Chapter 14

"Well, as I said, I don't want you to feel any obligation," Hotch began, causing JJ to frown slightly as she wondered how a date could be construed as an obligation unless it pertained to his role in getting Henry back, but she still failed to see the connection. JJ forced herself to focus on what Hotch was saying despite her brain trying to run ahead and figure out where he was going.

"I promised Jessica I would see if I could help her out is all, and if it helps you as well then that's two goals accomplished." Hotch continued as JJ felt a sinking feeling as she realized he was talking about something else entirely. She managed to adopt an impassive FBI look to cover the disappointment she was feeling as she waited for him to continue. Hotch noticed the change in her expression and found himself puzzled about what he could have said wrong already wondering if this was a bad idea, but forced himself to persevere knowing he had to finish what he started. "While keeping Jack, Jessica has been wanting to quit her job so she can stay at home with her children more, and with keeping Jack and a few discussions I've had with her about the difficulty of our work schedules, she's discovered the market for FBI childcare around the conventional bureau hours so she wants to start a small daycare in her home, I don't want you to feel you have to entrust Henry to her just because she keeps Jack, I thought it might be convenient since our schedules are often the same, and…" Hotch began uncharacteristically explaining his rationale behind presenting the option to her, still at a loss for what he had said that had caused the sudden shift in her expressions.

"That sounds great Hotch," JJ finally found her voice weakly smiling as she fought to hide the obvious disappointment and show her genuine gratitude for him helping her find a resource for Henry on her long trips. She didn't know Jessica well but could trust that if Hotch felt it was a safe and decent environment for Jack then she had no doubts that Henry would be well cared for also.

Hotch watched his friends expression as he spoke, somewhat encouraged as her eyes brightened again, though not with the same intensity they had earlier. "Jessica will also be a good safeguard should Will get any more kidnapping ideas," Hotch continued wanting to let her get an idea of how safe the environment should be. "She has installed a surveillance system and a few other safeguards in anticipation of her clientele, including daily code words that anyone other than the enrolling parent picking up must know in order to pick up a child, in addition to being listed on the release form."

JJ couldn't help but chuckle as Hotch described his former sister in laws attempts at ensuring a secure environment, but because of Will and the many horrors in her job she could certainly appreciate the extra steps taken and expected many other agents would probably feel the same. "I'd like that, and Henry would like being there with Jack, so I'll just call her tomorrow?" JJ questioned, having mostly recovered after the initial letdown.

Hotch gave one of his rare warm smiles as he quickly pulled out a piece of paper and wrote Jessica's number on it to give to JJ, "She's usually available to answer her phone through the day, but if not she does check voice messages regularly," he encouraged as he began moving towards the door, feeling somewhat relieved that the awkwardness was coming to an end and he could retreat to the safety of his home to further process what had been so different. Hotch usually felt at ease with his media liaison and he could not quite put his finger on what had made things so awkward this evening.

JJ was saved from further pleasantries as Henry's soft cries through the baby monitor signaled that he had awakened. "Thanks again Hotch, I'll see you Monday." Her dismissal was polite yet efficient as he gave a parting smile before quickly exiting. JJ took a deep steadying breath as she went to retrieve Henry before the cries escalated in volume, holding her now contented baby as she began replaying the scenes from his visit in her mind.

As Hotch drove to his home he started reviewing what had been said, trying to pinpoint what had been so different. "Was it because he caught her cleaning, her concerns over her appearance, the fact that he was in her home, did he just catch her off guard, or was it something unrelated to him entirely." His mind quickly raced through different questions and possibilities that could explain things. Hotch and the rest of the men on the team had often shared how they found it occasionally frustrating that even despite all their profiling skills women could still remain an enigma. As Hotch pulled into his driveway and entered his house, he double checked the security system as had become his habit since Foyett and began loosening his tie and unwinding for the evening, finding his thoughts taking a disturbing turn inward as instead of JJ's behavior he began to focus on his own thoughts. Asking himself the questions this time. "Did you really have to deliver that message in person, or did you just want to see her? You wanted to see her? Why?" As his mind not only asked the questions, but answered them, he fought back a groan as he found himself on a road he had managed to avoid before. Before it had been easier to avoid this particular thought pattern due to his marriage and after his marriage had dissolved Will and later Henry had become part of JJ's life. Even as he thought it Hotch knew he could now identify why he had suddenly felt uncomfortable, this being the first time that both he and JJ were available, his ongoing struggle against the long ago attraction he had managed to suppress coming bubbling back to the surface.

Meanwhile

As JJ tended to Henry her mind raced through what had happened. Wondering why she had been so disappointed that Hotch had not made a move, feeling like a foolish schoolgirl that she had expected him too when she should have been relieved that he had not made any attempts to complicate her life. Objectively she could clearly see why any such pursuit would be a bad idea at this time, she was still on the rebound from Will, she didn't need to be looking at a relationship with anyone, much less someone she saw every day at work. She tried to shift focus to chiding herself instead of focusing on the disappointment she continued to feel. She had been honest in telling Prentiss about her initial crush and ensuing admiration for their unit chief but had told herself that it was all in the past, tonight had obviously crushed her self-made delusion to this effect and she sighed in confusion as she watched Henry play with his toys on the floor.

Later that night

Hotch laid in bed willing sleep to come as he worked to get thoughts of a certain young blonde off his mind. "She's just ended a major relationship, she's on the rebound, you work together…" his mind began ticking off all the reasons why these thoughts were a bad idea before moving into the more personal and admittedly insecure thoughts. "She probably wouldn't be interested in me anyway. I am too old for her, what have I got to offer a woman anyway? Everyone around me seems to get hurt eventually…" Hotch could feel his heart sink as he considered these things stopping himself before he let it continue knowing it would only get worse if he let his mind go back to what had happened to Haley, his failure to protect her, what had happened to Elle, the scars he still bore both internally and externally. Everyone seemed to find it easier to dwell on his successes as a hero, but Hotch had a hard time letting go of the failures, even though he knew no one could win every battle and there had been some victims they were unable to save. As he felt himself beginning to sink into a light sleep he reminded himself, as he had many times before, that he had to let go of the feelings he had developed for their media liaison.

Meanwhile

Henry had finally gone back to sleep after his nighttime snack, some playtime and a bath, leaving JJ sitting up in bed trying in vain to focus on how to budget her finances as she calculated the differences of living on a sole income and seeing what she could afford considering the extra childcare. She found her focus constantly interrupted though as thoughts of Hotch kept invading her mind, the uncharacteristic visit, her hope that he had been going to ask her out, her feelings when that hope was quickly dashed to the ground. At first she had been tempted to be angry with him but quickly realized he had not really done anything wrong, the feeling had stemmed from her own hurt feelings. "Way to go JJ, you keep setting yourself up when you expect too much from people" she chided herself realizing once again that she had let her romantic nature get the best of her. She had tried time and again to tell herself that Will was the one, letting her self-reassurance hide the signs that she knew were there if she had tried to look at them, and in doing this had almost lost her son. "Time to be a realist JJ," she told herself with a sigh as she shifted her attention back to the papers in front of her. "Focus on being a good mother, Henry does need you, but there's no time for a man in your life right now even if there was there's not any beating down your door, forget about your crush on Hotch, it's your typical schoolgirl crush all over again and it's time to grow up." JJ forced herself to reach for the calculator, not wanting to go through reminding herself of the many times she thought she found "the one" only to find out her attraction was one sided. "That's what you get for reading all those classic novels and romance books JJ, time to get with the real world, it just doesn't work out that way. You aren't a heroine waiting for your knight in shining armor. You're now a single mom with a demanding job and have enough on your plate to deal with. You have baggage now, men don't want baggage or commitment. She was tempted to go on an anti-male rant to herself as she had done earlier in the week while processing Will's actions, but while it had been easy in light of Will, it was difficult to keep those thoughts in relation to Hotch who had taken on the single parent role as well. "Stop thinking of Hotch as the tortured hero, he's your boss and only cares about you the same as he does anyone else on the team, that's all, time to stop reading in other motivations" she quickly reminded herself one more time before finally turning her attention to the calculator on her lap and began entering the numbers she had come up with.

AN: Due to continuity JJ has not yet become a full agent in this story timeline. Thanks for the reviews, glad you're enjoying it.