Rachel's POV
I've never felt this kind of spiritual energy with anyone before. Was that strange of me to think that? Possibly. I never thought deeply about things like this. I was Jewish, and yes that was a very important factor in my life, but it was just there. Just like my cat, Liza, was just there. I never delved deep into the topic of spirituality at all.
I think that was the true problem. That was everyone's true problem. If you feel this energy coming off someone, drawing you to them, you just assume it's attraction, but not with Santana. This wasn't attraction, this was a spiritual awakening.
I was being overdramatic but frankly that was my trademark and I didn't mind it in the least. I don't think I've ever felt this connected to someone yet so distanced at the same time. Was she purposefully trying to keep me away? Or was I not pushing enough for us to be friends?
That was all beside the point. The point was, I was suddenly thinking about things like God and Charmed and sacrifices and there was no way I could talk to anyone about it. Spirituality was quickly becoming as taboo as sexuality and that sort of bothered me.
It wasn't fair that now we live in a time where progress was so simple and social barriers are being destroyed, but suddenly we want to destroy our history too? We have to preserve it, our success and failures, it's what makes us who we are today.
And I know what the issue is. People associate spirituality with right wing conservatives when really it reaches far beyond that. I'm just getting ahead of myself here. I should just sit here and continue eating my lunch.
I think I should add that I was eating alone. It's not that I minded much, this was a normal occurrence, but what did bother me is the subtle looks from Santana. If she cared that I was alone, why didn't she just come over and sit with me? Because she's not an idiot, and she had a reputation to uphold, I thought to myself.
I wasn't knocked out of my thoughts until I heard a clang and turned to my left when I saw Jacob Ben Israel sitting next to me holding a tape recorder and sporting a pen in his shirt pocket. It's not that I didn't understand the social ladder that holds the standards for everything at McKinley High, but sometimes it just made me angry. I mean Jacob Ben Israel may by the most disgraceful individual at this school and still he holds some weight in people's minds. I've always assumed it's because he could destroy reputations at the snap of a finger and with the way he was smirking at me, I think I was right. He held the tape recorder up in my personal space and cleared his throat before speaking.
"There is a rumor going around that Santana Lopez cheats on her tests, any comment?" Apparently he was just blunt about everything. Frankly I wanted to smack him, but then I thought about getting suspended and how my fathers would be so disappointed in me so instead I used my words.
"That's a heinous thing to say. She would never cheat." As if I was so sure. Fact: I didn't know as much about Santana as I wish I did. Lie: I know that Santana would never cheat. Because, of course, I didn't know because I didn't know her.
"Care to explain further? How do you suppose she's balancing cheerleading and school so well then? Aren't cheerleaders notorious for being dumb?" Okay now I was certain I was going to smack him, I just didn't know how to go about it. I've done plenty of productions where I had to smack a co-star, but it was always a stage smack, so how does one go about smacking someone to hurt them?
"Hey Jewfro, I'm three seconds away from taking tape recorder and shoving it down your throat. You wanna test me then do it but if you're not gone in three seconds, you'll have a machine breathing for you." I was afraid to look up at Santana because I was afraid that her eyes were going to be furiously dark and I didn't want to see that side of her, not right now at least.
I didn't have to wait or mentally count to three because Jacob practically tripped over his own feet as he ran away and out of the cafeteria. Santana replaced him beside me. I stared at her Cheerios skirt for a moment, already missing her street clothes, until I composed myself and looked up at her.
She was staring at me. Staring so hard into my eyes that I wondered if it was a glare. "What did that Prez Hilton asshole want from you?" She asked. Her voice was empty, void of any comfort, and I wondered how she'd changed so much in just a day.
"There's a rumor about you cheating and I was trying to clear your name." Santana pondered for a second before scooting closer to me.
"Do me a favor and don't talk to him about it. If he comes and talks to you again send him to me. I can handle this." I was sort of taken aback by this. Why was she so calm? There was a dumb rumor about her going around and she didn't seem to care.
"This? You see when you say this it makes it seem like there is a this, which there obviously isn't because you obviously don't cheat." Santana rolled her eyes and touched my arm under the table.
"It beats people thinking I sleep around or something. Plus a badass cheerleader who happens to be a nerd on the side…not a good look for me." I looked down at my half-eaten salad and then back up at Santana.
"For such a smart girl you sure seem pretty stupid right now." Suddenly a hand slammed down on the table. I flinched nearly falling out of my seat. It was Santana's hand, she was the one who caused every pair of eyes in the cafeteria to look over at us. She grabbed my lunch and flung it off the table. I watched as it crashed into the ground, a loud clang and then a loud screech as Santana stormed off.
So much for the spiritual connection. So much for feeling so at one yet so far with Santana. Right now I felt as though she wanted nothing to do with me. She wanted nothing to do with me ever again.
…
Quinn's POV
Everyone saw Santana's outburst in the cafeteria. It was going to be hell trying to cover up for her. Now people were going to speculate, and as one of the most popular girls in school, speculation could be a bitch. Brittany and I were currently skipping our classes right now to track Santana down and figure out what her deal was.
"Maybe she's just on her period or something." I opened my mouth to tell Brittany how ridiculous that was until I realized, this time, she could actually be right. It was just a natural reaction to take what Brittany said as a joke.
"Or that dwarf freak just pissed her off." That was more likely in my book. I told Santana to stay away from her and this is what she gets for ignoring me. I was anticipating how exactly I was going to say I told you so to her when we finally found her.
"You don't like Rachel?" Brittany inquired as if she had a hell of a lot to say about Rachel.
"She's the devil in disguise Britt." I informed her. I heard the faint sounds of a piano coming from the distance. "Someone's playing Let It Be…totally Santana." I said as we rounded the corner and headed for the choir room. Brittany reached the door first and she opened it quietly. I think we both secretly wanted to listen to her play for a while.
It was beautiful in a tormented youth sort of way. She could've played this in her sleep if she wanted to, but at least something so simple and sweet like the Beatles could keep her calm. Weed and music were the only two things that could keep her down. Well those things and occasionally Brittany.
Santana finished the song, we paused, we didn't breathe, not until I decided to open my mouth. "Santana." She turned around and sighed when she saw us. "What the hell was that back there? And if you say nothing, I'm going to punch you." I grabbed a chair and sat down in front of Santana while Brittany sat down next to her.
"I lost my cool, I've had a rough day." It was 12:43 in the afternoon, how could this be considered a rough day when nothing had happened yet. She was holding something back.
"Sanni, do you want to talk about it? You should talk about your feelings so you won't lash out like that." This is the secret wisdom that I wish everyone would just try to understand. Brittany didn't wait for Santana to respond, she just wrapped her arms around her and pulled her into a hug.
I thought about Charlie was a second. Shit Charlie. Suddenly telling me she was gay. Everyone around me had lost their shit. How could Charlie do that to me? What was she thinking anyway? "Look if you're gonna be all hormonal then could you confine it to at home. Now everyone in the school thinks you've lost it."
"You can literally go fuck yourself Q." Santana said without even looking over at me. I looked down at the ground. Jesus Christ what did I ever do to anyone. I thought about changing the subject completely. How about 'Hey guys Charlie's now a giant lesbian so if you want to come over and watch The L Word later you can' or maybe 'Hey guys, you know who will never procreate? Charlie that's who. Cause she's now a lesbo'. Both fine examples of how to bring this up.
"Sorry for trying to have your back." I muttered under my breath.
"If you want to help Sanni you should hug her." Santana and I exchanged glares.
"No fucking thanks." Santana said. Brittany laughed because she knew we were only having one of our daily standoffs. Brittany leaned over and kissed Santana on the lips and I turned away with wide eyes. Oh my God, what on earth was that?
"What the eff." I mumbled before standing up and stomping my way out of the room. Three seconds later I heard someone running up behind me. It was Santana and she grabbed my arm to hault me.
"B's affectionate, I know you and your freaky Christian ass was uncomfortable. Where are you going?" Santana questioned.
"To put that little toad who's been following you around to back the hell off. Jesus she's like a cat in heat." Santana gripped my arm tighter.
"Quinn, wait!" I tried to turn away but Santana held me back. "Why are you trying to get in the middle of this?" Why couldn't she just let me go? I was so in the mood to tear someone down.
"Because I don't want to think about…" I didn't finish I just pulled Santana into a room where we could be alone.
"Think about what? What's going on at home?" If the roles were reversed, I'd be asking her the same questions. The only issue was, Santana would probably keep to herself, but Santana could open me up with those pleading eyes of hers. "Q, you'd better fucking tell me what's wrong."
"Charlie told me she's gay!" I said finally. I waited for the encouraging pat on the should, maybe a sarcastic laugh. But nothing came.
"Shit." She said simply as if shit was going to help me feel better about this. "If you open your mouth about this to your rents I'm gonna kill you." Wait what?
"Sorry I don't think you heard me correctly. Charlie. Is. Gay." Santana rolled her eyes and placed her hands on my shoulders.
"Quinnie this is the 21st century. Gay is okay." I pushed her away from me. "Was it something I said?" She joked.
"You really don't get it do you? This is a disaster!" I shouted.
"No it's something you can't control." Santana stopped. "Are you going to stand over there and bullshit me? You gonna pretend like you'll ever stop loving your sister for something as dumb as this? Go ahead, but you're better than that Quinn."
"Everyone thinks that-."
"Nope, everyone knows that you can't stand to have things go wrong. You want your world to be perfect, everyone acting like they always had…but Quinn you're getting older and guess what? I'm getting older too. We change and if that's a problem then you're screwed." I wished I had just talked to Brittany about this. She'd understand my frustration not criticize it.
"So now I can't just be mad about something? It's part of this controlling complex that I have. It isn't fair that I can't feel something okay? If everyone else gets to feel then why can't I?" I questioned irritated.
"Because if you were feeling right now then you wouldn't be mad at your sister. You'd be mad at yourself for even thinking that you could ever hate her."
…...
Santana's POV
I found her waiting in front of the school. She was in her usual spot, in her usual patiently waiting there mood. I thought about walking past her, just ignoring her and going home. Today was the one day of the week that I was supposed to be home on time. Mi abuela is coming over tonight and I was supposed to be there on time so that we could all sit down and pretend we had a perfect family.
I liked the idea of pretending. It was what I had to do everyday anyway.
I stopped beside Rachel. I had my duffle bag in my hand and I dropped it to the ground. It was dramatic and unnecessary, but it caught Rachel's attention. Truth be told I sort of wanted Rachel to apologize to me, but I know that would never happen. I was the one who blew up and I should be the one feeling guilty right now.
"Should I call security?" Rachel joked as she finally turned and looked at me. I tried to conceal the smile forming on my lips, but I couldn't. Somehow I knew she would make light of this situation.
"No need, I think I can control my temper." I assured her. "I don't usually act like that." I added.
"Well then why did you act like that?" That was a good question. I couldn't just tell her that I got pissed because she'd called me stupid, that was a long story and she did not have to know it, but I also couldn't just leave it at that. She would think I'm some sort of freak, which I sort of am, but she would also ask more questions.
"It's Quinn." She was an easy girl to blame. I mean sure she's my bestie, but you could basically blame her for any bad mood. "We had a fight; I guess I projected it on you." She didn't believe me, she outright didn't believe me, and I had no idea how I could explain things to her. "Tomorrow I'll go out and buy you lunch."
"Only seniors are allowed to go off campus." Rachel said as if I didn't know we were only sophomores.
"I know." I smirked and Rachel eyed me curiously. I could see her mind racing and I could practically hear her heart beating. "How old are you?" I asked her, wondering why I'd always caught her waiting for her father to pick her up.
"Almost 16." She said with a smile.
"Hold on to 16 for as long as you can." I muttered thinking back to the only John Mellencamp song I knew. "Do you know how to drive yet?" I asked twirling my keys around.
"I have my temps…but I'm not very good at maneuverability." She explained.
"I can teach you." I said with a sweet smile. "If you want." I added as an afterthought.
"What makes you think that I'd want someone like you teaching me how to drive? I think I'd want someone who's…qualified." I reached into my pocket and pulled out my wallet. I showed her my license.
"This makes me qualified." I told her. "You don't trust many people do you?"
"Can you blame me?" She asked shaking her head. "I'm an only child; I've grown up not trusting anyone except my parents. But you understand too, right? Since you're an only child." I looked away and wondered how far her dad was from the school now.
"I'm not an only child." I said plainly. Unfortunately for me I know that Rachel wasn't just going to take that and go. "I have a sister…she's older off in college…she got-." Away. I looked down at her backpack and noticed a few books that she'd taken out from the library. Two books to be exact. "What are those?" I asked nodding towards them.
"I've found a sudden interest in Jainism and Buddhism; I just like to know my facts before I get into things." I didn't want to get close to Rachel, but the closer I got the more I wanted to know about her. I mean, seriously, she was absolutely fascinating.
"Trying to reach Nirvana are we?"
"You're full of knowledge. I'd love to pick apart that brain of yours." I lifted up my duffle bag and flung it over my shoulder.
"I'd like to see what you'd get out of me." I joked thinking back to how much Quinn tried to figure out about me. Rachel was going to get nowhere. "I mean I'd like to see you try."
"Everyone underestimates me." Rachel said with a pout.
"It's because you're kinda…well…sorta like a shrimp." Rachel nudged me hard in the ribs. "Oh come on it's a pretty common known fact. You're short and you should be proud of that." It was hard not to laugh and Rachel was not in any way appreciating my jokes.
"I did karate for six years, don't mess with me." I walked over and stood directly in front of her. I wrapped my hand around her bicep and squeezed. Toned but not muscular. I smiled.
"Black belt in Taekwondo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. You wouldn't stand a chance." I assured her before I let go. She tried to reach out and touch my arm but I pulled away. I wasn't in the mood to be touched, not by anyone. "Don't be intimidated I won't hurt you."
"Strange how people make promises they can't keep."
I thought about responding to her. Telling her that there was a whole world out there that she would never understand. That promises are meant to be broken that was the whole point of basic humanity. "People do strange things."
…...
Charlie's POV
I was having a staring contest with Santana. Her dark brown orbs were staring right through me and it didn't help that I was just as competitive as she is. We'd been going for three minutes and it didn't look like either of us were going to let up soon. It wasn't until Santana raised one eyebrow that I flinched and subsequently blinked. "God fucking dammit!" I yelled as Santana laughed and pushed me down on my bed.
"Now go make me a sandwich bitch." This was the problem with betting Santana anything. If she won she'd boast and she never lost, so that left the rest of us in the position that I was currently in. At least all I had to do was make her a sandwich, I lucked out because last time I'd lost 23 dollars. "That's right Char Char! Go to the kitchen where you belong and put those hands to good use." This was another problem with having a girl's night in. Santana would always come straight over but Quinn and Brittany would usually go out and get the food. Brittany insisted that she had to inspect her food before they left the place that was serving it, something about hazardous broccoli.
"You're lookin to get bitch slapped San." I warned her as I pulled myself up to my feet. "Why are you going to eat a sandwich when Quinn and Brittany are bringing home food? They'll be back in like 20 minutes." Santana pondered for a second, never letting her smirk leave her face.
"Good point; you can make me a sandwich tomorrow." She offered up, but I knew it wasn't up for bargaining. I got up, walked over to my record player, put on my Queen A Night at the Opera LP, and toned down the music so that I could still hear Santana speak. I took off my leather jacket and tossed it on my bed next to Santana. "You know you aren't really so awful." I looked over at my shoulder and glared at her.
"Thanks." I grumbled.
"No I mean you're cute. Like in this weird punk kind of way. Girls are gonna be all over you." I tensed, what did she just say? "Relax, Quinn squealed on your ass, but it's not like I didn't know before. I'm not blind…or an idiot." I walked over and sat down next to Santana on my bed.
"I figured you'd react just like Quinn." I told her honestly.
"That's insulting." Santana interjected. "And besides what do I care? I've got two people to worry about in this world. Quinn and Britt, you just happen to be the sideshow." I rolled my eyes. "As part as your embarrassing loss, due to my epic skill, I'd like you to fetch me a drink. And by drink I mean a cold one, I know your dad stashes his beer in that weird compartment in the refrigerator." She snapped her fingers twice. "Snap snap princess."
"Alright I'll be back in a second." I heard the garage door open and I knew Quinn was home. I went straight to the refrigerator and pulled out two beers. Just then Quinn and Brittany came into the house holding boxes of food from Sir Woks Chinese Palace.
"Hi Charlie." Brittany said taking the food from Quinn and running upstairs. Quinn eyed me suspiciously and frowned.
"Yeah, hi Charlie…now explain why you have two beers in your hands." Quinn could be so forward sometimes. She didn't really leave much room for suspense.
"San asked for one and I wanted in, do you want one Quinnie?" I asked opened the refrigerator door again.
"So you and San were here…alone?" I waited for the real question. "Was the door closed?" I scuffed and tried to walk past her but she stopped me with a finger square in the middle of my chest.
"You really think I would try something with her?"
"I dunno. I thought you were a Christian, I also thought you were straight…kinda crazy how things are." I pushed Quinn's hand away from me. "San's my best friend okay, so don't you dare."
"We shouldn't talk about this if all we're going to do is argue about it. You seem to be forgetting the cardinal rule of the Fabrays." I reminded her.
"And what rule is that?" Quinn sassed back.
"If you don't talk about it, it doesn't exist."
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