Author's Note: I think Black Lagoon should be called Bitches Gone Crazy. I was going to call this story that, but I thought Last Resort was better.

Richard got out of his reverie. After having horny, wild, crazy sex with a woman old enough to be his grandmother, one of her goons put a cloth with chlorofoam over it into Richard's mouth. Richard woke up to the sight of fish guts, fisherman, and meth. No, he wasn't shitting you. There was one sailor smoking a small vase with crystalized meth in it. He was on a contraband boat.

Richard tried to stand, but he was chained up. He was handcuffed to a pole sticking out of the floorboards. This kinda reminded Richard of some kinky foreplay he did with his ex, now dead, girlfriend. How was he supposed to know she was a nympho? Whatever. He was just relieved she was dead. Callous, he knew, but she kinda had it coming the way she spread her diseases around the world.

" I'll tell you a tale of the bottomless blue," one of the sailors said to the pot-smoking sailor. That sailor smacked the pot-heads back as he poofed smoke out of his mouth. " And hey to the starboard, heave ho. Look out, lad, a mermaid be waitin' for you in mysterious fathoms below."

" Stand fast! Secure the rigging!"

A mermaid waiting in the fathoms below? Secure the riggings? These sailors sounded exactly like the ones in the Little Mermaid. All that was missing was a handsome man and his big fluffy dog, and a fiery red-head with seashells over her boobs. But most of these sailors were forty or fifty, and the ones who looked younger were total pot heads. There was one smoking weed by the figurehead and one lying on the sailboard - he better get down before he falls off.

" Look who's finally up." Son of a Bitch, it was her, Balalika. Richard saw she had that ruffian with the ugly scars behind her. Ricahrd's head throbbed when he thought about how he banged his head against that steel table. Balalika held a butter knife up to his throat and barred her evil witchy teeth. " How would you like to die right now?"

Richard surprised Balalika. Instead of being afraid of the knife he welcomed it with purrs, rubbing his cheek against it and licking it. " In a smut magazine. two foreign chicks grinding against my cock."

Balalika enjoyed his vulgarity. She praised it with laughter. Then she pinched Richard's cheeks. " The sea is blowing against our faces, the floor is dirty. Doesn't it make you just want to fuck?"

Richard blew Balaika a raspberry on her hand. Balalika was so disgusted by it she leg go of Richard's cheeks. " I hate you."

Balalika's bodyguard was about to beat the sense out of Richard for insulting his mistress, but she stopped him. Balalika turned around. There was a small island - crime rates of it very high - the perfect location to be a gringo. " You'll need someone to look after you. Someone I can trust - Boris look after him."

XXX

" Revy. Revy."

Rock knocked before he walked into Revy's room. It was so hot in Revy's room. Probably because she no longer had an air conditioner. Revy was passed out drunk again. Why did she keep drinking so much? Sure, Rock smoked, and he also passed out every night but...he didn't even remember what his point was.

" Rock," Revy moaned. Her voice sounded a little grumpy because her head hurt. " What the fuck?"

" We got a call." Rock handed Revy one of his cigarettes. Both he and her were heavy smokers; a habit that hasn't killed them yet and only make them stronger. " Dutch said a jewlery store was robbed."

" Who gives a monkey's dick?"

" Because the nephew of a state senator was taken with them and they -"

" Want us to retrive him. I don't know. Human retrival isn't really our schdeal."

" Dutch said that. He also said...we're getting paid fifty grand for this job."

Revy did love the money. The only reason she was still breathing was because of money. Revy took another puff of her cigarette against her greedy lips and said, " You had me at fifty."

"