A/N:
Thank you to all my lovely readers, especially those who take the time to review!
A huge big fat thank you to my brilliant beta, dellaterra. Link to her profile can be found on mine, by the way.
Any errors and mistakes belong to me.
I do not own Twilight.
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Chapter 14:Ours
BELLA
"Do you think you might be pregnant?" he asks in a soft voice, and I can feel his warm breath on my neck.
Our eyes meet in the mirror, mine staring back at him in shock.
Edward's lips are curled up into a tiny smile.
White froth is covering my mouth.
Turning away from him, I spit and rinse my mouth before I turn around in his arms.
"I can't be," I reply. "We've always used protection… And I had my period a week ago!"
"Hmm." Edward twines his arms around me. "Still I think… you know…"
"Well, I was a bit concerned," I say, "because my period was so weak. I mean it was hardly a period at all."
"There is a thing called spotting, " Edward says slowly. "Light bleeding while the fetus implants itself in the womb."
Our eyes meet and I need to free myself from his arms so I can sit on the edge of the tub. Edward sits down next to me.
When we speak, we do it simultaneously.
"Do you think you are - "
"Do you think I am - "
"Oh my God," I say, and tears are already springing to my eyes. "Oh, Edward…"
His eyes are huge and green and filled with the most hopeful expression I have ever seen. He swallows.
"Your breasts," he says in a voice that's hoarse and careful.
"Yes," I whisper tonelessly.
"You're also very tired lately," he says softly.
I nod.
"And a little moody…"
That's when the tears start pouring down my cheeks, getting soaked up by my shirt, which is actually Edward's shirt, but that doesn't matter right now.
"Shh, baby…" He pulls me close to him. "Shh…"
"I… I can't be… How could I be..?"
I don't know what I even feel right now, besides being scared and confused.
Edward kisses my ear, then my cheek, holding me close while I cry, murmuring until I'm able to speak.
"I can't be pregnant, Edward."
"Why not?"
"Well, for one thing, I have a play to act in…"
"It'll close in June," he says, his voice low and gentle. He plays with my hair, curling it around his finger. "Maybe you'd need to drop out a month early, but you'd probably still be able to do the major part of the season."
"I… I can't be…" I repeat.
I guess this whole idea of playing house with Edward was just crazy. I'm not cut out to have a BABY!
"Okay," Edward says, pulling me with him as he gets up. "I'm going to run to the drugstore now and buy a pregnancy test. You'll pee on that little stick, and afterward, we'll know what we're talking about."
I nod weakly, never moving from my spot.
"Bella… baby…" He kisses my temple. "It's going to be okay."
He puts his arms around me and hugs me close, enveloping me with his strength, his scent and the familiar feeling of being entirely secure. I don't know how long we stand like that, because it's so good, and as always, Edward's touch relaxes me.
When I don't move, he simply scoops me up in his arms and carries me back to the bedroom, where he softly puts me down on the bed, covering me with the sheets.
"I'll be back in a few minutes," he murmurs soothingly, putting a series of kisses on my face and neck. "Don't freak out, okay?"
I agree without using words, simply kissing the inside of his wrist. Edward responds by nuzzling my nose with his.
"Everything'll be fine," he murmurs and then jumps up and gets dressed.
I can hear the front door close, and Cedric's meows as he tries to get into the bedroom, but Edward shut the door before he left. He'd normally feed the cat, too, which tells me exactly howagitated he is.
I can't believe this is true.
I mean, of course we talked about it and agreed we'd do this once the play was over. But this? This is crazy.
When we agreed to have a baby, it was a thing in the future. The distant future. Not something that might actually be taking place insideme right now!
A baby.
Oh my God.
A baby.
What qualifies me to be a mom?
Nothing!
Edward looked so happy right now. He tried to hide it, and failed miserably. It's what he's always wanted.
But I can't base my decisions on what my husband wants.
Or can I?
Isn't that the concept of marriage? Working on it together?
Edward repeated to me, again and again, just now, that everything would be okay. And for some reason, I cannot imagine things not being okay when Edward's around.
I have no idea how long I've been sitting on the bed when I hear Edward downstairs, talking to Cedric.
It's quiet for a while after that, and I presume he's feeding the cat.
Fuck, I'm not even able to take care of a cat!
Hot tears spring to my eyes once again, and by the time I hear the bedroom door open, I am in another crying fit.
"Baby…" Edward flings himself down on the bed and hugs me close.
"I'm scared…" I sob. "So scared."
"I know." He kisses the back of my neck and strokes his fingers up and down my arm. "But there's no need to be. You're a beautiful, talented, capable woman. I love you. Love you." He gently sucks in the skin beneath my ear. "Relax…"
And as usual, his lips and hands and voice work their magic, and I do relax into the utter security he provides me with.
We lay like that forever, Edward's touch and smell and nearness soothing me. I feel sleepy, but I know I won't be able to go back to sleep with everything that's happening in my head.
"Edward?" I whisper.
"Mmm?"
He sounds a bit sleepy too, small wonder since he only slept for a few hours after his late shift.
"Edward?"
"Yes, love?"
"Should… should I take this test… now?"
His arm is twined closely around me, and I can tell by the rhythm of his breathing that he's asleep. I glance at the alarm; it's just after nine.
Wriggling out of his death grip without waking him is a bit of a challenge but I manage to do it.
He had set the bag from the drugstore on his nightstand, and I take it with me as I make my way to the bathroom.
I'm scared as hell, but I need to know. Now.
I lock the bathroom door behind me. I open the box and pull out the instructions. My hands are shaking a little. I pee on the stick and wait. I study the instructions once more.
Oh, fuck.
I wait.
And wait.
And wait.
I sit down on the edge of the tub. I feel weak. I feel giddy.
When I finally summon up the courage to look at the stick, my legs almost give out under me.
A smiley.
A smiley!
A SMILEY.
A smiley, telling me I am pregnant with Edward Cullen's child.
He knocks on the door.
"Baby? Are you okay?"
I would answer him if I could.
Am I okay?
"Bella?"
I stare at the smiley.
I feel surreal.
"Bella, can I come in?" Edward sounds worried.
He opens the door a couple of inches and peeks in. I must be looking idiotic, sitting on the edge of the tub, staring at that stick. Edward's face is highly alert as he watches me.
"Bella? Are you all right?"
I look up.
"I don't know." My voice is hoarse from crying.
He comes in and slowly walks over to me as if I were a frightened animal. He sits down next to me. Never saying a word, I hand him the stick.
Edward looks at it, and swallows. I can see him suck in his cheeks and bite his lip. He doesn't look at me. I don't understand his reaction, but it troubles me. Putting my hand on his thigh, I give it a little squeeze. Only when a wet drop land on the back of my hand do I realize that he is crying.
"Edward," I whisper.
When he finally raises his eyes to meet mine, the sight is beautiful. His deep green eyes are wet, and there is a smile of such love, such tenderness and joy, that my heart wants to fly into his chest. His smile is like the sun breaking through rain clouds, creating the most spectacular rainbow.
"Bella."
It's all he has to say, and we're in each other's arms, laughing and crying, holding each other, the deep sense of belonging stronger than ever before. I have no idea how long we stay like this. It could be an hour, or mere minutes. We're floating, suspended in a moment of perfection that is ours. Edward's scent and the security of his arms envelop me, and I know that everything will be okay.
When we finally emerge, it's Edward who speaks first, whispering my name and kissing my cheek.
"Bella, Bella, my beautiful Bella. I love you… Love you so much…" Cupping my face in his hands, he looks at me. His eyes sparkle. "You can't imagine how happy I am, how much I love you…"
"I love you," I whisper in reply, holding his face in my own hands.
Edward's laugh is so happy as he kisses me, gently, delicately, his warm lips slowly caressing mine. I've never felt so close to him.
"Should we… get out of the bathroom?" he murmurs into my hair.
"Yes…"
Hand in hand, we return to the bedroom, where Cedric is sitting on the bedstand, his ears moving like small satellite dishes. I notice the time on the alarm clock: it's after ten.
"Oh, Edward! You have to leave so soon!"
He shakes his head, gently pulling me with him as he lies down.
"I called Demetri and told him I'd be in a couple of hours later than scheduled due to personal reasons, and it wasn't a big problem." He wraps me in his arms.
Sighing with relief, I put my head on Edward's chest, listening to his even heartbeat.
"How do you feel" he asks in a low voice.
"Physically? Or emotionally?"
"Both…"
"Physically, okay. Emotionally, I don't know. Scared. Confused. Excited. Overwhelmed."
Edward moves his hand until it's on my flat stomach.
"It isn't bigger than a grain of rice," he says. He looks at me, his eyes shimmering in the morning light. "We made that, Bella. It's a product of our love."
"I know," I say, sniffling again. "I'm sorry."
"Whatever for?"
"Crying again…"
"Oh, Bella." He kisses me softly. "Over the next nine months, you have every right to be hormonal."
"I hate it when I have mood swings… Oh, God!"
Something occurs to me.
"What?" Edward looks at me in alarm.
"I… I need to talk to Dr. Banner. The meds…"
"Hmm, yes." Edward kisses the top of my head. "You also need to consult with an OB/Gyn. Do you want me to call Victoria?"
"No," I say, a little too quickly perhaps. I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I know he respects Victoria very much. "No, I'd rather go and see Dr. Marshall. I've been seeing her for three years. I trust her."
Edward's eyebrows rise up.
"I'm sure Victoria is a trustworthy doctor."
"Of course," I say. "It's just… I don't think I'd feel very comfortable with your coworker inspecting my lady parts."
"She sees vaginas all day long," Edward says. "It's her job."
"Edward." Taking his hand into mine, I look at him and push a strand of hair from his forehead. "Please. Katie is a fantastic doctor, and she's also a midwife. You should come with me and get to know her."
"Okay." Edward smiles, passing one finger over my cheek. "Do you think she'll give you an appointment soon?"
"I'm sure. I'll call her this afternoon, and Dr. Banner as well."
"Good." His warm hand is still resting on my belly. "Oh, I love you so much."
Propping myself up on my elbow, I bend over him.
"I love you too, Edward. More than anyone in the world."
We lose ourselves in a succession of tender, languid kisses. They're exciting – Edward's kisses always are – but this is nothing sexual. It's about belonging together, and about always having taken on a new meaning.
EDWARD
It's really hard to keep my mind on work today. I'm incapable of thinking about anything else.
Bella is pregnant.
I am going to be a father.
I hated leaving her earlier today, after we had been lying on our bed, talking, kissing, basking in our news.
I want to sing and dance through the hospital hallways. I want to do cartwheels and order champagne for the whole hospital. Worst of all, I want to tell absolutely everyone, because I am bursting with pride. Suppressing all these desires, I go about my usual routines, glad that I'm not scheduled to do surgery any time soon.
Tons of questions are on my mind.
How will Bella cope? How long will she be able to continue acting?
What will it be like?
A baby…
God, I'm so happy, sitting at my desk, staring out of the window like the love-struck goof that I am. It's just after seven, and I send Bella a message, wishing her a lovely show, telling her to take care of herself. I was never very keen on Bella taking a flight across the stage, held only by a steel rope, but now, it bothers me a hundred times more.
I guess I am going to have to watch myself over the next few months. I'm well aware of my overprotective tendencies, and I don't want to drive Bella crazy.
A knock on the door finally yanks me out of my daydreams. It's Victoria, wanting to discuss the results of Mrs. Davies's tests. She's thirty-two weeks pregnant, suffering from heart valve defect.
"I doubt she'll be able to make it through a natural birth," I say, taking off my glasses after studying the sheet of lab results Victoria handed me.
I think of Bella. What if anything happened to her, happened to our baby?
Fuck, I really need to get a grip.
"Sorry," I say. "What were you saying?"
"I want to wait at least another two weeks before we perform a Caesarean," Victoria repeats, then smiles. "You're a bit scatterbrained today, Edward, if you don't mind my saying so."
"I know." I pinch the bridge of my nose. "I'm sorry."
"Is everything okay?"
"Um, yeah."
More than okay, as a matter of fact.
I think of Bella and our secret again. The urge to tell Victoria is strong, but of course I don't. We're not that close anyway.
I need to remind myself that nothing is certain yet. The test was positive, but Bella hasn't yet seen a doctor. Also, about twenty per cent of pregnancies end in miscarriage during the first three months. Bella can't be further along than six weeks, I think.
Victoria touches my arm.
"Well, if you ever want to talk, Edward…"
There is a small moment of awkwardness, but it passes quickly.
"Thanks, Victoria. I appreciate it."
And with that, we return to discussing our patients.
I finish work shortly after midnight, rushing home in the hope that Bella will still be awake. Her show finishes around ten-thirty, so she's usually home an hour later.
When I enter the apartment though, it's dark and silent. Not even Cedric comes to greet me, which can only mean that he's upstairs with Bella. I climb the stairs and tiptoe into the bedroom. I don't switch on the lamps since the silvery light of the moon is shining in through the windows. I can make out Bella's sleeping form in the dim light, and my heart swells with love.
Cedric jumps off the nightstand and greets me with a few noisy meows.
"Shh, buddy," I whisper.
He starts to purr around my legs and I give him a friendly pat, trying to make my way to the bathroom. Cedric wants to accompany me, running to and fro until I accidentally step on his paw and a loud yowl echoes through the silence.
"Sorry," I murmur. "Sorry, cat."
"Edward?"
Bella turns on the bedside lamp, looking sleepy and disheveled and irresistibly sweet.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to wake you so I left the light off. Then I stepped on Cedric's toe, I mean, paw."
"Oh dear." She smiles, still blinking her eyes.
I walk over to her and kiss her.
"Go back to sleep, baby. I'll join you in a second."
"'kay…" she yawns.
When I return from the bathroom, she's already half-asleep again, sighing happily when I slip into the bed behind her, wrapping my arm around her. I kiss her neck, happily inhaling her familiar scent. I can't even describe it. It's like a warm day in a meadow of flowers, like a clear pond sparkling in the sun.
"How was work?" she murmurs, entangling our fingers and putting our hands on her flat belly. Again, my heart wells up with love.
"Quiet," I respond. "And yours?"
"Good." She chuckles softly. "Only Felix did the most terrible blooper, saying bongstoned instead of strongboned."
"Oh God." I laugh. "That's great." I bury my face in her hair. "I love you," I whisper. I kiss her neck, enjoying the silky warmth of her skin.
"I know… " I can hear the smile in her voice. "I love you too."
"I can't believe we're going to have a baby." I nuzzle her ear with my nose, softly pulling her earlobe between my lips.
"Neither can I. It's completely surreal."
"Surreal but nice," I murmur, quoting one of her favourite movies.
"Yes," Bella giggles sleepily. "More than nice. I have an appointment with Katie tomorrow morning." She sighs heavily. "What if I'm not?"
"Those tests are pretty accurate," I assure her. I spread my hand out over her tummy. I just know that my baby is in there.
Again, my heart does a somersault.
"I'm scared."
"Bella." I gently turn her around so we're looking at each other. "I know this is scary, but we'll be okay. I'm so happy. I love you so much."
"I'm happy, too," she says. "It's just… big, you know?"
"I know."
I kiss her, very tenderly, warm lips meeting and connecting.
Bella nestles her head into the crook beneath my chin and our arms slide around each other's body.
"Sweet dreams, my love," I whisper.
"Night-night, darling," she yawns, putting one last kiss on my neck.
We fall asleep in perfect harmony.
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A/N:
Thank you for reading.
I hope this is what many of you were hoping for.
WhatIam hoping for, you ask? Yourreview!
xoxo
harperpitt