A/N: Again, guys, sorry for the delay! I'm having trouble just getting my butt on my seat and writing for some reason :D
Thanks to gyikhu and lara anne for their especially encouraging words for the previous chapter, as I really wasn't happy with that chapter at all :)
And, crusherccme, you're welcome to all the cookies you want as long as those reviews keep coming ;)
This chapter is in honour of everyone who has reviewed, favourited, put on alert or otherwise supported me. I owe it all to you!
We are fast approaching the end of this journey though, my friends! But if you enjoy reading my stories, you might want to give 'Just Friends' or 'Ten Seconds', and you might want to keep your eyes peeled as I am thinking about writing another TR fanfiction as soon as I finish playing Angel of Darkness.
Disclaimer: I am in no way connected with Tomb Raider, but I am totally married to Alister. How does that work? Because I said so, that's why ;)
Chapter Fourteen: Therapy
"I get the impression you do not want to be here,"
Lara looked up at the graying woman sitting on the chair in front of her. Her mouse brown hair had strands of grey running through it, like threads of silver, and her pale skin was creased, in particularly around her mouth and eyes. She peered over her glasses with her soft grey eyes at the younger woman who was sitting on the couch before her.
"I don't think I need someone with a doctor's degree in psychology to tell me that," Lara replied coldly. Doctor Fleming scribbled in her notebook, before gazing levelly at Lara once more.
"And why is that, exactly?" She asked. "Are you… afraid? Of the unknown perhaps…?"She picked her words carefully and spoke them softly, as if fearing she might say something to offend the young woman, yet Doctor Fleming looked strangely placid and nonchalant.
"No," Lara replied, shortly. "Of course not."
"Well, that's the impression you give."
"But it's not."
"Then why? Why do you dislike here so much?"
Lara stood up briskly.
"Are you leaving?" Doctor Fleming asked calmly.
"Would you stop me?" Lara replied. There was a pause.
"No…" Doctor Fleming said slowly. "But all the same, I don't think you will."
Lara stared at her coldly. She abruptly looked away at the books on the shelf.
"You're right of course," Lara said, walking over to the bookshelf and running her finger along the dusty wood and then examining her dirty finger.
"You can help me. As much as it pains me to admit it, you can help me." There was a deathly silence in the room, one which smothered the mind with a warm, smoggy cloud and which blocked your ears with sweaty, calloused fingers. Lara walked to the window. It was in terrible need of cleaning. Watermarks from the recent rains ran down its surface on the outside, and dust coated it on the inside. Lost rays of golden sun caressed Lara's brow.
"Would you care to be seated?" Doctor Fleming asked softly.
"I would rather stand," Lara said proudly, holding her hands behind her back, like an army General.
"If it pleases you," The Doctor replied. "Now, why are you here today?"
"Surely you know."
"I do, but I'd like to hear you tell me."
Lara stood completely still, staring into the fading blue hills in the distance with a pair of misty eyes. Should she let this stranger in? Could she let this stranger in? Would she let this stranger in? Excluding Anaya, Lara could not think of one person she could completely confide in that was alive, perhaps Winston, yes, Zip? No, not quite. She was afraid of letting people in. They always got hurt. Of course, she knew it was a completely different situation this time. Her relationship with Doctor Fleming was to be completely professional, she would barely leave a mark on the Doctor's heart, and likewise the Doctor would not leave a mark on hers. They would eventually part ways, and continue with their lives just as before. Outside the office the Doctor would probably barely acknowledge her, not to say Lara wanted it any other way: the less people in her life, the better. That meant there was less chance of her, or someone else, getting hurt.
However, despite the facts, Lara couldn't help thinking she could tell this stranger what she was feeling. Whether it was pride, or the need to be safe, to not be hurt as she had so many times before, something in the young woman made her resist the very idea of letting out her emotions, pouring out her heart. The idea of vulnerability was far too frightening. And yet she knew there was no choice. It was this… or insanity. Lara grimaced. She remembered how she had been only a few days ago, and a bubble of anger welled up inside her, like blood from a wound. She couldn't believe she lets herself slip so far, stoop so low. She shouldn't have let it go that far; she shouldn't have let it come to this. The old Lara wouldn't need to stand before a Doctor, with a broken heart in her hand and a shattered mind in need of fixing. She would have got up, dusted herself off and been and good as new… or perhaps that had been an illusion in the very first play. She had always deemed herself to be strong, not indestructible: anyone who thought that of themselves was a fool. Now, however, she had begun to doubt that. Perhaps before it hadn't been strength, but denial, suppression. That realisation stung. It wasn't strength that had kept her from falling apart when her mother had died back in Nepal: she had just detached herself from everything. She was weak. And that hurt. It hurt more that words could possibly say.
"Did you hear me Lara? Lara?"
"I heard you Doctor." Lara turned to face Doctor Fleming. Her face was cold, impassive, yet her eyes sparkled with tears and shone with anger. "I don't know where to begin," she continued, seating herself on an armchair.
"How about from the beginning. How are you today?" Lara chuckled dryly.
"Pretty darn awful,"
"Why's that?" The smile fell off of Lara's face and she bowed her head.
"He's gone," She said emotionlessly.
"Who's gone?" Doctor Fleming prodded, even though Lara was sure she knew the answer to that question, at least. Lara answered it all the same.
"Alister."
"Alister. Alister Fletcher?" Lara closed her eyes.
"Yes." The name made puncture wounds in her heart.
"How did he die?"
"He was shot."
"Did you see it?" Silence.
"Lara?" Silence.
"Lara, did you understand the question.
"Yes."
"Yes…?"
"Yes, I saw it. I was there." The event played back in Lara's mind. Doppelgänger's swift, fluid efficiency. The pain on Alister's face. His last whispered words.
I'll see you in Avalon…
"What did you feel when it happened?"
"Sad… angry, afraid, heartbroken…"
"Heartbroken?" Doctor Fleming stopped scribbling in her notebook as she had been all through their conversation.
"We were… close." Lara explained, her voice clearly saying she did not want to elaborate any further.
"You said you were afraid?"
"I…" Lara gulped. She had never told anyone this before.
"I was afraid, because… I didn't know… how to go on without him." Where she expected a snigger Lara only received a hum.
"And you mentioned about being angry?" Lara idly picked up a pamphlet on depression which was sitting along with a few others on the table beside her armchair.
"Yes… angry…" There was a pause.
"Who with, I wonder?" Doctor Fleming murmured, almost to herself. She peered at Lara over her glasses after making a few more notes in her notebook.
"With myself," Lara said, abruptly tightening her hand around the pamphlet with a scrunching sound. It sat creased and folded in her hand.
"I should have been able to stop it. I should have been able to bring him back. I should have… I should have!" Lara stood once more, her feet landing heavily on the floor. She threw her pamphlet down angrily.
"Did it ever occur to you that demanding such things from yourself would be… unreasonable?" The Doctor asked calmly, seemingly unsurprised by her patient's sudden mood swing.
"But I should have! I don't think you understand!" Lara's voice was raised. "I…" Doctor Fleming interrupted before Lara could have said any more.
"Lara. Alister is dead," Her voice was soft yet unrelenting. Lara dropped slowly to the floor with her eyes closed tight. She bit her lip to stop her sobs from sounding. Silent tears trickled down her cheeks.
"There is nothing you could, or can, do alone. You cannot blame yourself for his death."
"But I hired him. If I hadn't, maybe he would have had a safe job, as a Professor or a librarian." Lara wailed, her words merging together in an almost incoherent mess.
"He would have died at some point. Probably not from a bullet, no, but he would have died. He was happy working for you, yes? He did the job willingly?" Lara could only nod weakly in reply.
"Then he was as responsible as you are, and yet, you don't blame him, do you?" Lara felt firm hands grip her shoulders.
"Lara. It is not. Your. Fault. And you have got to let go."
It was then that Lara let go.
Phew! Talk about an emotional rollercoaster :D I actually enjoyed that… does that make me evil? O_o
I hope I didn't make the Doctor too brutal. I just wanted her to have the impersonal edge to her :)
Anyway, please review! I've restocked on cookies and chocolate bars :D I accept anonymous reviews :)
Also, even though I do not own Tomb Raider or any said characters, for paranoia reasons:
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