Disclaimer: I own nothing except a great love for CB and the many inhabitants of the UES

A/N: Another new one and long chapter to make up for the long wait and this extra long hiatus until we get a new ep. Lots of things going on these days. Back at work, classes have started and but the writing carries on…now doing that in the time in which sleep should be done…lol. As always thanks for the wonderful love and reviews. Super happy that you're still having as much fun with this as I am. Hugs all around. Kiss to my Wifey and Fam. Love you guys.

ஐChapter 13

Somewhere across town, at about the same time that Blair Waldorf was lying awake, watching her lover sleeping, Georgina was pulled from her own slumber. She reached out and found the place at her side to be cool to the touch. Not cold, though, she mused, reaching out blindly for the silk robe puddled on the floor. An increasingly familiar acrid smell reaching her…letting her know just what her wayward lover was up to.

Fuck. One of these nights, the crazy bastard was going to mess around and burn the goddamn building down around them. She belted the robe around her waist and stormed off to do damage control. Thank God she'd moved them out of the hotel and rented out this place…or convinced him to rent it out.

She'd covered her tracks well. If anything at all went wrong, the police wouldn't be able to trace her. They'd find her lover's name. Her bare feet padded against worn carpet. Damn she hated it. Nothing like she was used to, but she told herself once more that no one could know she was back. Not yet.

They'd been watching Chuck and Nate scrambling since the fire. The idiots had finally found the connection to Chuck. Only a matter of time before the rest came to them.

"Hey, where'd you go?" She called out softly, her voice hoarse and body shivering, the chilly air biting at her skin away from the warmth of the bed she'd just left. Georgina called out to him but didn't really need to hear his voice to hone in on his exact whereabouts. It would be the same as before. He'd been sitting there, the eerie, dancing glow bathing his face…reflecting in his eyes.

She shoved open the bathroom door and sure enough, there he was, his hard, naked body settled on the very edge of the tub…but he wasn't playing with that damn silver lighter. No, it wasn't just his face on which those wild shadows danced. No this time it was the entire bathroom that was aglow and the acrid smell of smoke rested heavy in the air.

She rushed over catching sight of the dance of flames that seemed to have seduced him…entranced him. They leapt high over the edge of the white porcelain, inching far too close to the shower curtain that he held aloof with hands far too lax.

Georgina reached around him, switching on the shower and extinguishing that which held her lover enthralled. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She cursed as his hand shot out, gripping…biting into her wrist. It was too late though. The fire was out. And the glow from the flames no longer flickered across the planes of that beautiful face.

"Why'd you do that? I had things under control."

She ignored him flicking on the overhead lights and walking back to his side. "What the hell is all this?" Georgina motioned to charred remains of what he'd been burning. She kneeled down lifting out pieces of the soggy, charred mess.

"What were these…papers?"

He shrugged, "There was a small problem earlier and I handled it."

"Small problem? What do you mean 'small problem'?" Georgina forgot her earlier twinge of fear and bore down on him, getting into his face. "What the fuck did you do?"

"One of them was at the house. They were getting close and so…I took care of things." He said, "You should be thanking me."

"I should?" She glared. Her expression transformed at that, all sweetness and light, tainted only with the finest edge of her anger. "Thank you. Thank you so much for fucking over what I've spent years putting together."

"Don't be like that, Georgie." He reached out, only to be shrugged off.

"Stop calling me that. I want to know what you've done. Now." She said.

His jaw clenched as he matched her hostile stance. "You said yourself that they couldn't figure out the connection to the old bastard and that fire. Well they were getting too damn close." He motioned to the bathtub. "I grabbed everything that I could get my hands on but who knows what the hell else they might have."

"Goddamit." Georgina tossed the soggy papers back into his face and stormed from the room. Stupid. Stupid, son-of-a-bitch.

"What are you so mad about? We need to do damage control. Maybe I could get into Bass'apartment or Archibald's brownstone. They could have more files there." He followed her.

"Who was it?" She stopped suddenly, whirling around to face him again. He sidestepped to stop from slamming into her.

"What?"

"At the house. Who was there? Was it Chuck? Nate?" Georgina demanded.

"No." Her lover shook his head, "It was the reporter. Humphrey. He tracked down the house somehow. He was snooping around. Motherfucker was actually trying to get into the house when I found him."

"Fuck…fuck. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was protecting our plan." He said, "Look you didn't seem to have a problem with the other bodies we've been leaving everywhere. You told me not to worry. 'Casualties of fucking war.' You said."

"Not Humphrey. I needed him." She yelled, "Carter Baizen has proven worthless in trying to get at Serena…she probably wouldn't even give a damn about him screwing Nate's Brooklyn mutt but I could've used Dan Humphrey. Damn it!"

"Well, you should've said something. I thought you were working on something else for the blonde bitch, anyway."

Georgina looked at him as if he was purposely being obtuse, "Yes and I'm prepared to go ahead with it. Everything is in place but Dan Humphrey is something else entirely…S was head over heels stupid for the loser in high school."

"That was a long time ago. She obviously moved on. She's got the kid right."

"With Baizen. No, I'm telling you. I've known Serena forever and she was never like that with anyone else. In love. Willing to do anything to protect him. Things would've gone my way last time if Blair hadn't stuck her nose in…her and Bass both."

"I barely remember any of the stupid bitches I fucked in high school."

"Must have been true love, then." She flopped down on the bed. "Serena loved Dan and despite how easy it was to work him before, I think he cared about her. Strong emotions like love don't just go away…not completely anyway. It'll eat you up…sort of like the need for revenge or don't you agree, lover."

He nodded after a moment.

"Good." She said, "Now's where's the fucking body?"

~ஐ~

"Yeah."

God, he'd actually answered. She settled back against the cracked leather of cab's backseat. Just the one word…but not saturated in the chilling, polite tones or angry emotion of before. Now he sounded tired.

"Vanessa, I know it's you."

And yet he'd answered. She didn't say that though, "Hey."

She closed her eyes. Shit. She hadn't expected him to answer the phone. She wasn't even sure what had possessed her to pick up the phone. After hurrying away from Carter's building she'd finally managed to flag down a cab…feeling numb from the freezing air around her and dreading the ride "home". Vanessa hated admitting it to herself, but the only thing that had stopped her from telling the cabbie to turn around and take her back to Carter's had been the fact that Serena was still there. Remembering that close call. Once she'd spotted the blonde, she'd been so sure that it was over…she was caught.

And thinking of getting caught, brought home to her how much she was still hurting Nate. Hurting herself.

"What is it, Vanessa?" Nate asked.

She shook herself free of thoughts of Carter and her actions of the past few hours. Taking a deep breath so that her voice wouldn't crack, she said, "Uh—How….How was dinner with your Mom?" Belated she added, "And your grandparents?"

"The same as always." He admitted. "Grandfather pitched taking a job under him. I don't know what the big deal is…he's already chosen his successor at the company."

She sighed, "He's probably still worried because of the shooting. Just like the rest of us."

"I'm not my father…or Chuck. I'd hate being stuck up in an office and the endless board meetings." Nate said, "Chuck seems to thrive when he's wheeling and dealing but when I see what it did to my father…I want no parts of it."

"I know. I know." Vanessa let out a quiet, shaky breath. "Not that I ever want to get caught agreeing with your grandfather or want you doing a job that would make you miserable…it's more about wishing you weren't in such a hazardous profession."

His end of the line fell silent before he cleared his throat, "Would you really miss me so much if I died?"

Heart stuttering even at his soft incredulous words, she yelled at him. "Why would you say something like that? Dammit, Nate. I—I.."

"Sorry, guess I'm just not sure what you're feeling these days." He said. "Forget I even asked. Was that all you wanted? You wanted to know about dinner. It was fine. Want the rundown of the menu…I'll have Cook give you a call in the morning. Or maybe you wanted to know the latest family gossip…like how cousin Camille just finished her fourth stint in rehab or old Uncle Frederick's still hitting on anything with two legs…despite the walker."

"Nate, stop…"

"Or maybe you're wondering where we fit in with the rest of the Archibald/Vanderbilt family dirty laundry." He said.

Now, now that he was mentioning all that other crap. "Oh my God…" Great. Just fucking great. What had he told the old bastard? If it weren't so damned undignified she was sure that Nate's grandfather would've danced a fucking jig at the news of finally getting the unwanted "Brooklyn trash" out of his family.

God, she'd let the old fucker get into her head. Stupid. Stupid.

"I told them you were spending the day with your parents." Nate said. "They don't know anything about…our separation."

"Oh."

"I need to go…I've got plans to keep." He said impatiently.

Plans? Plans with who? Chuck…Dammit. Stop it. Stop it, she told herself, fighting the familiar tang of jealousy making her throat clench. "Okay. What a Christmas, Archibald. Nothing like what I expected."

"Yeah…I know what you mean." He said softly. The silence stretched between them and the ache of melancholy held them both.

Vanessa searched her mind for something more…something to fix what was broken but what the hell could she possibly say. What could repair the damage wrought by mistakes and insecurities? She'd messed up so badly. Months before when the stick had turned blue, Vanessa had imagined her baby's first Christmas. Then after the miscarriage, she'd been sad, but still hopeful. It all went away with their second loss. Well, not all…she'd spent the last six months destroying the rest on her own.

"Nate…"

He was quiet. He waited. Waited for the words. Would he give her forgiveness so easily or would he make her say the words and leave her to the mess she'd made? Nate broke free, not ready to hear the words or already knowing that he couldn't offer her absolution. "I need to go." He repeated his earlier words. "Merry Christmas, Vanessa."

"You too. Merry Chri…" She started, but he'd already hung up, cutting off the rest.

The remainder of the ride home passed…a blur…unremarkable as their conversation replayed in her mind over and over again. Wondering if she could find forgiveness. Was she strong to enough to ask for it? Even if she received it wasn't her marriage already over.

One thing she knew for certain and that was that she would never go back to Carter's bed, wallowing in her regret over what she'd broken. She absently handed over the fare once the cab pulled up in front of the brownstone.

Vanessa stepped out onto the snow-covered sidewalk, the neighborhood quiet around her and most of the other houses gone dark with residents off in warmer, exotic locales or who'd simply found their warm beds already.

Maybe she'd try working on her project proposal. She'd let that fall off to the wayside and if she was losing Nate, she didn't want to have what was left of her career go right down the tubes behind it. Nate's grandfather may be making things difficult, having his buddies pull her funding….but she could find what she needed elsewhere. She would. She'd work until she was too exhausted to think or miss Nate. Or at least she'd damn well give her best effort.

Resolved and making plans, Vanessa didn't notice the figure coming towards her until he was standing directly in her path. Her breath caught and fear made her entire body clench…and she squeaked out her horror when he reached out and grabbed her arm.

Whoever he was. He was covered in a filthy, ragged overcoat. His face and body were completely shrouded…whether in an effort to protect himself from the extremities or to conceal his identity for whatever offense he was about to commit…Vanessa didn't know.

Oh God. How many times had Nate lectured her about paying attention…being careful…especially when she was out alone. Or those nights when he was stuck at the station. Please let him just want money. He was just some old homeless guy and he needed money. That was all. It was a cold night and he approached her for those reasons alone.

"Look, I…" She started. Holding her hands up and more than prepared to hand over her bag. Old habits died hard and despite years of being married to Nate she never carried a lot with her. She hoped what little was in there would be enough. Her wedding ring glinted, catching the light as she moved. Shit. Her hand moved instinctively to cover it from sight. Too late. "Just tell me what you want and I…"

"Vanessa. For godsakes. It's me."

It took a moment for the words to register and then even longer for the voice to sink. She'd heard it countless times in the past twenty-plus years but still it was alien, mixed up with her residual terror.

Those hands grabbed her again and she pulled the dirty scarf and woolen cap from his head. Her relief warring with anger, she struck out. "Dan!! You fucking scared the hell out of me."

"Ow!" He said, warding off her blows. "Would you mind not hitting me? I think I've taken more than enough abuse this past week."

She looked at him again. Taking in his full appearance. The dirt streaking his face and dried blood at his temple. "What the hell happened to you? And what are you wearing?"

"I got mugged. Can we please go inside…I don't even know how many blocks I just walked and I'm freezing my ass off." He said.

She hurried up the stone steps and was shoving the key into the deadlock when Mrs. Jameson's lights flickered to life next door. Damn, this she didn't need. Not right now. The old woman meant well enough but she was nosy as hell.

Her curtains shifted and she looked right out at them. Her eyes feel on Dan with suspicion, her expression alarmed as her eyes almost reluctantly shifted to Vanessa's face.

"Everything's fine, Mrs. Jameson." Vanessa called out loudly, smiling to get the message across. She shoved the door open. "Dan get the hell inside…please."

"Don't have to tell me twice…how long does it take for frostbite to set in?" He moved around her, hurrying inside, one hand still gripping his injured head. "Please tell me you've got like a boatload of aspirin. Or something stronger. Bastard got me good."

"Oh, we're gonna talk about that. I'm sure we've got something. No go." She shoved him inside and turned back to the old woman. "See just fine. Go back to bed, Mrs. Jameson."

Waving and smiling again for good measure she quickly followed in her best friend's wake. Slamming the door shut behind her and faltering as the smell suddenly hit her. "Oh my god. Is that you? I thought the Coopers' stupid dog left another present. Ew." She pinched her nose. "What happened to you?"

He glanced away from her, muttering beneath his breath.

"Dan, seriously. And your head." Vanessa rushed forward despite the smell and reached for his face, peering closely at the bloody cut. "Maybe we should get you to the hospital…this looks kind of deep."

"It's fine, Vanessa." He batted her hand away, his own still shaking with the cold. She frowned taking in the blue-tint of his skin and chattering teeth.

"Okay but you need to get out of that stuff and tell me what the hell happened to you."

"I did…I got m-"

"Mugged, yea I remember. By who Hobo Jim?" She said, making a face at the filthy overcoat he wore.

"Hobo who? Nevermind. I'll explain later. It's as cold in here as it was out there…what are you stressing the heating bill…crank it up, Vanessa. I'm freezing my ass off here."

Vanessa shrugging out of her own coat, immediately felt the warm air bathing her chilled flesh and she turned back to her friend, suddenly feeling almost afraid as she'd been out in the frigid night, facing the unknown. "Enough, Dan. I'm taking you to the hospital."

~ஐ~

Treating herself to a second glass of wine, Serena forced herself not to watch the clock and instead went to check on the kids. Not one of the dozing trio had so much as twitched or whimpered in protest when she and Chuck's driver managed to cart them all upstairs to her apartment. She'd even managed a half-hearted conversation with her neighbor…pretending for just a few moments that she wasn't absolutely furious with Carter. That every unanswered call to Dan's cell and hour that passed wasn't driving her out of her mind.

She looked in on Alex curled beneath the covers in the middle of her bed, Robbie forgotten and fallen to the floor now that he'd settled in for sleep. Serena grabbed up the bear and slipped the toy back in beside her little boy. As usual, the twins were camped out in the bedroom across from Alex's.

Trying to distract herself, she settled down in front of the television, but none of the images grabbed her attention. Instead she started thinking about her earlier conversation with Nate.

He'd promised that he and Chuck didn't have Dan involved with anything dangerous. He'd looked her in the eye and told her not to worry and here she was hours later able to do nothing else. Earlier her thoughts had been consumed with Carter and…Too much. It was just too damn much. Dan. Carter. Carter. Dan.

She reached for her cell and didn't bother calling her former boyfriend again. Serena hit speed dial and a split second later the line was ringing.

"Serena. What's up?" Nate asked, sounding distracted and as tightly wound as she felt.

"What's up?" Was he serious? "I haven't spoken to Dan since this morning. That's what's up. No one's heard from him all day…not Vanessa earlier or Jenny. I've tried his cell phone and his hotel I don't know how many time…"

Now she seemed to have his complete attention, "Whoa. Slow down."

"I'm really worried. Something…I think something's happened to him." Serena admitted. "You promised and you lied."

"Okay." He said quietly, "Look, I'm sorry. Let me—let me make some calls."

To where? To who? She wanted to ask but didn't need to. He was a cop. He'd make his calls first to the hospitals and the morgue. Oh, god.

"I just really want to know what this is about. You three are being so damn secretive and now Dan's missing …" Serena's voice rose, despite her best attempts at reining herself in. She dragged in a deep breath and raked her hand through her hair, eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"Look, Serena. Let me do this. You can yell at me all you'd like later. Okay? Good." He surged ahead, giving her no chance to interrupt him again. Nate hurriedly promised to call as soon as he knew anything.

Serena's next thought was to call her stepbrother and give him a piece of her mind, but she resisted the urge. Barely. She could very well just be overreacting, but Serena had a truly bad feeling that this wasn't the case here. Something was very wrong. And Nate had damn well better call her back. Soon.

~ஐ~

Fifteen minutes after she'd let herself be talked out of hustling her best friend to the hospital, Vanessa found herself standing outside of one of the guest bathrooms. She knocked, steam seeping from under the door.

"Yeah?" His voice came back muffled and undecipherable through the wood and over the sound of the shower.

"I found you some clothes."

"What?"

"I said…" Opening the door, enough to make herself heard she repeated her earlier words, then she told him. "I'm just going to leave it on the bed. Now please don't fall and drown yourself in there…cleaning that cut and putting on the band-aid was about the extent of my nursing skills."

"Huh?" He called out over the sound of the shower. His voice booming and filling the room. "Sorry, Vanessa. I didn't hear a single thing you just said."

Vanessa opened her mouth, but didn't try again. "Nevermind." She laid out one of Nate's heavier set of sweats. Dan had seemed to warm some once she'd gotten him to shuck off some of that wet clothing and in front of the fireplace.

She walked back into the master bedroom and to the suitcase now lying open. Vanessa had rifled through the other two suitcases now resting on the floor looking for something warm for her best friend to wear. She search for something…anything that covered him up a bit more than the afghan he'd been wearing as she got him cleaned the blood from his head and patched him up.

His entire body had seemed to be a mass of bruises. And besides the cut at his temple, she'd felt one helluva goose egg forming at the back of his head. Damn. She shouldn't have let him talk her out of a trip to the ER. The bastard who'd stolen his wallet. His cell phone. And half of his damn clothes had proceeded to beat the living hell out of him and then left him out in the damn snow. Half-conscious. According to Dan, if not for two old drunks stumbling across him in the snow, he might've still been there. The guys had taken shelter in the abandoned rowhome. They'd found Dan and taken care of him, letting him cover up with the coat of one of their pals lost only a week before to the deadly cold. Their dead friend had gone out drunk and warm in a bed of snow. She was thankful that her own best friend hadn't met the same end.

Feeling drained, Vanessa sank down on the edge of the bed and started refolding the mess she'd made of Nate's packing job. Though she would've rathered hang every single item back in her husband's mostly empty walk-in closet, she refolded every single piece…forcing herself not to pay any attention to the colorfully wrapped present she'd found during her search. It bore her. She should just put it back where she'd found it along with everything else. But these days she wasn't much for doing what she should, now was she?

Instead after repacking, Nate's clothes. She lined the suitcases up just the way he'd left them, walking away from their bedroom with small rectangular box, holding it close to her body, as if someone might jump out at her and snatch it away.

The shower was still going as she walked by the guest room where she'd left Dan. Vanessa didn't pause or call out to check up on her. She headed straight for the stairs and didn't stop moving until she held the boxed cradled with one arm and her other hand was reaching for the whiskey from the bar, Nate always insisted on keeping stocked. She'd given some to Dan earlier, trying to help him warm. The fiery liquid burned a trail down her throat as she gulped it down, pouring herself another before the warmth had a chance to seep into every part of her body.

Glancing down at the gift…Nate's Christmas gift to her, she walked over to the sofa and set her drink just within reach.

Jewelry? The box was as long as it was wide. Not a bracelet. She'd never been comfortable wearing any of the stuff Nate used to buy her in the beginning. Honestly, she didn't think any of it fit her. Sure those early gifts had been pretty and thoughtful enough, but just not her. She'd been happier with tickets to the Angelika. Quiet dinner. Good music.

Vanessa took a deep breath and started tearing at the delicate wrapping paper. No turning back now. She tore away the remained of the paper, revealing a box without label or sign what might be hidden from her sight. She lifted the lid and found yet another box…this one of dark blue velvet. He'd bought her jewelry again, really? Feeling an inexplicable spurt of disappointment she opened the velvet box and felt her entire body clench and her eyes burn, as if she'd just doused them with that damn whiskey.

"Nate," She lifted the small white card in one hand, bearing her husband's handwriting and the tiny silver spoon with her others. She blinked rapidly trying to get it together enough to read the simple words that Nate had written. No proclamations of love. He'd simply written the words "One Day." She held up the small spoon meant for a child who would never be…not now and she read the inscription there, words clogging in her mind. Lodging in her throat.

"Always

NღV"

Shit. Shit. She couldn't believe he'd done this. Holding the small, thoughtful gift that had been meant with so much love, her heart broke all over again.

~ஐ~

The vibration in his pants jolted him awake. He jerked, his eyes snapping open and confronting the woman lying just the barest of inches away. She slept but he could almost detect the soft curve of her smile and her eyelids flickered rapidly, making him wonder what she dreamed of…so different from the stillness that had stolen her away and kept them apart for the past five years.

The buzz and vibration of his phone came again. Chuck reached for it, slipping from her side and feeling more well-rested from those few hours than he could remember feeling in a very long time. He frowned, mouth compressing when his best friend's name flashed up at him.

Glancing over his shoulder at the woman asleep on her side, one hand tucked beneath her cheek and the other resting against the empty place where he'd lain asleep. He answered the call as it buzzed again, slipping into the closet of a bathroom that was little bigger than the shower in his bath suite.

"Nathaniel. What's wrong?" Chuck said without preamble. If his best friend was calling at such a late hour and when he knew Chuck was with B then something was up.

"Has Serena called you?"

"No. Why? What's going on?"

"She's worried about Humphrey." Nate told him, "Apparently no one's seen him since this morning. I'm heading for his hotel now…figure I'll flash my badge try get into his room. The front desk said he rented a car just before noon and hasn't come back since. Car's equipped with OnStar so we're waiting on a location."

"Humphrey rented a car. What the hell was he up to?" Chuck shook his head, trying to fathom the thoughts of a man he'd never considered friend. And yet with whom he'd shared some of his most guarded secrets. Never quite friends but he didn't want to see anything happen to the guy. Especially not if he had anything to do with his father. "You think he might've found something in those files?"

"Yeah, I do." Nate said, "You hear anything from your PI."

"He's still coming up empty."

"What about Jack?" Nate cleared his throat, "I know he's family and you said you were sure that he wasn't behind this but…"

"Let's get one thing straight, Nathaniel." Chuck interrupted, "You're family. That bastard just so happens to share in my old man's DNA. And I assure you… I know when that effer takes a fucking piss. He's not in on this. As we speak, good ol' Uncle Jack is in the same shithole that I dropped him in five years ago."

"Did you get the confirmation about Georgina and the institution in Prague?"

Chuck nodded, "Yeah. My guy says he received confirmation from one of the nurses. Crazy bitch is locked in a padded cell. Just where she belongs."

"Fuck. Guess that would been too easy, huh?" Nate sighed. "Look, I'm just a few minutes out from the hotel. I ring you back when I know anything."

"I'll be up." Chuck surveyed his appearance in the mirror, rubbing a hand across his cheek dark with stubble. Everything about his appearance seemed slumberous and relaxed. All but his eyes. Dark and alert. Ready for whatever the next few hours might bring.

The two old friends quietly said their goodbyes. Chuck took one last look at his expression in the mirror before switching out, bathing himself in completely darkness, dragging in deep breath and hand clenching on the door knob. He stood there and for how long Chuck wasn't truly certain. All he could think about was this new threat. First it'd touched his business and now it seemed to be inching closer into the personal. Out of all the investments that Nate's Detective Miller had traced back to Bass Industries and to Chuck himself…only Jenny did he have any kind of personal history. And now Humphrey was missing. Those two things alone weren't by any means conclusive but something had the warning bells in his mind working overtime. The threat to him was getting far to close too home.

For a moment, Chuck entertained the idea of packing up Blair and the girls and getting them. Getting his family and those he cared for most out of the picture until he got a better grasp on just what the hell was going on around him. The last thing in the world he wanted was to be separated from Blair right now, but things didn't let up soon…if his instincts kept firing off warning shots, Chuck didn't think that he'd have any other choice but to send them all away.

Dragging a hand through his hair, Chuck let himself out of the darkened bathroom and stepped into the dim light bathing Blair's hospital room. He wanted to crawl back into bed and lie at her side, but thought better of it. Knowing he needed to stay awake to wait for Nate's call. Instead, pulled up the chair beside her hospital bed. Content for the moment to just watch her dream, distracting himself from his own dark thoughts, thinking of her with their daughters only a few hours before…his mind dwelling on all but the silent cell phone resting in his pocket.

~ஐ~

"Hey, you okay?"

Vanessa looked up from the box settled on her lap into her friend's concerned eyes. "No." She said with hesitation. "I screwed up…I screwed up big time."

He brushed the discarded wrapping paper from aside and sat down next to her. "You want to talk about it."

She offered a teary-smile, her words self-deprecating. "Be careful. I about tore you head off last time you made an offer like that." She broke after that. "I went back. That night. While you guys were stuck in that damn fire…I cheated on Nate...again. I keep doing it."

"What happened? You told him the truth?" Dan asked.

Vanessa shook her head, "Of course not. I wish I had…no that's not the truth. I don't know what to do. My head's been so fucked up…for months. I've been picking fights with everyone. My sister stopped talked to me weeks ago and the people at work steer clear when they see me coming." She admitted, softly. She hadn't told Nate about either development on the home or workfront.

"You love Nate, Vanessa. And I know he loves you. The guy's been a complete grouch the past few days."

"Really?" She said, "When did you see him? What did he say?" Something like hope began stirring in her, but her best friend's expression changed as she battered him with questions. Shutting down. Had him been lying trying to make her feel better, telling her Nate wasn't was miserable as she felt. Old insecurities whispered back…telling her that once her husband got over the sting of her betrayal, he'd feel nothing more than relief at narrowly escaping the insane promise he'd been making to her with his Christmas present.

Her fingers brushed at the scrawling inscription. It was short and a complete lie. Always. He promised her always…but what would that word mean tied to someone who couldn't give you what you wanted in life. Someone who didn't measure up to expectations that you didn't even know that you had…not until it was too late anyway.

Poor Nate. He'd chosen wrong. His present promised her an Always that had never even belonged to her. She shook her head, hearing her best friend speaking but his words meaning nothing. After a while he just stopped talking and wrapped his arms around her, pressing her head against his shoulder. Her hands clutched at the soft material of Nate's sweatshirt. She could still detect her husband's distinctive scent. His cologne. His clothes. His smell. All over Dan. Half-muddled up with regret and alcohol, Vanessa tilted her head until her face was buried against her best friend's neck. Her breath fanning the steady beat of his pulse. Her hands squeezed at the lean muscles in his arms, clutching…trying to holding on something…someone who wasn't there at all.

"It's okay, Vanessa." He promised her, she shut her eyes and for a moment let herself pretend that it wasn't Dan promising her that things could be made right again. That it was Nate who held her so close against his heart and stroked her back, trying to soothed fears that would give her no peace.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She said, kissing his neck. Vanessa felt him stiffen and start to pull away from her. That couldn't happen. Not yet. Not right now. Nate. She missed her Nate. His smell still in her nostrils and face against the back of her closed lids, she grasped with both hands, framing the face so close to her own.

"Vanessa, wait." Dan's voice filled ears but all she could see and hear was her husband.

She turned her head and pulled his face closer, brushing her mouth against his, her tongue darting out and tracing the seam of his lips. They parted easily with his "oh" of surprise, and she took full advantage of those few seconds until they both tasted of liquor and salty tears.

"Nate." She whispered her husband's name in her mind. Out loud.

This time Dan yanked away from her, hand at his mouth and taking her in with shocked eyes. Vanessa shook her head, realizing what she'd done. Dan. Not Nate or even Carter, her more than willing stand-in. Jesus.

"Vanessa, what the hell is the matter with you?" He started to move from the couch, but faltered as she buried her face in her hands.

"You're next. I'm going to lose you next." She murmured, no more tears. Her voice hollow and ringing with the sound of her utter conviction that she spoke the truth.

He didn't put his arms around her again. Not immediately. He did reach out and rubbed a soothing hand across her back. "Haven't learned your lesson after all these years, huh, Archibald. There's no getting rid of me…though I think we'd better leave off with the other stuff. Tried our best before and didn't quite work out the way we thought it would."

"Yea, I remember. You were over the moon for Serena Van der Woodsen."

"And you gave your heart to Nate."

Vanessa laughed, looking skyward with watering eyes, "And look how well that turned out. I'm such a mess. Don't pay any attention to me. You're a better friend than I could've ever wished for…you know."

"Yeah I know." He retorted without an ounce of modesty, smiling wide.

"I love you, you know."

This time he did pull her close. Needing to hug his best friend and console, just as much as she needed it from him. After her stricken expression just a moment ago, he wasn't the least worried about a repeat performance of that kiss. Or letting her know that he was there for her and just how he felt. "I love you, too."

~ஐ~

Just a few minutes out from the hotel. Already sure what he'd say to the front desk. How he'd get into Dan's room to find some clue to where the other man had disappeared to. Just those few minutes. He'd called Chuck, despite how much he wanted to leave his best friend out of the loop…at least for a few more hours. Let him enjoy his reunion with Blair in peace.

Still he couldn't get Serena's voice out of his head. No one had heard from Humphrey since earlier in the day. Not his sister. His parents. Or even…All they knew was that he'd rented a car and taken off for parts unknown on Christmas day. Some lead. Bastard should've called. Son of a bitch. Nate was in that mode. Worried. Cursing quietly. Wondering what he'd find in Humphrey's hotel. What had been in those files?

That was when the call came through.

If asked later, Nate couldn't be sure what he'd said or even how he'd come to be standing in the foyer. Not in the hotel where he belong. But somehow, carried home as if by mere thought and no exertion or maneuvering on his part.

And there they were. Relaxing on the sofa. His sofa. Head butting up against one another and that motherfucker with his arm thrown so casually around Vanessa's shoulders. They weren't making love…or even kissing. No, they just sat there so comfortably, both gazing into the burning depths of the goddamn fireplace that he'd insisted on. Thinking she would enjoy the romance of it on a cold night like this one.

It was all too much. He saw them there like this and they might as well be naked in front of him, in the very throes of passion. Hell he'd pictured that fucking bitch enough this past week, enacting every from of love possible with some faceless bastard and now here was Humphrey. A tad fucking too much. Just as he barely remembered Mrs. Jameson's worried called about some strange man lurking around the house and then going inside with Vanessa, he couldn't remember moving. One moment he was standing back there bearing witness to their intimate silence and the next he was pulling Dan up from the sofa, fists gripped in…his fucking sweatshirt.

"Nate, what are you…"

He heard Vanessa voice like ringing in the back of his ear. Shaking off her reaching hands and drawing back one clenched fist, Nate could think nothing, see nothing except his wife and her best friend, fucking him over…

TBCஐ

A/N: Okay so not a lot of CB…thought they could use a moment of peace while NV's troubles and the fire that was and danger that is could take the forefront for a bit. Poor worried S? Confused Vanessa? Betrayed Nate? And Dan…boy can't catch a break. Okay again sorry this took so long getting back to you but hope you enjoyed it. I will update as soon as possible. As always let me know what you're thinking. Nothing but love guys.

ஐCourtneyஐ