CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CORNELIUS FUCK
"Riddle does sound like a nosy fuck — who asked this meddling fag to snitch on Hagrid?" Ron asked.
"Riddle was going back to some gay all-you-can-bang brothel if they closed Hogwarts," said Harry.
The Mandrakes threw a gang bang in the greenhouse.
"When they try to fuck each other, they're fully mature," Professor Sprout told Harry. "Then we'll fuck them to revive those rape victims."
Harry's dormitory was trashed to shit.
"Someone's been having rough sex," said Ron.
"But — only a Gryffindor —"
"Gross," said Ron.
Professor McGonagall came krumping.
"Potter, come with me.…" Professor McGonagall called. "You too, Weasley."
Harry and Ron followed Professor McGonagall to the infirmary.
On the bed was a bitch and next to her was Hermione —
"Fuck!" Ron groaned.
"They were found near your bed with this on the floor next to them.…" said Professor McGonagall.
She was holding an aluminum dildo.
They snuck into Hagrid's hut under the Invisibility Cloak without Hagrid knowing.
Dumbledore entered followed by a faggot.
"Cornelius faggy Fudge, the Minister of Magic!" Ron breathed.
"For the crime of public indecency," said Fudge. "Hagrid is sentenced to imprisonment."
"No!" said Hagrid. "Don' send me ter Asskaban! Please! Please don' send me ter Asskaban! I don' want ter be anally raped!"
"Well, it's just the weekend," said Fudge.
"It only takes one night to get anally raped!" croaked Hagrid.
Mr. Lucius Malfoy strolled into Hagrid's house.
"You call this piece of shit a house?" said Lucius Malfoy.
"Yeh know what Malfoy?" said Hagrid. "Fuck yeh an' everybody who live in yer house."
"Up yours, Dumbledore," said Mr. Malfoy, "but the governors have voted for you to go suck yourself —"
"How many cocks did yeh have ter suck before they agreed?" Hagrid roared.
"I would advise you not to dicksuck Asskaban guards," said Mr. Malfoy. "You won't like it at all."
Hagrid held up an imaginary joint to his mouth, inhaled deeply, and said, "If anyone wanted ter smoke some shit, all they'd have ter do would be ter follow the spiders. That'd make 'em high as a kite!"
Fudge stared at him.