Summery: sort of sequel to the Beauty and the Beast chapter before. Reo's school play ends in disaster as Jack tries to destroy the Wicked Witch....
Pairings: implied Tosh/Owen, Jack/Gwen and OC/OC
"And so" a small boy with ginger hair and very loud voice said to the audience. "Rapunzel lived in the tower, growing older and older as her hair grew longer and longer" Owen had to suppress a yawn and Gwen glared at him. Behind a badly made tower a little girl with a gigantic blonde wig stood looking dramatically sad. "Everyday the Wicked Witch would visit her with food"
Suddenly a Weevil hobbled onto the stage slowly, holding a basket, reacting immediately Jack leaped onto the stage pulling the ginger kid away while holding a gun up at the Weevil.
"Everybody remain calm. I'm from Torchwood, I'll sort this ugly beast out" Jack said and Owen groaned as he realised that Jack just puffed his chest out heroically. How embarrassing.
"Daddy!" the Rapunzel wailed looking humiliated, Owen didn't blame her. "That's Uncle Owen's Halloween mask! He donated it to the school to make the play more interesting!" Owen slouched lower in his chair as his wife; Gwen and Jack were now sending him deadly glares. "How could you ruin my school play? I no longer love you!"
Jack's face crumbled. "Please Princess I was just trying to save the world" he said pleadingly to his daughter who turned her back to him. Gwen face palmed as Jack tried to bribe his daughter with the newest Barbie doll. Owen felt sorry for her, well not too sorry after all she chose the idiot, after all this was in front of an audience. "Princess?" Jack said hopefully.
No response.
"Oh come on Em!" Sakura said jumping up onto her seat. "We all know that you're upset because you now can't kiss Reo!"
Em whirled round looking horrified as her classmates giggled and Reo stepped out from behind the curtains dressed as a poof (in Owen's opinion because really what respectable boy would want to wear tights?) glaring at his little sister.
"Sakura!" he hissed menacingly.
"Em and Reo sitting in a tree" Sakura sang gleefully jumping away from Owen's attempts to pull her down. "K. I. S. S. I. N. G! First comes love, second comes marriage, and third comes a baby in a golden carriage"
"No grandchildren! I'm too young to be a Granddad!" Jack shrieked.
"Aren't you already a grandfather?" Gwen muttered darkly.
"Owen" Tosh gasped grabbing hold of Owen's sleeve tightly, "my waters are broken"
Owen paled. "Ah....shit"
Chaos resumed as Jack pleaded with Em, Reo tried to kill Sakura, everyone else was calling ambulances and giving Tosh birthing advice while Ianto sat there looking at the blank wall pretending he was at home reading a very good book. Something that didn't have fairy tales in them.
"I don't understand these Human stories" the little girl with silvery hair and unnatural big blue eyes said. "I thought Rapunzel was an old man with a long beard and colourful robes"
Ianto sighed as he tried to think of a way to explain the differences between Rapunzel and Albus Dumbledore to his adopted alien daughter.
He could write a book about it.
How to Get Through Insane Situations.