Thirteen
The expression "gone up in smoke" can be both literal and figurative, depending on how it is used, and who uses it and at what time.
For example, currently the Baudelaires found themselves trapped inside a rundown bus due to the evil Mister Dominic tricking them yet again and they were now dealing with the fact that the wicked instructor had started a fire on the front of the bus and very soon the entire vehicle would be up in smoke quite literally.
But also it is referencing what their new adversary told them before he rushed back into the Very Fine Dwelling, and that is to say that he told the children that all of their hopes had gone up in smoke.
The reason the wicked man had told them this couldn't be more obvious considering the orphan's current circumstances and as they realized that they were trapped on the bus, they also knew that this meant they could be engulfed in the raging fire.
But the most powerful expression of the phrase "gone up in smoke" I can think of is the fact that now at the concluding chapter of this ostentatious opening all your hopes as a reader of finding a cheerful ending, one in which the Baudelaires outsmarted Mister Dominic and saved the volunteers of V.F.D. and discovered the many secrets stored within the Very fine Dwelling and were able to live peacefully for the rest of their days, have gone up in smoke.
And because there is no happy ending at the end of this story, or even a marginally satisfying one, the hope you have of finding answers has also gone up in smoke.
As the author of these unfortunate events, now would be an appropriate time to use another phrase most people don't enjoy hearing, "I told you so" usually because whenever someone tells them this its because they are gloating about some fact that they previously mentioned to their audience, and the audience failed to listen and the exact result occurred just as the warning had said it would and so sometimes the person who told them likes to mention this fact in order to remind the other to listen next time should such a thing occur again.
In the case of the Baudelaires, I suppose I could say I told you so on countless occasions starting with the very beginning of this rather ostentatious opening, which by the way is a word which here means "things appeared to be for the best whenever Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice left the island and chose to join V.F.D. but were now stuck inside a burning bus with little hope of escape."
And now that you have nearly read all thirteen chapters of their unfortunate second time around it is too late to turn around and reconsider because this is definitely not your second time around encountering the misery that the Baudelaires experienced.
So there are quite a few instances in which the phrase "I told you so" would come in handy if I were in the mood to point out that the children's lives once again weren't getting any better and it was quite likely that there would be no improvement anytime soon, but I am not the type of person to brag especially since most of the time I feel that I wish I had listened to a very close colleague ages ago whenever I began to pursue a fair maiden only to find she had fallen in love with another after presuming I had departed this life and hence I'm sure if he were still alive would tell me "I told you so."
But since this story is not a chance for me to brag on telling you what you should've known all along, but rather a detailed account of the miserable lives of the Baudelaires, I shall instead tell you of their bravery in the face of this daunting obstacle.
"Mister Dominic has trapped us inside this bus," Klaus cried out in alarm as he attempted to open the sliding door of the vehicle, only to find that it wasn't working either.
"That fire will reach us in a matter of minutes," Sunny proclaimed as she scooped up Beatrice and held her protectively in her arms. Quickly, Violet tied up her long hair with a ribbon and said, "Hurry, everyone try to open the windows."
Without hesitating at all, her younger siblings tried every window in the dilapidated rusting transport, only to find that most of them were well beyond repair.
"If we had something heavy to toss thru the windows, we could break them," Klaus suggested.
"I don't think so, Klaus. I noticed whenever Mister Dominic first brought us out here that the only thing intact on any of these buses was the windows. They must be made of some sort of flexible glass," his elder sister remarked.
From the front of the bus, the fire had now entered and was scorching the driver's seat and Sunny exclaimed, "We don't have time to argue, there has to be a way out of here!"
"The seat cushions! We can use them as a blockade!" Violet proclaimed and then quickly ran toward the front of the bus only to find that the inferno had already beat her there.
Returning to the back of the bus, the oldest orphan glanced up at the holes on the roof and said, "If we had something to climb on, we could get out that way."
"There's nothing in here for us to use," Klaus lamented.
"We're trapped," Sunny said.
"We're doomed," her brother added.
"This isn't the end yet," Violet tried to reassure her siblings, although she too had no clue how they would escape this situation.
It was Beatrice who found the answer, as Sunny placed her down and the toddler crawled close to the middle of the bus and proclaimed, "Thankaq!"
Her siblings rushed to catch her to protect her from the fire, and in the process, found out what their adopted sister was trying to tell her and that is why in this case it was not necessary to translate what Beatrice said as she pointed toward the emergency exit in the floor of the bus.
"Of course," Klaus exclaimed and then added, "That's why the exit is here, just in case both sides of the bus caught on fire, the volunteers could escape thru this hatch!"
"We can worry about what it meant later, let's just get out of here," Sunny said as she struggled to open the small door.
The fire continued to rage and the bus rocked unsteadily and the children knew that if they couldn't get the door open fast enough, it would be too late. Klaus used quick thinking and told everyone to stand back and then twisted the handle of the emergency exit up and then to the left, and it popped open, much to the relief of his siblings.
"Hurry!" Sunny declared as she grabbed Beatrice and jumped to the ground a few feet below. Violet and Klaus followed her as the transport continued to rock and quickly the four children crawled out from under the blazing bus and panted in exhaustion.
Just as they made it to safe ground, they turned and saw the bus fall off of the cement blocks that it was standing on and then the entire vehicle they had just been sitting in was engulfed in the bright red flames of destruction and the Baudelaires scurried away from the scene.
"That fire will spread if we don't stop it," Violet remarked and then added, "We need to find Falo and warn him about Mister Dominic."
"And warn the other volunteers as well," Klaus added.
"We have to stop Mister Dominic before he gets a chance to escape," Sunny proclaimed.
As the bus behind them went up in smoke and the orphans approached the back door of the Very Fine Dwelling, their chances of doing any of these activities quickly went up in smoke as well as they opened the door and went into the rundown schoolhouse, only to find that Mister Dominic had managed to employ his axiom all throughout the building.
An axiom, if you didn't already know, is a phrase that requires no added definition as I am in the habit of doing from time to time. In this case however, the phrase was one that required little explanation and that is because the children knew exactly what their new arch-enemy was doing.
He was starting fires, instead of stopping them and disposing of this once safe place and all of the volunteers within it. "Hurry, we have to find Falo!" Violet declared.
"How will we get thru the fire?" Klaus asked.
"We'll have to run thru it as fast as we can. The flames haven't spread much yet, but they're getting higher," the eldest Baudelaire answered and then took Beatrice from her sister's arms and declared, "Follow me!"
The children began to sprint thru the damaged hallways of the Very Fine Dwelling at such a pace that someone like myself probably keep up with them, in order to avoid the blaze that surrounded them on all sides.
"There is no way Mister Dominic could've done this all on his own," Klaus commented and then added, "Maybe he isn't the only villain hiding among the volunteers?"
"We haven't time to wonder about such things Klaus, we need to find Falo's office," Sunny said as a large piece of timber fell behind them, blocking their chances of going back the way they had come and once again their chances of searching thru other portions of the schoolhouse for Falo had gone up in smoke.
They came to Mister Dominic's office and opened it, only to find that it was completely empty of all the clutter that customarily filled it and Sunny said, "He was planning to set fire to this place for some time, so he spent the last several days removing all of his important documents."
"It doesn't matter anymore, let's hurry to the front of the schoolhouse, maybe Falo and the other volunteers are there," Violet stated and then her and her siblings rushed toward the western hall and the blaze around them intensified. I cannot begin to tell you how frightened the Baudelaires must've been as they passed by classrooms where the fire had already scorched desks and chairs, and I cannot even describe the terror that gripped them as part of the roof of the Very Fine Dwelling toppled due to the inferno.
As they approached the entrance of the building, the four orphans suddenly spotted a large vehicle departing and realized that it was a bus, full of volunteers.
"They've escaped!" Klaus said with a smile.
"They must think we didn't survive the blaze," Violet presumed and then darted out the front door down the bumpy road.
Sunny and Klaus followed behind her as she waved her arms and signaled for the bus to stop, but it was already too late.
The bus, and all of the volunteers had made it thru the large gate that sealed off the schoolyard from the outside world and the children were now all alone. Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice turned and watched as the rest of the schoolhouse began to crumble due to the intensity of the inferno and they each began to cry in sorrow.
Even as I write this, I also feel it is necessary to break down in tears at this moment of the Baudelaire's unfortunate story because once again they were all alone in the wicked world, and it seemed that everyone and everything they'd hoped to find had chosen to abandon them.
Klaus reached into his pocket and pulled out the name badges that had each of the orphans' names on them, the very things that had caused them to search for V.F.D. in the first place and tossed them down to the ground in a fit of anger.
Sunny and Beatrice both acted like infants in this instance and Violet even untied her hair to show that she too felt the defeat that they were experiencing.
"We weren't able to figure out what happened to V.F.D. or the schism," she lamented.
"Or know how our parents were connected to Mister Dominic," Klaus added.
"Or even discover what Mister Dominic was after," Sunny muttered.
"We failed miserably as noble volunteers," Violet admitted shamefully.
"Instead we were tricked by Mister Dominic countless times, and he proved he was smarter than we are," Klaus added regretfully.
"And now we are all alone in this wicked world again," Sunny remarked dismally.
As they sat there in the schoolyard and watched the Very Fine Dwelling go up in smoke, the children also realized that everything they'd been searching for had gone up in smoke with it and the only thing they had know was a single photograph, which had four figures prominently in it, their parents, Mister Dominic and Count Olaf.
Yet even this one clue amid the shroud of misery that was befalling them, wasn't enough to make the children feel any better and they felt certain that now they would have to go back to Mister Poe and soon be stuck with another guardian.
"I wish you were of age, Violet, then you could be our legal guardian and we could all stick together and never be forced to move from place to place," Klaus stated.
"Falo didn't help us much, he wasn't much of a guardian," Sunny pointed out, feeling sorry for the evil twin of Count Olaf wherever he might be. As if that was a signal for something else to happen, a low rumbling noise came from behind them and the children turned to see a car entering the large gates and driving toward them.
As the vehicle drew closer, the children noted that the rumbling sound was that of the engine and the driver was none other than their new guardian, Falo. The evil twin of Count Olaf stepped out and gasped in shock as he gazed first at the burning building behind the Baudelaires and then toward the children themselves.
"I say! What has occurred here?" Falo asked in alarm.
"Mister Dominic set the schoolhouse ablaze and managed to escape before we could warn you about his villainy," Violet explained.
"We were tricked countless times by him, and unable to discover what his dastardly plot might be," Klaus admitted.
"We've failed as noble volunteers of V.F.D.," Sunny added.
Falo narrowed his eyes and then noted that beside Klaus were the name badges that they had found some time ago and the evil twin bent down and picked them up before commenting, "It would seem that you are mistaken, Baudelaires. I think there are many reasons for you to be considered volunteers."
The orphans looked at him in surprise and Violet asked, "There are?"
"What are they?" Klaus asked.
"First, although this is the least important reason of all; these name badges were meant for you. Whoever made them knew one day you would need to join our organization and set things straight. But that is not the only reason that you qualify," Falo stated.
He leaned against the hood of his car and explained, "You managed to discover that Mister Dominic was not a noble volunteer… but in fact a wicked villain. And most of all, you escaped the blaze of the Very Fine Dwelling and were able to report back to me about all of these things."
The Baudelaires looked at each other, unsure whether any of those things qualified them or not and then Violet asked, "But now we have to start back at the beginning."
"Nonsense," Falo declared as he pointed toward the gate and said, "There are other places we volunteers can use to prepare to do away with our enemies, and I know a thing or two about some of them."
"But we don't know where Mister Dominic went, or what he is up to," Klaus argued.
"Ridiculous!" Falo exclaimed as he got in the vehicle and started it up again before remarking, "Just because the schoolhouse has gone up in smoke, does not mean our chances of success have as well. We know now that Mister Dominic is a wicked man, and all wicked people desire the same thing, to spread their wickedness."
The Baudelaires got inside the car and watched as the last flames died down and the Very Fine Dwelling looked even less fine than it did before. "I suppose you children must think that things are going from bad to worse," Falo said and then turned to look at them and added, "But the most important thing is you are here now and can continue to try your best to stop wickedness from spreading throughout the world."
The children buckled in and waited as Falo turned the car around and contemplated what their new guardian had just told them.
It was true that during their time at the schoolhouse they had failed to discover much about their parents past, and had failed to discern Mister Dominic was a wicked individual before it was too late and had failed to qualify in their opinion as noble volunteers, but now, they were here together ready to face whatever came next with some knowledge that perhaps would prove useful in the future.
At least, that is what they wanted to tell themselves as they drove away from the Very Fine Dwelling toward whatever was next and I'm sure you are also attempting to tell yourself that things would improve for the children.
The chance of that, however has gone up in smoke, just as fast as the schoolhouse the Baudelaires had resided in did.
Now, at the conclusion of this very ostentatious opening, which here means "the first part of the children's unfortunate lives that I have chosen to record is coming to a dismal close" it would be best to realize that the second time around for the orphans proved no better than their first, and in some cases it was quite worse.
They had uncovered the fact that their parents might not be as noble as they thought, and perhaps that Mister Dominic wasn't always as wicked as they presumed and the questions they now faced were even murkier than the ones prior to the time they had left the island and so, the children had little if anything to take solace in.
Instead, they chose to focus on the fact that they were together, alive, and for the moment, dry. And even if that is something somewhat minor, it was all they had to think about in the wicked world they had now immersed themselves in again.
And if you are finding yourself so terribly depressed by everything that has befallen the Baudelaires, and now feel that your own life has gotten worse as a result of reading these unfortunate events, I can only say… I told you so.