Hey guys! Since you were all so amazing I wanted to update this story ASAP!

Oh, and to that guest who mentioned something about me misspelling Shaking with shacking. Yeah, I do that A LOT! You don't even know. I always mess up that word. It is like... my trade mark or something XD

I'm terrible. I am a complete failure as a Mother and as a friend. While everyone else is inside with Leonardo, making sure he is okay, I'm out here in the cold.

All I could think about was what happened with the Shredder. The failed attempt I made to protect Leonardo from him. In the end Splinter had to save me.

How pathetic am I? I am extremely pathetic.

I mean… even if I could some how manage to forgive myself for what happened last night, I can't forgive myself for what I am doing right now. I'm outside sulking while my baby is inside suffering through his injuries.

…I was…

I was afraid. I had been so scared and so angry when Shredder attacked. And I found that I... could do nothing to help my baby.

In fact, I couldn't do anything for anybody. I couldn't save April's home, protect my sons… I was a failure.

Kicking the snow at my feet, I sighed.

The truth of the matter was… I was avoiding Leonardo. It shouldn't be too hard to do that, right? I mean, he is unconscious on the couch.

But trust me, it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I wanted to run to Leonardo right now, to make sure he was okay and be there for him when he woke up but…

I couldn't face him. I had let him down when he needed me most.

I didn't deserve to see him smile at me. I didn't deserve his love.

He deserved so much more than what I could give him.

And the sad thing is… I know he would disagree. He would tell me I am wrong, because that is just the type of person he is.

He would never tell me that he doesn't need me or love me, even if he believed it was true.

He could hate me with everything he had, but would never tell me that he did, even if I asked him.

Leonardo was too kind hearted to tell anyone that. Well, that isn't true. I'm sure if the person threatened his family, he would have no trouble saying that. However if the person was just annoying or something, and never actually hurt his family, then he wouldn't.

I had raised Leonardo after all. I knew him too well. Though, I admit that sometimes he surprises me with his actions. Cause you can never truly know another person inside and out.

For you can't read every emotion and thought that runs through their brain, no matter how long you have been with them.

Cause people can change.

It is a hard thing to do, but people can change. You push them enough, or if they have been through enough tragic events, they change. Some people change when tragedy strikes, or their life takes a turn for the better. Anyone can change; for better or for worse.

"Mom?" A soft voice cut me through my thoughts. Slowly lifting my head, I turned to my third oldest son, who was standing on a few feet away from me.

Seeing my blank and emotionless face, Donnie's eyes widened. It was as if he didn't even recognize me.

It honestly took my a few seconds to recognize him. When I did, I felt a small tug on my lips, yet I couldn't seem to smile at him. "…Donatello." I greeted.

He seemed relived to hear my voice and smiled weakly back at me. Looking at my face, he frowned. "How is your cheek?" he asked softly, motioning towards the bruise Shredder had left when he punched me.

Reached up to run my finger over it, I shrugged. "It's fine."

Donnie nodded, looking out towards the freshly fallen snow. "Aren't you going to come inside?" he moved to sit next to me. Reaching out his hand, he gently brushed his fingers over my bruise.

"…No." I said softly. "I um… thought I would clear my head." Reaching up I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

"You sure?" he squeezed it right back.

"Yeah." I smiled at him. "…How is Leonardo doing?"
Donnie frowned. "He is still asleep. He wont wake up."

I didn't say anything and nodded. Shifting his weight awkwardly, Donnie titled his head.

"Are… you okay?" he finally asked, sounding hesitant

No. No I'm not.

"Yeah." I said anyway. "I just need some time to think."

"Oh, okay." He rose to his feet, hesitant to let go of my hand. When he did, he moved back to the front door. "I'll be in here if you need anything. Try not to stay outside too long. You need to stay warm."

Nodding absentmindedly to him, I looked back to the snow.

Taking that as a sign to leave, he disappeared back into the house.

This was hard.

I was trying to be strong for my family, but doing so was hard. How could someone smile when someone they love is in pain?

I know they are trying to be strong for their family, but smiling just… takes so much out of you.

I could hardly smile to Donnie when I saw him. Yet he was able to smile at me. Even if it was a weak smile, almost barely there, it was still a smile.

I suppose that shows just how much my boys have grown and how strong they have become.

It makes me proud.

Holding my hands up to my mouth, I blew into them. I blinked at the steam that came from my mouth.

I always felt like a smoker when it was cold. Because your breath looks like smoke. Ever notice that?

Pretending to hold a cigarette to my mouth, I took a deep breath in and blew out, making a large puff of fake smoke.

Smoking was weird. To be honest with you all, weird audience in my brain, I have always wondered what it is like to smoke.

Haven't you?

And don't get me wrong when I say this. I don't wonder what it is like to have smoke in your lungs and such. I wonder what exactly it is like to WANT to smoke.

They say when people smoke, it makes you addicted to it. What is that like; to be addicted to something?

Think about it. Our whole lives, ever since we were kids, our teachers have told us just how bad smoking is. They have given us essays on it. They made us watch movies. Sometimes they even show us what happens to smokers as they get older. What happens to their lungs.

They tell us you will get cancer or die young if you smoke, yet we still do it. Why? Cause I am sure all of us know what smoking can do to a person, yet so many of us do it anyway.

Exactly how strong is that addiction?

I mean, I don't want to be addicted to smoking, but at the same time, I want to know how the people who do smoke feel about it. How hard it is for them, and just how strong they have to be to over come it?

Cause I don't know about you, but I'm honestly very amazed by those people who quite smoking.

It sounds like such a battle, yet they still do it! I guess it is sort of like a whole Mind over Matter type thing.

It truly is really amazing.

I think if I could have that type of strength and will, even for just one day, I could accomplish anything.

"Arinna? Are you still out here?" a soothing voice asked to my right.

Glancing at the door, I was surprised to see April come out.
"Hey April." I smiled weakly as the young adult appeared before me.
She looked surprised. "What are you doing out here?"

She must have thought I had come inside a while ago. Maybe she thought I was up in the attic or something?
"Oh…" leaning against the swinging bench, I looked at my hand, still held up like I was smoking. "…I was just thinking."

"…About Leo?"

"Sort of. I'm sort of just thinking about a lot of things." I admitted.

When she came to sit next to me, I frowned. "April… I'm sorry about your shop."

"It is okay."

"No." I insisted. "It isn't. That was your home. And because of us… it is gone."

"We're family Arinna." April smiled softly. "It is okay. I'm just glad we are all still alive."

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Oh." April lifted out a blanket towards me. "It is starting to get cold. Here"

"Thanks." I took the blanket thankfully. April nodded, but gave me a worried look.

"You've been out here since we got first arrived. Won't you come inside?"
"I… maybe later." I said quickly.

"Are you sure?' she looked worried. "You are probably freezing."
"…The cold has never really bothered me too much." I shrugged.

Sure if I throw myself into a pile of snow without any cloths on, then I'll feel the cold. But usually, I don't notice it that often.

Frowning, April tilted her head. "How is your back?"

"Oh." I straightened a bit and subconsciously moved my hand to the injury on my lower back. "It is good."
"Did you show it to Donnie?" she asked.

"No."

"Wha- why not? Did you at least disinfect it?" April's eyes widened and she raised her voice.

"Yes." I answered. I honestly hadn't disinfected it, but I sort of just said Yes before I could stop myself. It was too late to take it back though.

Her shoulder's relaxing, April nodded. "Okay. As long as you got it bandaged and disinfected." She gave me a look.

Feeling a little awkward I gave her a thumbs up. "Yup."

I am such a little liar. Why am I even lying? I don't even know.

Nodding April rose to her feet. "Don't stay out here too long, okay?"

Déjà vu from what Donatello said.

I nodded to her and watch her move back into the house.

How long have I been out here anyway? A few hours? I was definitely feeling a slight chill running up my spin, so I should consider going in soon. I don't want to get a cold or something. That wouldn't help anyone.

BAAM!

Suddenly threw the window, I heard Raphael slam his fist against the wall. "Why wont he wake up?" he demanded.

Huh?

Lifting my head to hear the conversation, I heard Splinter say, "Healing takes time. And Leonardo is recovering from more than just physical wounds. His spirit has also been grievously injured."

That ache in my heart suddenly grew and I bit my lip. I suddenly couldn't stand to be on the porch anymore.

The more I heard about Leonardo's injuries, the more I blamed myself.

"Do you think he can hear us?" Donatello asked from inside.

I'm sure he can.

There was a sudden silence before Donatello began to talk to Leo.

"Hey Leo, it is me, Don." My third oldest began to speak. "Listen, you are going to pull through this. I know you are… you have to. I mean, you know what sort of trouble we would get into without you." Donatello paused. "Like… remember the time I built the remote control car?"
Oh yes, I remember that very well. The boys had gone off to play with the car Donatello built and had come home soaked and carless. Apparently Donatello had fallen into the stream from the heavy rain the night before.

Leonardo said Donatello had almost drowned, and that he barely got to him in time. Leo had been a hero that day. Not only to me, but to Donatello too. Leonardo was always a hero in Don's eyes.

Though to me that day they were both my tiny little soaked babies who needed a warm back. And Donatello was very upset to lose his car that day too. He had spent weeks making it.

And he hadn't made it for himself either. He made it to show Leo. That is why he only took Leo out to the tunnels that day. He wanted to show his big brother the cool little toy he made.

Regardless whether it was lost though, Leo praised Donatello on his genius.

I think that comforted my third oldest a bit.

"You really came through for my that day Leo." Donnie whispered softly. "You always do. And I know you will again."

Pulling my knees close to my chest, I let out a soft sigh.

"Hmph, looks like you got em' hangin' on ya every word Don." Raphael suddenly spoke up, his voice gruff.

Raphie. This was probably hardest on him. Whether he liked to admit it or not, Leo was Raphael's best friend. Sure they fought, but Raphael wouldn't have any other person watching his back.

"Ugh." A soft groan made me freeze.

Was that Leo?!
"Hey!' Casey gasped, hearing the same thing. "I think he heard you Raphie!" he called.

"Maybe talking to him does help." April said, sounding relieved.

"It is said that the voice of a loved one can guide a lost spirit back to its home." Splinter said within the house.

I've heard that too. I've never seen it done before, but I'm sure it was always worth a shot.

"Mind if I take a crack at it?" Mikey asked, holding a bit of hope in his voice. There was the sound of shuffling before he spoke up again. "Listen Bro, just like, concentrate on my voice. Come on Leo." He pleaded. "You know how focused you get when you set your mind to something. Like, remember that time you were trying to perfect your Kata?"

Oh, I remember that. Leonardo had spent hours working on the same move, determined to get it perfect. I had showed him it right after breakfast, and I guess he wanted to make it like mine. Though, perfecting a Kata as his age was a very hard thing to do.

"Nothing in the world was going to break your concentration. But that wasn't going to stop me from trying." Mikey mused to himself.

Oh yes, I definitely remember that too. Mikey wouldn't stop bothering Leonardo the whole day. I wanted to say something so Mikey would stop, but Leonardo didn't seem to notice him at all, so I stayed quiet. I was sort of good training to help him concentrate, oddly enough.

"Haha, you know how I hate to be ignored." Mikey chuckled.

We all know that Mikey. Especially Leo, since you ate several large onions that day and burped right in your brother's face. Leonardo didn't notice at all though!

He kept focused. That is until Michelangelo pulled out his nun chucks and tried to hit him. That is when Leonardo jumped into action and pinned his brother into the floor.

It was definitely a sight to see, especially since Mikey simply grinned innocently, asking if he had some how disturbed his brother.

"Leo, when you put your mind to something, you're unstoppable. So… how about using that famous focus of yours to come back to us?" Mikey asked in a weak voice.

Michelangelo. This is probably really hard on you too, isn't it? Leo is your oldest brother after all. You have always looked up to Leonardo the most. Actually, you've looked up to both Leo and Raph the most.

"Hah!" Raphael scoffed again. "Ya ask me, Leo's not comin' back because he's afraid."

"No on asked you." Mikey growled at his second older brother, angry at his comment.

"He got his butt whooped and now he is too chicken to come back and face it." Raphael insisted.

…Too chicken?

Pulling my knees close to my chest, I frowned.

Actually Raph, if any one was being a chicken right now… I think it would be me.

"That's enough Raph." Donnie commanded.

It sounded like things were getting pretty heated in there. Maybe I… should go in? No, I might just make it worse.

"Well I say, who needs ya? It's not like we can't go on without you playing, fearless leader." Raphael ended up growling. There was a small pause, and if Raphael was hesitant to keep speaking. "Back in the day… I always figure I was going to be top turtle."
Leaning my head against the back of the bench, I held my breath.

"I was strongest, bravest… remember that time when I brought you to that closed off part of the sewer? We were playin' follow the leader."

Who couldn't remember that? You boys met an alligator down there of all things!

I mean seriously, how does an alligator even get down to the sewers?! And the weirdest part of it all, the alligator pressure points Splinter taught Leo actually came in handy. I never thought they would but they did.

It honestly beings me back to the day Splinter actually taught Leonardo the Alligator pressure points.

"What is the point of this lesson?" I inquired as Splinter bowed to Leo, the lesson coming to and end.

"You must be prepared for any situation Arinna." Splinter smiled.

"Okay, fine. But why Alligator pressure points? I mean, why those certain pressure points? You couldn't have taught him, I dunno, bear pressure points instead?" I questioned.

"Why a bear?" Leo frowned.

"Because it seems more likely to run into a bear then an alligator." I explained.

"You never know Arinna." Splinter mused.

And what would know, only two weeks later Raphael and Leonardo got attacked by an alligator. I swear Splinter was psychic or something.

"I don't even know why I told you that story." Raphael muttered. "I-I guess you just…" He paused. "I mean, what I'm trying to say is-" his voice cracked slightly and he stopped talking.

…Raphie.

"Your brother hears you Raphael." Splinter suddenly spoke up. "He understands."

Was… was I hearing this correctly? Was Raphie crying?

Oh Raphie. This must be so hard for you, isn't it?

Oh I can't do this. I can't sit here any long. This is too sad. I'm gonna break down if I stay here.

Looking to the barn, I could see the chimney sticking out from the top. I should move over there. I can't bare to go into the house right now.

Besides, knowing Splinter, he will probably try to talk to Leo next. What ever story he tells is bound to bring some tears to my eyes.

Rising to my feet, I winced slightly at the pain from my lower back. Reaching behind to run my fingers over it, I winced at the stinging sensation.

Shacking my head, I ignored the pain and pushed threw the barn. Trudging threw the fallen snow, I finally made it and pushed it. Luckily there was already some cut wood inside and I began to start a fire.

I feel cold.

YEAH! Part 2 is done! I'm gonna say maybe 2, maybe 3 more chapters for this episode! :D

Also, since a lot of people requested it, I'm probably going to do the episode right after this one too. The Monster Hunter Episode :D