"It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss" The Killers
2006 Choices and Commotion
The sound of the window opening and a boy creeping through it pulls me out of rocky rest. I groan sleepily.
"Why are you here?" I ask the sleep disrupting culprit.
I rub balled up fists into my eyes. I'm grumpy because I've been staying up too late thinking about my life choices. Mainly the choice to let this green-eyed devil in my room. One simple choice that makes me a bad friend, a bad child, and the other woman. Pretty much scum of the earth. There's also the fact that the catalyst for my downfall hasn't actually spoke to me in two days. Since the make-out session that made our borderline inappropriate visits completely inappropriate. Heavy stuff. Way too heavy to deal with when I'm out of smoke.
"Because I wanted to talk to you," he says smiling, dropping into my desk chair.
"Unlike the last two days," I huff. "Why don't you talk to your girlfriend?"
"Because," he repeats, grinning as he spins the chair in a lazy circle. "I want to talk to you."
"You could have talked to me at school today. You could have called me yesterday," I say. I drag my knees up and rest my chin on them.
"I could have," he agrees amicably.
I just stare at him. His indifference is making me crazy. I think he knows that though. I think he knows I've been waging war with myself since I woke up with the scent of his cologne on my pillows feeling both thrilled and guilty.
"I wanted to give you some time to think about things," he says.
"Two days to think about making out?" I ask.
He smirks.
"You've been thinking about kissing me for two days?" he asks. That smile is dangerous.
I feel my cheeks burn.
"Shut up," I say rolling my eyes. I have. Along with all the bad, heavy parts I've been thinking about the good parts to. The part where his mouth felt so good on mine. His tongue darted over my lips and teased mine with more precision than a boy should ever have. The part where his skillful fingers sent shock waves to my core when he traced patterns on my skin under my shirt. The amazing part when I nearly exploded when lay above me and hooked my leg around his waist, rocking his hardness against my softness. That slow, steady rocking that almost got me there… that would have got me there had headlights not splashed across the front of the house alerting us that my dad was home. Instead of drowsy completion I was left with delicious, achy longing as my boy made a stealthy get-away. Thinking about it now I can feel my heart pick up pace. I push all that away. The other stuff is more important. Well just as important.
"I figured you may need some time to think about what you want to do," he says.
"What I want to do? Why am I the decision maker?" I ask wrinkling my brow.
Green eyes blaze.
"Because you kissed me," he says. I open my mouth to reply about how he seemed to like it and how he started all this by climbing my damn window. He stops me with a shake of his head. "Because you have a daddy you don't want to disappoint and you have my little sister you have to answer to."
I sigh and close my eyes and bury my head in the soft blanket across my knees. He's right. I'm the one with all the skin to lose. But there is the other thing. I face him again.
"You have a girlfriend," I remind him.
He smiles.
"I have a girlfriend who just wants to date a delinquent so she can get a rise out of her parents. You want me to not have a girlfriend, Babydoll? I can get rid of her right now," he says fishing his phone out of his pocket. "All you have to do is say the word."
"Edward," I begin shaking my head but my words just trail off.
I honestly don't know what to say. I don't want him to have a girlfriend. Especially a picture perfect ice-princess I could never compare to. I don't want to be side chick. I don't want to feel guilty. But that's the catch. Even if he didn't have his girl we would still have to keep things on the low. At least until I could figure out a way to make my dad believe that Edward isn't the common criminal he's been made out to be. At least I don't think he is.
"Whatever you want, girl," he says moving toward the bed.
I sigh again and get kind of lost when the moonlight seems to make his skin glow.
"I want to kiss you," I say reaching for his hand and pulling him to me.
-B-
"I heard she was fucking some college guy and Edward busted her," Rose says with an excited grin.
I've heard so many speculations today I've lost count of all the different theories. But the only truth, as far as everyone else knows, is that Edward and Victoria are over.
I shrug at Rose and smile on the inside as I chow down on my burger. It's lunch time and the chatter has been non-stop all day. It's been hard but I've managed to silence that little voice that knows the whole truth. That little voice is super smug and it wants to scream "he did it for me" from the rafters. It's not time for that yet.
It took a month and a half but I finally told him I wanted him all to myself.
It was my birthday and the most perfect charm dangled from my charm bracelet. A leaning tower. Courtesy of one Edward Cullen.
"Until you get there," he explained with a soft smile.
That was all the invitation I needed to crawl into his lap and kiss those perfect lips. Sweet kisses evolved into desperate touches. I broke my unspoken rule to keep my clothes on until we were really together. I had told myself until he was a single man I wouldn't go any farther than kissing and clothes on touching. Because that made me feel less bad. Because I'm delusional. But that sweet, sweet best birthday present prompted me to wiggle out of my sleep shirt so I could lay my bare chest against his.
"Whoa, baby," he said pushing me back so that I sat up.
I looked at him curiously. I felt pretty exposed sitting straddle with his hips between my thighs and my boobs on full display. I wanted to go back to laying close and kissing.
"Slow down," he said. I could hear him trying to slow his breath.
"What? Why? What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing's…. wrong… you're just moving a little fast here," he said.
I could feel the "what the fuck" look on my face. Edward telling me I'm moving fast. The boy that was swinging his dick all over Forks.
"Fast for you, Babydoll. You said you wanted to take shit slow until we're together or whatever," he reminded me.
I huffed out a sigh and crawled off him. I snatched my tank top off the floor and pulled it back on. I sat next to him close, but not touching.
"You're mad?" he asked me, face full of disbelief. "I do the right thing and hold you to your word and you're mad?"
I rolled my eyes.
"I know what I said, Edward," I told him. "I was in the moment. I didn't care."
"That's the problem," he muttered.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked. I was just talking about my not going too far rule but my boy clearly had something else on his mind.
"What you care about changes from day to day. One day it's 'I don't care what my dad thinks' and 'I don't care if Alice gets mad' and the next day it's 'they're going to be so mad we've been lying'. Maybe you could make a calendar and write down how you're going to feel each day so I know what role I'm supposed to play," he snapped.
I couldn't meet his eyes. He was right. I just felt so mixed up and conflicted. Part of me knew that the kissing without worrying and playing keep away from reality we were doing would have to end eventually. We would have to do the grown up thing and tell the truth and face the consequences eventually. But the other part just wanted to keep pretending. To keep kissing. To keep our secret. I didn't consider that he might have some feelings on the subject.
"You don't have to play any role," I said quietly.
"Sure I do," he said with a humorless chuckle and a dark smirk. "I'm the late night cuddly buddy. The dirty little secret you're keeping from daddy. That about right?"
I felt tears stinging my eyes. His words hurt. But it hurt worse knowing I made him feel that way.
"I'm sorry," I said as warm salt spilled over my lower lids.
"Shit," he cursed running a rough hand through his hair. He shook his head, seeming to shake off his anger, and put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in tight. "I'm sorry. I'm being a fucking drama queen. I didn't mean to push you, baby. This situation is fucked. I should have showed up on your doorstep instead of crawling through your window."
I snuggled my cheek against his bare chest.
"I'll tell everybody if you want," I told him. The thought of him giving us up was too much to stomach. "My dad will probably put bars on my window but we can figure something out."
His laugh was more genuine and less snarky.
"Stop, Babydoll, don't alert the police," he said giving me another squeeze. "We'll figure shit out first."
"But will you do something for me?" I asked.
"Anything," he replied immediately.
"Be with just me," I whispered turning my mouth to his chest and pressing a kiss there.
I felt his lips on the top of my head.
"Done."
"You certainly set shit on fire around here," Rose remarks to my secret partner as he drops down into the seat next to me.
He's smirking when I turn to look at him. He drops a wink at me. He's so sexy I want to drag him into a janitors closet and kiss him until my mouth hurts. He shrugs.
"Gotta keep it interesting," he says.
"So," my best friend prods. "What happened?"
That baddest bad boy smirk never falters.
"We broke up," he tells her.
"Well no shit," she replies with an eye roll. "Is she a closet slut? Did you catch her in a three-way or some shit?"
Edward laughs and shakes his head. He drops his arm around the back of my chair.
"Nah, I just figure since Miss Bellababydoll is all grown up now maybe she'd give me a chance," he says cutting perv eyes at my so slightly low cut shirt.
Rose snorts laughter as my cheeks turn pink.
"Sure, that'll happen," she says. "But seriously, who's next? Half the sophomore class is dying to suck your dick."
"Jesus, Rose," I gasp. My best girl sure has a way with words.
She shrugs.
"Just trying to help him out," she says.
"As much as I appreciate it, I think I'm good for now," he tells her with a chuckle. His fingers are tapping lightly on my shoulder and I swear I can feel their warmth through my sweater. "Time is on my side."
A/N: Hello, again! To all the new folks, welcome, glad to see you. To everyone who reviews, favorites, alerts, you're my heart. And the peeps who have been here from the beginning here's a big virtual hug 'cause you're awesome.
Much love to ana rod for making this fic a banner. (Still squealing like someone let me loose in the cupcake shop over that.)
Housekeeping: Update Schedule – Dunno. I'd like to update every one/two weeks. I know that's pretty lengthy but sadly I have to do stuff in RL. Stupid, I know.
Replying to Reviews - I'm trying to reply to everyone. If I miss you I'm so so so sorry. I try to get in a little here and there. But that's usually when my monsterbaby is sleeping. And monsterbaby apparently has no intentions of getting on a schedule. Ever.
Chapter Songs : Wake Me Up When September Ends – Green Day
Breathing – Lifehouse
Sweetest Think – U2