Chapter 13
All Ours
I hate packing, because you find things that you never necessarily wanted to find. For instance, this photo album that's sitting in my lap right now. As I flip through each page and gaze at each photo from my childhood I try to hold back the tears. I shouldn't have opened it; I really shouldn't have even looked under my bed to see if anything was left under there. And for some strange reason, and even though I keep wanting to cry, I can't take my eyes off of each picture of me and Paul.
As I look back on my past, I think about how easy it all seemed back then. How I could get through every single day just because I had my best friend Paul to lean on. After he hurt me, I truly believed that I'd never be able to live again. And I couldn't imagine my life without Paul in it. But now that I've gone to school and have a boyfriend, I picture my life differently. I have friends and one best friend, but I don't think the relationship I have with any of them could ever compare to the one I had with Paul.
I smiled as I stared at a picture of me and Paul with big huge toothless grins on our faces. It seems ironic that the two of us both lost our two front teeth during the same week, but that was probably one of the best weeks we ever had. I could picture the day in my head when we were eight and when he came over to my house. The two of us were seated at my kitchen table after school and my father had given us some milk and cookies. As I look at the picture I remember when we deliberately forced my dad to give us straws in our milk so that we could fool around with the new holes in our mouths. So, when he gave them to us we stuck the straws in between the empty spaces where our teeth used to hang and thought that the fact that we could stick the straws in our gums was the coolest thing ever.
I looked at the picture that was next to it and ran my fingers over a picture of the two of us in our Halloween costumes. Again, a flood of memories came back to me. We were ten at the time and just as we were about to head out for our trick-or-treating rounds my mother, of course, needed to get a snap shot of us. I started complaining saying that I just wanted to get going before all of the good candy was taken, but Paul convinced me that taking a picture would be fun and we could look like real cowboys, well he could be a cowboy while I could be a cowgirl. So, we took out our plastic guns and posed for the camera. I chuckled at our outfits, beige vests, black hats, and red bandanas.
As I turn my attention to the next picture I feel a twinge of pain go through me. It was the same Halloween, only this was one of Paul, my mom, and me. My eyes were glued to my mother and I thought about how much none of us could expect what would happen to her a month later.
In order to keep the tears that were now swelling up in my eyes, I shut my eyelids and took a couple of deep breaths.
"You can do this," I whispered to myself over and over again until I could no longer feel the pricking of tears and until I finally believed the words I was speaking.
My eyes fluttered open and I continued gazing at the pictures until I reached the last ones of when I was leaving La Push. The forest, Billy, and finally two of Jacob. I smiled at them and the sadness I was feeling about two seconds ago was replaced by a feeling of hope. Hope that when I do move back I could be happy and not let the past creep up on me...
Suddenly, I heard two hard knocks on my door and I immediately shut the photo album and wiped away a single tear drop that managed to escape from my eye. It took me a couple of seconds before I came back into reality. I stood up and examined all of the boxes that were sitting on my floor until I met Sean's gaze.
"I was wondering if you needed some help with packing the rest of your stuff," thankfully, he didn't notice the fact that I was about ready to burst into tears.
"Um…" I paused, "No…it's ok," I glanced down at the album before looking back at Sean again, "I'm pretty much finished," my lips pulled up into a small, fake smile, "Thanks though."
He grinned and started to walk towards me, "So, are you getting excited?"
More like nervous, "Yeah," I chuckled, "Really excited actually," I'm such a liar…
When he reached me, he wrapped his arms around my waist and immediately crushed his lips onto mine. At first, I didn't try to pull away, but then I started to think thoughts I shouldn't be thinking, thoughts of Paul, Jared, Jacob, my mother and everything else about La Push. He outlined my lips with his tongue and demanded for entrance, but I turned my head to the side and pulled out of his arms.
"I'm sorry, I just can't right now," I shouldn't feel this way. I should be yearning to kiss him right now because I need his support. I need the support of someone I love. And that should be him, but why do I suddenly feel like…it's not?
"It's ok," he shrugged and quickly kissed me on the cheek, "Come downstairs when you're done."
I nodded and crossed my arms over my chest and with the click of the door I set my eyes on the photo album once again.
As we pulled up to the airport I got a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. What if I made the wrong decision to move back to La Push? What if something terrible happens?
The door to my dad's car suddenly opened I felt my mind go blank and a lump start to form in my throat.
"Ready?" Sean reached his hand out with a smile on his face and I just nodded without being able to say a single word.
Once I get out of the car and face the New York airport a whole new set of thoughts enter my mind, positive thoughts. I'm going to La Push, not to confront my past or anything like that, but to pursue my dream. I should be happy right now because this is something I've been dreaming about ever since I was a kid.
When all of our luggage was unloaded from the trunk I grabbed my suitcase and turned towards my father who's standing with his hands in his pockets and just staring at me with a grin on his face that says, "I'm proud of you."
I can't help but feel emotional right now because the reality of all of this is hitting me now. I wrapped my arms tightly around my dad and kissed him on the cheek.
"Love you Sammy," he whispered in my ear.
I smiled and pulled away from him, "Love you too dad," I replied.
Knowing that I won't be living with my father anymore is hard to believe because we've been through absolutely everything together. He and I are like two peas in a pod. We've been able to overcome obstacles that a lot of people don't have to deal with it. And even though there have been a lot of rough patches in our lives, we still manage to be, in our eyes, the closest family ever.
With one more quick glance over my shoulder at my father I wave to him and he waves back which to me, confirms the fact that things are about to change.
"Well, this is it," Sean said as he grabbed everything we brought out of the cab, "Cozy isn't it?"
I stared at the small blue house with white shutters hanging from the windows and a small porch that led up to the front door, "It's perfect," I grinned.
I felt his arms wrap around me, but I just kept my eyes on the house. It seemed unreal that this is our house and our house only. There are absolutely no parents around to tell us what to do and no one to bug us.
"Come on, let's check this place out," he grabbed my hand and with both of our bags slung over each of his shoulders he opened the door to our house.
I looked everywhere, my eyes big and wide when I was finally able to wrap my head around the fact that the kitchen, the living room, the staircase, the bathroom, and everything else was officially ours.
"Welcome home," he whispered in my ear and dropped the bags right in the middle of what's supposed to be our living room, "Let me give you the grand tour," he slid his arm through mine and started walking, "Here we have our magnificent kitchen," I rolled my eyes and laughed, "And to your right we have the grand staircase that leads up to the master bedroom," he started to wiggle his eyebrows up and down.
"Don't get any ideas," I narrowed my eyes, "I can already tell what's going through your head right now."
He reeled me towards him and picked me up, bridal style, heading up the stairs before I could react.
"Stop!" I shouted over a fit of laughter that came out of my mouth.
We soon came to a narrow hallway with three doors, two on the left and on the right. He immediately headed for the farthest door on the right and somehow managed to open the door where a queen sized mattress stood in the middle of the room.
He put me down onto the bed and with each of his hands and legs on either side of me he just stared at me.
"What?" I questioned, suddenly feeling insecure.
He shook his head and smiled, "I just love you that's all."
I put my arms around his neck and looked right into his blue eyes, "This is all ours," I beamed, "Ours and no one else's."
He brought his face closer to mine and kissed me on the lips. This time I didn't feel like stopping. I just kept my mind clear of any bad thoughts and just lived in the moment. In this beautiful moment that was ours and no one else's.
Today's the day. The one day that will let me know if moving back here was really, truly worth it. It didn't take us long to finally settle into our perfect home and Sean found a job at a repair shop in Port Angeles that would help us pay for the rent.
I walked out of the door and walked down the steps of our house with my car keys in my hand. I glanced up at the familiar gray clouds that hung in the sky and quickly got into my car. I'm definitely feeling nervous right now, which would probably explain the weird way my hands are shaking. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths before checking that I had my portfolio filled with pictures of my artwork and headed for the gallery.
About half way there I started tapping my fingers on my steering wheel and every two seconds I glanced at the clock as it got closer and closer to two o'clock. I suddenly started to panic, feeling as if I'm going to somehow be late, but thankfully I got there with four minutes to spare.
I slammed the car door shut with my portfolio in hand and looked up at the sign that hung over the entrance reading, "Landings Art Gallery."
Before I opened the door I reminded myself that I needed to stay calm and with one quick nod of reassurance I headed inside. What I saw was exactly what I expected to see. White walls with a bunch of paintings hung up and each of them with their own plaques. And sculptures and other creative things taking up the rest of the space in the gallery.
"Can I help you?" a female voice asked.
I turned around and with a smile I asked, "Yes, I'm looking for Maggie," I checked the small piece of paper Sean gave me, "Walker?"
I looked up at the curly blonde haired, green eyed, girl and with a genuine grin she said, "Her office is straight to the back you can't really miss it."
I nodded, "Thanks."
"No problem," she replied.
Ok, so far everyone I've seen here is new…no familiar faces yet.
I walked straight to the back and felt completely stupid when I saw right there on the door in big letters MRS. MAGGIE WALKER, GALLERY MANAGER. Wow that blonde must think I'm dumb…
I deliberated whether or not I should knock or just walk in. I sighed and shook my head at myself, the best thing to do is knock…God I'm acting so paranoid right now.
I knocked twice on the door before I heard a voice say, "Come in."
I put on a smile and twisted the knob. When the door opened my eyes immediately set on an older woman with dark brown hair that's pulled up into a bun and glasses resting on her nose while she reads some sort of paperwork I'm guessing.
It took a couple of seconds before she finally acknowledged my presence in the room. By the warm way she looked at me with her brown eyes I immediately felt calm. She smiled and gestured to the chair set up across from her desk.
I sat down in the chair while I rested my portfolio on my legs.
"Samantha is it?" she asked.
I shook my head "yes" and kept a smile on my face.
"Yes, well I've heard a lot about you from Sean," she took the glasses off of her nose and held them in her hand, "He tells me you're very talented and from the pictures he's sent to me I can tell that you have a natural talent."
Yes, she likes me, "Thank you," I said simply.
She slightly narrowed her eyes, her gaze becoming harder, "So tell me, Samantha. What makes you different from the rest? Enlighten me," she folded her hands and rested them on her desk.
Ok, so maybe she doesn't like me as much as I thought, "Well, ever since I was young I have just loved to draw everything and anything that has meant something to me. For instance, in my old home and in my old room right out the window you could see the forest and one day I feel inspired to capture the natural beauty of the evergreens. You see, I like to put myself into the painting. I put my emotions, my feelings into my artwork."
She slightly raised one eyebrow at me and half smiled, "Let's see this portfolio of yours, shall we?"
I picked up the small binder that was sitting in my lap and handed it to her. As she opened it and looked through everything I wondered if she would be able to decipher what I'm feeling in the paintings. For instance, in one of the paintings I painted two hands cupped around a bright red heart with cracks in it and tear drops falling to the ground and black surrounding the hands. I never fully understood why I wanted to paint this particular thing, but I'm guessing that since I did it not too long after I moved to New York, it's explaining my heartbreak and the two hands represent Paul and how he completely owned my heart. The cracks and tears represent how I broken I felt while the black represents when Paul completely blind sighted me by breaking up with me.
When she closed the binder I lifted my head up and fely good by the smile she had on her face despite the mix of emotions thinking about that painting brought on.
"You truly are talented," she commented.
"Thank you. That means a lot to me," I smiled, erasing the image of the painting out of my head.
"Well I'm willing to display two of these pieces that you have created," she leaned forward.
My eyes went wide, "Really?" I questioned just to be sure.
She nodded and held up my portfolio, opening up to show me which one's she's chosen. The first is a painting of a grey wolf. I drew it because ever since I had a dream about it, I was unable to get the image of it out of my head. So, I let my fingers do the work and that's what it came out looking like. The second one is the painting of the heart with the hands cupped around it. And when I think about that one being on display, a mental image of Paul takes over my brain and when I saw Mrs. Walker stand I shook the image out of my head and stood up along with her. She held out her hand to me and I shook it.
"Congratulations Samantha," she said as she's smiling.
"Thank you so much Mrs. Walker, really I am so grateful for this," on the inside I was screaming, but hopefully I wasn't not letting my crazy side show on the outside.
"You're very welcome," she put her glasses back on her nose and sat back down.
I started to head for the door and just as I'm about to open it she stopped me by saying, "There's a show this weekend. Artists are usually expected to show up," I turned in her direction and listened, "And if someone really likes your piece then they'll possibly want to buy it."
"That would be great," I said.
"Well that's only if they want to buy it. This is a tough occupation. Sometimes you won't receive any sort of money or you won't get any buyers for a while."
I could tell that she was hinting towards something and I was thinking that maybe, just maybe it was about a possible job.
"We could use another gallery attendant. Dana up there sometimes has a tough time with handling all the guests at shows. And since you're nineteen, I'm thinking that you need the money," well you think right.
"Yeah," I nodded, "Sure, when would you like me to come in?"
"Wednesday would be fine," she smiled at me, "Come at three. The afternoons are usually easy and I'm sure Dana will be willing to help you," she winked at me.
"Ok, I'll be here at three then. And thank you really, for everything. I'm so grateful."
"See you on Wednesday," she went back to reading her paperwork and left me in complete shock.
I got a freaking job and two pieces that are going to be hung up on one of these white walls. My lucky day? Hell yes!