All characters © Stephenie Meyer

Chapter 7 - Winter Wonderland

Bella

Edward is my life. My eternity. My reason for being.

That's what I kept telling myself, all of which is true of course, but I could not figure out for the life of me why it pained me to see Jacob with Renesmee. For the last seven years I was always wary about what it would do to me, but never did I think I would feel... this. I wasn't even sure what this was.

The worst of all was that I knew Edward could read my confusion and uncertainty – not in my mind, but in my body and emotions - so he was becoming more paranoid when Jake and Nessie were together. I found myself constantly putting down my shield to mentally yell at him to calm down. Then there was my constant use of it to shield my loving husband out of their heads. Renesmee's ability worked both ways with only Jacob for a reason, I was sure of that, and they deserved to be able to use it to their advantage.

All of these attempts to make it easier for the new couple made my feelings seem even blurrier. I needed to talk to someone about it, other than Edward, but there was the small detail of his telepathy working on everyone else in the world, except for me. There was only one second best choice, and she knew it before I did.

"Bella!" Alice called from across the house after the boys had left to go hunt.

I peaked into her room where she sat on her bed, legs crossed and her tiny head cocked to one side.

"Well?" She urged.

"You can watch your thoughts around him better than anyone," I explained, realizing she already knew what we were going to talk about.

"You have me stumped, to be honest." She patted the bed and I took a seat next to her.

"I have nothing against their relationship. If anything I think I've been rather unparental and pushing Edward's boundaries."

"Edward has and always been a teeny bit prone to overreaction and overprotection when it comes to you and Renesmee."

She was right there. Edward had "kidnapped" me to keep me from going to visit Jacob. That was another lifetime ago...

"I guess I just see Renesmee as my equal now, which isn't really the problem..." Why couldn't I put my finger on it?

"It doesn't matter what the problem is, you just keep fighting for their relationship. I'm sure you already know that Edward has picked up on your mood, so things may get tense with Jacob around."

"Sometimes I think he just pretends to not be able to read my mind," I muttered.

"You are both just very attuned to each other, that's all."

My dead heart was beginning to sting and I had to get my mind on something else. I picked up the papers on Alice's bed.

"Formal?"

"Yup. Stupid Principal Stevens nixed half of my ideas, but these are what have been approved."

"Can't you see what the dance is going to look like already? What's with all of the samples?"

With the face Alice gave me you would think I just admitted to murder. "Do you not know how my power works by now?"

She was excellent at making me feel ashamed of myself, something that always made Edward angry.

"I haven't made the decision so how would I know what it looks like if I don't even know what I want to do yet?"

I shook my head at the clutter of words Alice threw at me. "Gotcha." I didn't, but it was easier to just pretend I did.

I found it easier over the next three months to be around Jake and Renesmee, hoping whatever had been bothering my subconscious had left for good. They were actually perfect for each other; much more perfect than Jake and I could have ever been. I remember Renee explaining to me during a visit Edward and I took to Florida that the way we moved around each other was comparable to magnets; an energy field. It wasn't until now did I understand what she meant.

On one of the few days Jacob was not gracing us with his presence, Alice had volunteered Renesmee and me to help with the finishing touches of the winter formal.

"Like this?" Nessie held up a perfectly arranged bouquet.

Alice squinted her eyes, an expression that should normally be reserved for important decisions, not over a floral arrangement. "A little less green and a lot more white. And oh! You forgot the stones!"

I looked back and forth between my daughter's project and mine, throwing down the sad excuse for flowers on the table. "I would think by now you would know this really isn't my strong suit."

"Go ahead and paint or whatever you do." She waved me off without a second thought and turned back to pester Renesmee with questions.

I went into my studio, which for some reason held no appeal for me at the moment. Edward teased that I was going to go through hobbies as often as Esme does. I instead organized the blank canvas and my paints and took down a picture I had hung on the wall, deciding it would look good in the hallway by our bedroom.

He didn't even need to breath or say a word when he walked in. I could smell his honey-lilac-and-sun scent from a mile away.

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, his arms slipping easily around me. "What are you doing in here?"

"Hiding from Alice."

He laughed. "Understandable. Not up for painting tonight?"

I actually had been brewing a plan, one that I couldn't tell anyone or else they would have accidentally spilled the beans to my mind reading husband, and he had just left that door wide open.

"I'm kind of thirsty. Do you think we could hunt tonight?"

Edward had turned me around facing him. "I think I could manage getting away from here with my wife for a little while."

"I was thinking," I hoped my hesitation wouldn't give me away, "there was that national forest in Washington that Emmett was talking about. We could go there. Wenatchee?"

For a quarter of a second I was worried that he saw right through me, but he kissed me on the forehead and smiled. "Whatever you want."

"Let's not say anything to Renesmee, she's exhausted and I want her to sleep tonight."

"Deal."

I lead the way back to the living room as Alice was cleaning up her mess. "Where's Jake?"

Nessie pouted, something she was still very good at. "The one night we can go out and he has a late class."

"Yes, it would be," I heard Edward say from behind me. I had obviously missed a thought.

"Nosy," Renesmee snapped.

"Why don't you at least attempt to get some sleep tonight?" Alice suggested.

For once without an argument, Renesmee went off to her room. Edward had been spying on her dreams, getting to know Ramses better. I was pretty sure he was warming up to Jake's theory; he could enter her mind through her dreams. These dreams worried me after Carlisle explained she hadn't been really sleeping while she had them, so it cut her night's sleep in half.

We waited a while before taking off through the darkness towards Washington. I didn't want to seem too eager, but at the same time I was praying my plan wasn't going to be foiled by bad timing. I knew we had to go as soon as Alice looked over at me, her eyes wide as if to say are you crazy? I probably was.

I was pleased at my idea for hunting grounds; Emmett was right about the plentiful bears and few cougars we found. I actually saw a grizzly, but ever since I found out they were on the threatened species list, I refused to eat them. Edward scoffed at my stance.

If the night was going to work at all I knew had to begin the distractions as soon as possible, or... well I wasn't sure what would happen.

Running through the woods, hand in hand, I stopped short pulling Edward back to me, pinning me against a tree.

"We're alone," I whispered, and ran my fingers down his cheek.

"Seriously?" He raised an eyebrow.

Okay, so I was seducing my husband with ulterior motives, but it wasn't for myself that I was doing it for.

I pulled his head to mine, our lips molding to each other. I felt his hands wander with more intenseness and mine followed.

It was a while before we both got up, laughing when we noticed the muddy ground had given us both a very naturalistic look. "Shucks, looks like we'll need a shower." I brought my lips close to his but refused to kiss him.

I had become pretty knowledgeable when it came to reading the stars, and could at least estimate what time it was, which should be plenty of time.

We weren't even in the house yet when Edward stopped dead in his tracks.

"Edward?" I looked up at him innocently.

"Isabella Cullen, please tell me you didn't have a hand in this?"

"I didn't?" I tried to hide my smile.

I could tell he was about to bolt off into her room which only gave me about thirty seconds to explain myself.

"You're ridiculous Edward! Hypocritical! You snuck up to my bedroom every night for years."

He rolled his eyes at me and was about to say something but I cut him off.

"Not only that, but on many occasions we feigned a sleepover so I could be at your house. So don't even start, I don't want to hear it!"

I hadn't noticed how many octaves my voice went up during my rant until I saw our parents and siblings on the porch.

Edward had gone silent, trying to read the thoughts of the couple in the room. For once I didn't block him, hoping endlessly that they were both sleeping as I had instructed Jacob to do.

"Hmph." I knew I wouldn't get anything out of him for the rest of the night and went to shower, leaving him to mope around the house.

By the next morning Edward had come around a little to my point of view, especially after he spent most of the night speaking to his father. If there was anyone's opinion Edward took seriously, it was Carlisle's.

I felt him tense up as soon as we heard Renesmee's door open. When they walked out, Nessie was glowing, something I hadn't seen in her in a while. Edward took one sharp breath.

Edward, calm, I told him, patting his hand to ease him.

"Sleep well?" My sister came into the room, more excited than the rest of us to see them. She questioned me all night on how I kept this a secret for so long, something I refused to reveal.

"Yes, Alice, thanks so much for asking," Renesmee snapped at her. "I had the strangest dream though. I was in a tent... and in a sleeping bag. I was cold - really crazy because I don't know what being cold feels like. Dad and Jake were there. It was so weird."

In the background I heard Jake drop his fork. As it rang on the floor I had flashbacks to the night in the tent. The cold. Jake forcing his way into my sleeping bag before I froze to death. The conversation they had while I was in my semi-dream state. They both loved me. They were going to fight for me.

Edward's hand clamped down on mine.

"I wish I could dream. I don't even get to remember dreaming from when I was human." Alice attempted to change the topic, but she couldn't completely hide her concern. I still saw the suspicious in Renesmee's eyes.

Edward furiously left the house once Renesmee was distracted and went out to the garage. I followed him, hearing Alice demand a shopping trip to get Nessie a dress for the dance. When they were well on their way to the mall Jake finally came out to us, carefully, his eyes never leaving Edward's face.

"I'm...I'm sorry." He looked like a puppy that had just been scolded. "It must have been the situation that conjured it...the memory was in my dream, even though I don't remember it."

"Just another reason why you shouldn't be in close confines with my daughter!" Edward raged. For a split second I thought he could possibly have color to his alabaster features.

"You know you can't keep us a part, Edward," Jake growled. I could see his body pulsing, the inner wolf in him becoming prominent. I constantly worried that he would lose his control if there was a threat against Renesmee.

"What if it had been a...different memory?" I couldn't say it. I couldn't bring myself to even speak about our kiss, but both men knew what I meant.

"What do you want from me?" Jake sounded pained. "I love her. I love her and you know it. Do you want to tell her? Do you want to get it out in the open? Make her decide if she will hate me afterwards?"

That will destroy them both, Edward, I told him.

He knew it would and with that we would be destroyed as well. The imprinting connected

Renesmee and Jacob in a way we could barely comprehend, but the kinship between all of us went beyond that. We were bound by something other worldly; something unexplainable.

"Of course I don't want that," Edward lowered his head. "I'm just..."

He didn't need to finish. "We all are," I squeezed his hand.

"I'll back off, I promise," Jacob whispered, his voice cracking.

Edward closed his eyes. "Just let me think about it, okay? Just give me some time."

I was so excited while I got dressed for the formal that I had actually gotten around Alice's foresight. I was well aware she would not be so happy about it.

I smoothed out my black dress in the full-length mirror. My hair, still undone, was something I would need Alice's help with.

"You are..." I heard Edward behind me. "Well, there are no words."

I was in his arms before I could reply, his hands cupping my face. He began to kiss me in earnest, telling me he never wanted to stop.

"How about we skip this dance?" He was now hitting the spot on my neck making me moan.

I pulled back, taking all of my willpower. "If you want to skip it, you can face Alice."

Without another word he walked me out to the living room. Alice was one little one you didn't want to challenge.

"What are you wearing?" Alice looked like she was about to have a heart attack.

"You picked it out for me, Alice. You of all people should approve." I could not stop smiling. This was the second time in a week I had gotten something by her.

"How did you get this passed me?"

Edward wrapped his arms around me and gave a big barrel laugh. "She pulled a Victoria; didn't make a decision until you got back."

Her name - even years after I had been turned into a powerful vampire – used to send shivers up my spine. Then one day when we were confronted by a lookalike Russian vampire, something clicked; some kind of matriarchal instinct. Since then, my human memories of the redheaded evil were a joke.

"Seriously though Alice, this is a three thousand dollar dress, it isn't made to be worn only once. Now why don't you do my hair?"

While Renesmee got ready, a now content Alice was putting my long dark hair up in a sophisticated twist. I allowed her to make the choice this time, hoping she would forgive me for earlier.

Alice and Jasper left early to help set up for the dance while we waited for Jake to come see Renesmee before we left, per her request. I wish she understood why we hadn't let him stay over the rest of the week; I could tell every morning she was more miserable than the next. I could barely grasp onto the now faint nights that Edward would leave to go hunting, waking up to only find his love notes to me. I always woke up feeling a bit empty.

When Jacob walked in he had a mixture of negative emotions on his face the second he saw Nessie. I felt Edward tighten his arm around me. My daughter looked like she was about to cry, and the room was silent.

"Doesn't she look amazing, Jacob?" I broke the thickness, but no one else was speaking.

"I have to go get my bag," Renesmee choked.

When she was in her room Edward stood directly in front of Jacob, and even though he was several inches shorter than him, he made himself very intimidating. "I understand but she can't read your mind from across the room. Go make this right, now."

Jake walked off following her, and I looked at Edward asking with my eyes for an explanation.

"He doesn't want her to leave the house like that when he can't be with her."

"Hmmm, definitely sounds like someone I know." I kissed him, relieved he was slowly becoming more understanding.

I shouldn't have done it but I listened into the rest of their conversation.

"Renesmee, you look beautiful. You are the most stunning woman I've ever seen before in my life. I love you and I am so very glad you are mine."

Something ripped in me again. There were flashbacks from the night in the tent when I had been talking in my sleep. I had said Jacob, my Jacob. My Jacob.

When they walked back to the front room as I was always a horrible liar, and my daughter was no fool. Jake was standing behind her and he saw me. He knew me. I was quite the entire way to the dance, trying to sort out my thoughts.

"Well, this place definitely screams winter wonderland," Edward said as we took in the huge blue and silver room.

"Thank you!" Alice squealed. Even with her hyper personality she was gorgeous in her silver couture gown. "I did what I could." I knew she was disappointed that she didn't get the dream dance she had hoped for and that was confirmed when Edward laughed. "Oh and Nessie, I won't forget your promise!" she added as my daughter tried to sneak away.

"What promise?"

"I told her I'd help her out - it was either that or be hounded for not having a date."

"Well at least you're learning to pick your battles." It had taken me way to long and I learned that lesson the hard way.

For a while I stood with Edward and Jasper off to the side watching the students admire Alice's creation and crowd the table of food.

"Jasper," Edward leaned over. "You may want to go save Alice's volunteers before they being a riot."

Jasper sighed, he never was one for many words, and walked over to Alice to calm everyone down.

I was scanning the rest of the room, seeing Renesmee over by the door looking only semi-amused while speaking with Grace and Marcus. Without warning Edward pulled me onto the dance floor, not giving me any chance to pull away. At least I didn't step on his feet anymore.

He was so impossibly perfect, he could talk me into almost anything he wanted.

"I think I'm going to have to send you in Alice's direction and go console our daughter." Edward whispered.

"Is she pouting being away from Jacob?"

"Mmmhmm." He kissed me lovingly on the lips.

While I listened to Alice commanding me to fix the trees, he pulled an unexpected Renesmee onto the dance floor.

Again I shouldn't have been eavesdropping on their conversation, but my curiosity got the best of me.

"My relationship with Jake has been rocky from the beginning, long before you were born." Edward replied to a comment I hadn't heard.

"Because of the whole vampire versus werewolf thing?"

"Pretty much."

Edward was editing. It went beyond a species. A part of me so wanted to tell her that their relationship was rocky because of me. Because they both loved me. Because I loved both of them.

I was eager to get home, but couldn't help but be awed by the snow that had fallen during the few hours of the dance.

"You knew this would happen, didn't you?" Jasper asked.

"Edward knew too," she tattled.

"It's beautiful." I reached for Edward's hand.

"You're beautiful," he said in my ear.

I couldn't help but notice Renesmee looking at us. I hoped Edward would tell me later what she was thinking.

Edward noticed that I was jumpy on our way home, but didn't say anything aloud. Jacob's scent was normally so prominent in the house it wasn't until we reached the front door did Edward realize my third trick of the week.

"Hmph!" He glared at me even though I pushed him towards our room. Renesmee had noticed only moments later what her father's problem was and she was in her bedroom before I could close our door.

"Isabella," Edward's back was to me. "I told you and Jacob I wanted some time."

"And you took time, except I think it was too much time."

"Do you really want to start?"

I was terrified of this conversation, and I wanted to hide.

"No." I was burying my head in his back. "I love you."

No matter what problems had been tormenting me, there was no escaping the pure and simple fact that I loved Edward more than anything. There was no arguing that.

When Edward turned towards me he looked angry, but instead of chewing me out, which is what I was prepared for, he kissed me with a need I hadn't felt from him in a long time. He picked me up so my legs were around him, my hands working his tie off of his neck and the button from his starched white shirt. Before we found the bed, which was only two seconds later, our bare bodies were wrapped together, our breathing heavy and quick.

"Bella..." Edward began to say something but his lips found mine again and there was no more talking.