A/N: Short chapter. Just developing the characters... let me know what you think by LEAVING REVIEWS!!! I appreciate everyone who's adding me to their faves and subscribing for updates. But I can't determine what works and what doesn't work for you guys if you don't let me know!

And as always my favourite person in the world is LEON! MR AWESOME PANTS MR GREAT EDITING SKILLS LEONNNNN.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! But I do own THIS version of Edward and I hope you like him just as much as Meyer's Edward...

EPOV

Jasper was being a douche and Bella was being clingy which I loved but at the same time it drove me crazy. Such was the situation I managed to get myself into. I didn't regret my decisions, but Jasper was THISCLOSE to succeeding in that. He was being an ultimate tool and just getting himself in business that wasn't his own. As if he should be advising people on relationships – he couldn't get the girl he wanted for four years and was now handing herself to him on a platter. Pussy.

I aced my exam this morning and darted out of school like a bat out of hell. I needed to get fucked up and with the twenty-four seven surveillance I was under with Carlisle's team of hired stalkers I had little chance of getting away with it anywhere within the vicinity of Forks.

Finally the holidays were here and I hadn't yet decided if I was going to Whistler. It'd be nice to hit the slopes but my Italy friends were hitting up Monte Carlo and I just wasn't sure I'd be able to bring myself to ditch on that chance. Maybe Bella would come.

NO! What the fuck was I thinking? Bella couldn't fuckin come. I was so torn when it came to her. Everything about her turned my life upside down and although I was in love with the girl – she was just so fucking incredible – I couldn't deny my track record and inability to not break a girl's heart and destroy her. It felt selfish to allow her to be with me. Wrong and taking advantage of and just... wrong.

You have to man up eventually though, right Cullen? My conscious was telling me one thing but my body and mind were making a persuasive argument for the other side. I knew that if I loved her I'd have to let her go but I wasn't sure I was ready to do that. The bad boy in me wanted her all to myself; let her be exposed to all my vices and flaws and imperfections and then let her go broken and ruined. Staying with her was masochistic but so was leaving her. Either way I'd be fucked.

I heard my Blackberry vibrate in my pocket and I checked the new message. Bella. "Coffee date? I have a 3-9 at Starbs."

My heart skipped a beat and I felt so fucking lame. I love you, I love you not. I need you, I'll break your heart. I want you...

"I'll be there at 6, plan ur break for then."

I was halfway to Seattle and didn't want to waste a perfectly good trip to get high and wallow in my misery for awhile. I was so brooding. More brooding than O.C. guy who's always brooding. I was like a fucking pathetic brooding motherfucker from a teenage drama series. And the Teen Choice Award goes to...

I glanced at the clock; twelve-thirty. I'd have tons of time to make it to Seattle and back by then if I took the back roads. Luckily I decided on the Vantage for the day.

My phone vibrated again. "Looking forward to it." I'm pretty sure I fucking smiled to myself.

I shifted up a gear and sped down the ramp to get off the highway so I could take the country roads.

I made a mental list of shit I had to pick up while in the city – jeans, new jacket, couple polo's and sweaters, shades, and perhaps meet with Seattle's finest coke dealer.

The fact that my stomach turned when I thought about calling Johnny for coke was an indication I was fully pussy whipped. Bella didn't like it when I did coke and therefore I didn't like it when I did coke. Such was the state of my new existence.

After rocking out to Led Zep's finest from Houses of the Holy the whole way to the city I parked outside the big brick building which was coincidentally Tiffany's. Perhaps some new cufflinks would be in store for prom. I decided to check it out after I completely my more pressing errands – Tiffany's would wait.

I zipped through Nordstrom's, picking up everything I needed in record time thanks to the help of Sophie, a fine Swedish exchange student who was at least a D-cup and a natural blonde. I left her a hefty tip and was happy that I hadn't completely lost all signs of the good ol' Edward Cullen; pre-Bella, womanizing version.

After grabbing a coffee I made it back to Tiffany's and I checked my progress. I could easily fit in a quickie so I ran inside hoping someone could cater to me right away and I'd save time coming back here for prom.

"Hello Sir, can I help you with something?" A young twenty-something hot as hell brunette said as I entered the store. I approached her counter and noticed her silver name tag. "Julianne. Nice to meet you," I extended my hand. "Edward Cullen. I believe I have a file here."

She smiled and shook my hand and turned to her computer. "Let me just pull up your file so I can better serve you." She winked and holy fuck. Her innuendos were going to be the death of me. I checked her out up and down and for some reason I wasn't that excited about her appearance. I mean sure she was tall, thin, gorgeous – could easily be a model... but something was so totally generic and pedestrian about her. I'd experienced this a lot since I met Bella Swan; even the hottest girls paled in comparison to her quirky beauty, and it had become so tirelessly anticlimactic. And this chick – Julianne, I believe – was clearly not doing anything for me but serve me as a customer.

And I was completely happy with myself. I felt like a better person knowing that I was potentially a one-woman man. I think.

I must have been smiling like a fucking fool because she gave me the most confused expression and then flashed me a beautiful smile (one that she'd surely been complimented on before) and her bright white teeth were flawless. But it did absolutely nothing for me.

"See something you like?" she said and I swear to god she moaned as she approached me. She was closer than half a foot in front of me and breathed heavily on my face, lust exuding from every perfectly minimized pore in her body. She took in a deep breath no doubt inhaling me and it felt so weird and invasive. "Maybe something you'd like to see in the back room?" she purred seductively, slowly circling me.

Nope. Nada. Zilch. Nothing.

"Say a fine lady like yourself," I said, taking a step back from her noxious desire, "could have anything in this store. What would you take?"

Her eyes lit up and she was so full of her damn self she might have honestly thought I was going to buy her something. Or maybe she was waiting to answer "I'd take you Mr Cullen," or something equally unoriginal. Dull dull dull.

"Well, follow me and I'll show you. Perhaps we can try a couple things on?" I followed her up the stairs to the second floor and she made a point of shoving her ass in my face and swaying her hips to the point where she'd dislocate them. Normally that would have done the trick but not quite today. Such overt sexual tendencies were so passé. Bella on the other hand would be blushing furiously and stumbling all over the place and about ready to faint – now that would surely get my blood flowing.

She stepped behind the counter and led me to a shelf of exorbitantly overpriced objects, all glittery and sparkly and blinging beyond reason.

"Something a bit more... modest?" I proposed. She eyeball-fucked the shit out of me and I chuckled nervously, looking around to see if there wasn't a nice sixty year old woman working today, or perhaps a gay male who might give me a break here.

I'm pretty sure she unbuttoned three of her buttons when she turned around and led me to another counter because she was busting out of her top. Definitely not Tiffany's etiquette. Maybe I'd report her to her superior. We were in Tiffany's for Christ's sake, not Zales. I mean, there was a certain standard to uphold here and this girl just wasn't meeting it.

I scanned the counter and saw a million things that would look beautiful on Bella. Normally this wouldn't be my style but it was Christmas soon and we were kinda dating or whatever and it was expected of me to do something, right?

"How about that one," I said, pointing to a necklace that held both a silver open heart pendant and a tinier one of rose gold.

Her eyes widened for a second and then narrowed when she realized it was a more "humble" piece. "Ah yes. Hmm. The Elsa Peretti Open Heart Pendant with two petite hearts. Sterling silver and 18K rose gold. A fabulous choice."

I nodded and picked up the dainty piece. It was certainly Bella but not quite enough. She needed more, something that really stood out, and something as unique and breathtaking as her.

"Is this for a sister of yours, Mr. Cullen? Perhaps a cousin?" She was totally prying.

"Um yes, something like that." It was none of her goddamn business and if I told her it was for the love of my life my customer service would go down the shitter.

Her eyes lit up again and she flitted around the counter looking around for something.

"We also carry it with diamonds, sir," she offered, looking up to gauge my reaction.

Diamonds? My interest peaked. "Let's see it then." It might be damn near impossible for Bella to accept diamonds but I suppose I could tell her they were fake or something. I didn't want her to feel bad about accepting a gift from me so it couldn't be too over the top, but I still wanted to give her something special.

She brought over a similar looking necklace and laid it out on the black velvet pad on the countertop. It glittered and sparkled slightly and was absolutely stunning... it was so Bella.

"Pavé diamond pendant – platinum base, with a matching size 18 karat rose gold charm. You can mix and match these or wear just one pendant at a time," she said, opening the latch and removing one of the hearts, "like this. Very delicate and elegant, with a little something special added to it." She smiled widely. She was behaving a little more appropriately and I could actually focus on the product at hand.

I considered looking around briefly but I knew I wouldn't find anything that was more Bella than this. It was absolutely perfect and modest from afar but absolutely remarkable from up close.

"I'll take it." I decided.

"Wonderful!" She bustled over to the backroom and picked out a new one, already wrapped up in the distinct little blue box with a festive red ribbon.

"The two hearts, one diamond and one gold, signify the coming together of two hearts, each unique and special on their own, but absolutely incredible when worn together," she informed as she took my AmEx and rang it through.

"Four thousand nine hundred and seventy-three dollars with tax, sir," she informed me. I nodded, barely regarding what she'd said and she proceeded to ring it through.

My mind was distracted by what the FUCK I'd just done. I just sat in Tiffany's and actually put thought into buying a chick a present. I'm pretty sure Tanya never got presents and if for some mistake or lapse in my judgement she did it was likely chosen by Aro and wrapped and I didn't give a fucking shit what it was. Bella Swan is fucking me up good.

I left the store feeling like a million pounds heavier – stock full of extra burdens and bullshit. I gazed up at the struggling Atlas holding the giant clock on his shoulders and empathized with the poor guy. I suppose you have a Bella Swan in your life too... See I didn't even fucking need drugs and I was talking to bronze statues. He looked down at me like he knew I shared the weight of the heavens on my shoulders and fuck, is there really no way I can hit up Johnny?

You're fucking stronger than that shit.

Doing coke would only worsen my mood and being guilty and high and driving an insanely fast motorized vehicle while in such a state of mind was enough to dissuade me.

I drove home – sober as fuck having NOT visited my drug guy – and decided to give her the gift tonight before I come to my senses and take it back. Not the gift of course, she could fucking keep it or sell it or do whatever the fuck she wanted with it. But the gesture. That alone was fatal.

As soon as I start giving her thoughtful gifts and shit it would actually mean something and it would be more permanent than I should ever allow it to be. Sure I love her, but actually acting on it and doing sensitive shit like this was a whole other ballpark. Loving her from a distance and keeping her close as a friend and being content with that because I actually care about her as a person is what I should be doing. Committing to a relationship with the guarantee of fucking it up royally was abhorrent.

Even though Jazz was being a fucking douche bag, she'd be a hell of a lot better off with him. Sure he was a player but not deep down, and not a player with a cause like me. He was just going around doing whatever made him happy but when it came down to it, he would commit and he would do it well. That's why I was cool with him dating Alice but judging by their lack of communication lately it was safe to assume that 'budding romance' was on the backburner. I honestly think deep down he'd jump at the opportunity to date Bella. The two of them were just so alike and what differences they had would only complement each other... and I definitely wasn't the only one to see it.

Should I make the ultimate sacrifice? Am I actually strong enough to make it? Fuck that. If I'm willing to take the risk of getting fucked up and she is too, then what the hell am I worrying about?

Shit was fucking up my style and I didn't need to turn all pansy on myself now. Man up. Give her the gift. I've got nothing to fuckin lose and if it makes her smile, it'll all be worth it. Worry about the consequences later.

Carpe diem.

Seize the fucking day.