He'd started communicating with her again in June, just as N.E.W.T.S. began and weeks before school ended for good. She guessed he didn't want to be shut out of her graduation, couldn't bring himself to miss it, the sentimental wad, and inserted himself back into her life as if he'd not been avoiding her for the last nine months.

All at once he was Sirius Black again and it worried her. That meant he wasn't agonizing, that he'd made a personal decision. One she wasn't sure of.

What was he thinking now? Why was he suddenly normal again?

His letters were full of nonsense, as they'd always been. He never told her about anything important, anything very personal. She'd snuck a look at few of his missives to Harry over the years and he told him about women. Not in graphic detail, but they were mentioned.

He never said anything like that to her.

She couldn't enjoy Dumbledore's commentary, her own Head Girl speech passed flawlessly without any thought on her part, and before she knew what was happening they were all outside enjoying the fine weather. Graduates stood with their families, she was with her own. Harry patting her on the back, her mother near tears, her father also emotional, and then there was Sirius. Flirting with school girls.

She could have hit him, wanted to, but that would be too obvious so instead, she sent a kick to his shin as she passed behind his group.

But then he was following her, taking her by the arm to steer her away from the crowd and round the edge of the lake. Acting so like himself that she almost couldn't stand it because surely, surely, this meant he still didn't want her. That he expected her to change her mind and even if she didn't it wouldn't matter because he didn't want her.

Not the way she wanted him.

And she wouldn't, couldn't, force herself on him. If she couldn't have Sirius Black's surname then she would at least have him for a friend while keeping her own. Spinster she'd become. Never a cat lady; she couldn't stand the beasts. Crookshanks. Rotten ginger bugger that he was.

She'd pushed herself so far from the present that she didn't notice as he pulled her into the covering trees at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. She didn't want to think of what he would say, what he would do. How careful he would be with her, so their relationship wouldn't be completely ruined.

It was her fault though, not his. She was the fool. Fool. Fool. Fool.

She walked straight into his chest, hadn't noticed he'd stopped. It was a hard hit, too.

"Ow!" A small squeak of painful surprise erupted as she touched the tip of her nose.

Sirius didn't seem to care beyond finding it hilariously funny, even though it wasn't and she thought his barking laughter inappropriately jolly.

How could he be so happy about making her cry?

He didn't think that would happen. He'd convinced himself she'd see sense, his sense, and be smart about her feelings. Withdraw. Wave the white flag and let him win.

"Nasty shock," she muttered furiously as he sobered, asked in a hard tone, "Why are we here?" As if she didn't know. "Walked awful far to congratulate me for being so smart."

A mirthful sigh through his nose. Very aristocratic nose it was. "We're not here to talk about your smart arse, Potter." Grey eyes glittered.

"Shouldn't be talking about my arse at all," a sarcastic, mumbled complaint. He didn't care one whit about her anatomy beyond keeping it pristine.

"No," his tone called emeralds to his person. Suddenly so solemn. "I shouldn't. Do you realize that now?"

"It hasn't been a whole year, yet, sir."

He scoffed. "I'm no professor of yours, don't call me 'sir'." Put him on the same level as Dumbledore. Or Snape. "Waiting won't help though, will it? You're a stubborn brat. You made up your mind and not even the pain of rejection is enough to stop you. True love could run up and slap you in the face and you'd beat it back with a broom all because you've already got your head stuck on me."

She bristled. "You think I don't know what love is? I've had incredible examples of it all my life. How much there is between Mum and Dad. I know how Snape feels about Mum and I know Ginny should be with Harry, but he's about as blind as a damn bat, and I know that if anyone here doesn't know about true love it's you!" She was worked up now, shouting. "You! The one who doesn't keep a girl for longer than a month! The one fucking terrified of commitment! The one whose reaction to me, me being honest and vulnerable and real, was to shut me out for nine months because you couldn't handle it! Don't talk to me about love, Sirius Black! You're the one who wouldn't know it from dirt!"

Heaving breaths, the rage in her blood making her face hot, and he was getting angry too.

"Don't tell me what I know!" His shout was as loud as hers. "I know what's real and what isn't! I am older than you and that does matter, Holly. It matters. You know what else matters? The fact that your stupidly stubborn self has seen nothing of the world!" Advancing toward her. "You have no idea what's out there, who might be out there! And you never will if you insist on tying yourself to a middle-aged man-whore old enough to be your father!"

She took a step back in surprise. "Did you just-" she tried to comprehend what he'd said. "Did you just call yourself a man whore? Are you serious right now?!"

The words left his mouth on instinct, though he shouted still, "I'm always Sirius!"

"Oh, Merlin..." She shook her head and sucked in a deep breath. "Whatever. That matters, but...But it- It doesn't! I know all that, okay? I know! And it doesn't matter. I don't care about any of that! And-" she realised something, "-and neither do you..." Shock. Awe. "You didn't say-"

He didn't say 'no'.

He didn't say 'I don't want you'.

Her words took on a tinge of desperation. "What are you saying right now?"

"That you're trying to ruin your life." Impassive.

"No, stop deflecting and tell me. What. You're. Saying." When he stood silent she added, with her wand drawn and pointed square between his eyes, "Now." A tiny part of her felt bad for him because he looked so conflicted, scared even, but she had to know. "Now!"

Sparks flashed.

"I'm saying you win! You win! Holly Evans Potter, you win!"

She fainted.

A/N: Hey, ya'll. A little somber message to you. I don't if any of you were users of Polyvore, but I was. The sudden shutdown of that website shocked all of its users; I'm actually really upset by it. I'm an interior decorating student & it was an invaluable resource. If you're so inclined, please consider checking my profile for the link to sign the Bring Back Polyvore petition. It's a ways down.

I'm not expecting the site to come back, but I do want an explanation for what happened & where all my personal data has gone!

Were any of you Polyvore users?