Thanks once again for all the reviews, alerts, and favorite adds for Baby Steps. I'm still hoping to have the baby born in two chapters or so. All familiar characters belong to Janet. The mistakes are mine. Warnings for mild smut.
Chapter 14
Not only was my birthday different this year, so were the holidays. After weeks of wondering when it was going to happen ... it did. I finally 'popped'. Which made Ella happy enough to go out and buy a special t-shirt for me for Halloween. And it did follow Rangeman's uniform guidelines. It was black, fitted without being revealing, but instead of 'Rangeman' being embroidered on the left hand side, it had the face of a jack o' lantern over the spot where my stomach is now sticking out.
"Babe," Ranger said, eyebrow raised when he saw what I was wearing to work that morning.
"You know Halloween is my favorite holiday. And since you won't allow decorations for it, or let Hal and Lester go door to fourth floor door begging for candy, this is about as festive as it's going to get," I told him. "If you don't like the shirt, you'll have to remove it from my body yourself."
Ranger's eyes took in my messy ponytail, the grinning pumpkin on my belly, and the black maternity skinny jeans, and still seemed interested in removing not only my Halloween shirt, but everything else I had on.
"Later," Ranger said, with plenty of heat.
That one word made me forget that I'm more than halfway through my pregnancy, with a belly that is about to need its own zip code. Sure, that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but to me, it felt like a soon to be reality. But Ranger's ability to see past all my imperfections - current and past - have made me sort of see beyond them, too. Or maybe he's just really into pregnant chicks.
Probably, it's more that Ranger can see the big picture instead of just a big stomach. Luckily, so far it's only been my stomach affected. My ass, thighs, and hips still look pretty much the same. Or maybe they actually look better since I still work out whenever I can.
And this particular 'big picture' has lots of good stuff crammed into it, but a couple more unpleasant ones, too. Like an increase in appetite ... and not for spinach and broccoli. I've been trying to stick to the healthy diet I've figured out and not eat anything that could make another appearance later on with my head in the toilet. Also, I know once the guys see me eating bakery items again, they'll flood the place with them. And I don't trust my good intentions with cake around.
Aside from frosting cravings, I've had to adjust to blood pressure shifts if I get up or move too fast, which can make me a little unsteady and possibly look like I've had one too many glasses of wine. And I'm finding it more difficult to get comfortable, both at my desk and in our bed at night. Ranger has woken up a few times to me using him - or my pillow - to prop myself up in the perfect position that would only stay perfect for about two minutes before I had to readjust again. Ever since I started really showing, I can't seem to stay in one spot for very long.
"I hope you have no business trips scheduled to Boston or Miami for the next couple of months," I told Ranger, on one particularly restless night, "because this is the comfiest I've felt in a while."
I'd ended up balanced on my right side next to Ranger, with my left leg thrown over his thigh while my cheek rested on him halfway between Ranger's abs and his pecs, my belly sort of supported by his hip. Even with the bed being so big, I was plastered to Ranger again.
"I'm not staying overnight anywhere for the foreseeable future, Steph," he told me. "Tank has already agreed to handle any problems in the other branches if something comes up."
I felt bad for Tank, but not enough to tell Ranger that it wasn't necessary.
When I wasn't being plagued by weird dreams - or vivid sex dreams that Ranger and I both benefited from - insomnia became an issue for me. As well as lack of iron. One, I handled with more pills from the doctor and even more visits to her office to keep an eye on that and my blood pressure. The other problem I tackled with some form of Rangeman work, more online searches trying to find a way of coping with whatever was bothering me that day, or taking on a project or two around the apartment. Ella called it nesting, but I just saw them as time-killers until the sun came up again.
One night when Ranger heard me get out of bed, he got up, too, and we put the baby's crib together at two-forty-five in the morning. Ranger was wearing nothing except a pair of dangerously low-slung sweatpants, and I'd put on the little camisole top and boy shorts I wear when I get too hot and know no one's going to walk into the apartment on me. The top no longer met the bottoms, my rounded belly now peeking out between the two. I'm betting that the camisole will probably turn into a bra top by the time I reach 40 weeks.
"Do you need me to read the directions to you?" I asked Ranger, as he laid out all the parts of the crib.
"No," Ranger told me. "But you can if you want."
So I did. I also handed Ranger whatever he needed, and held the larger pieces together while Ranger put in the appropriate screws to make sure the thing won't collapse.
"That wasn't so hard," I said to Ranger, while he slipped in the crib mattress he'd thought to order at the same time as the crib and changing table.
"It wasn't hard because I did all the work, Babe," Ranger told me, pulling me gently to him and sliding his hands under the hem of my little top.
I sucked in a breath at the feel of Ranger's fingers touching my skin. This is just like a dream I had last week. Erotic dreams starring Ranger aren't a new thing for me, though.
"Hey, I'm growing your baby," I told him, not feeling bad about using my condition to get the last word, "so I'm doing way more work than putting together furniture."
"He's our baby, Stephanie."
"Yeah, I know. It still seems strange that a few months ago we were busy discussing FTAs during the day and what we'll be doing together at night. Now we're talking cribs, childcare, and baby food."
"One thing hasn't changed," Ranger said, cupping my breast in his hand.
"What's that?" I asked, gasping when Ranger's thumb circled my nipple.
Although my breasts don't hurt exactly, they have become incredibly sensitive.
"I still think about what I want to do with you at night."
"Even with this?" I asked Ranger, splaying my hand across my little beach ball.
"Yes."
"How?" I said, really wanting to know.
"Stephanie, I've always been attracted to your body, but it's you I want. I think of this," Ranger said, covering my hand with his, "as a small speed bump that reminds me to go slow and not rush ... anything."
"What happens if I can't have sex with you when I get close to giving birth?" I asked Ranger. "Or the weeks after it?"
"Then you can just focus all your attention on pleasuring me," Ranger said, wolf grin in place. "Actually, that could turn out well for me. I'd have no work to do."
I smacked his chest even though I know Ranger's just kidding to make me feel better about possible relationship hurdles we might face down the road.
"That would be a real change of pace for you, wouldn't it?"
"Yes, but seriously, Steph, there are plenty of ways of being intimate without actually having sex. And we'll figure out what works for us. In the meantime, how about I show you just how much your size doesn't bother me?"
"What about the changing table?" I asked, looking at the other box now leaning against the crib.
"We'll save that one for the next time you can't sleep," Ranger told me, pushing a curl away from my face.
"Ranger, you can't do all the crap you do during the day without sleep. I can manage the up-all-night thing on my own."
"Steph, this is nothing compared to how many hours of sleep I've lost when you were with Morelli," Ranger said.
Before I could ask him about that, Ranger slid an arm around my back and under my thighs, sweeping me off my feet ... physically and figuratively.
Once we were in the bedroom, and I was on the bed, Ranger slid off my top and little bottoms. I would've liked to have crawled under the covers, but I willed my hands away from them, wanting to be confident with my body. Ranger seemed to know what I was thinking, and made sure I faced what scared me. He laid on his back on top of the blankets so I couldn't move them if I wanted to, and rolled me over on him.
"This way," Ranger said to me, "you can move how you want, and I won't have to worry about my weight settling on your stomach."
That sounded reasonable, considerate, and let's face it ... sexy, too, but I know the real reason he said it. Ranger was trying to give me my power back without having to actually call me out on it. And having Ranger at my mercy is distraction enough for me to forget all about being embarrassed by my new body.
I ditched his sweatpants and climbed on top of Ranger again. His hands went immediately to my breasts, gently rolling my larger and much darker nipples between his fingers. Then Ranger moved his hands down over my stomach to what lay beneath it. I leaned back, my hands on the bed on either side of his legs as I straddled him, giving Ranger more access to the places I wanted touched. I forgot all about how I looked to him, and thought only about how Ranger could make me feel. Ranger's fingers slid on and inside me, and I found myself moving my legs even further apart for him.
I didn't want to be the only one enjoying this, so I took my hands off the bed and reached for Ranger, stroking him until his hands grew more insistent on me. After Ranger brought me to an easy orgasm, I wrapped my hand tightly around the base of his erection as I lowered my body onto him. Ranger grabbed my hips to bring me down on him every time he surged up. It wasn't long before I collapsed on Ranger's chest, completely spent, with Ranger still deep inside me, thinking that I never want to be separated from him again.
Two weeks after Halloween, there was another major event ... in my little world, anyway. I've felt a weird feeling in my stomach on and off for a couple of days, but it never occurred to me until now that it might be caused by the baby instead of my digestive tract. I tried to remember exactly what Val and Mary Lou said to be on the lookout for ... a slight fluttering or faint popping sensation they'd told me. I reclined a little in my chair and sat real still while Ranger conducted the meeting that I'd been asked to attend, and paid close attention to my body this time. Hunger pains can't last all week, can they?
"Holy shit!" I said a little while later, obviously louder than I'd planned when I noticed a slight pattern to the odd feeling now.
Crap, I said to myself this time, as I realized that my little Manoso man had just successfully taken over his first meeting. All the guys present had gone into combat mode, reaching for their weapons, and scanning the room for the cause of my outburst. Too bad they won't see who's responsible for a few more months.
"Babe?" Ranger asked.
I smiled at him, but couldn't say anything just yet. Valerie had mentioned that the baby should be moving anytime now, and described what it felt like to her, but I still wasn't prepared for it happening to me. Big surprise there. I put one hand on my belly and reached for Ranger's with the other, laying his exactly where mine had been. It took a few minutes, but then I felt the same flutter. I was hoping Ranger could, too.
"What the fuck is going on?" Tank asked, not quietly either.
Another slight movement. Yep, this kid isn't about to be left out.
I looked at everyone in the room who, a few minutes ago, had been sitting at the large rectangular table before my eyes went back to Ranger's face. His expression hadn't changed unless you looked closely enough to see the slight crinkling around his eyes. The same look Ranger would give me when he'd been called to one of my disasters and found me standing there with my hair singed, but very much alive.
"I just felt the baby move," I informed the guys before they shot up the place.
"Holy shit!"Lester said.
That's what I said, wasn't it?
"Did you feel him?" I asked Ranger, hoping he said yes.
"It's very faint," Ranger told me, not moving his hand, "but I felt something."
Which means Ranger was using his extra-sensory everything to feel what probably no one aside from me could.
"Are you kidding?" Tank asked. "He's finally moving?"
"He's probably been moving around for a few days," I told Tank. "I just didn't realize what was going on."
Lester got as close to me as Ranger's body would allow.
"Hey, kid," Lester said, towards my stomach. "We've got your room all ready for you, and you're soon gonna be sharing an office with your Mama and Daddy."
"Jesus, Lester," I told him. "I finally get you to stop talking to my boobs, and now I have to start all over again by telling you to speak to me instead of my belly?"
"You said so yourself, that he can probably hear everything going on around him," Lester informed me. "I want to make sure this kid knows who his Uncle Lester is."
I looked up at Ranger. "Does 'Uncle Lester' sound pervy to you, too?" I asked him.
"Yes."
"If this baby hears too much from you," Bobby said to Lester, "he won't ever want to come out. We're trained professionals and even we have a hard time putting up with you."
"Oh, he's coming out one way or another," I told them.
"I don't know who the kid takes after more," Tank said, a smile hovering on his lips, "his father for taking control of a packed meeting room, or his mother for disrupting business."
"Hey!" I said to him.
"I'm kidding, Steph," Tank told me.
"Sure, you are. Are you forgetting that you don't have a sense of humor?" I asked him.
"You're having a kid, Steph. So stranger things have happened than me cracking a joke."
Ranger took a few steps away from me to give Tank a friendly whack to the head while I just rolled my eyes. Tank is right about that. The strangest thing to me, though, is how much I'm looking forward to getting to know this newest part of Ranger. And, hopefully, this child will love me as much as Ranger does. Well ... maybe a little less than Ranger. I'm not sure I could handle another guy as protective as Ranger is towards me.
"He still kicking?" Hector asked me.
Hector had moved closer to me the second I started cursing. He's as quiet as he is deadly, but Hector's one of the kindest men here once you get to know him. I went still again to see if I could feel any kind of movement.
"Try talking again," I said to the room. "Maybe he likes to command a crowd."
"When are you gonna give us a name for him?" Bobby asked. "We should be calling him something other than kid or Rangedude by now."
"Stephanie wants to meet him before he gets officially named," Ranger told him.
"I do have a few names in mind, though," I added. "But I'm not picking one until I know if it'll fit his personality. Oh ... hold on ..."
I quickly grabbed Hector's hand and laid it on the spot where I thought the 'kick' came from, wondering if it was strong enough for Hector to feel.
"Can you feel that?" I asked Hector.
"Sí," was all Hector said, but his face had softened as soon as his hand touched me.
I knew I'd just set myself up to become a Rangeman genie lamp. All the guys will want evidence of the baby moving if I let them, but it was worth it to see Hector forget - for a second anyway - about all the shit he's been through, and just enjoy a moment. I looked at all the guys again, and realized that I want them all to experience that. So I didn't hide behind Ranger this time when Lester came over to me.
"What does it feel like?" Lester asked me.
"Like this," I said, and let him cop a different feel than what he's used to.
Lester's face was comical ... amazed and completely unprepared for me letting him touch my stomach.
The meeting we'd been in the middle of was mainly about the changes that will be taking place in the next few weeks, mostly involving me, which is why Ranger wanted me here. Tank's office will be turned into mine after a quick remodel. My computer work will stay the same, but I'll be taking over initial interviews for the new hires. Resumes for potential employees will be approved by Ranger before they reach me, but the first face-to-face meetings with them will be done by me before Ranger or Tank make the final decision to hire them or not.
Ranger has always said that he trusts my instincts, but I hadn't expected this. Today, he wanted to inform me and the guys here that my day-to-day duties once my office is ready will now range from background checks, meet-and-greets, skip locating for the guys, and sometimes wheelman for them if I get too bored staying inside the building. I'll probably go back to actual skip tracing after the baby's born unless I decide it's too dangerous to do with a child at home to stay alive for.
I was pretty sure that after Bobby knocked Lester out of the way, that the meeting will now be declared over. It would be hard, if not impossible, to get us focused on business again when all talk had turned to kick comparisons. Used to be those were reserved for the gym after the guys had been beating the shit out of each other on the mats.
Tank was the last one up. He was hesitant in putting his hands on me in something other than a quick happy you're alive hug or back pat, but I'm not hesitant anymore. I took Tank's hand, which is two times the size of mine, and put it on the spot that was once again faintly 'popping'. I took that to mean my baby likes my guys, too.
"He's really growing, isn't he?" Tank said, taking his hand back, but looking at my now prominent belly, covered today by a stretchy Rangeman t-shirt Ella had special-ordered for me months ago.
To say the guys are excited about our Rangeman addition is nothing compared to how happy Ella is. I already told her that I'm determined to teach the baby to call her 'Grand-Ella' when he starts talking, since she's going to be just as much of a grandmother to him as Ranger's mom, Marie. Ella's dark eyes got watery, and I did my best impersonation of her take no crap voice.
"Don't you dare cry, Ella," I ordered her. "If you start, I won't be able to stop."
She blinked, but her tears stayed in. "I'll be honored to be his Grand-Ella," Ella told me. "I see you and Ranger as my own children, and nothing would make me happier than a child of yours seeing me as another grandmother."
"He will think of you as his grandma. He can't help but love you, too," I told her. "Check with Louis and see what he thinks of being called Grampy Louie."
I brought my wandering mind back to the conference room and Tank.
"Yep, this baby's definitely growing," I told Tank, slowly standing up since I was right about the meeting breaking up. "More every day. You're going to have to brush up on your babysitting skills as well as your sense of humor."
"Count on it," Tank told me.
Ranger slipped an arm around my waist, with his hand resting on my hip, curving along the outer edge of my stomach. Pretty soon Ranger won't be able to get both arms around me. Good thing he knows how to improvise.
"Dismissed," Ranger told everyone in the room.
The guys went from friendly to scarily professional in the blink of Ranger's eyes, and quickly left the room before Ranger's good mood turned ... and not in their favor. When it was just Ranger and I alone in the conference room, I wrapped my arms around him and tilted my head back.
"This baby isn't only going to change our lives, is he?"
"No, Babe. I think he'll be rebuilding everyone here from the ground up."
Needless to say, Thanksgiving was more interesting than past ones for me. And it seemed like I was more popular than the turkey and pumpkin pie. Ranger and I spent the holiday at his parents' house, where we've been spending a lot more of our time. All the Manoso siblings had come for dinner, along with Ranger's grandparents on both sides.
I couldn't stop making mental comparisons between Ranger's grandmothers and Grandma Mazur. Grandma Rosa speaks Spanish ... Grandma Mazur speaks late night cable. Grandma Ana was elegantly dressed in a pair of tailored black pants and a silk blouse in teal that showed off her olive skin and incredible bone structure to perfection. If Grandma Mazur had been here instead of in the Burg, she'd have been wearing something tight, low-cut, and intended for a woman five decades younger than she is now. I haven't always appreciated Grandma's 'unique' take on life, but I've always loved her for not being afraid to show it.
"Are you okay being here instead of at your parents' house?" Ranger asked me, when we had a minute away from everyone.
"I'm more than okay, Ranger," I told him. "I always thought Thanksgiving was about how much food I can pack away, but this year, I really get the meaning behind it. I'm thankful to be part of your family. And even if everything was perfect with my family, I'd still want to be here with you and all the Manosos today."
I wasn't just trying to reassure him or myself. I really meant what I was telling Ranger. I've grown to love each and every member of his family, and I couldn't have wished for better relatives for the baby and I to be surrounded by.
Christmas was the opposite of both Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. Ranger and I - okay mostly me - decided to split time between our two families. Christmas Eve was spent at Ranger's Grandmother Rosa's house, which called for another Quaker Bridge run since Thanksgiving's thin red sweater and slim-fitting black maternity pants with the sexy leather stripes following the length of my legs, weren't an option any longer.
I'm going to ask Ella if there's a way to cut out the under belly band and add a button or zipper to the pants so I can still use them after my pregnancy. I want to wear them again, but not bad enough to get pregnant again. They weren't kidding when they said that me and the baby would be gaining weight like crazy. I feel like something has all at once taken over my body. The movie "Aliens" came to mind, but I tried to squelch the visual.
Ranger and I got dressed up again, which was proving to be more challenging for me every day it seems. And I made things much harder by trying to find clothes that make me feel good about myself instead of ones that look like someone just dropped a tent over me. I figured out real quick that stretchy fabric is going to be my friend.
For Christmas Eve, I decided to wear a burgundy wrap-style top and an above the knee length skirt with the belly panel that I'm becoming way too familiar with. Ranger drove us to Newark, but two streets over from Marie and Eduardo's house. And we spent another evening with Ranger's parents, grandparents, and whichever sibling wanted to brave the cold and snow to join us for food and presents.
Christmas morning was more subdued. I'd said okay when Valerie asked Ranger and I over to her house for a Christmas brunch. I had wondered if my parents being in a familiar environment would make a difference in their demeanor. Maybe being at Marie's for my birthday party made them too uncomfortable to act normally towards us. So I viewed Christmas morning as a trial run to see if visits with my parents will be possible, but I was left feeling disappointed.
My mother was still uptight, my dad was more interested in the TV than usual, and I wasn't sure how to fix the distance that has grown between us all, because I didn't do anything wrong in my opinion. Wanting my child to be raised at Rangeman by me and Ranger, and taught our values, doesn't seem too harsh or like too much to ask.
Ranger wants our safety to be thought of before anything else, and I wanted my mother to agree to have an open enough mind to do things my way for once, but my parents obviously decided that Ranger and I were being insulting instead of reasonable, and neither side has been able to find a middle ground. Maybe not my dad so much, but I can tell he's still a little annoyed over me accepting Woody's rocker when I wouldn't take his mother's. And my mom is just annoyed in general with everything I do. There are some things that a respectable marriage and an upcoming baby won't change, and my mother's opinion of me is one of them, I guess.
As I was kneeling on the floor helping Lisa open the box containing the new doll she's been asking for, I caught Ranger's eye from where he was sitting on the couch. And in that moment of eye to eye contact, we agreed that this is it. We've tried twice now, and my parents aren't budging, and we aren't willing to, either. It will probably be easier for Valerie and the girls if we meet up with them on different days than my parents so we don't mess up holidays for them.
It's true that my parents and I were polite to each other, but there was an undercurrent of tension that was hard to ignore. I felt like I was sitting on a live grenade, just waiting to be blown to pieces if someone spoke too loudly - or breathed too hard - near me.
I'm sure Valerie and I will be able to work future celebrations out. It's possible that she and the girls, and I guess Albert, will be glad to come to Rangeman, too. And who knows, maybe a little more distance will be enough to make my parents see that a relationship with their grandson is more important than bruised pride and hurt feelings.
"You sure, Babe?" Ranger had asked me, once the girls had successfully snagged all the attention away from us.
"Yeah. I don't relish the idea of spending more time with my stomach clenched, expecting something bad to happen or be said."
"We can leave right now if you want," he told me. "Valerie will understand."
"No," I said. "I'm not about to cause a scene. The girls deserve a good Christmas, and I'm not going to be responsible for screwing it up. We've got the Burg manners thing going on now, so I can make it another hour or two until it's time for everyone to leave."
Ranger draped an arm across my shoulders and kissed my temple. I have Ranger, a healthy baby, our Rangeman family, and the Manosos, I can't bitch about a few uncomfortable hours. Well, I can, but I'm not going to. I've got more than most people have so I'm going to suck up - and shut up about - the rest.
Ranger and I left after all the wrapping paper had been picked up, and the girls were busy playing with their new toys/things so high-tech I don't even have them. We thanked Val and Albert, I gave my parents a small, obviously forced smile, and then followed Ranger out of the Kloughn house and out of the Burg. I felt like I was finally able to breathe again as we left Hamilton Ave behind.
Ella had the holiday off, but left special provisions for the men working. After Ranger agreed to come with me, we stopped at the control room to say hi and hand out gifts. Then Ranger and I went back to the seventh floor and spent the rest of the afternoon in the nursery. I kicked off my heels and Ranger helped me put up the shelves I bought for the wall above the changing table, and then he put together a small storage cabinet I found for the room while I was out looking for holiday clothes. When all the furniture was assembled, we rearranged everything we have so far while Ranger shot down every one of my more ... original baby name ideas.
"Merry Christmas, Ranger," I said from my seat in Woody's rocking chair, after I finally decided this is where everything would stay.
"Back at you, Babe."
Ranger walked over to me, bent at the waist, and covered my mouth with his lips as he covered my baby bump with his palm, including our little acrobat in the moment. Next Christmas is definitely going to be unlike any other. I still can't wrap my head around how it will be with an almost nine-month-old child occupying this room, sleeping in the crib I helped Ranger with, and playing with toys on this particular floor.
One week later, on New Year's Eve, Ranger told me that he's taking me out. Just the two of us, no family drama or small talk to make. It's strange to think that in three months, give or take, we'll be welcoming a baby along with this new year. Mary Lou had been up for another shopping challenge, and had come with me to help find something somewhat sexy for me to wear for my date.
It took some time, and a bunch of stores, to find a dress that didn't make me feel like I was just trying to disguise a watermelon, but the short, midnight blue cocktail dress with side ruffle, spaghetti straps, and clingy fabric, is a dress I would've worn even if I wasn't pregnant. And the best part is, you can't really tell I'm pregnant in it unless I turn sideways.
A big fear I had was that Ranger wouldn't find me attractive the bigger I got, but I had to eventually let that go, and give Ranger credit for not being a typical guy who saw me as only a sexual outlet. Ranger wants sex - plenty of it - but the difference is ... he wants it with me. And that made me a lot less nervous about how the next couple months will go.
I don't have to worry about how anyone sees me, including myself, as long as the guy I love still loves me back. It sounds so simple, and a little co-dependent, but that knowledge helps immeasurably when I run into someone from my past like Joe or Joyce, which happened recently. And both of them at the same time, proving that some things - like bad luck - never go completely away.
"Well ... well, look who's waddled back into town," I heard Joyce say behind me, when I'd stopped at the Shop n Bag for a snack before heading home.
"Go to hell, Joyce," I said, continuing past her to my car that I now thought was parked too far away.
Like always, Joyce didn't pick up on the fact that I'd rather set my own car on fire than have a conversation with her.
"Looks like those rugrat hormones are making you bitchier than normal."
"Not hormones, Joyce," I said evenly, "you. You're making me bitchier than normal."
"Why? Because I still look good, and you look like ... that?"
As if her current combination of collagen, silicone, and Bozo-red hair extensions could be called good looking.
"You must have one hell of a magic mirror if you think a plastic face and inflatable chest squeezed into whore-red pleather, make you attractive to anyone looking for more than just a heated blow up doll. "
"At least I'm not imitating a beached whale," Joyce said, trying to piss me off.
I wasn't letting her. "You need to grow up, Joyce," I told her.
"That all you got? You can't even think up a good comeback? I'm not surprised, though. It was hard enough for you to think for yourself, so trying to think for two must be impossible."
I blew out a breath. "Fine, you want a response, Joyce, I'll give you one. Maybe I'm a whale according to you, but my guy - who just happens to be the hottest fucking man in the state - hasn't cheated on me, filed for divorce, or faked death in order to get the hell away from me, like every single one of your husbands have done. And you've never once stopped looking like a porn movie reject. Seems to me, you should be the one with an image problem. I'm carrying a baby, you're just a used-up skank no one wants anymore."
"That's funny, seeing as how you were sleeping with one guy while leading on another," she told me.
"I'd be insulted by that comment if it wasn't coming from Hepatitis-B Barbie. You still haven't gotten over Ranger and Joe loving me while finding you physically repulsive, have you?"
"It's a good thing you were such a slut in the past, because no man is gonna want a woman who's bigger than his car and house combined, and is about to be saddled with a snot-nosed little brat until it's big enough to leave you, too."
Joyce can insult me all she wants, but calling my baby any kind of 'brat' is crossing the line. I got right up in her face, not thinking about what I may catch by breathing in her air, and spoke through clenched teeth.
"If you don't want to have to redo all that expensive dental work you spent husband number one's hard-earned money on, Joyce, you'll leave my baby out this."
"That's fitting ... big talk from a big cow," Joyce said to me, her fake teeth bared in a taunting smile.
I sent Ranger a silent thank you for showing me the proper way of throwing a right hook. My hand hurt a little, but the satisfaction of seeing Joyce hit the ground made up for the pain.
I was smiling wide when Morelli came up to us. I didn't know what he was doing here, and I didn't care. Shutting Joyce up was worth jail time. If Joe arrested me for assault, Ranger would have me out before the fingerprint ink had a chance to dry. And then Joe would probably be looking for a new job in another country after Ranger got done speaking to everyone he knows who ranks higher than Joe ever will.
"Are you okay, Steph?" Joe asked, surprising me with concern instead of handcuffs and Miranda Rights.
"Yeah. Joyce was just being Joyce."
"What the fuck are you doing?" Joyce asked Joe, while getting back up onto her stripper heels. "You're a cop, arrest the psycho. She just hit me."
"I saw that," Joe told her. "It was a pretty solid punch."
"I've been working out," I told him, as an explanation as well as a warning.
"It shows," he said, a nervous smile playing on his lips.
"What the hell do you do to men?" Joyce asked me. She was viciously dabbing at her mouth, either searching for blood or trying to repair her lipstick in case Joe decides to look in her direction. "You make 'Officer Hottie' here blind to the obvious beauty around him." She stuck her boobs out a little more, making it clear that she's the scenery Joe should be admiring. "And you scored the mother of all commitment-phobes ... Ranger. I suppose getting yourself knocked up helped you there. Isn't that how his ex-wife got him, too?"
"I've got plenty of punches left in me, Joyce, so shut your disease-infested pie hole or I'll happily shut it for you."
"She looks serious, Joyce," Morelli told her. "Now would probably be a good time to leave."
Joyce shook her head at him in disbelief. "She used you, dumped you, and got impregnated by the Cuban commando, and you're still defending her? Seriously, what does she have on you? Or is it her 'husband' who's got all the goods?"
"You're an idiot, Joyce," I told her, like she wasn't aware of that. "And you might want to fix your makeup before the only matrimonial victim you have a chance of landing is a circus escapee."
Joyce's hands flew to her fake Chanel bag, I assume to find a mirror to see if I was fucking with her or telling the truth. I used her distraction to walk to the driver's side of the Cayenne Ranger insists I drive now. Morelli, unfortunately, followed me.
"What do you want, Joe?" I asked, more than ready to call it a day.
"I just want to see how you are," Joe told me. "You look great. I always knew you'd be beautiful pregnant."
"I swear to God, Joe, if you make one barefoot and pregnant remark, I'll deck you, too. Assaulting an officer charge be damned."
"That's not what I meant," Joe said, quickly. "I'm trying to call a truce."
"Why?" I asked, suspiciously.
"Because I'm a good guy."
"That's been up for debate lately," I told him.
Morelli had opened his mouth to say something, but whatever it was had been cut off by my cell ringing. I pulled it out of my shoulder bag, trying not think about the Fendi bag I almost owned, and looked at the screen ... Ranger.
"Yo," I said into it.
"Yo, yourself, Babe. Where are you?"
"Shop n Bag, like you don't already know that."
"Five more minutes there," Ranger told me, "and I would have gone looking for you."
"I'm fine. And I'm on my way home now."
"That's what I wanted to hear," Ranger told me.
"Why?" I asked. "You get the night off?"
"Yes."
I gave Ranger a sexy grin even though he isn't here to see it. I bet I can get Ranger to kiss my hand and make it all better while he's laughing at the thought of me knocking Joyce on her ass.
"I'll be there in ten minutes," I told him.
"I've got my eyes on the clock, Babe."
I was still smiling when Joe cleared his throat next to me. Oh yeah, I'd been talking to Morelli. My smile got much smaller as I sighed.
"Let me guess ... that was Ranger checking up on you? How does he always know when something is going on with you?" Joe asked, watching as Joyce burned rubber out of the Shop n Bag lot.
I shrugged. "Ranger senses a disturbance in the force," I told Joe, only partially joking.
Joe looked from my jean-clad legs to the Rangeman coat I'd stolen from Ranger when my own jacket refused to tie any more.
"I did mean what I said, Steph. You look good."
There it is again ...'Steph'. That's twice now. Not one Cupcake. Not yet ... and maybe not ever again.
"I've got to go, Joe," I told him, sliding behind the wheel, making sure my belly isn't pressing into it. "Thanks for not arresting me."
"No problem," he said, and stepped back so I could close the door. "Maybe I should head in Joyce's direction and see if I can bust her for something."
"I bet she's run at least three lights by now," I told Joe, and put the Porsche's door between us.
One glance in my rearview mirror showed that Joe was still standing there, watching me drive away.
I shook the memory off, and checked myself out one more time. Yep, I look pretty good. I left the bathroom and went to see where Ranger had decided to wait for me. I didn't have to look very far, Ranger had picked the bedroom this time. Ranger was pretty freakin' sexy himself in dark pants and light gray button-down shirt with the collar left open, drawing my eyes to the skin there.
Ranger gave me a heated once over before holding out a hand to me.
"You ready to ring in the new year, Babe?" Ranger asked.
I put my hand in his and let Ranger pull me to his side.
"Yep. I have a feeling this year is going to be our best one yet."