Chapter 15: A Field of Daisies

Hikaru couldn't understand the fear inside his heart. That momentous flash of pure terror when he saw the huge set bearing down on her small naïve figure was like – it was like he was the one in danger.

Why would he feel that way towards a mere woman he had only met a couple of days ago?

The suffocating feeling was similar to how he felt that time when he and Kaoru were 14 and crossing the road together. Kaoru looked left. Hikaru looked right. But Kaoru was the first one to step onto the road without looking at the emerging vehicle. Hikaru had shouted and flung out his hands to grab his brother back. Even hours after Kaoru had repeatedly tried to reassure him, Hikaru couldn't stop shaking.

There had been another time when he had felt this afraid. It was that time under the willow tree...when he thought he was going to lose...

I don't want to lose her. I want to protect her!

Wanting to protect someone was a noble feeling. It wasn't this cowardly shaking, shivering fear that was consuming his insides. Hikaru closed his eyes slowly, sinking deeper into his conscious mind. He saw himself dashing in to save Haruhi. He could sense the bewilderment of the watching crowd, and their admiration at his courage. Courage, heroism, perfection etc… had nothing to do with it! Within the tangle of pretense, truth lurked. A small sly voice whispered: a selfish desire! A purely self centered motive!

It wasn't because he was a cold hearted bastard who did it all just for show and to sway a certain someone's heart. But it was still selfish, the reason-

I don't want to be hurt again.

Hikaru gripped his pen.

I don't want to be alone again.

His throat suddenly felt painful and he suppressed it mightily by burying himself into a tight mental ball. He didn't realize this mirrored in his physical movements.

I don't want to fall into a dark abyss again. That's why.

Images flew through his mind.

A woman bowing to him politely, brushing her hair aside with painted nails, and giving him a smile like sunshine. The smile jolted him, because it reminded him of that…Yet everyone had smiles and smiles in reality could change as frequently as the sun cycles.

"Hi, my name is Renee. Pleased to meet you."

He didn't want to remember those memories.

"Kaoru is it? My name is Renee, pleased to meet you."

"Where were you? I told you not to-"

"I was talking with Kaoru. He's so nice-"

"I'll wait by the willow tree."

"You better. I don't want to be by myself-"

It was too unbearable; the memory of fear. It tasted vivid on his tongue especially since he had experienced it only this morning – again but over a different girl. Fear came with darkness like jealousy, like possessiveness, like anger and desperation. Fear followed these ominous characters all over again. Fear was everywhere and shook every part of his body.

It was stupid feeling like this. Couldn't he throw that cold mask of indifference on like he always did? It was too difficult. That bowl of soup stripped his soul bare of lies with its simplicity and pureness. That was the effect of Haruhi Fujioka on him.

"Soup?" He was disgruntled, outer smooth façade falling to pieces. Usually he would have said nothing and given her a contemptuous look. Or if he wanted to seduce her, he would have swallowed the truth and given a disgustingly sweet lie. "I said I wanted an obentoo, not a bowl of soup."

She gave him absolute daggers.

"Leek?" he had picked up the slimy thing up with his chopsticks, looking horrified.

"If you don't want it, then don't eat it," she snapped back before trying to leave the room, probably back to the lunch room kitchens. The door was locked. She sat on the floor.

He wanted to laugh like a carefree child. Sitting in the little office together with her, it was hard to believe just a moment ago he was desperately afraid, frustrated, lonely…He was going to go straight into his mechanical robot manner to cover up his insecurities. That was what he did all the time, putting on mask over mask. That was what he had been doing all morning in avoiding Haruhi, because she made him all too aware of his insecurities again. But at the end of the day, he found himself desperately wanting the homely comfort of her presence instead.

He put the soup in his mouth. It tasted nice. He smiled at her. Her back was still turned to him.

"Leek," his chef told him much later on, "is good for curing illnesses."

"What sort of illnesses?" He had asked, closely watching the elderly woman.

"All sorts. And I'm not just talking about sickness of the body either."

Her gentle warmth, purity, innocence, honesty, integrity … all those things that didn't exist in his world – they were truly things he wanted to protect. Hikaru knew that this was true. However why did he still feel like a sick coward?

Because those things can not necessarily be protected, even if I try my hardest.

"Hikaru?" The door was knocked gently.

He sat up abruptly, hoping whoever it was hadn't seen him looking so vulnerable and dejected lying on his office desk. He peered through the dim light at the silhouette. Slight figure. Brown glimmering eyes. Brown hair. And a huge pot.

"I made too much soup," Haruhi said abruptly. She set the pot down on the floor to the entrance of his home business office. "Please have your third serve for today."

"You want me to eat all of that disgusting leek?" Hikaru couldn't believe it. That pot was the size of his rubbish bin – at least.

"Yes," Haruhi emphasized, looking extremely pissed off. She grabbed the pot and put it resolutely down by his feet, before glaring into his eyes.

Hikaru wanted to come up with some witty remark, but his brain failed him. The eye contact was too intense. Hikaru broke it off, heart pounding. The silence became awkward – just like before…

"What's your fiancé like?" He had blurted it out after taking five heavenly spoonfuls of the soup she had made him. Lunch time was over and he needed to get back to work, but he really didn't want to. He wanted the answers to this question.

It was a question he wouldn't normally have asked. He could find out everything about the damned guy if he wanted to. No, he was really asking a different question – the answer which only Haruhi could give.

"He's modest, hard working, mature, responsible, appreciative-" she continued ranting. It could have been easily summed up as "everything you're not."

She stopped abruptly after "loyal". The silence stretched out uncomfortably. His heart was jerking like it could be pulled out any second. He could have stood up and started avoiding her again. But time seemed to freeze and he couldn't move. He couldn't speak either. The words "I just wanted to know about your fiancé so I can be assured about Renee – you know my real finacee- living with him" died lame on his lips.

"He's-" she paused. "He's—" She turned around to look at him. And they stared at each other.

"Well…"Haruhi teetered, looking uncertain at his sudden bashful change of character. "Eat the soup okay?"

He didn't answer. So she slowly edged her way out of the room.

"Um," Hikaru cleared his throat, feeling the need to say something.

She immediately stopped and turned around. "What is it?"

Hikaru kept his eyes firmly on the pot of soup. "Thanks," he muttered.

"No problem," he heard the automatic smile in her voice. "Good night." The door closed gently behind her.

The soup was steaming slightly. Hikaru stared at the puffs of heat rolling around. They looked like clouds and the fantastical stories imagination wove. He shook his head to clear the daydreaming feeling that had slipped into his mind. Hikaru helped himself to the warm stew. It's texture, colour and flavour was perfected to pure magic.

"Mr Hitachiin?" Another knock on his door. This one was brisk and impatient.

"What?" He snapped, putting the stew aside.

His assistant come through, sifting through letters and documents and piling them on his desk. Hikaru watched the pieces of paper in his tray build up gloomily. Although he could get other people to do his work for him, there were certain things that had to be done by the CEO himself.

"It's that time of the year again Mr Hitachiin," the young man reminded him. "Things are starting to get busy."

"Organize a meeting tomorrow," Hikaru instructed. "I'd like to go through our new line of products for the coming season again."

"Yes, sir."

There was a scene that Hikaru played to himself often. Either it was on rare days like these when he was feeling reminiscent or strangely calm and peaceful, or it was quite often when he forced himself to escape from bad memories and reality.

"Is it okay to play outside?"

Two little boys were in a field of soft daisies.

"Hikaru, let's play hide and seek!" The other little boy called Kaoru ran off, his face full of confident smiles.

"But Kao-" the other little twin cried, arms out stretched. Footsteps disappeared. The daisies drifted in the wind, in his wake. A small smile entered Hikaru's face. "I shall find you."

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

The little boy hastily tried to wipe tears away with his handkerchief. "I'm not," he retorted, sniffing, eyes puffy and cheeks turning red. "Boys don't cry."

The little girl only tilted her head. "I know where you can be happy," she beamed, stretching out her hand.

"What is this?" Hikaru wondered at the bright colorful construction in the midth of spurts of yellow daisies.

"It's the playground," the girl's face was in the sunshine. She looked so pure and happy. Hikaru's little mind felt envious.

"Come on, let's play!"

"What should we play?" Hikaru said slowly, still sniffing.

"Hide and Seek!" the girl swished her skirt.

"But!" Hikaru protested. "What if I can't find you?" What if I can't find you, like I can't find Kaoru now? The little boy burst into shameless tears again.

"Well then," the little girl became serious and patted him sympathetically on the back. "You give me something of yours, and Ill give you something of mine. So even if we don't find each again, we'll remember each other!"

She made it sound so simple.

"Okay," the boy frowned. "What should I give you?"

"This should do," the girl tugged at his handkerchief. She stuffed it in her pocket. "Now stop crying."

"What are you going to give me?" Hikaru asked, eyeing her. She wore simple clothes. She had nothing in her pockets, and wore no accessories.

The girl smiled. Her brown eyes glowed with positive energy. Hikaru couldn't help himself smiling, just a little.

"I give you a smile," she stuck out her tongue. "Okay, now start counting and close your eyes. You're the seeker."

"What!?" Hikaru had no time to protest. He was left in the middle of the playground. The boy closed his eyes and began counting. And then when he began searching, this time he didn't feel like the whole world was going to fall apart. Because this time he had a smile.

"Kaoru!" Hikaru cried in surprise. He jumped onto his twin who was snoozing behind a bush. "I found you!" he yelled with relief.

Kaoru opened his eyes sleepily. "Ah, what took you this long?"

"Ah what took you so long?" An adult voice thundered. Their nurse was looking disapprovingly down on them. "You shouldn't be wandering off like that! Come back to the mansion immediately."

"But!" Hikaru lingered. He pulled at their sleeves. "The game isn't over yet-"

"What game?" Their nurse frowned. "It's reading time now."

Kaoru looked equally upset. Hikaru smiled. "We'll play another time," he whispered the secret to the only ears who could hear him. "Another time…"

They left the field of daisies, the clear blue skies and the gentle wind. And then, two months after, the land got cleared and the grass was replaced by apartment buildings. Yet memories couldn't be erased…

Hikaru never knew whether the soothing, fairytale scene was real or a figment of his imagination. He had blended it into his dreams that he didn't care anymore.

Daisies, blue skies, gentle winds, freedom, purity and all things peaceful and beautiful in the inside…That was the inspiration for his new line of products. Kaoru had strangely agreed on the designs. It was a theme foreign and out of place in the fashion world of this era. But Hikaru didn't care. He wanted something new and revolutionary. He wanted his company to be even more successful. But would they accept it? There was always a little bit of anxiety when it came to marketing new designs, but this time Hikaru felt more anxiety. And even a little bit of the old fear. Because this is about the world accepting my inner wish, not just some spin off of my creativity.

The opening night of this particular fashion line was very soon. He had chosen Haruhi to attend that night, because she demonstrated, as he had fervently wished, an embodiment of that spirit. His dream, that little imaginary scene, would in part become true.

But don't you think she's even more than I had hoped for? Hikaru brushed the thought away, feeling uncomfortable. It was too dangerous to be whisked away by his own foolish dreams again. Do you want to be hurt again? But despite his mistakes, his gullibility, his stupidity…

I wish it was actually real. I'd really like to meet that girl again. In a field of daisies.

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A/N: yesterday I was making daisy chains for some strange reason. xP That whimsical activity probably influenced the making of this chapter. I'm really sorry that this story has been lagging in terms of updating, but I'll try my best. Thank you to all my lovely readers and reviewers, I hope you liked this chapter. Feel free to comment as you please. xD

xoxo lu.e3