A/N: What up? The sky maybe…..LOOK! A FLYING BAGEL!

Today is the week of awkward for me. Today I had Freshman Orientation…..and BOY WAS THAT AWKWARD! But I signed up for clubs and stuff.

And I have the Freshman Boatride on Friday. More awkward for Erin!

Okay…enough about my troubles.

La la la

Okay. As I write I'm listening to my variety of Showtunes that I love dearly. Showtunes put me in an awesome mood! Unless they're like the really sad ones like from Les Mis, those make me cry.

So enjoy the newest…..strangest….installment of this Fashionably Dapper Story.

HA! It's not Fashionably Dapper! More like a Fashionably Ill Moose.

I'm bringing in another character cuz I wants tah!

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! OR DO I? NO, I DON'T!

Dave Karofsky. Yes, I said Dave Karofsky. He was walking down the street in his normal Dave-like fashion. Step by step. Inch by inch. Checking out random guy's butts. You know, the norm.

I heard a noise. The noise sounded like, "Om nom nom." But what or should I say who was making that noise? Well I know, you know, but Dave surely doesn't…..yet.

"Om nom nom om nom!" The voice om nommed. That's how I would describe it. You can't really say that the person who was making the noise was saying it, because he wasn't actually saying it.

Dave looked around. Trying to see where the noise was coming from. North? Up north where Santa Claus live? No. South? South as in South Dakota, where that mountain with the presidents live? Nope. East as like the East Coast? Nope. You can't hear om nom noms in the ocean. West? The Wild West? Do cowboys om nom?

"Om nom nommy nom om nom nom."

"Who's singing om nom?" Dave asked himself out loud.

"I am good sir!" A dapper voice spoke.

Dave looked around. He saw no one.

"Down here!"

Dave looked down. It was a small, bloody, dapper young fellow. Dave recognized it. As the dapper, young fellow recognized Dave.

"KURT NEEDS TO BE SAFE!" He yelled, throwing a suspicious bone at Dave.

"You're that hobbit dude that Kurt brought to school!"

"KURT NEEDS TO BE SAFE!" The hobbit dude threw another bone.

"Me and Kurt are cool now…" Dave picked up the bone. "What kind of bone is this?"

"Mailman."

Dave dropped the bone.

Blaine lifted up a bloody Mailman leg. "Wanna bite?"

Dave shook his head.

"Your loss." Blaine took a big bite out of the leg. "Scrumdiddlyumptious!"

"Okay….Now I'm gonna go…"

Blaine grabbed Dave's leg. "You must help me find Kurt!"

Dave was confused, "Why?"

"Because of the lack of furniture to dance in my surroundings….I have no sense of direction."

"What?"

"Bring me to a table!"

"Huh?"

"A chair would do, as well!"

"What do you mean?"

Blaine was now laying lifeless on the ground. "There's not much time! Furniture is the only thing that can revive my energy!"

Dave was confused. "The only thing?"

"Or someone to sing with! The Warblers aren't around and Kurt's at the doctor!" Blaine coughed, "Sing with me, Dave!"

"Hell no."

"Please?"

"No."

"I'm dying!"

"No."

"Just sing!" Blaine began to turn a variety of colors. From forest green, to purple mountain majesty, to robin's egg blue, to macaroni and cheese. And many other colors from the Crayola crayon box. The one with the cool crayon sharpener.

It was kind of freaking Dave out. He sighed. He looked around. No furniture. Damn it. Dave knew Blaine made Kurt happy. And he kind of liked happy Kurt. Everyone likes happy Kurt. He has to sing.

"If I don't sing you're gonna die."

Blaine's eyes lit up. "I'm gonna die!"

"You're gonna die!"

"Oh yes I'll die!"

"But now you won't!"

"Why?"

"Because I'm…."

"TOTALLY AWESOME!" Blaine began to rise from the pile of Mailmen carcasses.

"Okay, you're alive now. I'm done singing."

"But we sound so good together!" Blaine told Dave. "Sure, you're not as good as Kurt….but you aren't that bad."

"Thanks?"

"So are you and Kurt like friends now?"

"Not really…."

"But you're not bullying him?"

"I'm not bullying him."

Blaine grinned a bloody smile. "Okay! Then you can come with me and you can totally beat up this Frank character who's putting the moves on my beau."

"What?"

Blaine grabbed Dave's wrist. "Come on!"

Dave was ever so confused.

"We need some mud." Kurt said. "Frank wants them to be mud wrestling. So do I."

"Lord Tubbington likes mud wrestling." Brittany commented as she recorded Finn and Jesse St. Amazing Locks battle to the death.

Quinn suddenly stood up and began kicking to two fighters. "Stop it!" She yelled, "You guys are making a scene!"

And Quinn was right. Toddlers everywhere were staring.

"And Finn….you are just such an idiot sometimes! I'm having a rough day! Okay?"

Finn was confused….as usual.

Rachel looked at Quinn. "It's my fault, Quinn. I'm sorry."

Quinn shook her head. "I want to blame you, but it's actually not your fault. It's my idiot boyfirend who was your boyfriend but originally my boyfriend and Rapunzel's fault."

"So….you don't hate me?"

"I still hate you…just slightly less."

Rachel's eyes sparkled and she smiled.

Quinn sighed and then told Rachel, "Wanna go get a smoothie or something?"

"Sure!" Rachel got up and followed Quinn out of the doctor's.

"I want a smoothie now." Mike sighed.

"But I want ice cream." Tina said.

"And I want frozen yogurt." Announced Puck.

Then Sam said, "I kind of want raw cookie dough."

"But I want frozen custard." Said Artie.

"I like cupcakes." Brittany told everyone.

"Cupcakes are good." Santana agreed.

"Frank wants raw meat." Kurt said, "And I want an apple on a popsicle stick."

Mercedes then explained, "Guys, there's this place down the street where they have smoothies, ice cream, frozen yogurt, raw cookie dough, frozen custard, cupcakes, raw meat and apples on popsicle sticks. Why don't we just go there?"

Everyone agreed. They followed Mercedes out of the doctor's.

Finn and Jesse were still fighting. Not even noticing they left.

A/N: Like it? Love it? Hate it? Wanna eat it? Leave a review and let me know.

This chapter took me like almost 3 hours to complete….because I'm slow.

Anyway. Thanks for reading and stay tuned!