It would be so simple. Take a few pills. Become drowsy. Go to bed. And never wake up.

I felt myself slipping back into the hole I had slowly crawled my way out of. The darkness was surrounding me. I was in pain and the only thing that mattered was that I stop it.

I tipped the bottle again and poured more pills into my hand.

As I stared down at the pills in my hand, I felt my self hatred stir up. I gripped the bottle in my right before I pulled back my arm and threw it as hard as I could against the wall. The plastic bounced from the wall and white pills were scattered everywhere. I threw the eight or so pills in my left hand as well, and they, too, bounced and scattered everywhere.

I screamed and fell backwards, tripping over my own feet. I fell hard into the floor, my back crashing into the side of the marble tub. I winced and hung my head and sobbed. I brought my knees up close to my chest and rested my elbows on them, my fingers pulling at my sweat matted hair.

Why was I never good enough for anyone? I had uprooted my fucking life for someone who didn't even want me. I was always living my life for someone else. I was always trying to make others happy and to hell with myself. No one seemed to ever bother with me because I always came off as happy and care free.

I could feel the darkness spreading through me. I was cold and not because of the tile I was sitting on. The darkness swirling through my being was hatred. I hated everything.

But more so, I hated myself.

I gripped my hair until my head stung from the pulling and my knuckles ached from the tightness of my fists. I choked back the sob that tried to escape my lips.

I jerked away from the floor and stood in one swift motion. I threw my right hand into the wall. And again. And again. I punched the wall until my hand went through it. I left my hand embedded inside the wall, feeling some of the tension slowly roll off of me. I winced when I finally pulled my hand free of the debris. My knuckles were split open and bleeding. I sighed.

I went to the sink, turned the water on and placed my hand under the cold running water. The cold was a bit of a shock but I ignored it as I rinsed the blood away. As the blood swirled in the sink, I looked up and caught my reflection in the mirror. I didn't remember closing the medicine cabinet, and figured it must have shut when I threw the bottle.

My eyes were dark and red rimmed, especially my left eye. I was surprised I could see anything out of it. My face was pale besides my eyes and I looked sick. My weary eyes traveled to my shaggy and matted hair. Rei had mentioned that she had loved running her fingers through it. My eyes narrowed.

I hated my hair in that instant.

I turned the water off. I bent down and pulled a small black box out from under the sink. I opened the box and took out the electric shaver inside. I took the lowest number guard out and slipped it over the metal blades and plugged the cord into the wall. My eyes went back to my reflection as I clicked the razor on and a low hum filled the small room.

"I can't believe you cut your hair," Chibiusa said, staring at me.

I groaned, rolling my eyes. "I can't believe you're still saying that." I moved about the makeshift stage, helping the other members of the band to set up their equipment. They had been shocked to see me walk into practice wearing my hat again after almost two weeks without it. Chibiusa had ripped the cap off my head when she noticed my dark locks seemed to be missing and everyone had gasped when they saw the light fuzz on my head. Sachi had squealed when she ran her hands over my head, saying I felt like a baby duck.

That was three days ago. And the princess was still ragging on me about it.

"I just can't believe you cut your hair," Chibiusa said again. "I mean, you're bald now."

"I am not bald," I said, sitting up my guitar next to my mic. Tonight was our first concert in a few weeks and the girls were anxious, the twins especially. They had inherited their mother's attention seeking gene. Although I doubted the subdued Nori would ever admit to it.

"Curtain goes up in less then thirty," said a stage hand. "You guys ready?"

We all nodded. The stage hand walked away again, scribbling something on the notepad he held in his hands.

"This place is kinna grungy," Hotaru said, sliding her guitar's strap over her shoulder.

"A gig's a gig," I said flatly. I wouldn't admit to it outside of my own head, but I was excited about the prospect of being blinded by the stage lights and sweating while I strummed out chords and becoming hoarse from singing. It was a distraction. Something I desperately needed.

"Oh, did I mention Mom said Ami and Mako-chan were gonna be here," Sachi said, taking her place behind the drums. She twirled one stick between her left fingers.

"Why," Nori and I asked at the same time. I smirked. "You owe me a drink." Nori rolled her eyes.

"Maybe they need a break from all the wedding planning," Sachi said, shrugging.

"Michiru-mama and Haruka-papa are gonna be here, too," Hotaru said.

I looked over at the girl. "Please tell me they wouldn't bring your brother to a place like this," I said. We were performing in a bar. And while the area wasn't all that bad (no place was, really, now that Usagi was Queen) but a part of me still believed it was no place for a kid. I looked over at the teens I was performing with and realized that maybe they shouldn't be here, either.

"He's most likely with Usagi-chan," she answered.

"Momma and little kids, ya know," Chibiusa said.

"Ten minutes ladies and gentleman," the same stage hand said from somewhere in darkness. I groaned as the teens giggled.

"Maybe you should just walk around topless, Caden-chan," Nori said, sliding her guitar strap over her shoulder.

"You'd think the tank top I'm wearing would be a hint I have, ya know, tits." I smirked then. "Besides, I didn't realize I was your type, Nori-chan."

"Only one way to find out," she smirked. I felt my ears burn. That was not the answer I had been expecting. God damn kids.

I picked up my own guitar and fastened it around my shoulder. "How many songs are we doing?"

"Three," Chibiusa said. The princess looked over at me. "You're doing one."

"Yes, ma'am," I said, saluting. I slid my baseball cap backwards and pulled out a pair of dark sun glasses from my back pocket, placing them on my face. "How do I look?"

"Despite the tit showing tank top," Nori said, "You look like a bad boy."

"Perfect," I exclaimed. I heard Nori groan and while her sister and Chibiusa giggled.

We could hear the hustle and bustle from behind the curtain. Hotaru began to strum lazy chords and the crowd began to quiet down.

As the deejay began to introduce us, I turned towards Chibiusa. "Let me sing the first song."

"Okay," she said. "Which one?"

"Californication."

Chibiusa nodded and turned towards the others. "Hear that, guys?" Everyone nodded. We heard our band's name come over the speakers. As the curtain began to rise, Hotaru and I began to play the opening chords of the song. The song was mellow and the way we played it, Hotaru's and my notes seemed to mingle, pushing gently back and forth on which guitar would actually take the lead of the song. Soon, Sachi joined in on the drums. I caught sight of Chibiusa, who was swaying to the beat. She wasn't a half bad singer, as I've said before. But no one really came to watch us because we were a good band. They came because Chibiusa made some of the best eye candy.

The curtain finished raising and a spot light came onto us. As it flicked on, I stepped up to the mic and began to sing.

"Psychic spies from China

Try to steal your mind's elation

While little girls from Sweden

Dream of silver screen quotations

And if you want these kinds of dreams

It's Californication

"It's the edge of the world

And all of the western civilization

The sun may rise in the East

At least it settles in the final location

It's understood that Hollywo-"

Someone violently barged in through the bar's doors and screamed, "YOUMA!"

The music faded. I ripped the guitar off my shoulder and lept from the stage. I was aware that Chibiusa and Hotaru had jumped from the stage behind me. I pushed through the crowd and ran for the doors, throwing them open.

The night air was warm. But having come out from a crowded bar, it seemed cool against my skin. I looked around and listened for the monster. But I couldn't see or hear it.

The door banging open caused me to turn toward the noise. Neo Sailor Moon came rushing out, followed closely by Saturn. Moments later, Mercury, Jupiter, Uranus and Neptune also came rushing out. I quirked an eyebrow at them.

"Did you guys transform inside the bar?"

"They know who we are," Jupiter said.

"Where is this damn thing," Uranus asked.

I raised my glasses up onto my head and glanced around. The senshi and I walked out into the middle of the street, glancing around and staring too long at shadows we thought had moved. Deja vu washed over as I felt the hairs on the back of neck perk up. I threw a glance upwards.

"MOVE!" I shouted, following my own advice.

The senshi scattered as the hulking mass came crashing down right where we had been standing. It was the same God damned creature that had been taunting us the last few fights. It growled as it stretched to its full height, taking us all in.

I closed my eyes, concentrating on the jewel that was just below my navel. I felt warm and when I opened my eyes, I stood in my battle gear. I slid my arm into the cannon at my side, waiting for the opportunity to attack. The others, already having transformed, had engaged the beast.

"It's back," I said, suddenly remembering something vital.

"We know it's back," Jupiter said, dodging one of the tendrils on it's back.

"No, you baka," I yelled. "It's back is its weak spot. Aim for it!"

As I said this, the monster roared and turned its attention toward Neo Moon. I ran toward her as the beast reared up to back hand her. I was able to push Chibiusa out of the way just as the thing's arm came in contact with my middle and sent me flying.

I was able to quickly flip back onto my feet. The creature's front legs came down toward me. They came to a point and while the points looked dull from the beast's massive weight, the force in which they were coming down at me would still hurt like hell.

I had to roll to get away from the creature's appendage coming down at my head. When I rolled, I rolled right under the fucking thing. My arm still in the cannon, I pulled it from my belt and turned the handle. I felt the hum of the cannon as it roared to life. It briefly occurred to me, I could lose my arm.

The monster realized I was more or less beneath it. It reared back again, its sharp pointy front legs coming down at me. I brought the cannon up and pulled the trigger.

Nothing happened.

I looked from the cannon to the beast and back to the cannon. "Ah, shit."

"World SHAKING!"

A warm blast zoomed above me and knocked the beast back. The cannon began to vibrate slightly and I quickly realized that the damn thing was still charging. I quickly stood and jerked my arm out of the cannon as it began to smoke.

"Toss it," Mercury yelled.

I looked up at the beast before me. It had stumbled from Uranus' attack, but it was otherwise unharmed. I reached behind my back and jerked the cable out from the back of my breast plate. I raised the smoking cannon above my head and threw it as hard as I could at the youma.

The explosion was fantastic. The after shock threw me back, causing me to skid on the rough pavement.

The beast roared as the cannon came in contact with it's face. It stomped around, the tentacles on its back whipping around.
The senshi ran to get out of range of the flailing.

"Caden, move!" I heard Neptune yell.

Her voice held panic. Why did her voice hold panic? I felt the ground tremble and I realized why: The monster was stomping its way blindly toward me.

I quickly got to my feet but I was knocked forward when one of the beast's tentacles collided with my back. I flew a few feet and bounced on the pavement.

"Ow," I whimpered, trying to stand. I looked over my shoulder and saw the damn thing was still stomping around. Why the hell wasn't someone taking it out?

"Mars Flame Sniper!"

The flame arrow struck the youma in the chest. It roared in pain before vanishing.

"Are you alright?"

I stood on wobbly legs, my hands on my knees. I opened my eyes and caught sight of long legs and red high heels. I growled.

"I'm fine."

Mars put her hands on my shoulder and lower back, helping me to stand up straight. I growled again, grabbed the front of her fuku and jerked her forward before shoving her violently away from. She stumbled and fell hard on her backside.

"I fucking said I was fine," I roared at her. "What part of that did you not fucking understand?"

I heard footsteps behind me and I turned towards the other senshi. "Why didn't you guys take it out while it was pitching a fit?"

"You were too close," Neptune said, concern in her voice. She looked from me to Mars and back again. "Are you-"

"Don't any of you fucking people listen," I snapped. "I said I was fine." I growled and closed my eyes to the pained expressions that formed when I snapped.

"I'm going home," I said finally, and turned toward the direction of the palace. I didn't cast a glance at Mars, who was still on the ground.

I heard someone take a step toward me and then Haruka's voice say, "Let her go, Michiru. She needs to be alone right now."

I sat in my darkened room before the fireplace, slouched in a chair and my feet propped up on a low stool. Gremlin had come to make my lap his bed and was quietly sleeping as I mindlessly stroked his gray fur. I had long since changed back into my normal clothing from earlier in the night and was now brooding in my room over the night's events. I had been here several hours, my mind locked up inside itself.

I felt like I was losing my mind. My emotions were running wild and I needed to desperately get them back under control. But I had always been one to wear my heart on my sleeve. That was part pf myself I always hated. Baring myself for the whole world to see just to be hurt by it. I never seemed to learn that lesson in life. No one gives a fuck about you so stop showing what's in your heart.

A soft knock on my bedroom door caused me to turn my head in that general direction. Whoever had knocked didn't wait for an invitation. I sat up a little straighter when that person turned out to be Usagi. She looked around the room until she finally saw me sitting in the chair. She made her way over towards me and took the empty seat beside me.

"Your room is so dark."

"You should see my heart," I said cryptically.

She was silent for a few moments. And then, "So tell me about tonight."

I sighed, casting a sideways glance in the opposite direction then that of the Queen. "What do you want to know about tonight?"

I heard her shuffle in the seat and I turned back toward her. She was sitting in the chair sideways now, looking intently at me.

"I would like to know what happened," she said simply.

I looked at her for a moment before my gaze fell back to the floor. "Youma."

"I heard," Usagi said. "It was the same one, right?"

I nodded. "At least we got it this time."

"No, you didn't," Usagi said after a long pause. I looked up at her confused. "It vanished before you could destroy it."

"God dammit," I growled, closing my eyes and leaning my head back. I could feel a migraine coming on. I honestly thought it had been destroyed.

"I heard you and Rei had a slight scuffle tonight," Usagi said quietly. "Care to talk about it?"

Not really, I thought. I opened my eyes and stared straight ahead at the wall.

"I shoved her," I finally said, forcing the words out of my throat and passed my mouth.

"Why did you shove her, Caden," Usagi asked. I could hear the disappointment and I hated myself.

I felt my throat begin to tighten and my eyes burn. "She tried to help me, even after I told her I didn't need her help. She was so damn insistent and I kinda snapped."

"She's your lover, Caden," Usagi said softly. "She's there to help you."

I shook my head. "She's not my lover. Not since she broke off our relationship."

"When did that happen," Usagi asked suddenly. "And why? Did she give a reason?"

"The night of your birthday gala," I said. "And she said it was because we couldn't have sex." I felt my ears burn. Why did I just say that? I glanced over at Usagi and she looked beyond confused.

"I'll understand if you don't want to answer this, but why couldn't you have sex?"

I sighed and stood from my chair. I gently sat Gremlin back into my seat and he curled back up to sleep. I began pacing the room as I answered, "It's because of her vow she made to you. I made a move on her and she told me about it and I was fine with it." I sighed. "The only thing I can think of that would make her do this was she saw me and another girl at the party talking. Me and the girl are just acquaintances and nothing happened. I told Rei that but she still insisted on not seeing me anymore. Then she shows up tonight at that God damned fight and I just.."

I trailed off, growling. I stopped pacing and clenched my fists at my side, my eyes closed tight.

"I don't know what I'm doing," I finally chocked out. "Chibiusa told me why I was here. You told me why I'm here. It was because of Rei. I came here for my own selfish reasons. I came back because I wanted to be with Rei." I looked over at Usagi, tears running down at my face. "What am I supposed to do now that the reason I wanted to be here doesn't want me?"

I began pacing again. "Chibiusa doesn't need me. You've told me that in so few words. So what am I supposed to do?"

I heard Usagi sigh. I looked over at her again and noticed, even in the dim light, she was crying, too.

"I'm sorry Caden," she finally said softly. "I did bring you here for Rei. I was hoping to do you both a favor. She missed you so much when you weren't here. But I see I've only made things worse. I'm so sorry, Caden."

I closed my eyes, willing my tears to stop. No matter how much I hurt, seeing Usagi upset just about killed my heart.

"You were trying to do good, Usagi." I smiled then. "Its what you're known for. You always want to make things right and you never want anything in return. That's what I love about you."

Usagi seemed to smile at that. "You love me?"

I chuckled. "Who doesn't would be a better question." I walked over to one of the windows and I looked out over the city.

Fatigue was quickly settling over me. I heard a shuffling noise behind me and moments later Usagi was standing beside me.

"Caden?"

"Hmm?"

I looked down at the woman beside me when she didn't respond. She was chewing on her lip and looked deep in thought. It some how didn't suit her. Finally, she spoke.

"Do you want me to send you back home?"

I blinked down at her, confused. "I don't understand."

Usagi brought her hand up and rested against the window. "I can send you back home. Back to your galaxy, if you want." Usagi cast me a sideways glance. "If you're not happy here, there's no point in you staying."

I blinked stupidly at her before turning my gaze back to the world outside. "I...I don't know."

"You don't have to answer now," Usagi said quickly. "It was just an idea, something to think about." She turned to me then, resting a gentle hand on my arm. "But should you decide to go, please don't leave until after Ami and Mako-chan's wedding. I know they would want you there for it."

I nodded then stifled a yawn. Usagi smiled sadly at me and hugged me tightly around the middle. "Get some rest, Caden." Usagi released me and left my room, shutting the door quietly behind her.

I turned again to look out over the city, the words of Usagi's proposal dancing through my mind. Could I really leave knowing this place existed, even if the one I wanted didn't want me in return?

I yawned again and stumbled toward my bed and fell down onto it. I wanted sleep but I knew I had a big decision to make. Could I leave, I asked myself again. Then another thought crossed my mind. One that weighed even heavier on my mind as darkness began to take me.

Should I?