After Jax had threatened Professor Stanley, he didn't bother me, anymore. My grades rose, because of my hard work and dedication, not because of sexual favors. He stopped keeping me after class and gave up trying to force himself on me when we were alone. Every once and a while I'd catch the professor watching me as I trekked across campus, but I didn't tell Jax, he'd done enough to protect me.

I made my way across campus, under the vibrant orange and yellow leaves hanging from the trees above. The air was crisp and a chilly breeze blew past every once and a while. My fingers were numb around the strap of my messenger bag and my nose cold. I shivered under the huge bubble coat I was wearing. The first day of winter was only a few days away, as was Thanksgiving. It was my last day of classes before the short Thanksgiving break we were given.

Everything was perfect. Jax and I had been taking long motorcycle rides around Massachusetts on the weekends. My favorite place in the world was on the back of his Harley, my face pressed against his worn leather cut, and my hands tight around his muscular abs. The wind blowing throw my hair and the feeling of freedom that coursed through my veins. On weekdays we usually ate dinner in our room with Aubrey and laughed at the bad reality shows on television these days.

The three of us were eating chinese take out from the cartons, Jersey Shore was playing on the small Sony television, Aubrey was stretched across her bed with her eyes fixed to the eight orange, big-haired figures on the screen, and I was cradled between Jax's legs, shoveling forkfuls of vegetable lo mien into my mouth. It was a typical Thursday night.

Aubrey finished off her chicken and broccoli, tossing the white card board into the trash can in the corner of our small room. "I'm going out," She announced, stuffing her feet into the gray Ugg boots on the carpet next to her bed. "You two wanna come?" She asked, eyeing the two of us stretched out on my bed.

I shook my head. "No, I'm tired."

Aubrey's eyes landed on Jax. It was funny when she tried to intimidate him. She was a five foot, one hundred pound, blonde, with the most crystal clear blue eyes. I laughed. "You can go if you want Jax," I told him. "You don't need Aubrey to scare you into it."

Jax laughed. "No, I'm gonna stay with you." He squeezed me tighter in his arms.

"I'm just gonna sleep," I warned him, not wanting to ruin his fun.

"I'll stay," He promised.

Aubrey shrugged. "Suit yourself," She mumbled and slipped out the door.

I was tired all the time. It was clear Aubrey and Jax were growing tired of my constant sleeping and laziness, but I couldn't help it, energy was hard to come by lately. Fatigue wasn't my only problem. I was getting sick after I ate breakfast in the morning and my period was five days late...I knew the signs and symptoms. I was just trying to avoid them. No one knew about the sickness and the late period and I was going to keep it that way at least until I knew for sure.

I woke up the next morning, with no classes and an empty dorm room. There was note from Jax saying he'd left for work and would be home by 12:30 and Aubrey had probably not returned from her party last night. This was perfect. I planned on going to the drug store off campus and getting a pregnancy test for myself.

I'd spent most of last night lying awake, thinking about screaming babies and dirty diapers. I would wake up drenched in sweat, with my heart beating wildly against my rib cage, while I gasped for a breath.

The air was chilly and smelled of cinnamon and apples, no doubt the result of the huge Thanksgiving pie sale the community service committee was having in the middle of the quad. I trekked across the campus, one leather-clad foot at a time.

You see some people may think that I would be the perfect mother. I mean I practically raised myself from the time I was nine. I'm smart and plan on being a doctor. I'm responsible and punctual. And although some people would like to deny it, everyone knows Jax would never leave me. Sure, those might be motherly qualities, but that didn't make me ready. I was not prepared to wake up in the middle of the night for a crying baby, to give up Harvard, my dreams of becoming a doctor. The thing I was most scared to lose was my relationship with Jax. Could it be the same after we had a child?

The drug store was a small family owned business. The sign outside was a piece of wood covered in white paint, with red letters that read 'Smith's General Store'. Bells jingled overhead when I walked inside, I was instantly hit by the smell of stale cardboard and mothballs. I wrinkled my nose and scanned the small store, until my eyes landed on an aisle carefully stacked with tampons, condoms, and pregnancy tests. I stared at the wall of brightly colored boxes, each claiming to predict pregnancy faster than the next. With a quick glance over my shoulder to make sure nobody was watching I grabbed three from the shelf and made my way to the cash register at the front of the store. I felt as though all eyes were on me, despite the fact that me and the pimply-faced teenaged boy at the register were the only two people in the store. I spilled my merchandise onto the counter, refusing to make eye contact with the boy while he rang up the three items and mumbled the price.

"Do you have a bathroom?" I asked, sliding the plastic bag filled with pregnancy tests off the counter.

The cashier nodded his head toward the back of the store. "Over there. The door gets stuck sometimes, you just have to push on it."

I nodded my thanks and headed toward the back of the store. I stood in front of the door, it was a dark, stained wood with a sign marked restroom nailed to the center. I rested my hand on the knob, but didn't turn it. When I entered that room my life could change forever. Was I ready for that? Could I handle that? Did I even have a choice?

Suddenly, the smell of the small store made me nauseous. I pushed the door open and flung myself inside, slamming it shut behind me. Inside bleach was heavy in the air, which only made me sicker. The bathroom was the size of a small closet. The toilet was small, barely two feet off the ground, like one you'd find in a kindergarten bathroom. I dropped the bag carrying the tests to the hard concrete floor. They landed with a thud. I pulled my jeans and panties down over my hips and plopped down on the cold porcelain toilet.

Minutes later all three white plastic tests were lined up on the lip of the sink. I sat on the toilet cover, pants back in place. I carefully cradled my head in my hands and sucked in slow deep breaths, trying to stop the oncoming panic attack. The room seemed to be spinning, while I waited the seven minutes called for by the boxes. Breathing was hard. My chest felt tight and my vision was blurry. This wasn't happening. This wasn't happening. My thoughts were interrupted by the alarm I'd set on my phone.

"Shit," I mumbled, pulling my hair back from my face and taking one last breath. This was it.

I grabbed one test, praying to see the beautiful blue negative sign. What I saw in it's place was a bubbly, pink plus sign. The small, plastic device nearly slipped through my fingers. This couldn't be right...

But it could. The other two tests both read the same pink plus sign.

I don't know how long I sat in that bathroom, staring at the three tests. I tried over and over again to wake myself up from the nightmare, but nothing worked. No amount of shaking or pinching could make this go away.

Now there was another problem. Adoption? Keep the baby? Abortion...? How was I going to tell Jax? All these options were to much to handle. I threw the tests into the small tin garbage can beside the sink and flew out of the bathroom, then the store, not bothering to look at the young cashier.

The dorm room was still empty when I got back. Jax wasn't due home for an hour and Aubrey was probably passed out drunk on some fraternity house's kitchen floor. Man, I would do anything to be in her place right now. I plopped myself down on the small twin bed Jax and I shared and let my mind wander. If I kept this baby, I would probably need to drop out of Harvard. Ivy league was the one thing I wanted from the time I could walk, though. How could I give it all up, now that I had it? My mind raced. There was adoption. But could I really carry a baby inside me for nine months and not form some sort of maternal attachment to it? I kept going back to the abortion option. I had enough money saved up that I could go right now, no questions asked and have it done. Jax would never have to know and nothing would change between us. I pictured his perfect blue eyes darkening and his brow pulling together with anger and hurt. If he ever found out that I murdered his unborn child without his permission, I don't think he'd ever forgive me. But there was no other way. I needed to take care of this before it got out of hand.

"Aubrey?" I whispered into the phone, not trusting my voice to speak aloud.

"Tara?" She answered groggily, clearly my kitchen floor theory was spot on.

"I'm pregnant," I blurted.

"What the hell..." Aubrey replied, shocked. I pictured her tiny mouth dropping into an 'o' shape as she propped herself up on an elbow and rubbed her temples.

"I need you to drive me to the abortion clinic in Boston," I told her. "Don't tell Jax. Just come now and meet me at your car."

"Okay," Aubrey breathed and then the line went dead and I was alone in the dorm room again.

I quickly stuffed the stash of cash I had hidden in the bottom of my dresser drawer into my purse and slipped out the door.

Aubrey pulled up in front of the abortion clinic. She leaned down and looked at the small concrete building. "Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" She asked.

I shook my head. "No, no. This is something I need to do by myself. " I placed my hand on the door handle and braced myself.

"Okay, well, good luck I guess..." She replied, letting her voice trail off. She was clearly uncomfortable.

I nodded and flung the door open, stepping out into the cold November air. Aubrey pulled away leaving me alone on the curb. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. You can do this. I told myself over and over again.

The woman at the front desk was a frumpy forty-something woman with box dyed blonde hair. Her thick cat-eye glasses sat on the tip of her nose. I checked in with her, using Jane Doe as my name. She told me to take a seat and wait for the doctor.

I sat down in one of the royal blue plastic seats that lined the perimeter of the waiting room. The walls were decorated with pro-choice posters. A diagram of the stages of fetus life sat on a table in the middle of the room. I studied each little plastic baby, it's limbs folded carefully against their bodies. Suddenly, the smell of latex gloves and cleaning products was making me sick. The dark wood paneled walls felt like they were closing in on me.

Inside the procedure room I laid down on the examination table. The sanitary paper, crinkled under my body while I made myself comfortable. I was wearing the blue, papery gown one of the nurses had given me. The fluorescent lights beat down on me, like a harsh light in an interrogation room. I felt like I was being put on the spot and nobody was even questioning me.

"Put your feet in the stirrups," The pretty red-headed nurses instructed.

I nodded, but didn't move my feet, keeping them planted on the crinkly paper covering the table. I couldn't move. I felt paralyzed. The shiny, silver instruments lying on the tray next to me, gave me the chills. I had to squeeze my hands into tight fists to keep my body from shaking with fear.

Maybe something that made me this nervous wasn't right...

The doctor, a tall, balding man walked in, slapping a pair of latex gloves onto his hands. I looked down at my stomach. It seemed to double in size before my eyes. A smiling, happy, blonde haired, blue eyed baby popped into my head. My nostrils filled with the perfect smell of baby and my ears rang with a peeling little laugh. I couldn't breath. My chest felt tight, like an approaching doom was crushing my lungs. Sweat pooled up on my hairline and my knees shook wildly.

"Are you alright, Ms. Doe?" The doctor asked in a monotone voice.

I shook my head, but couldn't find the words. They were lost in my throat. The lights were to harsh and the instruments looked cold and dangerous. "I...I can't do this," I finally replied, slipped off the table and ran from the room.

I flew right through the waiting room, ignoring the stare I received from the receptionist. The rough concrete seemed to cut through the flesh of my bare feet, but I ignored it and ran to the curb, plopping myself down on the side of the parking lot. Tears stung my eyes and made a path down my cheeks. The cold air blew right through the thin gown I was still wearing. I shook wildly and sobbed. The guilt was to much. I felt horrible. How could I actually think killing my baby was a good idea?

I'm not sure how long I sat on the curb, before I dialed Jax's number.

"Tara?" He said frantically into the receiver. "Where are you?"

I paused for a moment. What as I supposed to say? My chest tightened again as I revisited the same guilty feelings. "I'm at an abortion clinic in Boston," I admitted between sobs.

Jax didn't answer. I listened to his heavy breathing, trying to pull myself together, but nothing worked. I was a horrible person. I could not believe I thought killing mine and Jax's baby was a good idea.

"Can you come get me?" I begged, my voice shaking with fear and tears.

There was still another eerie pause before Jax finally replied. "I'm coming," Jax promised. His voice was perfectly calm, not angry or upset.

He hung up. I dropped the phone into my lap and rocked back and forth trying to warm myself. I hoped Jax would yell, get mad at me, because I deserved it. What I did was unforgivable.

Twenty minutes later I heard the roar of Jax's motorcycle from the road. My heart lifted in my chest, then dropped to my stomach again when I remembered that he was probably going to scream. He turned into the parking lot and pulled the bike to a stop in front of me. In one swift motion he was off the bike and sitting next to me on the curb. He shook his head and pulled off the SAMCRO sweatshirt he was wearing under his cut, handing it to me.

I pulled it over my head, grateful for the warmth. We sat in silence for a long time, sitting shoulder to shoulder on the curb.

Suddenly, I was unsure of myself. Completely insecure. I felt awkward sitting next to Jax, both us knew what I had just attempted to do. How were we supposed to come back from this?

"You're not going to yell at me?" I finally asked, breaking through the silence. My voice shook and part of me wished he would start screaming.

Jax shook his head, but kept his eyes trained straight ahead. "You didn't do it. There's nothing to yell about," He answered simply, but refused to meet my eye when I looked at him. His blonde hair fell forward, creating a curtain between the two of us.

I remembered why we were here. My hands flew to my stomach instantly, cradling the unborn baby. My body rocked with sobs and tears streamed down my cheeks. "What are we going to do?" I questioned.

Jax reached over and grabbed my hand, carefully intertwining our fingers. I sighed, slightly relieved. Then waited through the silence again.

"We're gonna figure this out," Jax promised.

Jax was the optimistic one. He always hoped for the best in things, without actually trying to figure them out. I was the logical one. I thought things through so thoroughly that I often second guessed myself.

"It's not that easy, Jax," I said, staring down at an ant inching alone the black pavement in the parking lot. "There's diapers, food, doctors appointments, clothes, bottles, furniture..." I let my voice trail off. I felt like I was blaming Jax for not making enough money, but I needed to get through to him.

"I didn't say it was going to be easy," He chuckled, humorlessly. "But I will figure this out for the two of us."

I shook my head and cracked the slightest smile. Then I looked up into Jax's blue eyes with a sober expression. "I can't let you do that. This is both our responsibilities."

Jax squeezed my hand lightly, then carefully wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "I'll get a second job. We'll start saving more money. We'll get an apartment off campus." He looked at me, his sparkling eyes were filled with hope. "We can do this."

I cracked a smile, letting my lips slide easily over my teeth to hide the fear that was building inside me. "Okay," I nodded. I put on a happy face, because I knew we couldn't do this alone, but Jax believed we could and I was going to let him be happy. At least for a little while longer.

"Come on," Jax said, gently patting my shoulder. "Let's go home."

I slipped off the curb and followed Jax to the familiar leather seat of his bike. I slid onto the seat and carefully wrapped my arms around his waist and gave his strong abs a tight squeeze.

I didn't know what the future held. But I did know that there was a child growing inside the two of us had a huge responsibility to give him or her a good life. Jax believed we could do it, maybe I should, too. Then I thought of someone else who might want to know about this maybe. Someone who could help...if they wanted to. There was no way I could tell Jax, but I would have to...soon.

This was a huge curveball I threw in there! I hope you enjoy the chapter! It's probably the longest chapter I've written for this fic! Leave reviews and let me know what you think!