It Can't Be

JPOVI stare at her.

"What do you mean, his father was your step-father?"

"What do you want me to do Jazz? Draw you a diagram?" She sounds desperate. I can see her eyes begging me to understand. "Davy's father is my stepfather, what more do you need me to say?"

"That's why, that's why you never mention him, that's why you never want to talk about the accident. Not because you don't want to remember your mother, but because of him." I can feel the raging anger building up inside me.

"That's why," she says softly. She's looking a Davy. As if keeping her eyes on him makes it easier.

"Oh Bella," I whisper helplessly. "Why didn't you tell me Bella?"

"I couldn't Jazz. I just couldn't. So many times, so many times I wanted to. When I told you I was pregnant - I wanted to tell you then. But I couldn't, I don't know why." She lets her voice trail off. She stares at Davy. "When he was born, and they told me he was dead - do you remember? - I didn't want to hold him. I was scared he'd look like Phil." The pause before she says his name is infinitesimal, but I notice it anyway. "I was scared I wouldn't be able to love him. But I do, and everyday, I try and forget." She pauses again, and gives Davy one of her fingers. He drools happily, and grips it tightly. The silence stretches on forever. I haven't moved since she told me. "Do you hate me Jasper?"

"What?" Excuse me? Why the hell would I hate her? "How could I hate you Bella. It wasn't you."

"I was fourteen," she says after a pause.

"You don't have to do this."

"Yes, I do, Jazz. I have to tell somebody. I was fourteen the first time he raped me. It was my fourteenth birthday, and he'd taken me to the cinema. On the way home, he pulled the car over, and he told me I had to satisfy him because Renee couldn't. He pulled me onto his lap, and he put two fingers inside me." There isn't so much as a flicker on her face. She just stares at her sleepy son, as if he is her centre of gravity. "I screamed - it hurt so much. He slammed my head back onto the steering wheel. When I came round I was lying in the back, and he was on top of me. I'd screamed again, but he just put his hand over my mouth and then he - he raped me. I don't think I've ever screamed so much. But he didn't stop." I don't think I've ever sat this still. "After that first day, he came to my room almost every night. He didn't always have sex with me. Sometimes he made me do other stuff. I won't let you touch me any further than a hug because he did everything but hug me. You shouldn't stay Jazz. You deserve somebody who can love you." Before I can object, she goes on, almost conversationally. "Davy was conceived on Christmas Day. He'd brought me a god damn sexy Santa outfit from Victoria's Secret. He made me wear it that night. And then they both went off to the pub for a New Years Drink. I didn't want to go, I wanted time alone. They let it go. And then the police came. They told me he was dead and my mother was dying. And I was relieved that he was dead. I was pleased. And I couldn't feel sorry for those thoughts. Not even when his mother came to the funeral and cried. I couldn't regret that her son had died. All I could think at first was that I was finally free, that he wouldn't come at night any more, to hurt me, to beat me, to do whatever with me. And then when Carlisle told me I was pregnant, I went into denial at first. I didn't want to face the fact that he still wasn't gone, he was still following me. I knew then that I could never run from him, even though I wanted to. I crossed states, and he still followed me. And when I couldn't deny the baby, when he moved for the first time, I didn't want to love him. I was so screwed up. My head was so full. I wanted to die when that table slammed into me. I wanted myself and my baby to die. The last things he touched. I wanted to be dead. That's what I was trying to tell Rose…what I wanted to tell her. But instead I told her it was too soon. I wondered what the hell I was on. I didn't want this child to live. I didn't even want to live myself. When I saw the blood I thought I had an easy way out. And now, somehow, I'm glad we both lived. Because he couldn't win then. It felt so right, somehow, holding him in my arms." She gazes at the boy who has now fallen asleep. "I won't blame you if you want to leave. Shut the door on the way out."

I don't move, but I don't speak either. She looks up at me.

"Are you alright?" She's asking me if I'm alright?

"Bella, you're asking ME if I'M alright? What about you?"

"I've been handling it for three years Jazz. I can handle it a little longer."

"He is incredibly lucky." She blinks at me.

"What?"

"He's dead. Because if he wasn't Bella, I would hunt him down, and I swear to God I'd kill him. I'd tear him apart with my bare hands for hurting you." She smiles slightly. "I mean it Bella." She looks up at me.

"I expect you do."

"Look at me."

"I am looking at you."

"Into my eyes, Isabella Swan. I will love you until Judgement Day and beyond. And I will be here for you, whether you want me or not. I will never leave your side again." I take a deep breath. "You don't exactly have achoice."

"You'll be here…forever?"

"Forever and beyond."

"And you'll never leave me?"

"No."

"And you love me."

"That is correct."

"Good. Because I love you too. And I don't want you to go." She snuggles into my arms, and I stroke her hair. I love her, and I don't care if she never lets me touch her. I'd love her if she never even kissed me.

"I don't care if you never let me touch you beyond this Isabella. That would be enough for me for the rest of my life. I've got you, and we have little Davy. I'll adopt him if you want."

"You'd adopt him?" "Yes, if that was what it took to prove myself."

"You don't have to prove it Jazz. I believe you. And if you ARE going to sick around, I want him to call you Dad."

"Well, that sounds like a reasonable request."

"Jazz?" "Yes?"

"I just want to try one thing." I look into deep eyes, that are upturned to mine.

"And what's that?" "Will you show me what it's like to be kissed?" I gape at her wordlessly. "I want to feel a real kiss Jazz, one that I want to happen. Please."

"Are you sure?"

"Never surer." I adjust her slightly, so she's directly in front of me.

"Close your eyes." She lets them flutter closed. "Tilt your head to the side." She does so, her breath catching in her chest. "You can say no at any time."

"Please Jazz…" I take a deep breath and lean in. I touch my lips to hers. She doesn't pull away. I put one hand on the side of her face and stroke her cheek. She sighs, warm breath ghosting across my lips. I kiss her again, slightly firmer, letting her feel the shape of my lips, become used to me. She lets her hands go to my shoulders, and then brings one hand to the back of my neck. It's she who deepens the kiss, and moves her mouth. It's she who parts her lips gently against mine. But it's me who gently slips my tongue into her mouth. I make it slow and gentle, and when she pulls away, I don't stop her. She rests her head against my shoulder, and I lie back against her head board. She rests her head on my chest.

"So that's what it's like to be kissed."

A/N: So, Jasper knows. But what will happen now? Please review.