A month had passed since then. Since I woke up I mean.
I couldn't wait to be released from my bed. I had long grown tired of people bothering me day and night. They surrounded my bed in mobs, never once giving me a moment's peace. They always found the dumbest questions to ask too. Of course I was all right. I don't look dead, do I? I much preferred my solitude, but they always made sure they had someone with me so I wouldn't be lonely. It nearly drove me insane.
At least they stopped coming after Tavisha went into labor two months early. Zim told me about it. Apparently he had accompanied her, along with Spoog, and Zim got to see the disgusting miracle that is human birth. He told me that on his planet they're all "Tube smeets", whatever that means. I assumed that he meant they were all created by technology.
His visits were the only thing I possibly hated more than my frequent groupies. He came everyday, at first escorted by Spoog and then later in the month, he came on his own. Each time the concerned people by my bedside would leave me, assuming it was private business. I had no one to hide behind now.
Zim would sit in a chair by my bedside, and he would stay there for hours. Sometimes he would try to talk to me, sometimes he wouldn't. After that first day though, I couldn't bring myself to speak to him. There was never anything I felt I could say. There was never anything that could make what I'd done to him right. There was no reason for him to save me.
I can see it though…being here is doing Zim a world of good. I can tell. His laughter in the halls carries itself into my room to tease me. All of this interaction with other people…it's healing him slowly.
I was amazed to discover that he had been accepted so fully into E.D.A. Of course he was mine so I expected them to make sure he wasn't mistreated, but still…I knew how they were treating him. He was an equal in their eyes.
Spoog had taken a liking to Zim though, which was excellent. We had no real sense of government, but because he ran the military portion of the E.D.A., he was the closest thing to a leader we had. I knew if it had been anyone else they would have neglected him and left him to rot in a cold barred room.
That's what it felt like they had done to me, minus the bars of course.
Spoog really made a good leader though, even if he was still just a kid. I was amazed when I heard how he had led the troops in and defeated the rest of the Metus. What made it so incredible was that most of our troops were still in the infirmary from the Irken attack. It was rumored that Spoog only had ten men with him.
I didn't really realize just how well Zim fit here until one week before I was released. He was by my bedside once more. For once, he actually had a story of his day to tell me. Apparently, he was able to fill in all of our missing information on various aliens that had invaded us. We would capture one occasionally, but many would refuse to cooperate or give us false information.
I could remember having an assignment once, dealing with one. He was blue and sickly and ready to die. The thing hadn't eaten in days. It was a truly miserable creature. He never told us what he was. He didn't respond to diplomacy or ferocity. So I was sent in to finish the job once and for all.
" Why do you do this to yourself?" I asked, slipping on my black gloves.
The filthy creature spat at my feet and glared.
" Why do you torture yourself slowly like that?" I asked, " It doesn't make sense to me. If you want to die so badly that you'd starve yourself why don't you just die and get it over with? "
I pulled my gun out of its holster; secretly thankful for the gloves Tavisha had given me. They were silk and black and kept the horrible sticky blood off of my hands. Tugging the sleeves on my jacket that would disappear within the next year, I pointed it at the alien's skull.
Two ruby eyes stared up at me and he wheezed through a slit in his throat. These creatures, whatever they were, had no mouths, but spoke through vertical cuts in their necks. It was sickening to watch really.
" It…" He croaked through his neck, " It is my punishment."
My arm fell slightly. Shock crawled its way onto my face. I figured that I must not have heard correctly.
" Punishment?" I echoed.
" Ah…" The old alien wheezed, " Humans…from what I have observed…you are all too stubborn and…selfish for your own good. I could…could not expect you to…possibly understand."
I pointed the gun again, this time putting it closer to his head.
" How can I understand when you're not explaining clearly?" I asked in a hurried nervous tone.
" You can not understand true…" He coughed up some thin purple liquid that I would take for testing later, " True despair…for humans…are far too caught up in their own lives to…care for their own people."
" My crime…was failure." He said, " And…my punishment…is death. I deserve nothing less than that…and I do not deserve to go easily."
I stared at the alien for several moments. I wasn't sure of exactly what he wanted from me. He obviously wanted to die. Was he asking me to spare him?
Also, what was all this crap about how selfish humans were? As though he could honestly say he knew anything about my life or where I'd been.
" Any last thoughts?" I asked nastily as I moved the gun ever closer.
" Kem nur sar thersa…Ma tag…Nefotza." He shut his eyes and babbled.
" What does that mean?" I asked in a hurried panic, as though the alien had cursed me in some way.
" May you rest…" He whispered hoarsely, " …Without sadness…or despair."
My eyes twitched in confused fear. After all, humans fear what they do not understand. I definitely did not understand this old alien's sudden compassion. My hands shook and I struggled to steady my gun.
Bang.
The purple splattered all over the white walls like some odd abstract painting. The alien quickly fell limp in the chair he was tied to. My hands never stopped shaking after that moment. I didn't know exactly what it was though, that made me so afraid. I stayed away from base three days over that. I came back when I remembered Zim's blood could splatter as well.
I had never understood what that alien had meant…not until now. This had to be one of my lowest lows. It was less than I deserved though, and I knew it…but what could I do? There was no punishment for me and there was no way for me to fix things. There was no way for me to fix Zim.
Then…then maybe they could.
Soon after, I was finally released from my makeshift hospital prison. My head still hurt like hell, but I wasn't going to die so I demanded that they let me leave. Besides, I still had aspirin at the apartment and they had long since run out of it here.
Nearly as soon as I stepped out of bed I slipped my boots on. I wasn't staying long and it would be best to leave unnoticed by the masses. The doctors waved me off after changing my bandages for the last time. They told me I would probably have a nasty scar, but that was to be expected.
I tried very hard to go unnoticed, I really did. Unfortunately someone saw me in the hall. That someone told someone else and then went on to tell five more and soon everyone knew. By the time I had reached the exit, there was already a group of people waiting for me, demanding to know why I was leaving them without goodbyes.
Those people were ignored as I heard footfalls behind me. I whipped my head around (a painful action I immediately regretted) wondering who it was.
The first one I saw was Spoog, running as fast as he could to try and catch me. Zim was right by his side. The real shocker though, was Tavisha right behind them, holding her new child. It wasn't a secret to anyone here that we weren't on the best terms, so I didn't know why she would even bother coming.
Finally, they all stopped right in front of me, breathing heavily. Zim looked up at me with his giant ruby eyes and I stopped trying to walk away. He couldn't seem to form the question in his mind, but Spoog did that for him.
" Hey!" He shouted through short breaths, " Aren't you forgetting someone?"
He motioned toward Zim, who looked extremely confused at the whole situation. I simply pretended to not know what they were talking about, and moved to leave again.
" …Dib?" Zim whispered my name.
I turned around once more. Zim had this odd look on his face that I couldn't place quite right. I stepped toward his small green frame and bent down, which only seemed to confuse him more. My hands slowly made their way up to his neck, to play with his collar once last time. Finding the latch, I unclasped it and let the red collar fall to the ground.
It was the only thing I could do. I had no real reason to keep him anymore. Ours days as enemies were never real, so I had no reason to hate him as I did. It all feels like a dream now…
All I could do…was let him go.
Zim stared at me so completely confused and startled. I turned around once again, because I didn't think I could face him.
" Spoog?" I called out blindly, " …Take good care of Zim, would you?"
I knew my crime…
" After all…" I continued, " We don't want anything to happen…to our first foreign E.D.A. member."
…And this…was my punishment…
" What?" Zim gasped, wide-eyed and shocked.
…A life…without him. That was my punishment.
" This environment will be much more suitable for the type of work he'll be doing." I said sternly, " So Tavisha, please prepare Zim a permanent dorm and see about finding someone to train him."
I deserved it. I deserved to love someone I couldn't have. I deserved to love someone that would never love me back. …I deserved that loneliness.
" Er…Dib?" Tavisha said uncertainly.
" You heard me. Your ears don't overlap." I said harshly, " Prepare Zim a permanent dorm room."
" What 'bout you?" Spoog asked, " You should stay too. We could really use you 'round here."
" I already told you." I said, sparing a small glance back his way, " You people would drive me insane."
Spoog had no response to this, but he looked pretty annoyed. To this I just laughed.
" Don't worry." I said, " I'll come back. You know I always do."
To be honest, I wasn't sure how long it would be before I came back the next time. If only for the sake of the Earth, I knew there would eventually be a next time though. I was a scientist and they needed me. At this point E.D.A. needed anyone they could get.
I began to walk away, not giving anyone a chance for goodbyes. I didn't want or deserve any. The sea of people that had come to bid me farewell parted for me. I could hear footsteps behind me, but I didn't bother looking to see who it was.
" WAIT!"
That only made me walks faster. Nobody was going to keep me waiting any longer. It hurt to just be standing there in that filthy place, knowing I was leaving Zim behind. My feelings on it didn't matter though. It had to be done.
" Dib, wait! STOP!"
All of a sudden, I couldn't move foreword. My arm was being pulled back the other way, refusing to let me continue on. It held me there, not allowing me to put my monsters back in the closet or hide my past away.
I turned my head ever so slightly, to see who was keeping me prisoner. It was the last person I ever expected to see in that pose.
It was Zim. Zim was tugging at my sleeve as hard as he could, to keep me from walking away from him. I couldn't believe my eyes.
" Don't…" He said quietly, looking down, " Don't go…"
Why…after everything I had done to him…
" I…want you to stay." He told the floor.
…After everything I hadn't done for him…
" I need…" He whispered, " …I need you here."
…Why?
" I need…I need you to be with me…"
Why me?
" …Because…you're the only one I've got…you're the only thing I've got."
That wasn't true. He had the E.D.A. …he had Spoog and Tavisha. Everything he needed was here. I was everything that would bring him down. I should be happy…and I should be happy for him.
" You're…the only thing that was ever real in my life…" Zim pulled on my sleeve harder, " My mission…my life…none of it was real. So everything before you…didn't exist…"
I could see tears forming in his ruby eyes. Shame was scribbled on his face and he refused to look up at me. His eyes fluttered as he tried to blink away his tears.
" Please Dib…"
It took several moments for me to gather the courage to speak. I felt myself choke on my voice whenever I tried.
" Zim…" I finally managed to spit out, " You're better off this way. Away from me."
" I don't care if it's best for me! I don't care if you beat me again!" He shouted at me, " I don't care what makes turn into the Dib-beast or how many times you put me back in that cage! I just…"
He seemed to lose track of his thoughts after that statement. I guessed that he was lying through his teeth. There was no way he seriously want to return with me.
" I just…want you to stay…and I want to stay with you too." Zim quieted down.
There was something wrong here…this couldn't possibly be right. Who would put up with all of that…just to be with someone? Who would put up with all of that…just to be with me? My eyes were wide as saucers listening to him.
" I…I don't know what I'd do without you." Zim confessed to me.
I didn't know what I would do without him either…it was a thought that hadn't occurred to me until he voiced it. It was true though. I really didn't know what I would do in that cold apartment alone. I'm sure the air there would suffocate me and choke me until I died old, cold, and alone like the monster I was.
" Please Dib…please stay…please don't leave me alone…" Zim begged me.
I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. It amazed me how anyone could have such compassion…such forgiveness for me. No one had ever treated me that way before. I had grown up not knowing kindness or any true compassion at all. It was astounding that even after I had completely smashed him into little pieces, he could still forgive my sins.
Spinning around, I felt like I was flying. I wrapped Zim in my arms and openly cried. Bent over I cried into his shoulder, pulling him ever closer to me. My glasses fogged and my knees shook and I found myself leaning against him for support.
" How…" My voice quivered, " How can you possibly be that forgiving?"
Zim seemed rather shocked, as he didn't answer for a moment or so. What he did do...was he slowly began to hold me in return. He held me and stroked my hair. He…he comforted me.
" It's easy…" He whispered in my ear, " …It's because…"
He quickly grew frustrated with himself and his lack of vocabulary, " It's because I…"
Through Zim's awkwardness, Tavisha spoke up.
" I believe the word you're looking for, Zim…" She smiled, holding her newborn child, " …is love."
" Love?" He echoed in confusion.
" Yes…" Tavisha rocked her child softly, " …love."
Zim said nothing more, and I wasn't sure if I would even have heard him. Balanced precariously, I broke down on his shoulder. Eventually, due to both injury and mental distress, my arms fell to my sides as I released him. My loud cries had faded to soft whimpering tears. Even so, Zim continued to hold me. He held his head next to mine, as though he were trying to feel my pain or offer his comfort.
To tell the truth, I really did feel rather weak. My weeping only seemed to amplify the pain in the back of my head. Spoog noticed this of course, and turned to glare at the ocean of admirers.
" Which one of you was stupid enough to release him?" Spoog asked harshly, " What if he'd blacked out at his own base? What would we have done then, HUH?"
No one answered. They all stared at their feet, or scratched their heads, or simply feigned ignorance and no one would confess.
Spoog sighed.
" I deal with you lot later." He said bitterly, " Right now, we need to get him to the infirmary again. Zim? Would you please help him along?"
Zim nodded of course, and struggled to help me stand. My knees still shook and walking immediately became very tricky. Zim, and soon Spoog, helped me along though.
I couldn't help but wonder why. As far back as I could remember…no one had ever treated me in this regard. Even in my own home…Dad…Gaz…Dad was never around and Gaz? Gaz didn't care about anything that wasn't on her GameSlave screen or in a pizza box. I had no friends at skool. This feeling…it was completely foreign to me.
This feeling…what was it?
Maybe it was what Tavisha was talking about…love. Maybe it was something else. I couldn't really tell. Not in this daze anyway.
Zim and Spoog carefully led me through the halls. Both of them were rather short, so no matter which way I leaned my back was at an odd angle. They both worked to get me back to that horrible white room. It astounded me that anyone could care that much for me. They made me feel like I actually belonged there.
That was it. I belonged there. I belonged with Zim.
Here…Here, I was home for the very first time in my life.
(A/N: Yeah…remember how I said this was the last chapter? …I lied. XD Actually, plot bunnies attacked me and forced me to write an epilouge. It should be up in a few days or so. Please R&R. : ) )