The emptiness inside me Chapter 14, a house, m.d. fanfic

First of all: I AM SO SORRY THAT IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO WRITE THIS CHAPTER!

This chapter contains two songs I loved when I started to write this chapter (months ago): Hurts - Stay and Scouting For Girls - This ain´t a love song. The last song inspired me very much. I heard it, loved it and it reminded me of Hameron. I really hope you like it!

Title: The emptiness inside me

Author: Lunschen

Beta: hughville, thank you so much Laura for your wonderful work!

Rating: M

Pairings: Hameron (mentions of House/Cuddy, Cameron/Chase)

Author note: Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Honestly. Sadly. Not House. Not Cameron. None of these two songs. NOTHING.

Knocking again, House leaned on his cane and waited for an answer, but none came. Being an impatient man, he opened the door slowly and as quietly as possible so as not to scare her.

Glancing into her room, his eyes searched the room until he found Cameron on the bed with a book in her hand, sleeping. Feeling his leg becoming more painful each second, he sat down on the chair near her bed and watched her sleeping form closely.

She was still far too skinny and she looked stressed even in her sleep. Her brown hair fell loose over her narrow shoulders, making her pale skin seem almost transluscent. Her once red lips were closed and seemed almost blue. Although Cameron was sleeping, she looked tired as hell; like she was fighting the whole time. Maybe she really was.

Every night I remember that event
The way you looked when you said you were leaving
The way you cried as you turned to walk away

House couldn´t help but think back to the last time he saw her. He avoided thinking about it because the memory was too hurtful. She was so beautiful the evening she said goodbye - to him, to Chase, to Princeton - and walked away. He could still hear her words; they haunted him in his dreams. He couldn't deny that her words didn't matter. They did. Her soft lips on his cheek, her eyes filled with tears. That was the only time in his life he was speechless. When she turned and walked away from him and his life, he felt like shouting to her to not go. He needed her, she was his, she just couldn´t leave, not without him. But he was a silent coward, again.

The cruel words and the false accusations
The mean looks and the same old frustrations
I never thought that we'd throw it all away
But we threw it all away.

Seeing her turn in her sleep and hearing her stressed moan, House felt terrible. Was this all his fault? Was she here because of him? He had been cruel towards her every day at work. Many times he caught himself being crueler to her than to her coworkers. She scared him, came too close, was too nice and he pushed her away before this strong little woman could tear down the walls surrounding him. Coward! Cameron was the strongest of all. She took his shit, never complained but stayed calm and stayed with him.

From the beginning, he felt the magic between them, the passion, but he wouldn´t give in and give them a chance. He just pushed her away for years; told her that he didn´t like her until she gave up and went to Chase. House had no idea what happened with her afterwards but he bet the stupid little wombat had done something that made her break completely and he would find out. Could he have saved her? What would have happened if he gave them a chance? Would she still be here?

And I'm a little bit lost without you
And I'm a bloody big mess inside
And I'm a little bit lost without you
This aint a love song this is goodbye (oooooh)
This aint a love song this is goodbye (ooooh)

But now was not the time to think about what ifs. It was too late. Things happened and now they had to deal with them. All House knew was that she had to come with him. He needed her as much as she needed him. She was his beautiful moral compass, his untouchable lobby art, the doctor he was most proud of, the one who always was there for him and everybody else except herself. He had to make this work for both of them. House wanted to feel the way she made him feel again. Like he was something special and worth loving.

I've been lost, I've been losing
I've been tired, I'm all hurt and confusion
I've been mad, I'm the kind of man that I'm not
I'm going down, I'll be coming back fighting
I may be scared and a little bit frightened
But I'll be back, I'll be coming back to life
I'll be coming back to life

Seeing Cameron toss and turn in her sleep scared House even more. What if she was too damaged for him to handle? What if he broke what was left of her? He was as damaged as she was. They were lost, tired, hurt and confused. They were damaged and betrayed. He hated himself sometimes for being such an ass to her, for comparing her to Stacy and making her suffer because of his awful past. He wasn´t mad at her but at himself, at Stacy and the ass he called dad. She scared him far too much with all her niceness and her beauty, inside and out. He had to fight his demons, for their both sakes and now was the time to start. Hoping not to scare her, he touched her shoulder and shook it lightly, trying to wake her from her nightmares.

She woke up with a start and her wonderful but pale green eyes widened in shock when she saw him. He had to look back at her, he just had to.

„House"? she questioned. She sounded as tired as she looked but nonetheless she was the prettiest thing on earth when she looked at him like that.

„I am here," he said softly so as not to scare her.

Feeling awake immediately, Cameron sat up on her bed and watched House closely. She couldn´t believe he was here. The whole situation seemed so unreal.

„What are you doing here?" she asked.

„Well, I am glad to see you, too," he quipped sarcastically. Seeing the question on her face, he spoke again. „I am here to take you with me."

That seemed like a nice, simple answer.

„Why?" she persisted.

Okay, not as easy as he thought.

Looking at Cameron, he couldn´t help but sigh. This was getting harder every minute.

„Look Cameron, you´re too pretty to sit around in a mad house being wasted here. That´s why I thought you would look much better on my couch. Your brown hair and the red couch - a perfect looking pair."

Cameron stood up and went to the window to watch the sun go down. She didn´t want him to see the tears in her eyes. She really believed at the beginning that he was here for her. Stupid naive Allison! Her voice almost broke when she spoke.

„You´ve got Cuddy now to look good on your couch."

House was getting frustrated.

„But I want you. You´re prettier and younger than her and red is your color."

Although she was still facing the window, he knew that she was crying. Great, he'd done it again. Standing up, he took his cane and limped towards her, reaching out to turn her around. The sight before him almost broke his heart. She tried to be strong but he could see the traces of tears left on her cheeks. House felt like kissing them away but he knew he had to be careful. So he spoke softly, his eyes never leaving her beautiful face.

„Just forget about Cuddy right now, okay? She´s not worth thinking about. I meant it when I said you don´t belong here. I know how it feels to go through this crap and I want to be here for you. Don´t ask me why because I don´t have an answer and I can't promise anything. I am not your hero or prince. I don´t know what will happen. So stop thinking about romantic love stories because I am not one for such cheesy crap. You know me - I am a jerk and I won´t change but you being here seems so wrong; you´re always there for everyone and nobody´s here for you. That doesn't seem fair. I am not a great prize but hey, I am damaged and so are you. Let´s be damaged together! The best ones are damaged. So what do you think?"

Cameron remained silent, not believing what she heard. Her mind was spinning. Did he really mean it? One look into his wonderful blue eyes and she knew he really did. But could she trust him?

„What is this about, House? What am I to you? Is this one of your sick experiments? How long will it take to break Cameron down? Sorry, you´re too late for that. Already broken. So why are you here? Did Cuddy send you?"

His conversation with Nolan seemed like small talk compared to this. The anger and hurt in her eyes didn't make this any easier, but he had to stay calm now, he just had to!

„Cuddy has nothing to do with this. Our little sex-thing is over and I am not talking about her right now, so don´t even ask. This is about you. I want you out of here. I want you to feel better. That´s it; it's so simple. Now stop bitching and come with me."

Cameron closed her eyes. It was all too much for her.

„I don´t want to go back to Princeton."

„You don´t have to. I´ve got a small house in Greenhills. Nolan has my address, so you don´t have to worry that I'll kill you," he told her smirking.

Cameron felt her head spinning. What the hell was happening here?

„House, it's not that simple. I need time to think and Nolan..."

„Why do woman have to make everything so dramatic and harder than it is? Nolan will let you go; it´s all up to you now. I´ll give you one hour to think and pack. I won´t ask again."

With a last deep look into her eyes, he turned around and opened the door. Looking back, he added smirking, "Come on Cammie, don´t let this chance pass you by. You know you want to come with me."

Whoooo
And you can try (you can try)
And you can try but you'll never keep me down
And you can try (you can try)
And you can try but you'll never keep me down

La la la la la la la
(I wont be lost, i wont be down)

And I'm a little bit lost without you
And I'm a bloody big mess inside
This ain't a love song this is goodbye

It's alright (It's alright) cause you can try but you'll never keep me down
It's alright (It's alright) I may be lost but you'll never keep me down
You can try (you can try) you can try but you'll never keep me down
You cant try (you can try) I know i'm lost but I'm waiting to be found
you'll never keep me down
you'll never keep me down
never keep me down

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Cameron stared at the door for several minutes. Had House really been here or was this a cruel dream again? She just couldn´t believe it but she could still smell the addictive smell that was House. Trying to calm herself, she sat in the chair he was sitting in when she woke up, trying to feel his warmth but it was too late. Everything but his smell was gone. What the hell was she supposed to do?

My whole life waiting for the right time

To tell you how I feel.

Know I try to tell you that I need you.

Here I am without you.

I feel so lost but what can I do?

'Cause I know this love seems real

But I don't know how to feel.

Wasn´t this what she always wanted, to be with House? She had waited for this since the first time she saw him. When he came in, he made her feel amazing just by staring at her. It hurt to be with him; it always did but in a good way. He made her feel better sometimes and right now she felt lost without him. The love she tried to deny for so long was back and left no space for doubts. She really loved him but the thought of living with him scared her. Why? Why was everything so damn confusing? How should she feel; happy, scared, naive, fooled?

We say goodbye in the pouring rain

And I break down as you walk away.

Stay, stay.

'Cause all my life I felt this way

But I could never find the words to say

Stay, stay.

Cameron knew it would be easier to let him go but the easiest way wasn't always the best. She knew this by heart. After all, she left him not so long ago. She thought it was the best for her, for them, for everyone but she was so wrong. Walking away from him was the hardest thing she had ever done. She had felt like breaking down but didn't show it. Deep inside Cameron had waited for him to say something, one word, anything, but she never heard it. He had let her go.

Alright, everything is alright

Since you came along

And before you

I had nowhere to run to

Nothing to hold on to

I came so close to giving it up.

And I wonder if you know

How it feels to let you go?

Her life was like a nightmare without him and Chase was her very own devil. He broke her and she thought she would never feel happiness again until ten minutes ago. House came and she felt hope rising inside, small and scared but still hope. For the first time in her life she felt truly safe with him. He was a jerk but she knew he would never hit her nor do the cruel things Chase did. Cameron always knew it. Without him she came so close to giving u. She was shocked how far she went even though she still couldn´t remember everything that up everything. She was shocked at the extremes she went to. She still didn't remember everything that happened that night but she knew would be lost without House; lost and incomplete. Should she really let him walk away today?

You say goodbye in the pouring rain

And I break down as you walk away.

Stay, stay.

'Cause all my life I felt this way

But I could never find the words to say

Stay, stay

Feeling exhausted again, Cameron stood up and looked outside. Being here felt like prison. Being with House but not being able to touch him felt even worse. But what if...

So you change your mind

And say you're mine.

Don't leave tonight

Stay.

Cameron had enough. Thinking wasn´t helping. She needed to decide; now. There were only two possibilities:

A) Staying here and trying to go on without House, alone. Forever.

B) Take a chance and go with him. Enjoy every single minute with him, even though she knew she would fool herself into thinking that he felt something for her; not love but still something.

She had nothing to lose because everything was already gone. House couldn´t break her heart because there was nothing left to break. Knowing what she had to do, she stood up and began.

Say goodbye in the pouring rain

And I break down as you walk away.

Stay, stay.

'Cause all my life I felt this way

But I could never find the words to say

Stay, stay.

When House came back, he found Cameron sitting on her suitcase and he couldn´t help but smile. The twinkle in her eyes was coming back. He just hoped he wouldn´t mess this up. This might be his last chance to do something right.

Stay with me, stay with me,

Stay, stay, stay, stay with me.