Chapter 14

2011

Dear Kristin,

How are you and the girls? I am doing alright; I am just very lonely and worried about Nathan and Robert. I know it's only been four months, but it feels like a lifetime that they've been away. It's difficult not to break down some days. Have you heard from Nathan? He told me in one of his letters that he was sending one to you too. I just cannot wait until all of this is over. I just want to hold both my husband and my son in my arms and never let them go. I don't want us to be apart again. I am sorry if I am not exactly happy now; I hope you understand. Thank you for being there for me; you are such a wonderful friend. Please write soon.

Love,

Carol

Kristin sighed as she read her E-mail. Ever since Nathan shipped out, she had played the loyal friend to both Nathan and Carol. Nathan wrote to her often, and his letters were filled with his complaints about Carol hounding on him about his love for the Navy. And, Carol's letters and E-mails were filled with how lonely and upset she was. And, Kristin tried to console both of them, trying to be a good friend, writing back and telling both of them to see the other side, to put themselves in each other's shoes. It was exhausting, some days. She truly enjoyed her letters from Nathan, and she was glad to know he was alive when she received one. However, she did not want to play mediator for the two of them. Nathan told her how much he missed her, how he thought of her every day, and how much he loved her. But, he also said how much he loved Carol, and he told Kristin about their arguments. Again, Kristin was torn between her head and her heart-her heart wanting the love of this man, but her head telling her it wasn't right. She knew Nathan loved Carol, and Kristin loved her too. She did not want to betray her. So, Kristin found that it was better to be Nathan's friend than nothing at all-and she found the same to be true with Carol. So, she did her best to console both of them when she heard from them. So, she began typing a reply.

Dear Carol,

The girls and I are doing well. You sound like you could use some company; I have some time off work next month. How would you like it if I came to visit you? The girls wouldn't be able to come, but you and I could spend time together. How does that sound? Let me know.

Love,

Kristin

Kristin clicked the send button; she was hoping Carol would agree to her visit. She believed it would be good for the both of them. A short time later, Kristin received an affirmative reply, as she expected. Carol sounded elated, and Kristin smiled to herself, thinking about how wonderful it would be to see her again.

As Kristin stepped off the plane to enter the airport, she could see Carol waiting for her.

"Oh, Kristin!" Carol said, wrapping Kristin in a tight, friendly hug, "I am so happy that you decided to come!"

"You know I've missed you!" Kristin said, returning the hug. "And I thought it might do you some good to have some company."

"And I am thankful for that. Are you hungry?" Carol asked.

"Starved," Kristin replied.

And the two friends left to get dinner at a restaurant. Kristin had been worried that Carol would be depressed when she saw her, but she seemed quite happy. Kristin was glad she had offered to visit; although it would only be for a week, she had a feeling this was what Carol needed.

After arriving back at Carol's house, Kristin and Carol went to the living room to talk. Of course, the subject of Nathan came up.

"You know, I never wanted Robert to join the navy, but Nathan had been putting the idea of being a navy hero in his head since he was little," Carol said.

"Every father wants his son to be something great," Kristin replied.

"I understand that, but why couldn't he be great being a doctor or a teacher, something that required him to stay on land?"

"I suppose for the same reason Nathan wasn't happy doing those things," Kristin said, "You know they would never be truly happy stuck behind a desk doing paperwork, and just because he won't does not mean he doesn't love you. You can take the man out of the sea, but you cannot take the sea out of the man. You need to let this go."

Carol sighed, "I suppose you're right. It's just feels like Nathan isn't listening to me; and I just cannot understand what's so damned great about being out on a boat for months at a time, knowing that you are taking a risk of your life every second of your day."

"Because Nathan, and I am sure Robert as well, doesn't think of it like that. He wants to make the world a better place, stop injustice, right wrongs, and this is the way he sees fit to do so. And, if either one were to get hurt or worse, it would be honorable," Kristin said.

Carol didn't quite like the fact that Kristin was supporting Nathan; she wanted Kristin to say, "You're absolutely right Carol. Nathan is a jerk for leaving you and making Robert join the navy." But, Kristin was always so diplomatic. She always saw both sides of an issue, and, although it was an admirable quality at times, Carol did not want diplomacy right now. She wanted female sympathy and support. There is something fulfilling about female comradery through man-bashing, but Carol realized this was not going to happen. She decided to change the subject.

"I know Nathan loves me," she grabbed a stack of letters from a drawer in an end table, "he tells me in his letters."

Kristin noticed that there were only five letters in her hand, "Do you save all of them?" she asked.

"Yes; is that silly? It's just that it's all I have left of him when he's gone, something to hold onto," Carol explained.

Kristin nodded with understanding. At first, she felt elated because Nathan had sent her about thirty letters by now-and he'd only sent his wife five? But, then, Kristin felt a sharp pang of guilt.

"Nathan says he thinks of me all the time, and he writes me every chance he gets," Carol explained.

"I'm sure he does," Kristin said, not trying to let on what she knew to be true. "You know, I've had a long flight, and I'm really tired. Do you mind if I get some sleep?"

"Oh, of course! Not at all; I forgot about jet lag. Go right ahead. I am going to stay up for a bit longer," Carol said.

"No problem," Kristin said, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Kristin."

As Kristin turned to leave the room, Carol said, "And, Kristin?"

"Yes?"

"I'm really glad you're here."

"Me too; see you in the morning."

And, Kristin went upstairs, but on the way to her room, she passed by Nathan and Carol's bedroom. The truth was she wasn't as tired as she had said. She was feeling guilty, but she also realized how strange it was to be in this house without Nathan. She kept waiting for him to walk through the door, the way he had done when she lived there. She missed Nathan more now than when she had moved away. She quietly went into the bedroom and opened the closet. She found some of Nathan's shirts hanging, and she took out one of them. It was one of her favorites-blue denim that he liked to wear on weekends. She smelled the shirt; it smelled exactly like Nathan. And with that, all kinds of memories came flooding back to her, bringing tears to her eyes. She brought the shirt with her to her room, hoping Carol would not notice the shirt missing. She wrapped the shirt around herself as tightly as she could. When she closed her eyes, she felt as though Nathan was wrapping his arms around her, holding her close. Soon, she fell asleep.

Soon, the week was up, and it was time for Kristin to go back home. She had opted to 'borrow' Nathan's shirt, so she had packed it with the rest of her things. She knew that if Nathan had been there, he would have allowed it. She missed him so much, and it was comforting to have something that belonged to him. Although it definitely could not replace Nathan, it helped her to feel as if he was there with her.

As Kristin said her goodbyes to Carol and boarded the flight, she hoped and prayed that Nathan was safe. She was hoping there may be a letter waiting for her filled with Nathan's affections for her. Kristin could no longer deny that she and Nathan were wrapped up in an emotional affair, but, as much as her head screamed how wrong it was, her heart never wanted it to end. Carol did not suspect otherwise. Although Kristin had hoped that she and Nathan may be able to be together one day, truly together, she never wished any bad to come to Carol. She never forced Nathan to choose between them, although it was apparent, through the letters, whom he had already chosen.

She couldn't wait to ask Nathan herself, but she found that that question would have to wait for the troubles in the world were getting worse, for Carol's words had come back to haunt Nathan, because a third world war broke out. Kristin and Carol both knew that Nathan and Robert would not return home for quite a long time.