AN: HELLO! Sorry the long wait. University applications was my life for a long while, but I'm back. This chapter is quite long, for me anyway, and A LOT happens in it. I think there might be conflicting views with this one and I would love to hear what you think? Question: Do you think Morgana is real? Enjoy! Review and share. Also, thanks for your continued feedback! :D

Chapter 13: Desire.

Arthur was craving Guinevere. Guinevere was craving Arthur. Caroline wanted a child, Merlin just wanted peace, but it seemed as though none of them would be getting what they wanted. It had been a fortnight since Arthur threw Guinevere out, Caroline went to visit Gaius, and Lancelot had decided that he would pursue Guinevere and make her his at all cost. There was nothing stopping him now. She wasn't his to guard any more, they didn't have to worry about being professional anymore. She might finally see him as a man, someone she could actually grow to love. Lancelot was still unsure as to where his feelings for Guinevere stemmed from, why they were so strong, why he couldn't keep away from her, why she was constantly continuously on his mind. He just wanted her. More than he'd wanted anyone in his life. More than he ever thought he could want someone. He wanted her almost as much as Arthur did. Almost.

Arthur couldn't sleep. The thought of Guinevere constantly on his mind. He knew he missed her. He wasn't sure if he was just being a red blooded male, if it was just her body he missed, kissing her, holding her, touching her. He could touch anyone he wanted. He could touch his wife, but he didn't want to, he wanted Guinevere. Ofarthur. She was his once. He knew he was wrong for feeling like this. It was all his fault, he had no right to be sad, he had no right to feel sorry for himself. He'd brought the whole thing on himself.

Merlin wasn't talking to him, it wasn't so much that he'd missed their empty conversations, just that he knew Merlin had a valid reason for not speaking to him so he could hardly take the moral high ground and force his servant into speaking to him. Caroline seemed happier. Of course she would be, the surrogate was gone. The problem of finding an heir was still over their heads though, people were talking again. Caroline, strangely, didn't seem to care.

"I'll be gone for a few days." Caroline turns over on her side, Arthur and her had made love for the first time, properly, in a while. She couldn't wipe the smile on her face. Her husband turns to face her, he shakes off his thoughts about Guinevere and forces a smile back.

"How comes?"

"I need to get some silk."

Arthur is bemused.

"Go the market?"

"Arthur, if it was silk that I could easily get from the market, you know I would. I just need to get these specific rare ones from Elfwoods."

"Get someone else to get it. You're not using your queen privileges very well here, Caroline." Arthur face takes a genuine smile.

"I don't think I could trust anyone with silk this good. I need to get it myself. I'll be back before you know it." She kisses Arthur's cheek before sliding off the bed. Arthur watches her go. Caroline was beautiful and sometimes he'd remember why he used to love her so much, but he'd never be able to stop his mind from wandering off to thoughts of Guinevere. It was wrong. He knew it. But he couldn't stop himself.

Caroline of course wasn't going to buy silk, she was going to try and find out where she could find Morgana from a notorious Sorceress based in Elfwoods. Soon, her and Arthur would have an heir. She was convinced.

A knock on Guinevere's door. She'd enjoyed her last few weeks at back home, her only visitor being Merlin, she expected the person at the door to be him. It wasn't.

It was Lancelot. Guinevere is taken aback. She wasn't really sure she'd ever see him again.

"Lancelot?"

He smiles. He's dressed out of uniform in his normal clothes, looking rather handsome.

"Can I come in?"

Guinevere nods, pointing to a seat opposite the fireplace. Lancelot sits, waiting patiently for Guinevere to lock the door and take the seat next to him.

"At the risk of sounding rude, Lancelot. Why are you here?"

"I came to see if you were okay. See how you were coping."

Guinevere smiles.

"Are you hungry?" She asks before making her way towards the chicken.

"If you're offering, I guess I am."

Lancelot follows on behind Guinevere. She picks up a bowl of vegetables and begins cutting. Lancelot offers a hand and they both continue cutting in a comfortable silence.

"Merlin do you know where Guinevere is staying?" Arthur tries to keep his tone disinterested. Merlin doesn't answer as he continues making the king's bed.

"Merlin, I know you're upset, and frankly, I accept that you have a right to be. What I did was cruel, but it had to be done."

"Then why are on earth do you need to know where she's staying? You don't need to have anything to do with her. She's better off without you." Merlin's voice is cold.

"Watch your tongue. Any other king would have you killed for speaking the way you just did." Arthur's voice is even colder.

"Any other king would no better than to get attached to a surrogate, make her fall in love with him, lead her on, use her and rinse her dry, kick her out, and then have the audacity to ask where she's staying." Merlin says slowly but confidently.

Arthur stares stunned at his servant.

"Merlin, I don't want to have to kill you."

Merlin laughs.

"You don't even have it in you, you're spineless. You can't bear children, you can't tell your wife you don't love her, you couldn't even detach yourself from the act with a surrogate. Arthur, I'm not scared of you. I never was, never will be. You're still the same spineless prince you always were, always making excuses. Silently disagreeing with your father and never saying anything. You're weak, Arthur. You couldn't kill me if you wanted to."

"Get out." Arthur's voice is dry. The pair study each other for a moment. Merlin then makes his way out.

"Lady Nyla." Caroline bows as Nyla, the notorious sorceress of Elfwoods enters a tent based in the centre of the village.

"No need for bowing, you're the Queen of Camelot. It's completely unwarranted." Caroline studies Nyla. She was far younger than she'd expected her to be. Nyla was short, long curly black hair, dark skinned, a little darker than Guinevere, big brown eyes. She was very beautiful. She reminded Caroline of Ofarthur, this irritated her a little. It felt like someone was mocking her.

"I insist." Caroline bows again before taking a seat.

"How may I be of use to you? I know magic is outlawed in your lands, and surely you have bigger problems, such as the infertility plague currently reigning in your kingdom. To what do I owe this very rare pleasure?" There is an element of sarcasm in Nyla's voice. She wasn't the least bit pleased to see Caroline. Caroline was aware of this.

"I know you have a dislike for Camelot, and my husband, and frankly, I know it's a little insulting for me to be here." Caroline pauses. Nyla shows no emotion. "But I need your help. You're the only person that can help me. I've heard about your work. You're talked about often in Camelot, I know how powerful you are."

Nyla smirks.

"You want me to help you be fertile." Nyla scoffs. "I don't have that power."

"I know." Caroline pauses. "But the High Priestess Morgana does."

Nyla laughs loudly.

"You think she'd help the likes of you? You're deluded. Or insane. Take your pick."

"Forgive me, Nyla, but I am neither. I know I can persuade her to help me."

"Definitely deluded." Nyla continues laughing. "There is no way Morgana would help you. She would probably kill you upon first sight, that's if you even survive the journey there. You'd be wise to accept your fate, you are barren. Morgana has made you barren for a reason. You're probably a spineless little woman with, evidently, a huge amount of self importance. Believe me when I say, you are chasing a hopeless dream. You will never bear a child."

Caroline grows angry.

"How old are you?"

"I have been in this life for twenty-six years, I don't see how this is relevant." Nyla replies.

"You wouldn't. Age is not important to you. You don't have to worry about bearing a child. It is of no importance to you- "

"-Please, save yourself the embarrassment. Speeches don't work with me. I have no sympathy for you and I never will. However, if you're so hell bent on walking straight into your own demise. I'll tell you where you can find Morgana. She is located in Allans Cave, north of here, to the far east of Camelot. It is a perilous journey, one I wouldn't recommend to any sane human being."

"Thanks for your help." Caroline nods and begins making her way out of the tent.

"See in you in the next life." Nyla calls out after her. Caroline is unnerved.

"This food is wonderful." Lancelot finishes the last drops of his soup. Guinevere smiles.

"I'm glad you like it." She pauses. "Lancelot, why are you really here?"

"I missed you." He replies, his brown eyes penetrating hers.

Guinevere doesn't know what to say.

"You look healthier now, rested." Lancelot continues.

"Well, I'm finally sleeping." Guinevere pauses. "I barely slept when I working as surrogate."

Lancelot nods.

"I can imagine. It's not the easiest job to do." He smiles before studying her, she really was beautiful. "Guinevere?"

"Yes?"

"Guinevere, I just wanted to say that... if you need help, or if you ever feel alone, I will be there for you. Always." That isn't what he wanted to say, not really.

Guinevere smiles warmly at him.

"That's very kind of you, Lancelot. You've become a good friend to me these past few days. I really appreciate you."

She appreciated him. That counted for something, didn't it? Appreciation could develop into love. Guinevere could love him. He hoped she could love him. Of course, even if she didn't, he would always be there for her, but he couldn't help but need her to want him in the way he wanted her. Was that so wrong?

"You're back early. I thought it would take a couple of days for the silk to be ready?" Arthur was having dinner and was surprised to see Caroline walk in.

"They didn't have the one I wanted." She lies, taking a seat next to Arthur. She stares at him as he continues eating his dinner oblivious. "Arthur, I've been thinking."

"What have you been thinking about?"

"An heir. Us bearing children."

Arthur drops his fork at this point, wipes his mouth and stares intently at his wife.

"What about it?" He replies, a little suspicious.

"Arthur, what do you suppose we do about it? We can't not have an heir, we'll be a laughing stock."

"Well, we tried getting a surrogate. That didn't work. Frankly, I'm out of ideas. I say we pick an honorary heir and be done with it." Arthur replies bluntly. Caroline is displeased.

"And you'd be happy with your bloodline ending so abruptly?"

"I'm not happy about it, please don't suggest that I am. But we can't bear children. The concept of a surrogate is something you clearly can't deal with. We're out of ideas. Can you suggest anything else?" Arthur grows a little angry.

"Arthur, do you believe the curse is real?" Caroline asks reluctantly.

"Of course I do. Why do you think magic is still banned? If there's one thing my father was right about, it's that. The majority of women being barren in one kingdom isn't natural."

"But you don't support the surrogacy scheme?"

"You know I don't Caroline, but how else can we efficiently ensure that children are born and families are made? I hate the concept of a surrogate, you know I do. I always have. But... I'm the king, and that involves making... tough decisions." Arthur was thinking about Guinevere at this point.

"I understand, Arthur. I just wish there was another way." Caroline presses her hand affectionately on Arthur's. He flinches before clearing his throat. Caroline is hurt.

"I, er, I have to go. I promised Sir Gwaine I'd visit him." Arthur leaves in a hurry, avoiding his wife's gaze.

Lancelot and Guinevere were walking through the deserted market. It was evening time and Lancelot had suggested that they have a look at the stars, Guinevere thought it was a lovely idea. The night sky was lovely, and she felt with Lancelot next to her, she'd at least be safe. He'd been doing a great job of helping her take her mind of Arthur, he'd also stopped her feeling lonely. She turns to stare at him, he's staring at her also. Lancelot blushes. Their hands brush past each other, and he blushes even more. Guinevere giggles.

"What's so funny?"

"You, you've gone bright red. Why are you so nervous?" The pair stop in their tracks, facing each other. Guinevere is smiling up at Lancelot. He feels like he can't breathe.

"I don't know, Guinevere." He smiles back.

"You really are strange." Guinevere laughs to herself. Lancelot can't take his eyes off her.

"You're so beautiful." He whispers softly. Their eyes lock, they share an intense gaze before Lancelot's eyes drop to her lips. He wanted to kiss her. He raises his hand softly on her face, placing a stray strand of hair away from her face. Leaning in, he places a soft tender kiss on Guinevere's lips. She lets him and the kiss turns passionate. Lancelot's hands drop to her waist and he slowly begins kissing her neck, tasting her, breathing in her scent, he could hardly believe this was happening. She was finally his, he would fi- Guinevere abruptly pulls away from him, breathless, her face filled with regret.

"Sorry, Lancelot, I can't do this. I'm sorry." She stares at him. Lancelot is confused.

"What?"

"This was nice, you're nice. But… I just can't. I feel like we're rushing. I'm not ready for this. I'm still…" Guinevere doesn't know how to articulate thoughts.

"You're still not over being a surrogate? I am so stupid." Lancelot hits his head.

"No, you're not. You're sweet, and lovely. I'm just… not at the right place for this." Guinevere smiles at him. Lancelot wasn't the problem. He wasn't. She just felt like she would be using him as a means to get over Arthur. He didn't deserve that. She didn't love Lancelot. Not in the way she loves-loved Arthur. It felt wrong.

"Should I walk you home?" Lancelot asks, his voice soft.

"It's fine. I think I'll walk for a bit longer. Need to clear my head."

"Are you sure you'll be fine on your own?"

"I'm sure. I know my way around these streets with my eyes closed. I'll be fine. Thanks again, Lancelot. For understanding." The pair regard each other briefly before walking opposite ways.

"Merlin!"

"Yes, My Lady?" Merlin turns around to face Caroline. The last thing he wanted to do was speak to her.

"Merlin, do you think I'm being stupid?"

Merlin doesn't say anything.

"Merlin, answer me, please. You're the only one I can talk to about this."

"No. I don't."

"Really? You don't think I'm being irrational? I mean, magic is outlawed. If Arthur ever found out..."

"If Arthur found out, he'd understand your reasons. You're his wife. You're doing this for the both you." Merlin says want the queen wants to hear.

"Do you think Morgana is real? You have magic; you must have heard stories about her when you were a boy."

Merlin smiles.

"When I was a boy, I believed everything I was told. We all did."

"But do you believe in her now?"

"I'm a cynic, Caroline. You know that. I've always been a cynic." Merlin laughs nervously.

"Gaius believes in her, Merlin. I know you believe she's there."

"Look, I don't believe she's the priestess that cast the initial spell over Camelot. From what Gaius told me, she's relatively young, around our age. It isn't possible that she started all this. However, the dark secrets of the old religion were passed to her, and she was allocated the job of ensuring a large number of women in Camelot remain infertile. I don't know how she does it. I don't know if she really has Eyes watching us, frankly, I'd like to think she doesn't. But Caroline… I wouldn't advise approaching her. From what Gaius tells me, she's not one to negotiate or listen to reason. She's cold, heartless and has a strong hatred of Camelot and all its subjects."

"Why does she make certain women infertile? What did I do wrong?"

"I don't know." Merlin pauses. "People speculate as to what criteria she uses to decide what womb she steals, but it's just that, speculation. I'm more inclined to believe that it's completely random. The Caroline I knew did nothing to deserve this." Merlin meant every word. The Caroline he knew didn't deserve this

"And what would I have done to deserve this?" Caroline stares at Merlin. "If we follow speculation."

Merlin sighs.

"People say that if you show a blind love for Camelot, she steals your womb. You haven't done that."

Caroline laughs bitterly.

"Really? You don't think so? I am married to the king. Don't you think that's showing a blind love for Camelot?"

"What are you suggesting , Caroline, that you leave Arthur?"

"No, of course not. I just need her to have mercy on me, Merlin. I need her to give me my womb back. I need an heir, I need Arthur to love me again. Otherwise, what's the point in anything?"

Guinevere was at the bridge just overlooking the boarder of Camelot. Her mind filled with thoughts of Lancelot, Arthur… mostly Arthur. She hated herself for loving him so much, for being unable to get him out of her mind. He had used her, he threw her out. He didn't have the decency to tell her himself. He didn't even bother to say goodbye. He couldn't even look her in the eye and tell her he was sorry and yet, yet she still loved him. Yet she still missed him. How stupid was she? Any self-respecting female would be over him, would move on, get on with her life, but she couldn't. She loved him, and she hated it. She hoped with all her heart that he still loved her too. She was being a stupid little girl and she knew it, but that's all she longed for. For Arthur. For her king.

"Guinevere."

That wasn't his voice. It couldn't be. She was imagining it.

"Guinevere." Arthur's voice is reluctant. Was she ignoring him?

Guinevere turns around, her heart racing, her eyes locked on Arthurs. He smiles softly and she feels herself unable to control her anger. How dare he smile at her like nothing was wrong? Like he didn't completely break her heart? Like he didn't make her feel completely worthless? How dare he? Her anger building, she raises her hand, slapping him hard round the face. Arthur is taking aback. He slowly turns his head to face her. His left cheek now bruised.

"Guinevere." He smiles even more this time. Her eyes begin to fill with tears. "Don't cry." He raises his hand softly to touch her. She flinches. He's hurt.

"I am so sorry." He lets out. She scoffs.

"I know you won't believe me, but I am. I am so sorry. I love you so much."

"You have a funny way of showing it." Guinevere stares up at him, a single tear rolling down her face.

"I know. But that doesn't mean I love you any less. I've missed you every day, every minute, every second."

Guinevere doesn't know what to say.

"How have you been?"

"I kissed Lancelot." She blurts out. She wanted to make him jealous. Hurt him. It worked. Arthur's face falls.

"Right. So you're with him now?" He's unable to hide his anger. "You move on fast, I applaud you, Guinevere. That takes skill."

"What, so you care? You care that I'm with other men. Did you think I'd just wait around for the man who threw me out? Who couldn't even face me and yet claims he loves me? Am I that pathetic?"

"Well, are you with him or not?"

"No."

"Have you…" Arthur pauses. "Have you bedded him?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because the thought makes me sick." Arthur snaps back.

"Why? You don't want me anymore." Guinevere persists.

"You have no idea how much I want you."

She stares at him.

"And Caroline?"

Arthur frowns.

"She's my wife."

"I can't do this. I can't be your mistress."

"Why not? You're not my surrogate anymore."

"Why can't you just leave her?"

"I can't do that. I can't leave my wife for my once surrogate." Arthur's frustration grows. "I wish I could, but I can't. It's against the law to marry surrogates. I can't break my own laws."

"Change them." Guinevere moves closer.

"I can't do that either, you know I can't. I couldn't even do that you. You'd be hated. I don't want that for you."

"You'd much rather just have me as your dirty mistress." Guinevere looks down. Arthur places his hand on her cheek. She leans into it, her eyes staring intently into his. He smiles.

"You know you're much more than to me." He caresses her cheek with his thumb. "So much more." Leaning in, he kisses her, softly and briefly. Guinevere moves in and returns the kiss, her arms wrap around his neck and the kiss turns passionate, filled with lust, yearning, and desire.

"I have to go." Arthur breaks the kiss, his voice breathless. Guinevere can't hide her hurt.

"I'll try and see you tomorrow. Where can I see you?"

Guinevere whispers a place softly into his ear; Arthur closes his eyes as her warm breath tickles his skin. He kisses her softly again before walking off. He doesn't look back.

It would hurt too much.

Thanks for reading. (I know the grammar was a bit dodgy this chapter. Sorry, It was a rushed job)