'Even after eating the forbidden fruit

I wasn't driven out.

It was me who had forgiven God

And it was me who was forgiven by God.'

-amazarashi "Anomie"

Chapter Fourteen: Departure

Kyle was in Christophe's car with his arms resting on the wheel, stretched out as he held his phone firm in his hands. He twirled the device slowly and unskilfully with his fingers and watched it with blank eyes. He had been doing that for a few minutes now, with no necessary monologue playing inside his head. But then he stopped. A second later the phone flashed on as he pressed the buttons. It began to ring.

'Hello, Scar?' Kenny's voice rang out, stopping Kyle's heart for a second.

'It's Kyle actually.'

'Oh. Sorry. You got to admit though, you guys sound alike.'

Kyle exhaled a small chuckle at Kenny's attempt at a joke, but they both knew it sounded heavy and hollow.

'What's wrong Kyle?'

'Nothing, it's just—' Kyle finally noticed that his eyes were watering. He brushed his tears away quickly before they could fall, but the pain stayed in his eyes and he had lost the rest of his words. Instead, he sighed. 'Hey Kenny, can I ask you something?'

'Anything Kyle.' There was a hint of confusion in Kenny's voice from Kyle's unusually unconfident tone. Kyle smiled a tense smile as he asked.

'Are you still willing to run away?'

'Of course.' Kenny answered instantly, as if the answer was sewn onto his tongue. To Kenny it was as if it was needless to say, and Kyle with his lack of confidence was slightly taken aback by it. But at the same time he could hear the subtle relief in Kenny's voice when he heard Kyle's question.

'Thank you.' Kyle's voice shook as he said those words, and this time Kenny couldn't ignore it.

'Kyle, what's wrong?'

Tears were falling from his eyes now, one by one endlessly, despite the shaking smile on his lips.

'Nothing, it's just—' Kyle repeated his earlier words, without losing the rest this time. 'It's just that, I'm about to betray a friend…'

The phone stayed silent for a minute as Kenny sank in Kyle's words. It was an agonising second for Kyle as he waited for the blond's voice.

'But this is what you have to do, isn't it?'

'Yeah,' Kyle agreed quietly.

'Then I will help you do it.' Kenny's voice was soft, but sounded prepared for anything. 'I'll get my stuff. Where do you want to meet?'

'No, I'll go get you. I'll come to your place now.'

'Ok.'

'Bye.'

'Yup, see ya.'

'Oh, and Kenny?' Kyle called as he felt Kenny almost hung up.

'Yeah?'

'I—' He revised the three words in his head before they reached his tongue, and then shook his head against them. 'I'll see you.'

He hung up the phone without waiting for a reply and then stared at the black screen. It was not until a minute later that he put his phone away and turned on the car engine and made his way to Kenny's apartment.

The blond was already waiting on the main road outside his alleyway with his travel bag when Kyle arrived. He slipped into the passenger seat with a greeting, which Kyle returned shortly.

'Have you got everything?' Kyle asked as he looked at Kenny's single bag. Kenny tapped it with a small grin.

'Yup. I've got all I need. Where's your bag?'

'In the trunk.'

Kenny nodded and Kyle turned on the car.

'So, where're we going?'

'There's somewhere I need to go first,' Kyle made aware as he drove back the way he came. 'I want to see the forest one last time before we leave here.'

Kyle had his eyes ahead on the road, not looking at Kenny as he spoke. But Kenny was looking at him with a gentle expression.

'Okay.'

Somehow, even without looking, that one gentle answer made the heat flash back in Kyle's eyes, even if it was only for a moment, before it turned to a navy blue.

When the car came to a halt in the car park of the mountains, they both stayed still in their seats for a moment without any words.

'Well? Are we going?' Kenny finally asked once Kyle showed no sign of movement.

'Yeah.' Kyle said, and then opened the car door.

With his bag swaying on his back, Kenny walked a couple of steps behind Kyle as he led the way through the forest, and he took that small space between them to observe Kyle's back as he walked. Kyle's eyes were focused on the unstable path, his legs moving automatically to the rhythm of his breath.

'It's much different in here isn't it? Without the mist. They said it's gonna rain again tonight though.' Kenny voiced out once they came to a stop. He was looking around the top of the trees, observing the light shining through the treetops like stars, before he looked down to where they had arrived. But even without looking, he knew where they had stopped. They were standing where they were a day before, where Kenny had been buried. There was a trace of a large human-sized hole but it was mostly destroyed by the heavy rain.

'It looks as if a zombie had crawled out of its grave.' Kyle commented weakly, looking at the remains of Kenny's grave.

'Well, that's not so far from the truth.' Kenny answered with humour, now standing beside Kyle. Kyle looked beside him and watched as Kenny scavenged his bag, until he pulled out his hand from the bag with a hand-made cross in it. The blond shrugged at Kyle's wide eyes. 'I had to keep it.'

Kyle tried to smile, but it just seemed impossible to, so he looked back down onto the grave with fluttering eyes.

'You know, I always used knives for my job. Never used guns as far as I could help it. It just never felt right, and it never does but— I could never grasp the reality of someone dying with a small pull of a finger. And I had to know, I had to feel it as the killer, otherwise no one would.'

'It was a punishment?'

'I don't know… I just had to live in the gruesome reality of taking away someone's life and having their blood on me, so that I wouldn't get used to it. But over time I became numb to that as well, until you came.' Kyle's hand was in his pocket, fiddling with what was inside. 'I still don't know why you're with me even though you know I'm a killer.'

'With a body like this, death has always been a close and casual issue, Kyle. You remember everything now don't you? You can't say our childhood was all sunshine and pancakes. There was always the usual tragedies and chaos. I died almost every week.'

Kyle smirked lightly, although nothing reached his eyes anymore. He always thought that he was living in pain, but Kenny was always living in a true tragedy. He didn't deserve this. He deserved one long normal life.

'If you could start your life off again, how would you do it?'

'Well, that's easy. And I don't need to use my imagination.' Kyle looked up at Kenny's light, yet truthful tone. 'I'll look for you.'

Kenny was smiling, but Kyle couldn't. He felt he was burning deep inside and it took all his strength to shake his head, almost like a tremble.

'No... You can't do that.'

Kenny's smile faded as he watched Kyle take his hand out of his pocket. There was his pocket revolver in his hand, and he pointed it at Kenny's chest. Both their eyes were wide and glowing.

'You can't look for me anymore Kenny. You can't see me anymore.' His hand was shaking, but it was still pointing straight at Kenny's heart. 'You have to run away alone, without me.'

'What?'

'I can't do it with you!' Kyle was finally able to yell. 'I have to stay without you and put everything as they were before. The way they should be.'

'Why?' Kenny's voice was like water, gentle but stinging Kyle's wound.

'Because I owe him my life! You have saved me too. You saved my heart and soul, but— Kenny, I'm a murderer. I have thrown them away and I don't deserve them back.'

Kenny opened his mouth to speak, but Kyle silenced him by putting both hands on the small revolver to steady its point without shaking. He cocked back the hammer.

'Kenny, I'm going to kill you. You have two deaths left, and I'm going to take one away from you, but it will be for the last time. When you wake up, run away from here, far from here, alone. You will have one death left for the rest of your life… That's more than enough.' Kyle was not shaking anymore, and Kenny was no longer looking at the gun. Their eyes were locked together, which they both knew was for the last time.

'Bye Kenny.'

Kyle pulled the trigger. The metal rang and the shot fired, and Kenny's body flew back before his eyes. He breathed shallow breaths that didn't reach his lungs as he watched the body lying on the ground. Pulling a single trigger never felt like it was taking someone's life, but the way Kenny flew back onto the ground burnt his eyes horribly. It felt like it was his own chest that he shot a bullet into.

'Kyle—'

Kyle shuddered out of his trance and looked at the body. He thought he heard Kenny's voice call out his name in the distance, but it seemed to be only the moving air playing with his mind.

'Kyle—'

He heard it again, the weak call of his name, but this time he knew it was real and he rushed to the lying body. The cloth on Kenny's chest was dyeing in deep red from the hole that ripped through the body, but Kenny's icy-blue eyes were still open and he was still breathing in quivering breaths as he called Kyle's name.

'Oh, God, Kenny! I'm so sorry—' Kyle gasped as he dropped onto the ground beside him. 'I couldn't— but I should have aimed at your head. It would have been quicker. Wait a second—'

Kyle took his revolver checked the bullet left, preparing it for a last shot to put Kenny at ease. But as he fiddled with his gun with shaking hands, another fell on top of his, freezing his hands on the dismantled revolver.

'Don't—' Kyle looked up in confusion into Kenny's face. Despite the pain tensing his eyes, he was still trying to smile. 'Don't—' is all that he could say.

'Why! Kenny, you're in so much pain—'

'Don't— finish me off…'

Kyle watched Kenny's slowly dying face still in confusion and eye-watering hurt, but his hands were still frozen on the gun. Kenny grimaced, but drew his hand away and began to undo the front of his jacket. Kyle was unable to say or do anything except to stare as Kenny's delicate fingers pulled down the zipper and then reach for the buttons on his shirt. One by one the buttons became undone to show a glimpse of the skin underneath. When Kenny finally undid the last button and showed his naked chest, it wasn't the bloody hole that sent Kyle into despair.

'No—' Kyle gasped as tears fell from his eyes. 'Oh God, Kenny, no— that can't be!'

Kenny watched Kyle with unchanging eyes, but this time he was not even able to try and put a smile on his lips. His own eyes glistened as he heard Kyle's cries and he himself wanted to cry out loud.

'I'm sorry,' was all he managed.

Kyle sobbed and looked again at the naked skin on Kenny's chest, making sure it wasn't his imagination. And it wasn't. Above the hole that Kyle shot into his body, there was a bright red "1" etched into his skin.

'That can't be! It was three the last time we met, and then after yesterday it should be two! Why? Why one?'

Kenny now forced a smile, but instead a tear fell from his eye.

'It's okay, Kyle— it's okay…'

'Why didn't you stop me?'

Kenny shook his head, just enough with his weakness.

'You had to stop yourself.'

'But it's your life!' Kyle shouted desperately. 'And it's your last…'

Kenny didn't say anything, but kept a small smile as he watched Kyle cry. And then finally, he took Kyle's hand with his own to make Kyle look up at him.

'Remember how I said that I will die a million times if it meant that I could save your life?' Kyle couldn't answer, but Kenny knew. 'This is just another death. The only difference is that it's the last.'

Kyle could feel the strength disappearing from Kenny's hand grasping his own, so he held it with both his hands as hard as he could. Kenny smiled at the strong contact.

'You haven't lost your heart and soul. It's what I fell in love with.'

Kyle sobbed again, grasping Kenny's hand for dear life.

'I love you…'

'I love you too.' Kenny's smile relaxed with relief and put his last strength into his fingers around Kyle's. 'Make me your last kill. Promise me you'll live your life…'

No matter how strong Kyle held, with one last breath Kenny's hand slipped out of his grip and fell on top of his unmoving chest. More tears fell from Kyle's eyes and he cried louder and clearer as he held Kenny's still body. It was as if Kenny had never died before and Kyle had never killed before in his life. He sat their holding onto Kenny's body, crying like he had just learnt how to.

.

.

Blessed our You, Lord our God, King of the universe, the True Judge.

.

.

Stan hadn't moved an inch since the policemen had left his house. He was sitting on the couch, staring out the window that had somehow drained the whole room in darkness before he knew it. He wanted to fill himself with alcohol, but at the same time he didn't want to single drop. When he finally realised how dark it was he turned on the lights, and then stood there by the switches, staring. He didn't care why it happened. It happened. He turned off the lights again, and then turned it back on. Nothing had changed. He stood there, blinking, until it all felt worthless and he turned the lights off again. It was night now, he was tired. With lead-like feet he made his way to his bedroom and fell on his bed in the dark.

'Get up you emo-fuck!'

Stan shot his eyes wide open to the electrifying thump of his heart. His chest turned cold and he breathed heavy lumps of air. His room was suddenly bright, like magic, but it was only the morning sun. He looked around, but there was no one except for himself in his room. He kept on looking, down the corridor and in the kitchen and living room, but he was still alone. It was strange. The voice shouting at him seemed so real. The words repeated in his head, but with his own voice.

'Get up you emo-fuck. You promised.'

He promised… He promised what? He had made a promise with Kenny, but he still didn't know what it was about. And then he realised it was in the envelope. He hadn't bothered to open it yet, but he still had it, ready to open it at "the right time". Was now the right time? He wasn't sure, but the voice from his dreams seemed to tell him so.

He went to his room and took the envelope that was lying on the table and opened it. The voice finally began to disappear from his head as he began to read it. It was nothing proper, just blue ink on lined notepaper, but somehow it made Stan fall to the ground.

.

Kyle didn't know how much time had past: it might had been hours, or maybe days, or realistically even a week. But when he realised he was lying on his made-bed with his phone in his grip, its battery long since dead. His bedroom was bright from the window glowing because of the nice weather. In the end it had only rained for that one night after the last shot and now, it was just too bright and light.

His passive, yet hollow behaviour worried his friends sick, but the only reason he didn't respond to Gregory or Christophe's presence or words was because he didn't notice them. Sometimes, he will feel something when he wondered who would have ever wanted Kenny dead in the first place, but even that didn't matter to him in the end. Kenny was gone now. Kyle was an empty body for a long time, until his lips finally moved on their own to breathe out quiet words.

'How ironic… the only way for me to know what it feels like to have a future is to look back into the past…'

He knew that he had lost something when he had shot Christophe, and he knew that that had been his future: a future of freedom. But he wasn't prepared to take away that same thing from the very person who had tried to give one to him. He had his grip on his phone tirelessly, waiting for Kenny's message that had always came to him in the morning. But nothing came, and the phone died as if to announce that the time was up.

Suddenly, Kyle's eyes focused and his breath had stopped. He thought he heard Kenny's voice as clear in his ears as if someone was whispering them directly to him.

'I will die a million times if it meant that I could save your life.'

It was Kenny's voice and words from his memory, but it was so true and clear and sounded so real. They made Kyle rise up from his bed and stare, without squinting, to the light in his bedroom window.

'You haven't lost your heart and soul. It's what I fell in love with.'

Kyle could feel himself breathe again, he could feel the tingling in the end of his fingers, the warmth of his skin and blood and the heat in his eyes. He could see that he was on his feet, standing tall by himself.

'You'll be my last kill—'

He could hear his own voice.

'I promise.'

Kyle could feel a new birth of strength in his chest flow to every corner of his body and burn. He felt so free. He felt so strong. He felt as if he wasn't alone. Kyle could feel the wings on his back burst open wide like the bright window blasting open by a fresh, wild wind.

Kyle leaned down and grasped the forgotten bag from under his bed. He opened it and fished out the poison pill case and knife, and then all his fake IDs, leaving only one passport in his bag under the name of Kyle Broflovski. Everything fake was left on the bed. Apart from his essentials, the only thing he kept was his computer, and then the broken photograph of four laughing boys.

When he left his room, he paused as he met two blue eyes. They stared at him firmly, but Kyle didn't stop because he was daunted by them; he stopped to meet them as forwardly as they did to him. He stood there with his eyes locked with Gregory's as if it was enough of an explanation for his leaving, before he finally turned his heels and made his way to the door.

'Would you be back for tea?'

Kyle stopped just as he reached the door and turned back to face Gregory with a confused frown.

'No.'

Gregory shrugged his head in a nod, and then opened his top draw and threw at Kyle what was inside. Kyle caught the small, thin thing with his fingers, and then his eyes widened as he observed what Gregory had given him. It was a debit card with a memo stuck to it.

'Pay for your own dinner then.'

Kyle looked up with amazement and disbelief on his face. Gregory was already back to looking at his computer, giving no interest to Kyle's reaction.

'Thanks.'

The door opened, and then closed, leaving Gregory alone. The blond looked up from the corner of his eye to check where Kyle was a second ago, before he took out his phone and dialled the number sent to his email opened up on his computer.

'Hello, this is Gregory. Yes that's right, you sound surprised?'

His blue eyes looked up once more, and this time a small smile came to his lips.

.

By the time he had arrived at the airport the taxi and train had taken away most of his cash, leaving just enough for a ham sandwich and a coffee. He had no idea how much he had on the card Gregory had gave him (curse him if he really only had enough for dinner), but it was the only money he had and only ticket to take him away.

Although the air chilled him to the bones the sun was still shining in the bright blue sky. At least, if he could afford it, the plane would fly up without much trouble. Kyle adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder and headed for the terminal entrance. The second the doors closed behind him the warm conditioned air engulfed his whole body, disorientating his mind before he snapped himself out of the relaxation. He walked inside without a destination, and then the hanging timetable caught his eyes.

'God. What a choice.' Kyle mumbled with knitted brows. He looked around for a ticket counter, and then crossed to the first possible one he found.

'Hi. I would like to buy a ticket please.'

The staff behind the counter smiled widely (although with a hint of confusion).

'And where would you be heading, sir?'

'Anywhere, it doesn't matter. I won't stay there long anyway.'

'Well, we have a free seat for flight 3945 leaving for Los Angeles in half an hour.'

'Great. Can I buy one of those, please?'

'Make that two.'

Kyle swang his head around with fierce eyes at the familiar voice. The two blue eyes framed with black eyelashes froze him to a stop; they were looking at him inches away, challengingly and uncompromising. Kyle's gut began to boil, but the voice of the lady behind the counter asking them to please wait finally snapped him awake.

'What the fuck are you doing here?' Kyle hissed as he grasped Stan by the collar. The brunet didn't protest against Kyle's enraged behaviour, but dug inside his pocket. He showed Kyle a white envelope.

'I made a promise.' Stan said as the angry strength began to flow away from Kyle's grip. The redhead looked at the envelope quietly. 'It's from Kenny.'

Kyle looked up at Stan before he took the envelope into his hand. His fingers felt so numb and delicate as he opened it and took out the one-paged letter, and as he read it wistful light filled him as he understood that Kenny had left it with the intention of it being a final note. The words that were written by Kenny's unskilful handwriting soared through Kyle so gently. He felt content, with a small bit of jealousy. And at the same time, remorse and despair took him by the heart.

'He knew…'

'You're in luck.' The lady's voice took Kyle out of his trance. 'We have two seats left next to each other. Would you like to purchase those tickets?'

Kyle nodded, still feeling a little lost. The lady smiled and typed into her computer. She asked for their passports. The card Gregory gave him worked. Neither Kyle nor Stan had luggage to check in. Kyle smirked weakly at how little the two of them had to start a new life. He was holding the letter close to his heart as if it was physically keeping him warm and he found it amazing how naturally he could smile.

'You go ahead and keep your promise with Kenny. I have my own to keep too.' Kyle said coolly as they made their way to the security. He was walking fast and without hesitation, making Stan skip behind him troublingly, but then he came to a sudden halt, looking back at Stan and dabbing his finger into his chest. 'But if you fucking touch me again, I will break that promise one single time and kill you. Okay?'

'Okay.' Stan flew his hands up in surrender. Kyle glared warningly before pulling his finger off Stan's hard chest and begin his swift walking again. Stan stood their frozen for a second as he watched Kyle's back, until Kyle's voice called his name, making him jump. A small, bright smile crossed his lips as he followed Kyle's steps.

The boarding began as soon as they arrived at the gates. The line of people waiting to board somehow made Kyle come to a stop as he realised that he was with Stan, and not alone. In reaction Stan stopped as well, and he looked back at Kyle in confusion.

'Kenny's dead. He won't know even if you break his promise.'

'What?' Stan asked. His voice was confused, but then denial slowly crept to his eyes as he observed the weight in Kyle's eyes. 'Why are you saying this?' It was like he was suddenly dragged back into reality, remembering the pain in his chest. But Kyle meant what he was saying. He looked straight into Stan's eyes, but his voice was a little weaker as if the words were too heavy for him to say.

'Because it's my fault that he's dead.'

Stan's eyes widened, but then they thinned back in understanding.

'Whatever happened, if that's true, then he would have been satisfied. You read his letter. He would have done anything for you. You loved him. I did too in my own way. That's why we both made our promises.' Stan walked towards Kyle and wrapped his arm around his shoulder, ignoring what Kyle had warned him only minutes ago. As he began to walk, his arm made Kyle walk too. They walked towards the gate that had opened to the last of the people waiting. 'But that's not why I'm keeping my promise.'

Kyle looked up at Stan, startled a bit. Suddenly, the determination in his eyes made Stan look so mature. Kyle couldn't say anything as Stan turned away and went through the gates before him. He was last. Kyle glanced back unintentionally as he gave his boarding pass to the staff and waited, and there, behind the crowd, Kyle thought he saw a glimpse of two familiar faces in the people seeing the travellers off. Panic took his breath, but then the tension slowly drifted away. He didn't wave or call to them, but kept their eyes connected for the long minute until he was called to go through the gate.

Stan was waiting for him on the other side. He watched as Kyle walked towards him, and began walking once he was overtaken without a word. They walked to the plane side by side, both sharing the same words given to them by an old friend.

Dear you.

I am glad to have the opportunity to begin with the cliché: if you are reading this, then I am probably dead.

You might feel angry by my lack of serious remorse, but that is how I want to be, and how I want you to be. You can cry, I'll be offended if you didn't. I just hope you'll wake up one morning and feel all drained and light enough to walk a thousand miles. If my wish is granted, then you will have to if you're going to keep my promise.

And my promise is this. There is a person I love, we both love him. And when I'm gone, I want you to look after him since I will no longer be able to. He has secrets that you can't even imagine, but I know that you will accept him even if he doesn't tell you, and I know that you will accept him even if he does.

You might hesitate to keep my promise because of whatever guilt and remorse you feel for what you have done to him, but that is your problem, not mine. It is too late now. You promised a promise and you can't get away from this one. Look after the person we both love, and who you have always loved. This is the last chance you'll get from me, and probably the last you'll get at all. Don't fuck it up.

With some of my love, because most of it belongs to him.

Kenny.

A.N- Thank you for coming this far. Lastly, there will be an epilogue where everything will unravel, in case you have noticed the clues and mysteries lying around.

Thanks for reading!