Disclaimer: The great Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I'm just using her amazing characters to tell you a story.
Warning: "Life in the Balance" is the story of Bella facing the consequences of the way she chose to end the vicious cycle of an abusive relationship. The telling of such a story requires the retelling of the events that led to her choice, many of which contains acts of domestic violence and abuse in all its incarnations. If you are uncomfortable with reading these types of depictions, please do not read the flashbacks as they will tell her story as it happened.
Thanks as always to Loulabelle and AgoodWITCH, my most awesome pre-reader and beta. I love you two so very much. I can't forget all my WC girls for all the encouragement. Ladies, you are the best. Love ya tons.
Chapter 14 – No More Secrets
January 4, 2010
"You're right, Carlisle."
My voice was still no more than a whisper, but I knew he heard me. He didn't move, he didn't turn, but he was listening. I knew he was…I hoped he was…I prayed he was.
"I've fought against him so hard and for so long that it's hard to let it all go, but you're right."
I moved to lean my back against the wall, hugging my legs tightly to my chest, my eyes pinned to his back. He still hadn't moved a muscle.
"I never wanted them to be found, but you're right, with James gone," I took a deep breath, "I don't have a reason to protect them anymore. You have to understand, I love them more than anything. I didn't even care about myself anymore when I left; every move I made was to keep him away from them."
His shoulders dropped a little, but it was a move I didn't miss. I knew he was listening.
"I didn't want to tell you about them, not until I had no other choice." My voice cracked and he finally turned. "You've seen them, you have to know how hard it…"
My eyes zeroed in on the trail of blood running from the cut over his eye and the guilt crushed me. My forehead hit my knees hard and I cried at the thought of hurting one more person.
"Never mind. Just go…just leave," I said without looking at him. "Look what I did to them…to James…to you…I deserve to be here."
One hand touched my arms while the other rested on the back of my hair. I didn't even hear him move a single step and definitely not enough to be sitting right next to me.
"Bella, I've told you, you were pushed to the edge; you didn't have a choice. It was either him or you."
I looked up to see his face less than a foot from mine.
"I did." I paused. "I could have kept running."
"No, Bella, you couldn't. He would have found you again. He would have hurt someone else." His eyes narrowed slightly with what looked like pain. "Knowing what happened to Emily and Jake now, I know you would have never let that happen again…to anyone."
His last two words broke me and tore down every wall I had. Tears flooded my eyes now and there was no holding them back.
"That's not true. I failed…so badly."
His arms encircled me, holding me tight and I buried my face in his chest.
"It's why I did it. He kept coming. He found me again. He took away the last thing I had in this world." I pushed away and met his eyes when he looked down at me. "I couldn't take any more after that. I had to end it."
"Bella, you can't hold back anymore." His fingers brushed my cheek. "You know I'm here for you and I would do anything for you, right?"
I nodded.
"Do you trust me?"
I nodded again. He leaned in to kiss my forehead and pulled back to look at me.
"Tell me, Bella. Tell me everything. Don't hold anything back." He grabbed and held my hand. "I'll be with you every step of the way. It doesn't matter what it is or how hard it is, I want to help you get through this."
I stared at our joined hands for a minute before looking up at him.
"You won't judge me."
He shook his head.
"No matter what I tell you, you say you'll be on my side."
"Yes. No matter what."
"Why?" I asked. I couldn't believe he could be that forgiving.
"What do you mean, why?" He turned my question back on me.
I glared at him. He knew what I wanted to know. After meeting my stare for a few seconds, he exhaled.
"I care about you, Bella. You can't tell me that you don't know, that you haven't seen it, that you can't feel it. There's no way I can hide it anymore…not after today."
"Carlisle, I can't say that I accept that, not right now," I admitted the truth.
He dropped his eyes and I had to put some distance between us to explain this right. Pushing away from him and standing up gave me the chance to clear my head a little after everything that had already taken place today.
"Come and sit with me, please."
I moved to the table and waited until he joined me to sit down…on the same side of the table. Facing my chair towards his, I ducked a little to catch his eyes.
"Listen to me when I say this. I have seen it and I know you care about me." I sat up slowly so his eyes would follow me. "But right now, you care about the girl you feel sorry for."
He tried to interrupt, but I put my fingers to his lips to stop him.
"Let me finish." He nodded once. "You care about the girl who used to be innocent, the girl who used to be happy and the girl who could still act like a kid when she saw fireworks." I took a deep breath. "But I'm not that girl anymore."
"You are, Bella. You just have to find yourself again." He thought he could convince me.
"No, I'm not. I'm the girl who's had to stare down the barrel of a gun, the girl who's had to fight for her life more than once and I'm the girl who took another man's life and I'm not sorry for it."
I held his face in my hands, staring directly into his eyes, hoping he listened.
"Before you can say you care about me, you have to know all of me. You have to know how much of my heart he took away and the hateful, vindictive part of me he left behind."
He stayed silent as I slid my hands down to grab his hands.
"Once you've heard it all and know everything I've done and everything I'm capable of doing…if you still care about me, then, and only then, should you make that choice."
He squeezed my hand just before he pulled me to him for another kiss. It was sweet and he didn't linger this time. With his forehead pressed to mine, he spoke.
"I can see the real you, Bella. You're still here." He laid his hand on my cheek. "There's nothing you can tell me that will change how I feel for you. You're only at risk for making it stronger."
"You can't say that. You're the type of person that works on facts and makes conclusions based on those facts. When you know the whole story, things will change. It's not something you can argue because it's inevitable for you to see me as a different person. There isn't anyone who wouldn't." I sat back in my chair. "You may not think you will, but it's impossible not to, even you can't deny that."
"Bella, there isn't much more you can tell me that I don't already know. You've told me about the good girl you used to be, you've shown me the vulnerable girl and you've definitely shown me the tough girl you are now. I haven't yet found a part of you that I don't like." He touched my cheek again. "Everything that's happened to you has made you into the amazing woman in front of me today, and she's the woman I care about."
"You can't like me if I don't like myself." Something had to get through to him.
"Sure I can." His answer was simple. "And I can help with that."
"How?" I asked.
"You've already said it, Bella. I work on facts and based on what you have yet to tell me, I'll make my final conclusions, but I have a feeling they'll lead me to the same conclusions I've already made. From there, it will be my pleasure to show you how wrong you are and how hard you are being on yourself. I won't let you take the responsibility for all of this alone."
He laughed and I was sure it was at the confused look on my face.
"Bella, you had no choice. One of you was going to kill the other before this was over. And I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that he knew it too. In his mind, no one was going to take you away from him. You belonged to him and if he couldn't have you, then no one would. Psychotic ideas, I know, but they seemed to be what he lived by."
He sat back in his own chair now, looking more relaxed.
"He believed Emily and Jake were trying to keep you away from him and he knew attacking your friends, whether it was verbal or physical, would scare you enough that you wouldn't dare leave him." He took a breath. "It was all about manipulation, that was his game and he played it well."
I smirked and he raised his eyebrow in question.
"He was good at playing games and every one of them was meant to keep me tied to him."
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"He was playing his little games from the beginning, but it wasn't until after New Year's Eve that he discovered one of his favorite games."
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January 2006
It took me a little more than a week to heal, not completely but enough that I was able to go back to work. Because I missed six days, I had to use my sick leave and God knows how James was able to produce a doctor's release for me when they asked for one, but it covered my tracks enough that I didn't get in any trouble.
While I healed, I did everything in my power to hide from the world. I had to cancel a couple of dinners with the girls. I waited until dark to get the mail out of the box. I even went as far as having our groceries delivered. I would leave the money in a box outside the door and the bags would be left on the bench next to it. Unfortunately, that caused a problem all its own.
One afternoon the delivery was really late which caused dinner to be late. I remembered the last time I put dinner on the table late and I was afraid of what he would do this time. I got off lucky though because he didn't lay a hand on me that time. I got the silent treatment, but with James, it wasn't as simple as him just not talking to me.
For three days, he treated me like I didn't exist. There was never a glance in my direction or a word spoken to me. I would have dinner on the table every night, but he would either bring food home with him or get something out of the fridge and eat it even though his plate was sitting in front of him. At night when we were watching TV and he was ready for bed, he would turn it off and walk out of the room, flipping the lights off on his way out.
After a couple of days, I got tired of his treatment. So after another night of being left alone in the dark, I decided to sleep in the guest room. In truth, I didn't get much sleep, tossing and turning all night out of aggravation. I wasn't exactly sure when my eyes closed for good, but it felt like only seconds had passed before I felt the gentle shake of my shoulder.
"Bella," James whispered, shaking a bit harder. "Bella. Babe, what are you doing in here?"
I struggled to pry my eyes open, seeing James next to the bed. It was still dark outside, but it was easy to see that it was closer to sunrise. I was exhausted and done playing his little game.
"Leave me alone," I groaned and rolled away from him.
"Come on, Bella." He slipped into the bed behind me, nuzzling my neck. "It's lonely in that big bed without you."
His hand started to slide over my waist. I brushed it off and scooted away from him.
"Don't be that way. Come on, please come back to bed," he begged.
He touched my shoulder and I jerked away, too tired to deal with his bullshit anymore.
"You haven't cared if I was in bed with you or not for two days. You can deal with one more." I made a big deal of settling into the pillows just so he knew I wasn't moving. "Now, be quiet and let me sleep."
He didn't say another word and he didn't attempt to touch me again in the few minutes that it took me to fall back asleep.
Hours later, I opened my eyes to a bright, sunlit room. I was hot and my body felt heavy. It had only been a week and I knew I was still feeling the after effects of the beating he gave me, but this was pressure; definitely a different feeling than how I felt waking up every other day. Picking up my head to look around me, I heard a chuckle behind me.
"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty." James voice was light and playful, confusing the hell out of me.
It had been days since I heard it, so I definitely didn't expect to hear it like this. He was draped across my back grinning like a kid. My eyes caught his for a second and they were sparkling. He looked happy…happier than I'd seen him since New Year's Eve.
He lifted himself off of me when I moved my body a little in an attempt to get up. James moved to the middle of the bed, still smiling at me. His behavior was unnerving and I had to get away for a minute. I threw the covers back, swinging my legs over the edge and pushing to lift myself from the bed. Again being in some strange playful mood, James grabbed me around the waist, pulling me back down to him.
"Where do you think you're going?" he asked.
When I didn't answer right away, he maneuvered himself so he was straddling my legs with his arms on either side of my body, caging me in.
"What if I'm not ready for you to be away from me yet?" His voice hinted at seduction, making his intentions clear.
I hadn't let him touch me like that since I woke up, looking and feeling like I had lost a match with ten of the biggest heavyweights in the boxing world. I cringed when he came near me, but I just couldn't find it in me to let him get that close. Now I was stuck and the look in his eyes told me he had no intention of letting me get away, but I tried anyway.
"James, get off me," I said, hoping my voice was steady enough to let him know I was serious.
"No," he teased with a grin just before he leaned in, touching his lips to my neck.
I shivered at the feel of his kiss, liking it more than I should right now and hating myself at the same time for how my body responded to it. His kissed his way up to my ear.
"I've missed you, babe." His whisper made my stomach clench while I fought to keep my hands from reaching for him.
The bed shifted as he put one leg between mine, nudging them open a little. At the same time, his lips brushed along my neck to the other ear.
"I want you so much, Bella," he whispered again, just before his tongue touched my ear. "I need you."
His other leg went between mine, spreading my legs farther. He was whispering in my ear again as he lowered himself on top of me. He knew what he was doing to me and my heart was beating wildly in my chest, my hands gripping the sheets as I fought the urge to touch him.
"Let me make love to you. Let me make you feel good again."
I gasped when his hips began to move against me and my body betrayed me completely. My hands found their way under his shirt and I wrapped one leg around his.
"That's it, baby." His hot breath caressed my neck a second before his lips were parting mine for a deep kiss.
I gave in to him and when we were done, we crawled back under the blankets and fell back asleep.
My eyes opened slowly and the light in the room was dimming a little. I rubbed the heel of my hands into my eyes gently to clear them and I heard a very light snore next to me. James was still sleeping and I took a moment to watch him. He looked so innocent just lying there, nothing sinister about him. Nothing to indicate he was truly the evil person I had been making him out to be for the past week.
My hand made its way into his hair slowly and just as my fingers made contact, his head tilted and he licked his lips and made a contented humming sound. He lost his temper one time, I could deal with that. This sweet man in bed with me now was my James and I was glad to have him back. I leaned in to touch my lips to his, snuggled into his chest and fell back asleep.
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"That's the way things went for us for the next month or so. James would find something to get mad at me for and give me his version of the silent treatment. He didn't lay a hand on me again. I think he was having too much fun playing his new game with me." I shook my head.
"If I would have realized that that was all it was, I would have never…" My breathing picked up as I began to hate myself all over again.
"Never what, Bella?" His voice sounded a million miles away as the sound of my heartbeat filled my ears.
I curled in on myself, leaning over with my hands holding fists full of hair, pulling as I remembered that month. I couldn't believe I let him manipulate me like that. After a few deep breaths, I leaned back in my chair, hanging my head over the back, eyes closed and hands still pulling.
I felt his hand touch my knee. "Bella, please…no holding back, remember."
"He got me to beg," I whispered.
"What?"
A tear trickled down my right temple, running into my hair. I loosened my grip just a little.
"After the third time, I couldn't take it anymore, so I begged him. I begged him to talk to me, look at me, to touch me. I begged for anything I could get."
"Now I know why he liked it so much," he muttered to himself.
I lifted my head to see him with his head down, leaning on his elbows with his hands clasped in front of him.
"Control." We said the word together.
"It was his ultimate control…making me beg. It was what he lived for. He fed off of it and after the first time, he had me begging for everything, taking my dignity in the process." My eyes found the floor while I continued. "I was ashamed of what I turned into when I was with him, and it was because of that, that he was able to get away with everything he did."
"What does that even mean? What…"
Two hard knocks on the door interrupted his next question.
"That story is going to have to wait for another day."
I got up to move the chair to the other side of the table, but he grabbed my arm to stop me.
"Are you okay? I really am sorry for everything…you know…earlier." He stumbled over his words, completely unlike him.
I laid my hand on top of his and squeezed lightly. "Don't worry about me, Counselor."
His face fell slightly and I wanted to laugh at his expression, but I wanted him to know I was serious. I squeezed his hand a little more.
"I told you, Carlisle, no more stalling, remember? Tomorrow, my life is an open book, but I'm warning you, you're not going to like what's in it."
~..~..~..~..~..~
Today had already been so full of surprises, so Whitlock stopping in an empty hallway on the way back to my cell shouldn't have surprised me. But when he did and then turned to talk to me, I was shocked beyond belief.
"I have to know you're okay." His face was serious, eyes pinning me in place.
I opened my mouth but no words came out. This was so far from his normal silent behavior that I didn't know what to say.
"I heard a lot of your argument and I saw the cut over his eye. I need to know that you're okay. He didn't hurt you did he?" His eyes darkened for a split second. "I can go along with a lot of things but if he laid a hand on you, all bets are off."
Before I had a chance to answer, he turned his head to the sound of footsteps coming in our direction. He grabbed my arm, pulling me a few steps down the hall.
"Quit dragging your feet, Swan. Move…now," he ordered.
I was too confused to even bother fighting him at the moment. I just let him drag me down the hall. He was moving slow, not really trying to move me along at all, so when the other guard passed us, he stopped again, leaning me against the wall.
"We don't have a lot of time, Bella. I need to hear the truth. Did he hurt you?" His voice was demanding, his hand was on my shoulder and he was leaning a bit to put himself at eye level with me.
"No. He didn't touch me. He never would. How could you even think…?" I was more confused than I had ever been. "What the hell are you talking about and what do you mean 'all bets are off'?" I fired all my questions at him.
He straightened up again then used his hands to pull me away from the wall.
"That's all I need to know," he said. His whole appearance changed back to the quiet, non-talkative, hard man that he had been since I got here.
He led me back to my cell without hesitation and I tried to ask a question or two, wanting desperately to know what the hell went on back in that hallway. Whitlock refused to talk. He simply left me with a "dinner is in thirty minutes" before I was alone again. Now more than ever, I hoped to God Paul was able to talk tonight because I needed help and I would wait up all night if I had to, to get it.
~..~..~..~..~..~
For all of Whitlock's angry words about me being distracted, how could he not think his words and their meaning wouldn't cause me to lose focus?
"All bets are off."
What the fuck does that even mean? Could he be more annoying, leaving me hanging like that? Needless to say, I wasn't at my most attentive during dinner. I wasn't completely out of it the way I had been at Christmas, but I was sure I was missing out on some things around me.
Two things actually caught my eye and helped bring my mind back to the room I was in. First, I saw Paul across the room with a tense look on his face. His hand shifted to his gun and his body pivoted slightly in my direction. The action seemed off until I noticed Victoria and her little bitch walking directly toward my table. My guard was up immediately and I steadied myself to deal with her bullshit.
I wasn't going to wait for her to get close, so I spoke up first.
"What the fuck do you want, bitch?" I smirked. "I know you're not looking for another trip the hospital wing."
"Fuck you, whore. I've put your ass there twice and I won't hesitate to send you a third time." Her anger was barely contained.
She made this so easy, I just had to push. I leaned back in my chair, arms crossed over my chest and one foot on the table. "You think you're good enough to go for a third, bring it on, bitch. And don't forget to bring your little girlfriend 'cause you're gonna need her."
Jane came a step closer and I stood so she didn't have the upper hand. Her mouth opened but I cut off whatever she was planning to say.
"But I promise you, I will kill you faster than the asshole whose blood ran like water the minute my knife sliced his throat."
The evil tone I used was one I picked up from James and I learned to use it well. It left no doubt to the seriousness of my threat and for a single second, fear crossed Victoria's face. She fought it back quickly, but not before I caught it.
I grinned, knowing it would piss her off even more. "That's what I thought. You're all fucking talk, Victoria. Now I suggest you run," I emphasized the word, "before you find out exactly how far I will go to get rid of you and your blonde bitch."
"Watch your back, Swan." She started to back away. "I told you, this shit ain't over."
"Then I'll be the one to end it," I said to her back as she walked away.
~..~..~..~..~..~
I spent the rest of the night thinking about him; his words, his eyes, his hands and his lips. The feeling flowing through me was so confusing, yet so familiar. I wasn't ready to deal with anything like this. I didn't know the exact time but Paul should be coming through here soon. I needed to talk this through. I just hoped this wouldn't be like the past several days and he would actually have the time to sit with me for a bit.
The click of his shoes had me jumping out of bed with my mirror in hand to make sure it was really him. I crawled to my spot on the floor and slowly pushed the mirror through the bars. It was him and my hand instantly went through the bars, tapping the floor impatiently. When I didn't hear the quiet tapping noise of his signal, my heart leapt and I threw the mirror on my bed and waited the few seconds it would take him to get to me.
A soft laugh caught my ears, making me smile and it grew wider when I heard his voice.
"Those fingers move any faster and they might fall off." I looked up and saw his smile. "I know…I've missed you too."
"I hate going so long without seeing you," I confessed. "You're my sanity in this place."
He took my hand as soon as he sat down and just his touch settled my nerves. He looked in my eyes and I was sure he saw how frantic my thoughts were because he frowned a little.
"Missing me is one thing, but this is more than that, Bella." He gripped my hand tighter. "Tell me."
"I don't even know where to start," I answered.
"You fought with him today, didn't you?"
My eyes narrowed. I never understood how he knew me so well. Words weren't always necessary with Paul, he seemed to just know what was going on.
"How did you guess?" I asked.
He grinned at me. "It's written all over your face, Bella. Was it bad?"
"God, you don't even want to know." My eyes went to the floor again.
"Hey," he reached in to lift my chin, "it can't be that bad. Tell me."
One look from him and I always had the confidence to say anything. I knew I could tell him anything and he would keep my secrets.
"I hurt him, Paul." My forehead creased with my frown as I remembered the trail of blood dripping from the cut above his eye.
"I'm sure he'll get over it," he said, completely missing my point.
"No, Paul, I mean I really hurt him. It was more than an argument this time and he ended up bleeding." I admitted, ashamed.
"Did he hurt you, Bella?" He looked angry.
He reached in, grabbing my chin and turning my head from side to side to look for marks. When he tried to grab my arm to look there, I stopped him. His reaction surprised me more than Whitlock's did and I couldn't believe they both assumed the same thing.
"Stop. He didn't hurt me. He would never lay a hand on me, not like that anyway." I defended his actions for the second time today.
"You better not be lying to me, Bella. If he hurt you, he's going to have to deal with me. I won't let anyone…" He was getting himself worked up.
"Paul, stop and listen, please." I brought both of his hands together in my lap. "He didn't lay a hand on me." I held his eyes with mine. "I would never lie to you about something like that. I promise."
He studied me for a second and I saw his body relax as he made the decision to believe me. I knew it was safe to continue.
"It had already been a tense day when I walked in there. Whitlock was acting strange and it put me more on edge. Then the look on his face after Whitlock walked out made me more nervous than anything. I knew something was going on, but I couldn't put my finger on it." I paused to take a breath.
I waited for him to say something, but just like always, Paul just listened, letting me get everything out without comment. So I kept talking.
"I went through the memories I knew I had to share with him and when I was done, he was visibly upset."
"What did you tell him?" he asked, quietly.
"I told him about the first time James hit me." I shifted my position and changed the subject. "Anyway, I didn't expect that kind of reaction out of him and I felt…sorry for him. I felt this urge to comfort him. When I was trying to calm him, he was talking about how bothered he was by what I said. He started talking about my friends and how he couldn't believe I didn't tell them."
I took a few deep breaths and he squeezed my hand for support, letting me know he was there for me like he always did.
"I missed it at first. I was so busy trying to explain my actions and make him feel better that I completely missed what he had said. And, while I've been sitting here tonight, I realized it wasn't the first time either. He did it before and I completely missed it." I was repeating myself now.
"Wait, slow down. Missed what exactly?" He pulled on my arm to make me focus on him.
I stared him right in the eye as I spoke. "The way he talked about them. He was referring to them in the present tense. He was talking about them like he knew them and I realized that he had gone to see them." I felt a little of the anger come back but fought against it. "You remember when he left at Christmas?"
He nodded.
"He went there. He found them and he went there to talk to them." I shook my head. "I hid them from everything that could hurt them. I begged them to move. I changed their identities. I thought I took care of everything and he found them so easily."
"Bella, I'm sure your efforts would have been enough to keep other people from finding them, but you don't know his assistant. So I'm going to guess you didn't take the news well and that's how he ended up bleeding." The way he spoke made the sentence into a question.
"Yeah. Something snapped and I attacked him. I shoved his head into the wall and started punching and kicking any part of him that he didn't cover up. I wanted to hurt him for exposing them and putting them in danger like that." Shame coursed through me as I thought about the lengths I was willing to go to actually hurt him.
"Bella, you have to know how irrational that is, right? From everything you've told me, James was the only threat against them. Finding them now won't hurt anyone."
Of course, he saw the big picture right away. I was just a little too emotional at the time to figure it out.
"Yeah he gave me a really strong reminder of that fact," I said sarcastically without offering an explanation. "After things calmed down, we were able to talk it through and I finally made the decision to just tell him everything." I shrugged.
"One little conversation and you're ready to tell your whole life story. I don't buy it, Bella." He looked suspicious. "You might be able to get someone else to believe that, but I know the two of you better than that. You're both stubborn as all hell and neither one of you are going to back down that easily."
"I know how much he wanted you to talk and he was willing to go to any length to make it happen. And I know you, Bella, you would have done the exact opposite to keep it from him."
Remembering how well he knew me, it didn't surprise me how fast he picked up on my words. I hid from his stare and his finger under my chin brought me back again.
"What are you not telling me?" He sounded angry. "Don't lie to me, Bella. I can tell when you're hiding shit from me. What did he do?"
I would swear my entire chest, neck and face was red with the force of the blush that hit me. My reaction surprised me. This is exactly what I wanted to talk to him about, so I didn't know why it was suddenly so embarrassing to say.
Ripping my hands away from his to cover my rising blush, I mumbled the words into my hands so fast that there was no way he understood me.
"Bella." He pulled my hands away, losing patience.
"He kissed me," I whispered.
"He did what?" His eyes were wide, there was no possible way he didn't hear me.
Hoping to find some courage, I squared my shoulders and said it again. "He kissed me. It was after our fight."
He had one eyebrow raised.
"He was yelling at me, louder than he ever did before and when his face changed, it scared me. I did what I normally do and tried to get away and hide. Obviously that plan didn't do me any good." I rushed through this as fast as I could. "When he figured out what was wrong, he apologized over and over again. Then one thing led to another, I begged him not to give up on me and he kissed me."
I was agonizing over my explanation while Paul sat there smiling.
"Well, I guess he figured out one more option, didn't he? So much for his plan." He laughed a little too loud and his hand flew to his mouth.
I shook my head at his reaction, but soon realized that what he said seemed off. "What did you say?"
He quit the laughter as soon as he saw me jump to my feet. The movement was so quick I had to balance myself on the bars and he grabbed my wrists.
"Bella, what's wrong? Are you okay?" He was on his knees, his face worried.
"What plan? What the fuck are you talking about?" I raised my voice as high as I could without drawing attention.
"No Bella, that's not…" Shock crossed his face. "I didn't say… he didn't…fuck!" He didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't want to go along with it."
"With what?" I struggled against his arms, but he wouldn't let me go.
"We were just protecting you, Bella. We wanted to keep you…"
"You what?" I pulled harder with no success. "You're my friend. You're supposed to be on my side."
"I am. I swear I…"
"No! You've been spying on me." My heart was breaking one last time. "So what…you get me to tell you everything and then you go to him and you have a big laugh over it."
I grabbed his wrists now and held on as tight as I could.
"This has all been one big fucking lie. You've never been my friend. You've been using me to get information."
"No, I…"
"He can't get it himself so he had to find someone who could, and I fell for it. I trusted you." Tears were streaming down my face. "I trusted you and you were working for him all this time."
I pulled as hard as I could on his wrists and since he wasn't expecting it, his head slammed into the iron bars. Reflex took over and my arm wrapped around his neck, holding him to the bars while I punched him.
"I fucking hate you!" I screamed. "You're just like the rest of them!"
He pushed me a step away and my grip loosened a bit. He somehow managed to turn himself around but I still had my hold on his neck. My fist clamped on the bar, giving me the strength to keep him in place as I choked him.
He was sputtering, asking me to stop, but I was seeing red. I was betrayed by the one person I trusted and he was going to pay. Then something hit me out of the blue.
"Whitlock is in on it, isn't he?"
"Bel…" More sputtering.
"Isn't he?" I screamed and tried to pull tighter.
I vaguely registered the commotion around me as the other inmates started hollering.
"Bel-la…l-let…go," he choked out.
I could feel the spit on my arm as he tried to talk. He clawed at my arm, but there was no way I was letting go.
The electric shock hit me and my body jerked away from the bars. I was on the ground in a second and I saw Paul on his hands and knees as the cell door opened. Black shoes came toward me just before I felt myself being lifted off the ground and carried away.
*cringing behind the rock* I'm sorry for all my girls who love Paul. Please believe me when I say that I love him too…so much, but Bella really needed to know the truth. She had a long day and that little piece of information pushed her over the edge. Will Bella ever be able to trust any of them again? How will this affect her decision to start telling Carlisle her story?
Thanks for sticking with me. Please let me know what you think, good or bad, I always appreciate it. Until next time...much love to you - D
Unfortunately, I haven't had the time to read many new stories lately. So, I really only have one rec for you this time around.
This is for my boys. I don't know if you're fans of Edward/Jasper stories like I am, but this one grabbed my heart from the beginning and didn't let go. This truly is a great love story and it needs to be shared. This story is short and it's complete. Give it a chance. You'll love it: Drenched by MizzHyde
http:/www. fanfiction .net/s/7062373/1/Drenched