First of all, my minions, I have an important announcement. There are strong references in this chapter to NirCele's story, Glorfindel Goes Hug-Wild Crazy. I earnestly recommend you read that story before reading this. You don't have to, but you will understand Glorfindel's actions better.

Review replies:

NirCele: Yes, it is. *hand you a fragment of a mushroom* You didn't kill Faramir, btw. He's still working for me. Ha.

Neril: We shall see if Glorfindel can conquer me...

Sixty-Four K: *takes all your donuts and mushrooms anyway* Review this chapter, and maybe I'll give them back. *starts eating them*

Purplish Magee: Here it is! Mwhahaa.

Thalion Estel: Thank you, your reviews are great. *considers giving you a mushroom*

Guest: I did. ;)

ccgaylord: We shall see, my precioussss, oh yes, we shall see...

Mell0n: You cannot be turned with mushrooms? Well then, I suppose I'll just have to... *slays you*

LOTCR: *steals all your mushrooms and eats them**slays you for mentioning Mary-Sues*

Merry watched the mushroom farming with evil happiness. He had worked hard, and was now only second to Thranduil, Elrond and Thorin. And obviously, Pippin. But he planned to raise himself even higher in the ranks of his master. He had made too many mistakes in the past, and he just needed some great deed to do - something to do that would forgive his misdeeds in Pippin's eyes, if that was indeed possible.

With a sigh, he turned his back on the hard-working orcs. But then out of the corner of his eye, he spotted one pop a prime mushroom into its mouth. Merry spun around and grabbed the unlucky thing by the throat.

"So you would steal your master's mushrooms?" Merry snarled angrily. "Well, we'll see about that!"

"But it was only one..." whimpered the random orc.

"You rebel scum." Merry snarled with no hint of forgiveness in his voice. "One mushroom, eaten without permission, is deserving of death. You are condemned to life in the Mushroom-Breader."

The Mushroom-Breader was a terrible mushroom-breading machine, where all the disobedient and rebellious orcs were sent to serve. Most died terribly, most accidentally falling in and getting fried with the mushrooms.

The random orc snarled and leapt at Merry, smashing several mushrooms in the process. Merry decapitated him in an instant, with his face hard as stone.

He stalked away to tell Pippin his accomplishment.

Pippin sighed in contentment, and munched casually on his famous crispy oh-so-scrumptious mushrooms. At last he was alone, and his witless minions would not annoy him for a while, hopefully. Maybe they would never come back. He really hoped for that, for the very existence of such inferior beings irritated him terribly.

Just as he was finishing his first basket of mushrooms, however, the door swung open with a creepy screech. Pippin leapt to his feet, instantly ready for epic combat, if necessary. He rather hoped it was not ANOTHER Jedi, they were getting quite boring to defeat. A cloaked figure leapt in, and before Pippin could say anything, he threw back his hood, revealing shiny, fabulous golden hair.

Pippin stared. Somehow, this elf looked familiar, maybe he had seen him somewhere on his travels...? "Who are you, and what are you doing here?" asked Pippin in a bored voice. "Surely you are not trying to conquer me? I will spare your life, begone, you... you Jedi loser!"

But instead of getting insulted, the elf stood up straight and tall in defiance and grinned happily, to Pippin's extreme annoyance.

"Who are you?" Pippin roared in fury.

"I am Glorfindel, the Sadness-Slayer! Everybody loves meeeee!" screamed the Elf, and before Pippin could move, he embraced him in a gigantic hug, squeezing him so tightly that the Dark Lord could hardly breathe.

Pippin gasped in horror, and his face went bleh.

Glorfindel hugged him tighter and grinned goofily.

Pippin began trembling violently, and his eyes rolled back in his head as he went limp in Glorfindel's arms.

Glorfindel giggled and tightened his grip.

Pippin puked all over the elf lord's beautiful golden hair, and started twitching.

The Sadness-Slayer ruffled the hobbit's curly hair.

Pippin shuddered and went completely still.

Glorfindel chucked Pippin's body onto the floor. He withdrew slowly, laughing softly to himself. It had worked, and far easier than he had suspected. Pippin could not take hugs any better than he had ever been able to. The Sadness-Slayer sighed dramatically, thinking angsty thoughts about Middle-Earth's sad lack of huggers. At least Pippin had finally been defeated. The reign of mushrooms was over.

This is so tragic. :( Review I will SLAY Glorfindel.