"Where's Emma been?" Ruby served Regina her nonfat latte and leaned across the counter.

"Yeah, haven't seen her much lately," Belle added.

"Is everything okaaaaay," Ruby drew out the last word with a raised eyebrow.

"Meaning?" Regina snipped.

"You knowwww…in the pussy department?"

Regina narrowed her eyes at the wolf. "We're fine," she said through gritted teeth. "She's actually picked up a second job."

"Oh really? Where at?" Belle inquired.

Red scoffed, "As if one job wasn't bad enough."

The bell to the diner dinged as the door opened and Charming walked in. "Can I get the usual? Mary Margaret's on her way," Charming asked Ruby, and she started pouring out two coffees.

"She won't tell me what it is though," Regina continued.

"Then it must be really sketchy or something, huh?" Ruby concluded, sliding over the coffees to Charming and he turned to find a seat. "Oh my god, I bet its porn!"

A glass mug crashed to the floor and all three of their heads turned. "Oh. Oh god," Charming stammered at overhearing. "I think I need to sit down." He absently gripped the back of a chair and shakily lowered himself to a sitting position, taking really deep breaths.

"Hey after my shift, you wanna get some real food?" Red asked Belle as Regina went on her way.

"Definitely."

Drive though was the easily the worst thing to ever happen to Emma Swan.

"Welcome to Magic Hut. Can I take your order?"

"yeah…. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

"Can I take your order"

"Ich möchte acht Ihrer besten Burger und Ihren Hintern."

"Go fuck yourself."

"Can I take your order?"

"Do you guys sell diet hamburgers?"

"No."

"What about krabby patties?"

"No."

"What about pizzas?"

"For fuck's sake."

"That'll be 10.78."

"Do you mind if I pay in pennies? I have a lot."

"Can I take your order"

"Hi. Can I get a sad pack."

"Uhh...we only have happy packs?"

"SAD PEOPLE HAVE TO EAT TOO!"

[sobs]

"Can I take your order?"

"Yeah, how much is the 99 cent deal?"

Just as Emma was put back on the front register, she froze, mirroring the surprise of the two girls in front of her.

"OHH MYY-"

"DON'T YOU DARE. DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE," Emma gritted out.

SNAP

Ruby took a picture on her phone of Emma in the little wizard's hat that was a mandatory part of her uniform. Belle even had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, get it out of your system," Emma grumbled as they stifled chuckles. "Hell, today's been a fucking nightmare. Can you believe some bitch drove off because I took more than two minutes to make her fucking specialized burger? Mayo on one half and ketchup on the other." She mimicked in an overly bossy voice. "I thought the order meant left and right, but nope. Ass hat wanted top bun, bottom bun. Now you fucking tell me what the god damn point of that it? You still taste both of them at the same time!" she said in exasperation. "What a twat. I can't wait to burn this place to the ground."

"Why don't you just rob the place instead?" Ruby joked. "Then you don't even gotta work."

Emma's eyes widened in surprise and an angelic choir started to sound at the idea. "Oh fuck, gimme a minute," the blond said. She grabbed a broom from the back and ran out to the lobby by the front door. "OUT!" she yelled, pushing the broom at a boys' choir that had entered the store. "GET OUT! NONE OF YOUR SHIT TODAY!" The angelic choir erupted broke out into hoots and hollers as they teased about Emma until she threw them out.

She came back to Red and Belle. "Sorry about that. Little thieves," she grumbled. "Now what were you saying?"

"Uh…rob this joint?"

She turned towards the back.

"HEY!" She yelled. The manager poked his head out from around the metal counter. "I QUIT THIS BITCH!" Emma threw her stupid hat down on the ground. She grabbed a handful of the next customer's fries and stuffed them in her mouth. She then hopped over the counter and started to do the running man on her way towards the door.

"Hey! Get back here! That shirt's a rental!"

She ripped the ugly grey polo with the Magic Hut logo on one side off of her and threw it at his face. "SUCK MY CUNTHOLE, DICKBUTT!" Emma threw up her middle fingers, pumped her arms up and down and continued her running man moves out the door in her white tank.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Emma screamed out of Ruby's car with the top down. "I JUST QUITTTT MY JOBBB!" she screamed at everybody they passed. Some Storybrookians merely rolled their eyes at her commotion, some cheered back, and one high fived her as the car went by. Ruby and Belle just smiled the whole way back to the Swan-Mills mansion. "What a rush!" Emma finally settled down when they were in the kitchen.

Belle mimed speaking into a microphone. "Ms. Swan-Mills, you just quit your job, what are you going to do next?"

"SHE'S GOING TO DISNEY WOORRRRRLD!" Ruby stole the fake mic and shouted with a laugh, one hand on the wheel.

At the same time, Emma had answered with, "We're going to rob that motherfucking slave house and burn it to the ground." She put on her sunglasses.

"Wait, what?"

"You heard me. Let's do it. Let's rob the place!"

The two of them were silent. "Fuck it, im down," Ruby said.

"Guys, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Oh great. Where's lacey when we need her?" Red murmured to Emma.

"Nah, it's cool," Emma reasoned. "Everyone knows you have to take someone who doesn't want to go on a B&E. It's good luck, I swear."

"B&E?" Belle echoed.

"Breaking and entering," Ruby nodded once.

"I used to do them all the time on the streets. Never been caught." Emma bragged.

"Yet," a fourth voice said right behind Emma and they all jumped.

"Regina! I—we—I—I—I—"

"Be cool, Swan, be cool!" Ruby elbowed her hard.

"NOTHING!" Emma shouted. She cringed and then lowered her voice. "I mean, we're not doing anything."

Even Belle covered her eyes with her hand and was rubbing her brow, shaking her head. "We were just discussing Emma's…change of employment."

Silence descended over the kitchen.

"So are we robbing this place or what?" Regina finally said.

"Are you serious?" Belle scoffed, having hoped that Regina would be the voice of reason.

"And that's why I love you," Emma beamed.

"I asked for mayo on one side and ketchup on the other and those fuckers were too retarded to figure that out in the ten minutes I was waiting in the drive through," she scoffed. "Idiots."

Emma's eyes flicked to her wife's and quickly darted away. "Yeah…..fuck….them…for…that." She cleared her throat to quickly change the subject, "so who's driving?"

They hashed out a plan and Ruby and Belle hit the store for some shit they would need for the bust.

"Alright. We'll meet back here in a few hours.

Later into the evening, there was a knock on the door.

"You're ea—" Emma swung the door open to come face to face with her parents. "Oh. Um, hi guys, come on it." Charming was holding onto her mother's hand tightly and they entered her home solemnly. "Is everything okay?" Emma asked, getting concerned.

Charming took a deep breath. "Emma, we heard about what you've been doing as a side job and we would like to speak to you about it."

"Uh sure?"

"Oh honey," Mary Margaret threw her arms around her. When she had met Charming at the diner, he told her he overheard that Emma was doing porn to pay the bills. She couldn't help but choke out a concerned inquiry. "What do they make you do?" she asked in a quiver.

Emma gently removed her arms from her neck. "Not too much really, I just had to slather buns with stuff." Snow paled. "The wieners are pretty gross but once you warm them up, they don't taste too bad, but you know, a job's a job." She shrugged and thought about the drive-through. "People come and go. Some leave before even getting off, but those are the really rude ones." Seeing that Mary Margaret was horrified, she added, "But that's kinda good because sometimes I get to eat what's left behind."

"Left behind? You…deal…with more than one person at a time?"

"Uh yeah of course, but damn, I hate picky people. It's too hard to please them and it's like they're never satisfied. Satisfaction guaranteed is the worst slogan ever invented. God, you should've seen this one carload of people. I swear there was like eight of them in that mini cooper."

Mary Margaret took that time to faint against Charming who caught her awkwardly.

"Emma, I know it's your life-and it's your choice—but we love you. Even if we don't agree with your…division of work," Charming struggled to say with his wife in his arms.

"Um…thanks?" Emma said, confusion simmering behind her green eyes.

"And Regina is okay with you—you know?" Charming scrunched his brows together.

"Well, she didn't really know. Actually, I haven't really told her the details yet."

Her father pursed her lips. "Emma we just want you to be safe. You're better than that and you don't need to lower yourself down to that level. If its money you need, we can help."

"Lower myself? Guys, I've done this before. It was actually my first job when I was on the streets. I Landed a spot at Jerry Bob's. Everyone's gotta start somewhere." Emma was starting to get defensive. Working fast food was nothing to be ashamed of. "Besides, I already quit. Just a few hours ago actually."

"You quit?" Charming wiped at his watering eyes. "OH PRAISE JESUS!" He collapsed an arm around her, thankful he wouldn't be seeing his daughter blowing eight guys in a mini cooper. He engulfed her in a tight hug. "Now get in the car."

"What the fuck took you so long?" Red drawled from her kitchen when Emma finally returned.

Emma looked completely stunned.

"My parents took me to church. I have no idea what their problem is. I think they were upset about the fast food place or something. Apparently they're really against me working there."

Belle and Red snorted out a burst of laughter. "Oh ohmy oh my ga oh gah," she tried to breath.

"What's so freaking funny?"

"We—we told them you were doing porn!"

"YOU KNOW I QUIT THAT A YEAR AGO!" Emma punched Ruby in her arm. They all proceeded to slap at each other's hands in mock cat fights.

"I'm seeing that conversation in a whole new light," Emma mused. "Now onto b'ness. Are you sexy bitches ready to fuck some shit up!?"

Regina took that as her cue to slink down the stairs in all black.

"Damn you look hot, babe," Emma purred, her tongue nearly hanging out cartoon style.

"Did you guys get everything?" Regina inquired as she pulled Emma's mouth back up together with her finger. Her teeth made a light click as they snapped together.

"Yes, I think so," Belle looked down into the bag she held in her hand.

"Then let's roll."

They arrived at the Magic Hut after close and all four of them slunk around to the drive in window.

"Duh duh duh DUN DUN da da duh DUN DUN" Emma was whispering to herself.

"What the fuck are you doing?" A harsh whisper came.

"Do do doooooo….do do doooooo," Ruby joined in to Emma's delight.

"Singing their own theme song," Belle snorted.

Regina rolled her eyes. They were right under the window now. "So?"

"So what?"

"So how do we get in."

They came up to the small window and four pairs of eyes came to rest just above the glass of the sliding window.

Emma smirked. "Aight so the drive thru window actually doesn't lock from the inside and it only opens halfway. I may or may not have contributed to that, but in my defense, we had an incident with a porcupine."

"I don't even want to know," Regina shook her head.

"Who wants to go first?" Red asked.

"Looks like we should send the skinniest person, and then they can unlock the backdoor for the rest of us," Belle reasoned. Both she and Emma looked to Ruby who opened her mouth to respond.

"FINE," Regina huffed. "I'll go."

"But you're not-," Emma stomped on Belle's toes.

"OUCH! WHAT THE—" she caught the blonde's stare. "I meeeean, Regina… you're not….tall…enough."

"Yeah, we'll boost you," the blond said.

They piled their hands together and Regina stepped on Emma's thigh as the other two boosted her up. There was an excessive amount of grunts and huffs as they struggled to lift the solid brunette who slid the window open and struggled to fit through the window.

"You—(huff) guys (huff) aren't pushing enough," Regina said. She was halfway through the window. "Push me through!" she demanded, her feet kicking out and socking Belle in the mouth.

"OUCHH!"

"Flipping dicks," Ruby swore low to Emma. "SUCK IT IN, FAT CHEEKS!" she yelled at Regina's wriggling ass. The brunette gasped at the accusation.

They pushed and pushed, then pulled and pulled, but Regina wasn't going anywhere. She was stuck fast.

"Guys, we should've been in right by now," Belle said, looking around nervously. Regina's back half hung limply out the window.

"Babe," Emma prompted, "do you see anything? Another way in or something?"

"There's the backdoor," Regina said through her squirms.

"Thank you Captain Obvious," Ruby said.

"I guess it's my time to shine," Emma stopped trying to help her wife, stood up straight and cracked her knuckles. She filched her lock picking kit from her jeans and headed to the back door. "Hey can I get a light?" she called.

Ruby and Belle followed her, leaving Regina stuck in the drive thru window. "Here," Belle said, handing the blond a couple of skinny colored plastic sticks.

"What the—are these glow stick bracelets?" Emma said in confusion.

"What?" Belle said innocently. "I thought they would be fun!"

"DIBS BLUE!" Ruby snatched the colored sticks out of Emma's hand.

"HEY!"

"I have purple for you," Belle quieted Emma's protests. Small crunchy little snaps filled the night as they glow sticked up.

"This is way funner than flashlights and lighters," Ruby said gleefully as she waved her arms about and connected a few of them together to make a necklace.

CLICKKK!

"Got it!" Emma pumped her fist in the air. She had unlocked the back door entrance in almost record time. "Alright, girlies, here we go," she said as she swung it open with a creak. The three of them tiptoed into the dark Magic Hut.

"Are you bitches gunna get me loose or what!" came an angry retort.

"Yeah, yeah, hold on a minute there, your majesty," Ruby said as she picked her way through the kitchen area. "Mmm it still smells good—like burgers."

GGGGGRRRRRRRRAHHHHHHHHHHHRGGGGGGRRRRRRR!

Belle and Emma nearly jumped a foot in the air.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!" Emma spun around.

"Sorry. That was me," Red confessed sheepishly. "It just smells so goooood in here!"

GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRUUURGGGGGGGGGRRRRRHHHHHH

Belle's stomach seemed to agree.

"For the love of—," Emma was interrupted by a third stomach growling. "Regina?"

"That wasn't— "she started, "I mean…unless you guys were going to…" she trailed off.

"Fuck it. We're here, and we forgot the most important rule of robbery."

"Don't get caught?" Emma supplied.

"Oh fuck no," Ruby cut her off. "Never B&E on an empty stomach."

"What does tha—"

"No, no," Belle cut the blond off with her hand held up. "She has a point."

"Fine," Emma gave in. "You guys get some chicken nuggets going and I'll get on the safe," she pointed in the opposite direction.

"Here, use this."

"Belle, where did you get dynamite?" Ruby said with eyes wide enough to mirror Emma's surprise.

"I….found it?"

Emma cautiously stretched her arm out to take in by her index finger and thumb, all the while giving Belle a wide birth. She tippy toed away to the safe in the back, leaving the other two to find their snack.

"She could've at least said where they were," Ruby grumbled, opening various draws and cabinets until she came across another door.

"Do you hear that?" Belle asked the wolf as Red's hand rested on the door handle. "I think something's in there." They pressed their ears to the door and listened, hearing very faint sounds from within.

"Shit!" Red swore when they heard muffled noise. She looked around and grabbed the nearest weapon which happened to be a large spatula. Belle did the same, finding a matching one. Their glow in the dark bracelets and necklaces cast an eerie blue and green glow in the darkness.

"One…two….THREE!" Ruby swung the door open and they were suddenly assaulted by a flurry of wings as they screamed.

"BAWK BAWK BAGAK BAWK!" the flightless creatures sang.

Ruby's wolf instincts immediately took over and she started growling at the dozens and dozens of chickens that cascaded from the open door, crouching over till she was nearly on all fours. "ARRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she howled, eyes dancing all over the place, trying to catch each one. She was running and chasing the rowdy chickens all through the kitchen area while Belle swatted and slapped at them with her spactula and screamed.

"WHY ARE THEY SO ANGRY?!" Belle squealed in terror as she swung out.

WHAP WHAP WHAP—BAKAWWWK!—WHAP WHAP THUNK!

"ARRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"BAWK BAWK BAAAACAWK!"

"WHICH PART IS THE NUGGET?!" The beauty yelled over the commotion to Ruby as her stomach chimed in with a GRRRRHHHHHGGGGG! Ruby had chased a handful of them into the back near Emma.

"BAWK BAK BAWK BAWWWWK BAWWKKKK!"

KAAAAAA-BOOOOOOOM!

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Feathers.

EVERYWHERE.

As they came raining down, only a few chickens still bawked at Belle near the front. Now that most of the chickens were gone, Ruby seemed to snap out of it.

"CODE GREY! CODE GRAY!" Emma popped her head out and screamed, her index finger pointed straight up and frantic making circles.

"WHICH ONE?" Belle yelled. "GREY WITH AN 'E'OR GRAY WITH AN 'A'?"

"GREY—GRAY—UH—WHICHEVER ONE MEANS WE NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT!"

"Oh, she means code blue," Red said conversationally.

"Yeah but if it's at night, technically it should be code navy, right?" Belle said.

"WE GOTTA BOUNCE LIKE BOOBS OVER SPEEDBUMPS!" Emma shouted, scrambling to stuff Magic Hut take out bags full of cash. They could hear the sirens in the distance. She shoved a bag into each of their arms and they took off running through the back door. They hopped into Ruby's car and Belle floored it, nearly putting her foot through the floor.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ruby threw a wad of cash into the air.

"MONEY FIIIIGHT!" The car erupted into wads of green being thrown back and forth.

Belle slammed the brakes hard, causing the car seatbelts to nearly slice them all in half.

"Emma."

"What?"

"Where's Regina?"

Emma looked to her left. Nothing. Emma looked to her right. Ruby. Emma checked the front seat. Belle. Emma checked the passenger seat. Nothing.

"OH FUCKCKCKCCKK."

"YOU MOTHERFUCKING DOUCHE LICKING CUNT BUCKETS!" Regina screamed and wriggled from the drive thru window as the siren lights flashed over her.

A/N: Reviews are always inspiring for new material and I hope you laughed at least once! Thanks for reading and let me know what you think!