Freesia POV
"And you said I couldn't do it!" Ethan teases me, kneading his portion of bread on the countertop of the bakery.
"Well you spent all that time convincing me you couldn't…" It gets harder every day to keep the lightness to my voice, to keep the darkness away. I notice the changes more in our district than before. I assume we are beginning to look like others. Others that have had people die, riots started, Justice Buildings attacked. I had been given a false sense of security over the last couple of months, assuming that since District 12 was okay so was everything else.
"Well it turns out I can bake." He grins at me. I turn to look what he is doing and he's grabbed the bowl of raisins and starts to put it in the dough.
"No!" I yell, pulling the dough out of the way. I even gave him a sheet of instructions and he can't seem to follow it. I suppose because he's a guy.
"What the hell Free?" He says looking at me like I'm crazy.
"And you said you could bake!" I scorn him playfully. "You don't put those in yet." He looks down at his hands confused.
"Well I was nearly there!" He laughs taking his dough back. I sigh shaking my head.
"You should stick to the register." I say, which is what dad had suggested to me, but since dad isn't here we're both working in the back together.
"Well that might work if we had actual customers in the bakery." He says looking pointedly towards the front of the store where no human being is in sight.
"True." People have become scared. I can feel the wariness they have of my family emanate from them. I assume it's from the Capitol broadcasts but I have a feeling rumors are spreading within the district. Of course, not everyone is like this. People like Kalia and The Cow Man stand by me and my family, but those are only a few in thousands. It often sends me into a bad mood, these sorts of changes. That and the ever looming reaping.
"I don't understand." Ethan tells me. "Everyone used to love you in the district. You were like the most well liked person along with Lily."
"Yeah well not anymore." I say glumly, my bad mood back. My eyes prick and I feel like an idiot. He touches my shoulder sympathetically, and leaves a flour hand print against the black fabric.
"Well I still love you" He nudges my playfully and I have to grin at him. He gives me a hug so now we're both in a mess of flour.
"Thanks." I mumble kneading the dough.
"Anytime." He smiles.
We finish our three hour prep time at 8am packing up quickly. Dad will take over the rest of the morning and afternoon hoping some customers will appear. We walk back to my house, only taking about 15 minutes. There are always less and less people wandering around every day. The other day I actually got my bag checked by Peacekeeper's. Like I'd be concealing a weapon or secret anti rebel documents! I found the whole thing so ridiculous I practically threw the bag at them and offered to do a strip search. They did not look impressed and gave me a warning of being disrespectful to authority. I then remarked I was merely being helpful and that I would never dream of disrespecting the people who kept our district in line. They finished their search and sent me roughly on my way, watching me until I went out of sight. Probably not the smartest thing I could've done, since their intent on seeing me slip up but I gave me a great sense of satisfaction. Not everyone is as daring as I am, so they now stay tucked away, safe as houses.
We're now in the house, Ethan lounging on the couch, me on the floor.
"What are you thinking about?" He asks, rolling from the couch to the floor in a loud thump.
"Peacekeeper's, The Games…" I mumble.
"You know even if you were reaped, you'd still have a good chance." Ethan says kindly, picking up a conversation from early this morning. I know he's being kind but it just get me angrier.
"Are you kidding, Ethan? What can I do? I can't use any sort of weapon and I'm not even strong like my dad was! I'm dead if I get picked." I rant, listing off my weaknesses which I'd already thought about a million times before. He seems unfazed.
"You'd get sponsors." He points out.
"Would I? Seems like the nation hates me." I say sullenly, my mood plunging rapidly.
Ethan gives up trying to convince me, and we pick up easier conversations, ones that do not involve Panem. Lily wanders down the stairs, around 9, a bit late for her. I can see why when she enters the living room. Her hair is disheveled and there's no light in her eyes. We both have these sorts of days, when being sought out by Peacekeeper' and being made a villain takes its toll.
"Hey Lil!" I greet her cheerfully trying to coax her into smiling. She greets us both and wanders into the kitchen alone. I hear a door bang and hear her gasp, and suddenly Adam is here.
He brings his usual brightness to the atmosphere, something which is becoming more necessary day in day out.
"Hey guys!" He greets us way too cheerfully, a stupid grin plastered on his face. Even Lily smiles. Adam is good for times like these because nothing fazes him."You ready?" He asks me.
"Yep, come on Lil let's go." I say, getting off the floor and pulling her arm towards the door.
"Hey! Where are you going?" Ethan calls still on the floor.
I falter. Truth is we are meeting Adeline and Daisy to get information on Miner's Main. Not the best way to spend my day but helpful nonetheless. But Ethan is wary of me partaking in anything to do with rebellion.
"Just meeting some friends." Adam says for me. Why couldn't I say that? Idiot…
"I'll see you later. You can stay here if you want, my parents won't care." I say casually walking through the back door.
"I'll go raid your bedroom!" He shouts just as the door swings shut. Oh, Ethan. We enter the street, Adam with a spring in his step, Lily dragging her feet. I notice Adam scanning the street for someone…or something. Peacekeeper's?
"Adam what are you looking for?"
"Ah there he is!" Jake comes into my view, looking good leaning against a tree at the end of the street.
"Jake's coming?" I question.
"Why else is he here?" We pick him up and head on our way to a small shop that apparently Adeline's brother owns. Strangely, Adam seems to be in on everything and leads us through a shabby back door in what must be a storage space of the shop.
It's low lit; a few lamps are scattered through the room. There are two ragged looking couches where Daisy and Adeline sit. The rest of the room is filled with shelves laden with boxes. I notice a guy standing in the corner peering at a shelf. Daisy and Adeline are doing something with their hands at a small coffee table that I can't make out in the dim room.
"Dodgy, huh?" Jake whispers in my ear as he's passing me, sauntering over to a couch. The picture of ease. I suddenly understand what they're doing when Daisy lights up the joint she's been rolling. Adam follows Jake to a couch and they both put their feet up against the table. Lily follows willingly, way past caring. I lean on a shelf eyeing the other guy suspiciously not entirely comfortable with this arrangement.
"You made it." Daisy grins. How corrupt is she? And Adeline, I used to like her. We were friends. What happened? I focus on what she's smoking.
"That's illegal." I say. It has always been. If Peacekeeper's were to walk in we'd all be arrested. Particularly Lily, Jake and me. Daisy laughs as if that's the funniest thing she's heard.
"Really Freesia?" She says scornfully. "Since when do you care for the rules, you and pretty boy here." She says winking at Jake. "It feels amazing. Try some." She throws one at me. I catch it and eye it carefully. I'm not familiar with drugs so I don't know what it is. I throw it back.
"Who's he?" I say harshly, indicating with my chin to the guy in the corner.
"He's who gets us this stuff." Daisy says pointedly, taking another pull. "You know him."
He turns and I'm completely dumbfounded. "Kin?" I screech, he's just grinning lazily, as if I couldn't have not known.
"Hey Freesia." Really, Kin? I like Kin!
"This is ridiculous…" I mutter. Everyone ignores me, including Adam and Jake.
"So Daisy." Jake says. He's so laid back it's as if he hangs out here everyday. What is going on? "Miner's Main. When is it?"
She grins flirtatiously. My hands ball into fists. "Next Saturday." She says. That's one week away. "Be there at 10."
"Will Peacekeeper's be patrolling?" I ask, because they do that sometimes. Daisy can tell she's bothering me and her grin widens.
"Aw come on Freesia. Scared of Peacekeeper's?" She taunts me, her voice sounding like she's speaking to a five year old. "It's just a risk you'll have to take." Does she not realize they will be ready to jail us if they find out? Or maybe she doesn't know considering she wasn't arrested like myself.
"Okay, so how exactly does this work?" Adam says steering Daisy's eyes away from me. They all go into the logistics of the meeting; who's going, who knows who, bits of information they'll know, while I stand there sullenly glaring at Kin. He just smirks back and offers me more drugs. I shake my head fiercely and avert my eyes. I feel alone, as if I'm the only one that recognizes this as a bad plan. Lily, Adam and Jake are still negotiating. What has gotten into them?
They all stand up suddenly bringing me back from my thoughts. Daisy and Adeline go through Lily, Adam and Jake bidding them goodbye, Daisy lingering in front of Jake just a bit longer toying with his shirt. Anger flares up inside me. Daisy notices.
"I'll see you four on Saturday. Oh and Freesia, if you think it's too….risky, you don't have to go along with it. But I would love Jake to be there." She says suggestively, eyeing him. That's it, I lose it. I've had enough. I pick up a torch that's lying on the shelf next to me and throw it at her head. I hear her scream and the thud of the impact as I stride out of the room knocking a shelf of boxes down on my way. I don't think it hit her head though, because she probably moved, which disappoints me, but at least I hit her. I march quickly away from the shop not bothering to wait for any of them. I hear running footsteps trying to catch up and Lily calls out my name. They don't catch up for another half a block or so but when they do I feel Jake's hand clamp my wrist. I spin around angry.
"Get off me!" I hiss, yanking free.
"What happened back there?" He asks in disbelief, his eyes a little fearful.
"What happened?" I yell. "Did you not see? Or didn't you notice this was a bad idea because you were too busy making new friends!" I've reached a new level of loudness and I've gone all screechy. Adam takes my arm furiously and leads me off the path.
"Keep your voice down!" He warns me. "Use your head Free!" I've never heard Adam angry like this before, especially with me. "If we go around openly hating Daisy then do you think we'll get the information we want?" That pulls me up short. I didn't think of it like that. Now my actions seem very rash. "She'll be on your back now since you threw a torch at her head! You're lucky you were the only one that overreacted."
"Okay, lay off." Lily says, pushing Adam aside. "She gets it." I stalk off in the other direction again, this time miserable rather than furious. I hear only one set of footsteps following me.
"Free, come on." I hear Jake say and I decide to stop for him. He catches us quickly and snags my waist. "You okay?" He asks a frown in his voice.
"Yeah…" I mutter feeling conflicted. "Did I overreact?" I ask him warily.
He chuckles. "The torch at her head may have been over kill." He says lightly. And then he adds, "I wasn't happy with the situation either but I was better at acting than you were." I smile ruefully, and he pulls me in the direction of his house. "Come on, let's forget it for now."
"Good idea." I grin kissing him softly. We end up in his bedroom…on the bed, obviously. We both lose our tops but things don't escalate any further. I lie there and think about Jake. I've had many boyfriends but I've only ever felt the same right now with one other. His name had been Michael and we had dated for half a year. Would've continued but he moved to District 6 and we lost contact. At the time I was crushed but now I guess I am glad since I've got Jake.
"I'm going to get some food for us." He says getting off the bed, not bothering with his shirt. No one is home anyway. I admire him as he walks away. I flip over to my stomach and survey his room. Standard guys room. Clothes on the floor, bed not made. There's a huge window that takes up one side of the wall though that a desk sits in front of so the room is always bright. I wander over to the desk and finger through his things. I doubt he would mind. I haven't been in his room all that much. There's not a whole lot in his draws, some papers for when we start school, pens, pencils some hairclips…I must have left them at his house once. They look like mine; otherwise he'll have some serious explaining to do. I find a photo of me that I wasn't even aware was taken. Dad must have taken it that same day as the one of the four of us on the mantle. I slip it back, thinking how sweet that is. And then I find a folder with a slip of paper inside. It looks like something of his dad's; similar to stuff he's shown me before. It probably contains information I already know on the rebellion but I open it up anyway. The top of it reads The 77th Hunger Games; the date is from last week. That intrigues me. I scan the document and I nearly drop it out of my hands.
Jake steps through the door just then, carrying two bowls of noodles. I look up at him quickly, tears in my eyes.
"What's wrong?" He asks, frowning at me. His eyes hone in on the paper in my hands and his eyes widen. "Free-"
"What is this?" I whisper. Because this cannot be happening. He just stares at me, mouth rigid, not answering. "What the hell is this?" I yell. "You told me you knew nothing about the Games!" I throw it at him; he ignores it and lets it drift to the floor.
"Listen Free, I was-"
"Were going to do what Jake? Tell me? Because you've had a while to do that!" I'm flying out of control the anger I had before flaring up again. "I asked you that day and you told me you didn't know anything!"
"You were crying!" He yells back defensively. "You were practically hysterical; I didn't want to upset you further!"
"Oh well, I'm upset now!" I yell. I feel sick as emotions rake my body. "This is my life at stake, Jake! How could you not tell me? Was it because it doesn't concern you so we can act like the perfect little girlfriend and boyfriend and prance around District 12 happily?" I shriek losing all rational thought. He looks like he's been punched in the gut.
"It was hard for me too, reading that!" His temper has got the best of him. "Don't make this all about yourself." His implication that I'm self centered hurts because it's close to home base, and I'm scared it's true.
At the moment though, I'm on the defensive. "Well it is about me because I could be the one dying, not you!" I scream at him.
"I have just as much chance as you do!"
"Do you?" I look at him fiercely. "No you don't. You don't have to be the 'Mockingjay's daughter'. You don't have to live with rebels trying to attack you and jail you just waiting for you to slip up. You don't have to deal with people from your district turning to hate you because of what they broadcast on the T.V!" All the pent up emotion from the last weeks comes rushing out. Everything I have felt towards the rebels and the rebellion I scream at Jake.
"Screw you, Jake." I pick up my jacket and rush out of his room taking the stairs two steps at a time and bursting out of his front door. His dad is just coming up the path and I want to scream because he couldn't have waited five minutes. I push past him roughly ignoring his attempt at greeting me and I run home.
The Games are rigged. The Hunger Games are rigged. Rigged! Which means either me or Lily has a definite place in that arena. One of us has a definite sentence to death. And so do a lot of other children. Probably children on other victor's. If the tributes are rigged then so is the winner. And it won't be one of us obviously. I'm in a near hysterical state as I push my way past people in the district. Some stare angrily; they're the ones that don't like me. That buy into the rebels. I pass Hollie, who looks severely worried and calls after me. I ignore it all and keep on going. I pass Peacekeeper's and for the first time I don't fear them. They don't stop me either. I make it to my house, creating quite a scene amongst the district people by the square but I don't care. I run into the closure of my home gratefully. My mum is sitting at the kitchen table; she is the only one in the room. I might have been able to sneak up to my room without being scene but since I slammed the door open that is not an option.
"What's wrong?" My mother fusses running over to me. I just hug her and cry. She leads me to the couch. It takes me a good twenty minutes to become coherent and it's then she asks me what's wrong again. I can't bring myself to voice The Hunger Games being rigged nor break my mum's heart like that. So I lie – well it's not technically lying – but I tell her that I think I broke up with Jake. I sound like a pathetic teenage girl but I don't have an option.
She pauses for a moment and tells me she's sorry. And then she says, "Were you ever going to tell me and your father you had a boyfriend?" That stops me for a second because I realize that with everything going on I had never told them. I hadn't even brought him home for them to meet.
"Well there's not much point now…" I mutter. Mum kisses my forehead comfortingly. When dad comes home I quietly go up to my room. I find Lily lying on my bed.
"What are you doing?" I ask miserably.
"What happened?" She asks sitting up quickly. I go through the whole situation this time, bursting into tears all over again. It seems too surreal everything that is happening. The day has plummeted rapidly, going from good to bad to worse. I guess, in truth, I just can't accept my own death.
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