A/N: Thank you so much for the stalwart reviewers: smuffly, bjq, no accounter, and FallenAngel0601. I'm so glad you all enjoyed the previous chapter as much as you did. Your reviews let me know I'm right on track, and I appreciate it deeply. I was disappointed for about one second that I didn't get a bigger response, but I tossed it away because getting four reviews is still pretty awesome.
As always, enjoy!
Characters: Det. Don Flack Jr/OC – Savannah 'Anna' Patia Cormier, Danny/Lindsay, Stella Bonasera, Mac Taylor, and other members of CSI NY.
Set: This is canon up until after episode 6.08 'Cuckoo's Nest.' It's intended to be set three months after that episode. After that, it's AU.
Rating: M for swearing. Might be more in further chapters.
Warnings: Mild swearing.
Disclaimer: I do not in any way own CSI NY or affiliates. I'm using the characters to no profit. I do not own the song or song lyrics at the beginning of each chapter that inspire me. But I wish that there were a few clones of Don Flack…mmmm….Oh, but I do own Savannah Cormier.
On the Mend – Chapter 13 – Fighting Oneself
It's a cruel cruel world, to face on your own,
A heavy cross, to carry along,
The lights are on, but everyone's gone,
And it's cruel
Gossip – Heavy Cross
As soon as Savannah got out of the venue, she took off for the nearest safe haven. Speedily weaving through pedestrians, holding up the hem of her dress, she headed for the cafe. She knew she received a few odd looks as she rushed down the streets of Manhattan and across the Brooklyn Bridge, but she couldn't care. The sting of the words were still raw. An angry tear escaped her stubborn control and she dashed it away with a finger, refusing the tears.
She hated crying.
'Why did that stupid idiot Wright have to ruin my night?' she thought mournfully as she began to run, clouded with anger and insecurity the last few blocks. She could only think 'safety.' She didn't want to go home furious. This was the only place she could come.
Seeing her sign 'Comfort Cafe,' Savannah breathed a sigh of relief and slowed down, taking off her heels. However, she didn't miss the silver car idling on the kerb or it's occupant.
Not even bothering to hide her distraught expression, she fumbled in her clutch for her keys, opening up and entering, dropping into the nearest chair, her head in her hands. She didn't even bother to turn on the lights.
Don was silent and concerned as he followed the brunette into the shadowed space.
"Thought I'd check here first before going back to your apartment. Good thing I did, I saw you on the bridge," he murmured. He awkwardly fiddled with his cufflinks before grabbing a chair and sitting in front of Savannah. She refused to look at him, her eyes filled with tears. She didn't want him to see her like this…again.
"Savannah," Flack whispered, reaching forward and carefully turning her face back towards him. He noted a tear track on her cheek and that she was determinedly not staring back at him. "Savannah, please, would you look at me?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I won't be able to…I won't be able to stop crying if I do," she mumbled, flushing in humiliation. "I don't want to cry. Not anymore. The time for crying is over."
Don felt a little helpless as he watched the beautiful woman before him attempt to compose herself. "For what it's worth…I was really impressed by what you did back there. You've got some real guts to stand up for yourself in a hall full of cops, most of which are men. Be proud of yourself. I know I am."
"I should be. I know I should be," Savannah replied, finally meeting Flack's eyes. "But I-"
"Hey, hey, hey," interrupted Don soothingly, sensing the stressed out tone in her voice. He brought his other hand up and carded it through her hair in what he hoped was a comforting way. 'It's understandable. Wright said so much shit about you, and he was so full of it his eyes were brown." That got a snort of amusement from her. He knew he was getting somewhere with that, and so he went on, "I think what he said was the worst lie anyone could ever say about you."
"That's kind of you, but he does have a slight point," Savannah said sullenly, and then gestured at her torso, "I could lose some weight. I mean, I thought I was a healthy size, but the way he just cut me down hurt, even if I don't really think it."
Flack rolled his eyes at that. "Please, don't even think that. Anything over 100 pounds is overweight to Wright."
Savannah looked disgusted at that. "Really? That's terrible."
"Exactly. And don't you dare even be concerned with the way you look. You've got curves, don't get me wrong, but it's like…an awesome Marilyn Monroe style kinda thing, or like Elizabeth Taylor when she was younger – but you're taller. You are not fat or huge, trust me. You're…just," he cleared his throat and admitted, "Well, I think you look beautiful. I told you before we left for the ball, didn't I? And if I forgot, you should have beaned me in the head with your purse." He gestured to the dress. "This suits you perfect. I know the night wasn't a complete success, but don't get rid of it."
Calmed, Savannah released a shaky breath and managed to school her face into a neutral expression. "Okay then. I was just so angry, and hurt, and just so shocked, you know? He also insulted you by insulting me."
Flack shrugged. "Hey, I was pissed too. I've never even insinuated something about a woman like that." He remembered something and exclaimed, "Oh! By the way, you missed the fireworks. Chief Sinclair put Wright on desk duty until his fate can be sorted out."
Savannah's face softened. "He did that?"
"Yeah, he did."
"Good. While I don't want Wright to be fired, I think some time to think about his actions and words and how they affect other people. Maybe he should spend a few days with a feminist organisation as punishment," she thought aloud.
Flack nodded. "That's a good idea. I'll pass it on."
She leaned into the hand cradling her face and sighed. "I can't help but be a little unconfident about my looks. No matter how many times I tell myself that it doesn't matter what I look like on the outside, as long as I'm at peace with who I am as a person inside, a good person." Holding her friend's eyes, she murmured, "Can you forgive me for flipping out a little?"
"As far as I was concerned, you were more than entitled to that. And it was probably one of the more interesting balls I've been to in a while."
Savannah managed a smile at that. "I'm sure."
"Hey, come here," murmured Flack, leaning forward, making the first move and kneeling next to her, wrapping the brunette woman in his arms. Savannah was tense for a split second before allowing herself to be engulfed in the comfort of his arms, secure and safe around her. Any remaining inadequacy vanished. Indulging herself, she breathed in his scent, her own hands sliding around his shoulders as he pulled her over to him. It wasn't awkward, or uncomfortable. Don was as warm as the setting sun and as careful with her as a chef with a delicate soufflé. "Don't doubt how amazing you are. Okay? Can you promise me that?"
"I can't promise it…but I will try. I will have bouts of insecurity, Don," Savannah replied honestly.
"That's all I ask for. There needs to be women less afraid of standing up for themselves and be like you," he shared with her.
They sat like that for a while until Savannah drew back, more at ease with herself than before. She was about to thank the handsome detective when a light tap at the door to her cafe interrupted her attempt.
Flack turned and frowned at seeing Adam Ross there.
"Uh…hey," Adam said uncertainly. He had a tuxedo on, so he must have been at the ball. He looked the least geeky the detective had ever seen him. "Uh, I hope I'm not interrupting anything, but Stella asked me to check and see if you were okay Ms. Cormier."
Savannah brightened a bit at that. "I'm all good. You must be Adam, right? The CSI team talks a lot about you."
Adam blushed a little bit. "Yeah, I'm Adam Ross. I was at the…ah…ball tonight, but I wasn't at the table you guys were on, I was on the…the next one over. I saw it all, and so…yeah, so you're okay?" he rambled, his eyes nervously darting from Flack to Savannah and back again. Flack tried not to look as irritated and stood, leaning back against the table, watching in amusement. He could see the moment in which Savannah's instincts took over and she rose gracefully with all the presence of a goddess and walked over to the fidgety lab tech.
Savannah reached over and placed a hand on Adam's shoulder gently. "I'm fine. Thank you so much for coming to check up on me. Let Stell know I'll call her later." She then tilted her head to the side. "Out of curiosity, why have I not seen you here?"
Adam shrugged. "I kinda let my work get caught up with me. When I get off shift all I do is go home and maybe play, like, a bit of guitar hero before passing out on the couch," he admitted.
Humming in disapproval, Savannah murmured, "Looks like I'll have to take a field trip to the Crime Lab to make sure you get a bit of my food then, hmm?"
"Oh, no you don't have to do that Ms. Cormier, it's not a big deal-"
The brunette cut him off with a wave of her hand. "First of all, you can call me Savannah or Anna. Ms. Cormier was my mama. Secondly, I'll be happy to do it. I doubt Crime Lab vending machines can even deliver a quarter of the nutrients I put into my food," she argued.
"Wow. You're just as nice as Stella said you were," Adam blurted.
Savannah finally did the one thing Don hoped she'd do.
Laugh.
"That Stella," Savannah chuckled. "It's sweet of you Adam."
Adam's shyness came back full force. "Well, you were really amazing putting that jerk in his place. I mean, to have the courage that you did, it was really cool. I mean, I wish I had that kind of courage to put someone in their place without looking stupid," he murmured.
With all her instincts firing, Savannah picked up on the unsaid words. She looked at Flack, who was thoughtful. She nodded towards the front of the cafe and he nodded in return. He understood what was going to happen and he didn't mind. Ross was cool as far as lab techs went, but he was skittish and didn't really come out of his shell often. Anna was the person to do it. He would stick around until she was done – it would be un-gentlemanly of him not to see her home safe. He edged out towards the car, giving a quick thumbs up to the cafe owner.
When the taller man was safely ensconced in his car, Savannah brought Adam down to the chairs she and Don had occupied not five minutes before. "Courage for me is speaking up for what I think, regardless of what my critics think. So I did. As for the looking stupid bit…I think everyone may have the misfortune to look stupid when they're trying to prove a point. I had the potential to look silly tonight, but thankfully it was Wright that did, and not me," she explained quietly. Like with Don, there was something about this Adam where she felt there was more to the story. But unlike the detective, the younger man's issues lay embedded for a long time – possibly since childhood. "I'm sure you have courage too. Courage is not just standing up for yourself in the face of adversity, but it's also knowing your own fear and triumphing over it. I'm quoting from a book when I say this, but the real courage is in living and suffering for what you believe."
Adam perked up at that. "That's from Eragon, isn't it?"
"Yes it is. It's a great book to read when waiting for things," Savannah replied, smiling at having found a common ground. "Have you read all the books? I'm halfway through the second."
"I have. I found the ending a little disappointing…but you might find differently."
"I'll let you know. Adam…what did you mean when you wished that you had more courage?" the brunette asked probingly, but gentle.
"Ah…well, the reason why I said it in the first place…that is, I even mentioned it at all was…er…well you see-"
"Adam, you don't have to tell me. I'm not your boss, or someone you really know," Savannah supplied helpfully. "You're not under any kind of obligation if it's personal."
Adam looked relieved, but he eagerly explained, "I just don't like bullies. For you to stand up to that detective when he was bullying you, it was an inspiration is all."
Savannah didn't buy it, but she nodded anyway. The nerves seemed to have faded from the brown haired man's mannerisms. She reached out and patted his hand reassuringly. "I'm glad you think so. Tell you what, it's getting late. I better let you get back to the ball. I'll be sure to see you soon, I want to visit the Crime Lab anyway."
"Oh. Okay then," the lab tech replied, looking a little crestfallen.
"You can still come here whenever you want. I rarely forget a face," the brunette woman said.
Adam smiled. "Oh, cool, cool. That'd be awesome, everyone's been raving about how good this place is."
"I look forward to you seeing it in the daytime."
"You were good with Adam tonight."
"Thanks. Has he always been like that? Perpetually nervous, uncertain?"
"Always," confirmed Flack. He drove the now familiar route to Savannah's apartment building, glancing over at her from time to time. "He's gotten a bit better over the years, but essentially, he's jumpier than a rabbit on a sugar high. He kinda gets nervous around authority, like Mac, but they've been on good terms. And he's crazy intelligent and helpful – he once helped me on a personal matter and let me have the time to address it before going to Mac. He's good like that," he explained further.
"He seems like such a nice guy," mused Savannah. "A gentle soul."
"I think so. Danny was talking a while back about how Adam may have been hit as a kid. Said he didn't like bullies or something," Don said.
Savannah looked at him in realisation. "So that's why he was in such awe of what I did."
She had a far off look in her eyes, so the blue-eyed man let her be. She would speak again once she connected all the dots of whatever she was thinking about. He knew that he would be grateful that Adam was the one to check on them both – the lab tech had kept Savannah from wallowing too much on what that bastard Wright had said about her. It had distracted her effectively. Heck, he was still annoyed that it had happened. That he couldn't have stayed out on the dance floor with Savannah longer so she would have never heard the remarks in the first place. What he wouldn't give to turn back time to prevent the sorrow she had experienced. Flack knew that it was just his protectiveness kicking in, but he also knew that he couldn't keep everything unjust about the world from those he cared about.
"It explains so much. Poor Adam," Savannah concluded.
Flack shrugged. He knew it was probably a sad truth.
Arriving back at her apartment, Flack guided her to the door and paused. When she turned to him in a swirl of purple fabric, he smiled and quickly hugged her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "I'll probably see you tomorrow. I just want you to remember something. Tonight, you were very pretty, and that you were the coolest and strongest ball partner I've ever taken. Have some sweet dreams. Like Wright being strung up on top of the Chrysler Building until he composes a very wordy and sincere apology."
Giggling at the detective's silliness, Savannah replied, "I will. You've been sweet tonight."
"Don't call me sweet."
"Why not?"
"I'm a detective. Detectives are very rarely called sweet," Don pointed out.
"You're wearing a tux, you drove me home, and you don't try to silence me when I try to express myself. That counts as being sweet in my book, whether your ego likes it or not." She did that eyebrow raise that Don knew meant some kind of mischievousness. She leaned up, closer to his ear and whispered, "We'll keep it a secret between us then."
Don just gave her an inscrutable look before he smirked. "Yeah, wouldn't want it to get out and hurt my street cred."
"You have street cred?"
"You think you're being funny now?"
"I don't think Don. I know."
"Now that's the fire I want to see every day," Flack approved, giving her one last smile. "I mean it, don't worry about that jerk-off. Just think of all the amazing compliments you're going to get tomorrow for being Xena."
Savannah chuckled and entered her apartment. "Good night Don. Get some sleep and dream sweet dreams."
"Good night Savannah."
And dream Flack did. Of a dark haired woman spinning in a violet dress, day and night shrouding two halves of her – the joyous and the misery. And the bright, beating heart that resided in both of them.
A/N: It was a harder chapter to write, but one I felt I needed to get out of the way. I would love your feedback guys, it's very important to know I'm on the right track. I know that I would have broken down completely if it was me instead of Savannah. She's too stubborn.
Also, I realised halfway through re-reading the ball scene that I forgot to mention Adam in the fic! So here he is. Sweet, bumbling, intelligent Adam.