A/N: This one was inevitable. I was about to fall asleep, until the idea of this hit me like a train. Unlike almost all of the others, this one doesn't have a real happy ending. *Cringes in fear* Don't hurt me! Haha, anyways, could maybe some of you take a look at my new Riley/Zane oneshot? I'd really appreciate it.

Also, thank you for all the reviews I've gotten! It means so much to me that you're not tired of my over-sappiness yet! Lmao. All reviews and saves to favorites and alerts keep my happy candle ablaze. Okay... that was cheesy. xD

On with the fic! Which happens to be set five years in the future. Based off the song 'Fixed' by Stars. xo.

Fixed to Cut

Dear Zane,

It's been a few years since we've talked... or seen eachother... or both. I know that this letter won't change that. I'm not expecting it to, let alone to see your face again.

I don't deserve anything near that.

Before I waste any more of your time, I shall get to the reason I'm sending this. The purpose of my writing you, is to make it known that she didn't mean anything. What her and I did together didn't mean anything. It was a mistake... although, that doesn't matter right now. I can't change what happened. No matter how many times I apologize. So I won't bother asking for forgiveness. I want it, but I can't have it. That, and you.

I'm pretty sure I don't mean anything to you anymore. But you still mean everything to me.

That night... I was scared. I guess I was afraid of loving you, of loving another man. It sounds stupid in written words, but it's true. I was a coward, so like always, I ran. I ran and did something to hurt you. And despite my previous statement that no matter how much I apologize it won't get me anywhere, I'm sorry. I really am.

You don't know how much the image of you, devastated, breaks my heart. It's one image that will never leave my mind. For many nights, I was void of sleep because of it. It partly remains that way. Sometimes, I even dream of waking up next to you.

Revealing this is pitiful. Pity is far from what I seek from you.

I don't hope for a response. Right now, I already feel a fool, for bringing back these memories that surely you have forgotten now. For re-filling your mind with these disgusting confessions. Maybe I shouldn't mail this. It wouldn't be the first letter I've written but haven't sent. There's a bunch sitting in my closet right now. In a messy pile, building up within the past five years or so.

I miss you so much it kills me. I love you, but I can't be with you. I'll be sure to do it again.

Like I said, I'm a coward... you always told me otherwise. That was why I fell for you in the first place. You always brought me out of my selfish, and self-conscious shell. For that, I love you more. I guess I just wanted to remind myself of what you were to me: everything I wanted. Everything I needed. You still are, but I don't deserve you.

In the two years we've been together, I don't think I ever had.

And without you, I've done the most growing up possible for somebody as immature as me. For that, I love you even more.

Sincerely,
Riley.

He looked up from the tear-stained paper. He absorbed the letter; every word sunk in. To Zane, Riley would always be what he was in his words: self-depricating. He wanted to change that, and maybe, with the sting of heartache lessening, that could happen soon.

What you want, you are, you always were
What you want, you are, you always were

When the plans fall, changing hands
What are the changes of winning?

You, you hold my heart

Review? :)