Bite Your Tongue
by DarkHonda aka Tal

Chapter Fourteen:

(Same day as previous chapter)

That night, Kelsey Winslow was afraid to go to sleep.

She was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling in a complete darkness, fearing the moment the desperate webs of sleep would thread around her. This was hopeless and she knew it, she would fall asleep sooner or later and she will wake up screaming and crying like every other night. Wasn't it a better open to fall asleep do that cycle of sleep, waking up screaming, calming down and getting back to sleep?

She hated feeling this helpless, but she didn't have a choice.

Suddenly her door opened and Ryan stepped inside, silent. He closed the door behind him and made his bed from the folded covers that were still waiting on the floor from last night. Kelsey watched him quietly, somewhat relieved. She hadn't a clue what was he doing in her room, especially after their stupid argument. Well, it wasn't stupid. Not to her, anyway, she saw it as clear as daylight – it was him who was so blind.

"What are you doing here?" She asked when he laid back on his bed.

"I'm protecting you." He half growled and Kelsey felt relief hitting her, he came to her room despite their fight just so he could watch over her and be there when she woke up, terrified. Only then she allowed herself to crawl between her sheets and rest her face on her pillow, unafraid.

"I'm sorry, Ryan." She whispered quietly; she was sorrier for herself rather than him though. He was so protected in his ignorance of this specific matter… if he knew, she could see only two scenarios, the first being him completely alienating her in some noble purpose to avoid hurting her, while the other… it was too surreal to think about that, Ryan understanding the feeling is mutual and they live happily ever after. Things just don't happen this way.

She tiredly slipped one hand under her cool pillow, while the other rested on the other end of the pillow. Then she felt warm, rough hand touching hers under the pillow; she sighed, barely making out Ryan's low murmur.

"Sweet Dreams, My Angel."

*

Kelsey was lying on her bed, reading a book; looking down she saw Ryan sleeping peacefully, looking angelic and that's a lot considering the fact he is a former minion of evil. She smiled at he's sleeping figure; dirt blond hair tousled, red lips slightly open while his chest rose and fell in deep, rhythmic breaths. He looked like a model in a sleeping ad, beautiful. Sexy.

She shook her head. She had to avoid thinking of him this way. It was wrong!

He was sleeping now and she couldn't help herself from staring; staring on what she could never have, there was a pang of hurt in her chest and she sighed. A far off hissing noise was heard but she felt safe and protected with Ryan, even when he was sleeping. Shrugging it off she went back to reading, but then it happened–

A huge, black snake slithered into the room. She looked, bewildered at Ryan but he wasn't moving.

"Ryan?" She called and touched his body, but it was cold.

He was dead.

Petrified from her discovery, Kelsey found herself unable to move a muscle, waiting until the snake got to her and–

"Kelsey! Wake up, I'm here! I'm here, Kelsey." Ryan's voice echoed around her, she opened her eyes, tears immediately pouring down. She knew she was shaking; she looked straight ahead, seeing Ryan watching her worriedly from above her.

"It's okay, I'm here." He told her and motioned to move forward to hold her, she held back, still affected by her dream, fearing that if she touches him he'll be cold as ice. His expression turned from worried to soft, his brown eyes swirling warmly, reassuringly.

"It's okay, My Kelsey, I'm here." He spoke so gently that she had to believe him. She sat up, still keeping a distance from him; she gulped, feeling scared and lost. She knew it was another nightmare, but tonight it has been the first night it involved someone other than herself. Ryan. She whimpered, pain going through her entire form.

"Kelsey…" He breathed and she inched closer to him, slowly, still afraid to find out he was cold and unresponsive.

"I don't want to stay here." She said in a small voice, shivering at the thought of her nightmare.

"It's okay." he told her softly. "We can go to my room." He offered and she nodded, suddenly noticing she was drenched with sweat.

"Can I take a shower?" She shivered.

"Yes, I'll wait here, alright?" He looked concerned and Kelsey nodded and slid her legs to the floor, standing up. She knew Ryan was watching her intently but she still felt so weak and helpless.

"Ryan?" She asked and he glanced at her. "Can you talk to me while I –?" She asked only half a question and he nodded. She padded to the bathroom slowly, carefully and before she entered she sent Ryan a hesitated glance. She closed the door behind her, waiting for him to start talking;

"I don't remember much of my childhood before I was with Diabolico…" he started and Kelsey took it as a sign to undress. She quickly discarded her somewhat wet clothes and stopped;

"…Dana at the playground near old house. A little later I remember Dad got me a bicycle…" She turned the taps on and tuned it to her favourite level of heat, she then stepped in the shower, right below the hot water stream, it felt great, the water washing the sweat and dirty feeling away. She quickly soaped and shampooed her hair.

"And I fell and knee bled a little, so after Dad bandaged my knee, Dana came and kissed the bandage..." His voice was making her feel much more at ease, safe, though it didn't help much in the dream, she knew Ryan would not let go without a decent fight. It wasn't in his nature. She rinsed the soap and shampoo out of her hair and stepped out of the shower, reaching for a towel and toweling off. Then she took another and dried her hair.

She stepped out of the bathroom, only a towel to her body.

"I can only vaguely remember the day Diabolico took me –"

Ryan stopped, staring; Kelsey blushed.

"Sorry, I didn't take any clothes." She apologized while reaching for her closet. One hand held the towel in place while the other roamed through the different clothes; once she had her pick: yellow tank top and short gray shorts, as well as underwear, she walked back to the bathroom, to get dressed.

"Ryan?" She asked when she hadn't heard him, a small fear sneaking into her heart.

"Oh, right." She heard him mutter. "I can just remember the way I felt, mostly sadness, anger and fear, but Diabolico was very nice considering…"

Kelsey quickly dressed and exited the bathroom, looking at Ryan hesitantly. He smiled at her, walking towards her and holding her, pressing her close to him. He was warm, which reassured Kelsey a little more, he wasn't cold or dead and she found herself closing her eyes, letting the feel of him take over her. When she felt herself again, restored, she opened her eyes and stared at him, he peered down at her and smiled.

"Shall we?" He asked and she nodded; he took her hand but then she stopped, remembering.

"Wait, I forgot to comb my hair." She muttered and Ryan smiled and touched her wet hair.

"I like it this way, come on." He pulled her hand lightly, making her smile and follow him out of her room. He walked first, still holding her hand, leading her to the far end of the corridor then turned right to see two doors, one in front of the other. He turned to the right and dialed a code on the small panel, then took the handle and opened the door, leaning against it.

"Come in." He invited with a smiled and she peeked in, noticing a crimson carpet all over the floor. The walls were Aquabase-gray and the light stronger than in her room, she liked it immediately and stepped inside, the room had his scent all over. She took another few steps inside, noticing a desk and a small library to her right and a large bed on her left. There was a click and she jumped.

"Just the door." Ryan said quietly from behind her.

She nodded, still looking around; everything looked so intriguing and new; tastefully and manly, scarce but unmissed, much like Ryan, actually. The thought made her smile and shake her head, suddenly noticing how close he was to her, standing behind her only millimeters separating them.

"You like?" Ryan whispered in her ear gently.

"Yes." She answered somewhat shyly and turned to look at him, he looked rather pleased with her response. She blushed slightly, still looking around curiously and he chuckled and went to sit on the bed, allowing her to roam around. Feeling very self aware, Kelsey gave the room a brief glance and then went to sit next to Ryan, leaning her head on his shoulder tiredly.

"I'm stealing your hours of sleep." She said darkly, guiltily.

"I'm giving them to you." He chuckled.

"I'm serious." She glanced into his eyes, they were warm, somehow. Liquid.

"Me, too." He smiled. "There's nothing I'd like more than being here with you tonight and every other night." She could tell he was being sincere and that touch a nerve, she wanted to scream just how much she loved him but stayed silent. Restraining herself. She rolled closer to him and despite her thoughts earlier that night, rested her head on his chest, her hands on both his sides.

"Thanks, you have no idea how much that means to me." She murmured to his chest, suddenly aware of his arms that slid around her, securing her to him.

"Tell me what you were dreaming of?" She squirmed uncomfortably; how could she tell him that she was horrified of the thought of losing him, especially when she loved him so much? It would hurt to lose a friend, it would hurt as hell to lose a good friend but it would literally kill her to lose him.

"You were saying my name." He said after a while and she bit her bottom lip. "Tell me." He begged.

"I was in my room, reading a book and you were sleeping on the cover-bed you always make yourself. You looked – you were sleeping and then the snake burst in and I turned to wake you but…"

She gulped.

"But what?" He asked.

"You were cold and… and…" She couldn't complete her sentence, knowing he would understand and indeed, she felt his arms tightening around her immediately. He kissed his hair.

"I can't lose you, Ryan." She whimpered, pressing her forehead to his chest.

"I'll never let anyone separate us like that, Kelsey, never." He said in a low voice.

Kelsey nodded.

"You have no idea just how much you mean to me, Kelsey." He said and Kelsey couldn't help but silently cry at his words; it was him who had no idea how much he means to her. So much, and she couldn't say a single word about it.

"Kelsey…" Her name was a long whisper on his lips and she shivered; this love was torturing her from inside, how could she rehabilitate herself from Ryan when she needed him so much? It was impossible, she was doomed to have this conflict forever.

"Don't cry, little one," He murmured, his hands rubbing her back in calming circles. "Hush now, Love, sleep." His chest rumbled in a relaxing way and she nodded, pressing her lips together and allowing sleep take over. She never imagined she'd get used to him calling her like this.

*

It was strange to wake up, especially when her bed was a little lumpy. Opening her eyes she realized she has been sleeping on Ryan's chest, she carefully glanced up, almost afraid to find out he was awake.

He wasn't.

He was sleeping peacefully, his breaths tickling her face. He looked much alike to the Ryan in her nightmare; only the real Ryan looked less innocent and more serious in his sleep, as if he was having a discussion somewhere in Dreamland. Kelsey smiled and carefully disentangled herself from between her arms, hoping to pull the same stunt he has, a long time ago.

She stood on her feet and searched his desk for a piece of paper;

Thank you for watching over me in my dreams.

She left it on the pillow near his head and motioned away but stopped herself, watching him for another moment; on a spur of the moment decision, she bent down gently and pressed her lips to his cheek. His skin was smooth despite a night's worth of stubble.

Kelsey smiled at his sleeping form and sneaked out of his room, hopping all the way to her room.

*

Later that morning Kelsey skated into the common room with a smile, her spirit lifted. It wasn't just the fact she didn't have to dread a confrontation with Ryan's bitchy girlfriend, it was just… happiness in its raw form: Ryan took her to his room. Ryan let her sleep all over him, held her through the rest of the night and in the morning, too. He didn't let go of her and was sweet, stubborn and comforting. His dedication and loyalty was amazing! He gave her so much confidence and excitement, even a little more courage. Just being with him, as innocent as it was, it was making her a better, positive person, it had to say something.

"Why so serious?" She noticed a stoic-faced Carter who was sitting to the table and reading the newspaper, his breakfast untouched.

"What?" He asked, his eyes leaving the paper and glancing at her. "Oh." He realized, folded the paper and put it aside, assaulting his granola cereal.

"You should take a better care of yourself, Carter." Kelsey told him quietly, gliding his way and putting a hand on his shoulder. "I'd hate to see Dana waking up and having a heart attack that would put her back into bed because you lost a lot of weight."

Carter said nothing, but Kelsey knew silence equals admittance and that Carter would never again skip a meal. He cared about Dana too much to even think of accidentally hurting her, being the perfect gentleman he was. Kelsey shook her head, suppressing a smile, Dana being injured was having a huge effect on her relationship with Carter and she didn't even know it! Dana was up to a couple of surprises when she's awake…

Skidding over to the kitchen, Kelsey stopped behind Chad who was making a horrible-smelling porridge. Kelsey wrinkled her nose in disgust but poked Chad's shoulder for attention.

"Oh, hey, Kels. What's up?" He asked, still frowning upon his porridge.

"Alright, want to come skating in the park with me later?" She offered hopefully, Chad looked apologized;

"Sorry, Kels, I have a date with Marina underwater today."

"Oh, well, I could always ask Joel."

"I – think he's busy." Chad shrugged. "Says today is the day Angela Fairweather is going to accept the fact they have a future together."

Kelsey and Chad both laughed at that.

"Yeah, probably not." Chad said after they calmed down. "But a man can hope." He winked. "I think this is done." He added, more likely to himself. Kelsey waited until he poured some sickly white dough-like liquid to his bowl and she rolled by until they've reached the table. That was when Joel came in, wearing a green button-on shirt and his lightspeed jacket hanging from his hand behind his back.

"Good morning, sunshines, today is the day!" He declared, making Kelsey, Chad and Carter burst out laughing.

"What day?" Kelsey played innocent and Joel took the opportunity to walk in front of them as if on a fashion show.

"The day Sweet Angela Fairweather is going to agree to go out with me, finally." He stated, full of self importance. Chad snorted and the three rangers laughed.

"What? Don't you believe me?!" Joel looked insulted.

"Sure we do, Joel." Carter said sternly.

"If she accepts your offer, I expect pigs to fly." Chad snickered and Kelsey slapped the back of his head.

"Don't bust his mood, Chad!" She amended, then glanced at Joel. "Go get the girl, Joel." She smiled encouragingly at him.

"Thank you." He bowed. "Speaking of getting a girl, did you get your boy yet, Kelsey?" Three sets of eyes peered at her curiously, she blushed.

"Err… no." she shrugged. "Some things are not meant to be, you guys. I realized I should stop hoping and forget about that, we can't be nothing more than friends." She sighed.

"He doesn't know what he's missing." Chad patted her back.

"I never thought I'd say this, but Ryan's a complete fool." Carter added.

"I agree." Joel said with a frown. "How blind can he be? Honest, he's so stupid that it actually borders idiocy –"

"Who is?" Ryan's voice asked innocently from the door as he entered lightly.

"Forget it." Joel sighed. "Are you going rollerblading with Kelsey today? Neither of us can." Kelsey gave Joel a look and he smirked at her.

"I haven't realized Kelsey needs babysitting." Ryan said as he grabbed an apple from the table. "But if she invites me to go with her – I might go." He took a bite and Kelsey rolled her eyes.

"I'm surrounded by idiots." She notified them. "That's why I miss Dana." She added in for a good measure. "Ryan, I hereby invite you to come rollerblading with me. Shall you?" She asked, trying to sound as archaic as possible.

"I shall," Ryan smirked and shrugged, "but it has to be in an hour because I have a video conversation with Lyri."

"Okay, how about I go and you join if you can catch me?" She offered, a little insulted; why was he so tied up to Illyria? What did Illyria have that she lacked?

"Fine, I guess." Ryan shrugged. "Well, I need to go." He said and walked out of the common room, making Kelsey lose her breeze. Maybe that morning wasn't so great after all…

A/N: Last chapter I forgot to say the song My World belongs to Avril Lavinge. Oh, well, I hope she forgives me for not acknowledging her… Sorry, Avs. Review!