I really don't know how such a normal, boring mission could turn into this. This…this is a disaster zone. This is a real war, turning this normal Capitol street with brightly colored glass into something that hauntingly reminds me of an arena. Just no trees, no dirt, no Cornucopia. It's different and in a way it's so much worse-mostly because there are far more people here that I care about greatly.

People dying from pods, getting hurt, trying not to panic. Boggs getting his legs blown off just like that and transferring the holo over to me of all people. A big wave of black death coming for us as we race into the nearest building for cover, dragging Boggs along with us. We're here, we're all here I think as I look around the normal looking kitchen for the Capitol I assume, but then freeze in panic as I realize that someone isn't here-quite possibly the most important one.

"Gale!" I shriek, my panic making me think of all the horrible things that could have just happened. He was shooting at Mitchell's cage trying to help him as the tar tsunami came for us last I saw him. Could he have been caught in it? Could Gale, my best friend, my…well, whatever we are, have been consumed by the Capitol pod? Could Gale Hawthorne of all people have been buried in that black stuff and gone forever?

The very thought of it makes my panic rise tenfold, but there's also an immediate heavy crushing grief that comes over me too. No, I can't lose him. Not Gale. Anyone but Gale.

And then I realize…yes, anyone but Gale. Anyone at all, even me. And while the thought terrifies me that I would rather have him live above everyone including Peeta, Finnick, the squad, and even myself…I know it's true. I can feel it in every nerve in my body, my heart beating fast at the panic currently but also at my revelation from it. Is it really so terrible?

And then there comes coughing and I am instantly relieved when he comes stumbling into the kitchen, retching into the yellow sink. "Fumes." His voice informs us raspily, clearly affected by the black stuff. But he doesn't seem hurt other than that and I just let the relief wash over me, pushing aside the panic and other thoughts away and focusing on everything else in here. I have to.

Focus doesn't really help me in end much, but at least it gets some things done. After Boggs died from his injuries (and probably being dragged into a building) and told me what to do, apparently Jackson and some of the other District 13 soldiers didn't quite believe that Boggs gave me the holo, thus putting me in charge of the squad. After a little standoff that ended with no firing from the squad, half at me and half at her, we sat down and found food to eat. And then Peeta….

I don't know what's really going on with him, if he's actually getting better or he's going to lose control again and kill me just like Coin and Snow would like, but after talking to him and trying to get his mind straight I know I can't kill him. Even if he's asking for it just to help us it's somehow not right. Maybe it's because I don't really know what I feel for him, but I refuse to let him die just for convenience. No one else needs to die.

Snow may think he's won but we all know he won't. And as soon as he finds that he'll only find Boggs in that original building we were in that he had crushed to rubble he'll come looking for us and we'll have to move on again. We're just too close for comfort right now. But for tonight at least, we're dead to the world and can rest. But rest is the last thing on my mind, especially since this could very well be one of my last days on Earth. There's no telling if I'll die or not because I'm obviously the target here on all sides and if I have one last wish, I'm going to get it tonight no matter what.

But I have to wait a few hours, because Leeg 1 takes the first shift in guarding even if there really isn't much of a reason for it tonight at least. And then it's Gale and I plan on getting up with him. But guarding…yeah, that's not going to happen. Not if I have my way. So after he's up for a good ten minutes and I'm sure that Leeg 1 has fallen asleep on the couch next to me I slowly get up and start walking quietly over, trying not to step on people. He's only at the doorway guarding the room of sleeping people, but I guess he doesn't seem to think anything is really amiss until I slightly jar a table and bite my lip to not cry out, whipping around and a confused expression gracing his face.

So I just watch him as I walk over to him, an almost hungry, desperate sensation taking over me as I look at him, thinking of what I want…no, need from him. I need him and I think he feels the same.

"Come on." I whisper quietly, taking his hand and trying to pull him out into the hall to find another room. But he doesn't budge and I look back at him in confusion and hurt. He doesn't want to? Now? Is he really going to do that stupid no doing nothing crap that he pulled on me when we were in District 13 now of all times?

But his face doesn't look like that; in fact, it seems conflicted. I can tell by the hungry lust in his darkened eyes that he clearly wants it too but he's on guard; he feels it's his duty to stay here no matter what he wants. So taking advantage of our ability to speak without talking as not to wake anyone, my pleading look and one roll of my eyes tells him that I need him right now and there's really not much of a point to guard anyone; everyone thinks we're dead. They're not going to come looking for ghosts after all, especially when they think our bodies are six blocks away buried underneath rubble.

It takes him a second and one last look towards the room of slumbering people, but he lets me know that we're going to do this by squeezing my hand once and leading me in the hall, passing a few doors until I assume he deems us far enough from the rest of the squad so that they might not hear anything. Gale opens a door down the hall and around a corner quietly and pulls me in after him, only to turn around quickly and press me into a hard, lustful kiss while closing the door behind me.

I moan into his mouth as he presses himself against me and me into the back of the door, clearly feeling his need through his pants and he lightly presses his hips against mine, making me desperate to rip all of our clothes off. He lets his hands glide down my body and comes to my bottom and thighs, squeezing it lightly and lifting me slightly to let me know what he's going to do. He effortlessly lifts me and I easily go with it, wrapping my legs around his waist and bringing us more to the same level, everything lining up perfectly. Knowing he has me and he would never drop me I near attack his mouth with mine and pull on his soft ebony hair, wanting to get as close as possible.

I barely know he's moved around the room until my back hits a silky comforter of the bed I didn't realize was in this room, it's contrast with his rough calloused hands nice. But I don't have time for nice and taking my time enjoying all the little things though I should, because his shift will be over soon and the next guard will come looking for him, finding exactly what he was doing rather than pointlessly guarding. We don't have time for anything until this stupid war is over and then…

It's a credit to his ability that I don't even realize my clothing is off until I feel his hand rubbing against me, me wet and throbbing for him. How did he even do that without me realizing it? And a battle suit too; normally I'd be mad that he did that but I'm so far past the point of caring and it's what I want anyway that my mind can stay oblivious if it wants. Clearly my body has taken over.

As I quickly rip off his shirt that's already half undone and my hands automatically go to undo his belt and the button of his pants, I can tell that we're both on a mission here. Not a mission that we're on with everyone else, but one that's far more private, just for us, and something that I may need even more than Snow being dead at the moment. No, this is a mission to get as much of this as physically possible because it may be the last time. And I don't even want to think of it that way, but I know it's true. And so when he unceremoniously pushes deep into me I gasp in pleasure, quickening the pace easily.

I try to keep as quiet as I possibly can though I have a feeling that I'm really not very silent at all as I moan his name over and over and when I get closer, yelling harder and faster. He always gives me what I want, really almost before I even order him to. It's like our minds and bodies are so connected in every way that we can read each other so perfectly that voicing things isn't necessary. And it's over quicker than I'd like it to be, but the orgasm that fires through my heated and sweating body near makes me pass out from the intensity, blackening my vision and I can't even think let alone speak. I can't do anything at all but breath and I barely recognize myself clenching around him as he comes himself, and once he does rolling over slightly to my side so that his weight isn't all on me.

As we catch our breaths we can't do anything but look at each other, not hungrily anymore but…something else. I really don't know how I could lose him ever, especially not now. The panic that I felt earlier when I didn't know if he was safe or not from that wave of black comes back to me and I realize something. We may have our own mission, but for any of this to continue our real mission has to be completed without either of us dying. I don't really even know what I'm saying or thinking by that but at the moment I just push it aside, wanting to enjoy what I can for the small amount of time I have left.

I trace his lips gently with my fingertips, feeling them slightly chapped but warm and inviting. So I press my own lips gently to his in a soft sweet kiss that he meets, and when it breaks naturally he places his hand on my cheek, his thumb softly wiping away tears that I didn't even realize had made their way out of my eyes. And staring into his soft cloudy grey eyes I already know what terrifies me. I can't even lie about it anymore, not to myself.

I need him to live. Us both to live.