned to Elizabeth.
"I'm not sure, Grace," Elizabeth answered. "I just got here a few minutes ago and found him awake."
"I'm so glad to see you awake, Neal," Grace said as she checked her patient over. "Can you squeeze my hand for me?"
Neal squeezed her hand as hard as he could, which admittedly wasn't very hard. Once he had done that, the nurse asked him to wiggle his toes, as well. After shining a bright light into his eyes and checking a few other things, she told them brightly that she was going to let his doctor know that he was awake. As she turned to go, Elizabeth stopped her.
"Grace, I think these restraints are bothering Neal. Would it be okay if we took them off for while? I'll stay right here and make sure he doesn't pull on anything."
Grace looked at Neal doubtfully, but after seeing the pleading look on his face, she quickly agreed. As soon as she released the restraints, Neal weakly lifted his left hand to his face. Elizabeth and Grace both stood ready to stop him if it looked like he was going to pull on the tube in his throat, but instead Neal reached above the tube to scratch madly at his nose. The look of relief that crossed his face at finally being able to scratch the infuriating itch made both Elizabeth and Grace laugh out loud.
After a few minutes of scratching, Neal finally put his arm back down to his side. Elizabeth and Grace both laughed again when they were treated to the infamous, but slightly distorted Neal Caffrey grin.
Peter had no idea how long he had been asleep, but when he woke up there was a flurry of activity in the room. His stomach lurched at the thought that something had happened to Neal while he was asleep and he couldn't fight the surge of guilt that shot through him.
Sitting up in the chair, he looked frantically around him, only to realize that the flurry of activity was much too controlled to be anything serious. As relief shot through him, he stood up and stepped closer to the bed. A second later, he registered the fact that Elizabeth was standing on the other side of the bed and that Neal's eyes were open. He literally felt his knees weaken at the sight of those familiar blue eyes and thought that maybe he should sit back down. At the same time, though, he realized that he was still holding onto Neal's hand and the man was gently squeezing his fingers.
Giving Neal the biggest smile he could muster, Peter squeezed his hand back. "It's good to see you finally decided to rejoin us, Neal," he said with a grin.
Neal tried to smile back, but the tube in his throat made it difficult. Peter could tell that the young man was in pain and tired. Turning to the others surrounding the bed, he searched out the doctor that was treating Neal. "Dr. Jackson? How is he?"
Dr. Jackson, who had just finished examining Neal, looked steadily at Peter. "Well, so far he seems to be neurologically intact, although we'll know more once he can talk to us."
"When will that be?" Peter asked, anxious to hear his friend's voice again.
"Peter, Neal's been on the ventilator for almost a week. His body has been greatly traumatized and he has experienced some deconditioning during this whole process. We have to tread gently for now and we need to make sure that he is truly ready to be breathing on his own."
"How will we know when he's ready?" Elizabeth asked.
"I'm going to order a chest X-ray first and then after I've seen the results we can start doing what's called a spontaneous breathing trial. That will help to determine how strong Neal's lungs are and how well he is likely to do if we take the tube out."
"How soon can we do those things?" Peter asked impatiently.
"We can get the chest X-ray done right away, Peter. And then I will have the respiratory therapist come in for the breathing trial. That will take about an hour to do, so I think it would be best if you and Elizabeth go grab some lunch or something."
"No," Peter stated firmly. "I'm staying here."
"Peter, it's important that Neal is able to do everything the therapist tells him to do. He doesn't need any distractions, so it would be best if you and Elizabeth leave for a while."
Peter looked like he was about to argue more, but Elizabeth gently grabbed his arm. "It's okay, hon. We want Neal to do the best he can, so the tube can come out. Dr. Jackson knows what he's talking about, so if he thinks it's better that we leave, we'll leave."
Peter still didn't look convinced, but gave in to his wife's words. He almost changed his mind, though, when he saw the look on Neal's face.
"Hey, kid, it'll be okay. El and I will go grab some lunch while Dr. Jackson and Grace take care of you, okay? You're in good hands, Neal, and I promise that El and I will be just down the hall."
Neal still looked like he wasn't convinced that they would come back and the sight nearly broke both Peter's and Elizabeth's heart. Elizabeth bent down and gave Neal a kiss on his forehead, while Peter placed his hand on Neal's uninjured shoulder and squeezed.
"We'll be back as soon as they let us, Neal," Elizabeth said.
"Listen to Dr. Jackson and do as you're told," Peter said sternly, laughing at the look on Neal's face. He didn't need to be a mind reader to know that Neal was trying to tell him to stop treating him like a kid.
With that, Peter and Elizabeth turned and walked out the door. Peter was pretty sure that nothing had ever been so hard.
As it turned out, Neal's lungs weren't quite strong enough yet to have the tube removed. The X-ray revealed that he had a mild pneumonia in his lower right lobe, so Dr. Jackson and Neal's other doctors decided that he would need to stay on the ventilator a little longer.
Neal was not happy with the situation. In fact, he was quickly becoming a rather difficult patient. The nurses were all very patient with him, but he was doing his best to make sure that everyone knew how he felt. He refused to be repositioned when the nurses felt it necessary. They would come in and turn him to his right or left side, but by the time they left the room, he had wiggled himself back to his back. He frequently kicked off the pillows on his bed and the pulsating stockings on his legs. He refused to open his eyes when they wanted to check his pupils and he refused to follow any of the commands they gave him when they were checking his neurological status. All in all, he was acting like a five year old throwing a tantrum.
To his great surprise, it was Elizabeth who finally called him out on his behavior. After one particularly exasperating afternoon, where a student nurse literally ran crying from his room in frustration, Elizabeth couldn't take it any longer. Peter had stepped outside to take a call from Diana, leaving Elizabeth to deal with Neal's increasingly petulant behavior.
"Neal George Caffrey, that is enough!" she finally yelled. To say that Neal was surprised was a complete and utter understatement. Elizabeth had never spoken to him in such a way and Neal was pretty sure he never wanted her to again.
"What has gotten into you, young man? You're acting like a five year old and I'm telling you right now that I am not putting up with it anymore."
Neal, of course, couldn't defend himself. He couldn't do anything but lay in the bed as Elizabeth continued to scold him like a child, his ears growing redder and redder by the second.
"I know you're tired and frustrated with everything, but that doesn't give you the right to throw a tantrum and make everyone's life miserable. These nurses are just trying to do their job and they deserve more respect from you. You have no idea how hard they've all worked to take care of you this past week and I won't have you treating them so poorly. Is that clear?"
Neal stared at Elizabeth several seconds before finally nodding his head. He knew he was being impossible and he knew that the staff didn't deserve to be treated so poorly, but he was just so frustrated. He hated being told that he had to be repositioned when he was completely comfortable the way he was. He hated being woken up from a good sleep to go through yet another long and tedious neurological exam. He hated the bed baths. He hated the way they combed his hair after washing it, knowing that they weren't doing it the way he normally did. He hated the smell of the formula they were putting into his feeding tube and he hated the fact that he had a catheter in his bladder. IV sticks, blood draws, constantly being poked and prodded. He hated being so absolutely, totally helpless.
"Okay, then," Elizabeth said. "From this point forward, I expect you to be the most cooperative, compliant, gracious patient this hospital has ever seen. If I see you being uncooperative again, you and I will be having a very long talk once you're out of here. Do you understand?"
Neal nodded again, while thinking to himself that Elizabeth's idea of a "very long talk" didn't sound like something he wanted to experience. He felt a sudden sense of shame wash over him at the thought of how awful he really had been. He would have to find a way to make it up to the hospital staff once he was better.
Elizabeth sat down on the edge of his bed and took one of his hands in hers. "Sweetie, I know this hasn't been easy for you. I know how much you hate not being in control of what's happening to you and I'm sorry that it has to be that way for now. But, you're getting stronger every day, Neal. Each morning, when they do the breathing trial, you're doing better and better. You need to be strong for just a little longer, okay?"
Neal squeezed Elizabeth's hand, hoping she knew that he was going to do his best to not let her down. A few minutes later, Peter came walking back into the room with a confused look on his face.
"Why did I just see a young student nurse run out of here crying? Neal, what did you do?"
Two days later, Dr. Jackson and Dr. Bailey, his pulmonologist, decided that Neal was ready to be extubated. The last two days he had been a model patient and was once again everyone's favorite. So, when it was finally time to take the tube out of his throat, his room was packed. Peter and Elizabeth were there, of course, and so was June. Mozzie was waiting out in the hallway, unwilling to be in such tight quarters with so many "disease infested health care workers." Diana, Jones, and Hughes were standing in the corner, waiting anxiously to see how he would do.
With June and Elizabeth each holding one of his hands, Neal watched everything the staff was doing. He had been warned that the tube removal wasn't the most pleasant experience, but Neal was just desperate to have it out. After removing the holder that was securing the tube in place, taking some of his hair with it unfortunately, the respiratory therapist suctioned out his mouth. Another therapist deflated the cuff of the endotracheal tube and seconds later he pulled it out. Neal immediately started coughing and gagging, but calmed down after several seconds. As soon as the nurse had placed the oxygen cannula in his nose, he turned to Peter with a weak smile.
"Did you miss me?" he asked in a weak voice, causing everyone around him to laugh.
Peter smiled back at the young man. "More than you can imagine. Welcome back, partner!"
Author's note: Yay! Neal's finally awake. He still has a little bit of a recovery ahead of him, but with support from his friends, it shouldn't be too bad. I just hope they all enjoy the calm before the storm that's coming (hint, hint).
I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. I would love to hear your thoughts on it. As you know, reviews are a valuable asset writers. Hearing your thoughts and ideas on a story is an immense help to me, making it easier to shape the story into one you will enjoy.
Thank you all so much for reading. I love to write and it makes me happy to know that someone is enjoying my effort. ;)