Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters or ideas, Stephenie Meyer does. I do however own Ruby Brown and her fellow humans.

Chapter 13 — A Little Secret

When I opened my eyes again, I was lying on the white leather sofa in the Cullen's piano room, the sun high above the trees outside of the window. I was feeling slightly dizzy, the world spinning all around me. The fire inside of my veins had all but disappeared, leaving me both relieved and worried at the same time. Relieved because the searing pain had vanished. Worried because it had been replaced by another pain.

I gulped when I felt it; it was as if my heart had been ripped out of my body, leaving me to bleed out. It was as if I had been mercilessly stabbed with a thousand boiling hot knives at the same place. It was experiencing dying over and over again, only that death would not allow me within its pain omitting arms.

In short, it was an experience almost as excruciating as being bitten by a vampire... almost.

I put my thoughts aside for a moment and stared down at my body in disbelief. Why wasn't I deadly pale? Why did I still feel pain? And, most importantly, if I was a vampire, why was I not thirsting for blood?

All of those questions, along with the realization that I had a big scar the form of a jaw on my lower right arm, led me to the conclusion that I was still human.

I shook my head fervently. I had felt the bite, felt the agony... How could it be possible that it had all been for nothing? Somebody must have stopped the process, I realized. And who else could have had a motive except of the good old Cullens...? The murderers of my beloved–

I cried out, clenching my chest as a new, more horrifying wave of pain sped through me. A beautiful face entered my mind, young and flawless and sorry written on it in bold letters. The malicious smile of the devils above him. The dreadful sound as a head was torn off its body, and the silence that ensued as it landed in the grass.

You can do this. I will kill them all for putting you in this pain, I promise you.

"Why him?" I screamed with tears in my eyes, jumping up from the sofa and running around the small room. "Why kill a boy that saved a helpless girl? Why must he be dead while you just live on, pretending that nothing happened?"

I knew that they could hear me, but I truly could not care less. Let them hear it. Let the entire world hear it, for all I cared!

"Why him?!" I cried. "Why him, why not one of you vegetarian cowards? Why him and not one of you foul, murdering idiots!"

I stopped my rampage around the piano room, kicking an expensive-looking vase next to the window to pieces. "For heaven's sake, why not me?!"

I fell to the floor, crying and blindly throwing further insults towards the Cullens while the pain in my chest intensified.

"Ruby?" a kind voice I immediately identified as Alice's asked from behind the door after a while, a caring tone to it. "Do you need something...?"

"Go and crawl into a pit in the ground and die!"

Silence was her reply. "Is that a yes?" She finally responded, weighing every word as if she were in court.

"Leave!" I yelled. "The last thing I need is your company. I neither want nor need your pity!"

I was tired.

I was tired of crying.

I was tired of yelling.

I was tired of being sad.

I was tired of being alone.

I was tired of being angry.

I was tired of remembering.

I was tired of missing things.

I was tired of missing people.

I was tired of regretting.

I was tired of feeling naïve.

I was tired of feeling empty on the inside.

I was tired of the pain.

I was tired of wishing I could start all over.

I was tired of dreaming of a life I would never have.

I was tired of counting the hours until the end.

But most of all, I was tired of being tired.

I stood up, taking a quick look out of the window as I dried my tears. It was dark outside already, the outlines of the trees barely visible. A small part of me wondered how quickly time had passed, but another couldn't help but feel numb and passive.

Alec. Full Stop. The pain was gone, and in its stead had come something even worse. Apathy. Numbness. At least the pain had allowed me to feel something, let me know that I was in fact still alive. But now... I felt like if I was dead.

I wondered if, actually, I was.

Alec was gone. For a moment, he had brought my life had reached a flawless state. A small light inside my miserable life, violently quenched by my enemies.

'I do so hate to hurt little children...' A familiar husky voice screamed inside my head, mocking me. A little child. Wasn't that exactly what I was? A small, foolish girl about to be killed by the cliché, evil monster?

Alec had sacrificed himself for me, eventhough the situation's outcome had been painfully obvious... he had looked a child, most certainly, eventhough he had done what most adults would only shy away from. It left me wondering what importance age really played in the great scheme of things.

Which inevitably made me wonder if such a scheme even existed.

Suddenly, the little piano room seemed too small to contain my thoughts. I needed freedom, space — and there was only one place where I could find it. And it was located right outside my window.

To my never ending surprise, the white door opened effortlessly as I pulled down the golden handle. A note, hand-written on expensive looking paper, had been put infront of it.

Ruby-

considering that the battle will take place in less than twelve hours, feel free to wander about the house and the property as you wish. Suit yourself. Be aware, though, that if you try to run, we will find you. My family and I are hunting for the evening, but we will return by early morning.

Carlisle.

Quite the gentleman, wasn't he, hiding the evident threat under a veil of fake leniency and politeness? I'd certainly never seen a more finely worded promise to repeat history in terms of 'shot during flight'; then again, I'd never been kidnapped by vampires before.

And you won't be around long enough for there to even be a chance of it happening again, my subconscious hissed.

Shut up, I hissed back. It's painfully obvious as it is. And then I made my way out of the pettily decorated house, my bare feet loud on the wooden floor. I kicked a few random vases and sculptures on my way, enjoying the noise I was creating. Maybe my sanity had died along with Alec that day.

All I knew was that I really couldn't care less.

I had reached the main door in no time, throwing it open and walking towards the park-like garden. I shivered once I finally reached it, the memory of yesterday's events still very much alive in my mind. Alec... the black figure. He must have watched over me, waiting for a time to finally meet me in person between the safety of the trees.

And then Vladimir came along and ruined his plans, the vicious moron.

But then again, how had Alec known about my existence in the first place? I sighed in embarrassment when it hit me, something I had told Aro, Marcus and Caius once they had interrogated me about the tour in the throne room.

The picture of the beautiful boy.

They must have told him about me, I realized, blushing. And somehow, they must have found out about our connection, prompting Alec to search for me.

And now he was dead.

Dead. Dead, dead, dead. Dead boy and dead girl. What a match made in heaven.

I quickly exited the garden, entering the thick line of trees. It was quiet, dark here in the forest. I liked it. Far away, a bird sang a lonely song while I walked, disregarding the path. If they would go looking for me, I decided, they wouldn't expect me to risk losing my orientation. Which, normally, I definetely wouldn't; yet if you know you have only so and so much time left, it really changes your perspective.

The battle. Despite the many things I knew about it, there was only one thing that I was absolutely certain about: Bella and I would die. How, that was the true unknown for us. Draining? Crushing? Snapping? Choking? That would be the element of suspense for the day.

Maybe, just maybe, fate would allow me to see a Cullen lose their life before facing my own doom. In a way, it was my last wish; dying, but taking one with me. Seeing Amber again was another. After all those years, I was only hours away... only that ironically, I couldn't bring myself to be excited about it. I knew it would be a sad meeting. Of course, she would stand in for me... but of course, it would not be of any use. Amber would see me die, and that was certainly not a reason to be excited.

Maybe, though, I could spare her her sorrow. If I was to die tomorrow anyway, why should I not do what I could to make the situation worse for the Cullens and easier for the Volturi? To be or not to be. The answer was obvious, especially since I already felt as if I was dead.

The Cullens wouldn't have their captive to hypothetically exchange for their own human's life. The Volturi, speak Amber, would not have to see me die, which her mate, Aro, would be quite glad about, too. My parents wouldn't know either way. Everything would be easier, and nothing would change for me.

At least, I thought, this death would be less cruel. And maybe, just maybe, I would reunite with Alec again.

It was too easy.

I stepped out of the forest and onto a large stone area with a picturesque view of the midnight blue night sky. It was quiet, peaceful even. The bright light of a million dead stars illuminated the night, the sound of waves breaking several meters away from me hissing in my ears. A perfect place to leave the world behind.

I slowly walked to the end of the area, seizing every step and breath I took. Walk on; that was the only thing I was required to do. Walk up to the abyss and one step further. The only thing I was actually miserable about was that I truly would never see Amber again. Then again, it would certainly be easier for her this way. And that alone served as reason enough for me.

What a dramatic end to such a fateful journey...

Only seconds later, I could see the water infront of me. Involuntarily, I imagined myself jumping from the cliff and drowning from a bird's point of view, and a single tear of fear rolled down my cheeks. I was too young to die. I was only fourteen, after all. I had a family, a life, dreams, hopes...

"No" I whispered. "I have only hours left. It will be more peaceful, less painful this way. I must take the opportunity and allow myself this last kindness."

Yes, it must be true. I knew it was. Even if my body was too paralyzed to take this one last, fatal step...

And either way, I just couldn't bring myself to care.

"I'm sorry Amber" I said, louder this time. "But I'm coming, Alec."

"No!" a familiar voice screamed from behind me. Suddenly, two frail arms grabbed my back, pulling me away from the abyss.

"I don't want to live," I whispered in a monotone, my voice dripping with apathy. "Please, don't force me to live!"

But my savior showed no signs of mercy, not saying a word until we were a few hundred meters inside the forest. Then she turned around. And truthfully, who I saw was the last person I had expected to save me.

It was Bella.

"This will be our little secret" she whispered sadly before she dragged me back to the house in silence.

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