Edward's face is hopeful but wary when he opens his door and sees my feet firmly planted on his welcome mat, my stance more confident than he's probably ever seen it. That alone is enough to make him smile, because as always, he knows. Then he sees that I'm wearing his button-down, and after that he realizes I'm wearing a Batman shirt, and suddenly his crooked fingers are under my chin and tilting my face up toward his.
His eyes search my face and I'm so open, no shutters or hide-behinds. Nothing but me.
"You get it," he whispers, his eyes flickering between mine.
"I get it."
I kiss him as soon as I'm finished speaking, and he's kind enough to ignore the wetness that leaks from my eyes and gets trapped between our cheeks.
"I can't promise I'll be magically better." My hands rest on his chest as his rest low on the small of my back, and I'm so giddy I can barely remember what I'm going to say. "But I'm going to try. Really try."
He sighs with something that sounds like relief, his forehead coming to rest on mine. "That's all I want. Because the girl you are without those walls is amazing."
"I'm going to try and see somebody about how I feel," I say tentatively, so quiet he wouldn't hear if he wasn't so close. "I need more help that I can give myself."
"That's brave, sweetheart."
"It is?" I ask, relieved.
"Definitely. I think it will help you, Bella."
I look at his eyes, so earnest and fixed on mine. My body slumps into his in relief and what feels like liberation. I've spent so long trapped inside myself I'd forgotten how it was to really feel, but Edward gives me no option other than to feel everything.
As he drops small kisses along my nose, my cheeks, even my swollen eyelids, I grip his shirt tighter.
"Thank you," I say quietly, because I have to.
"For what?" he asks.
"For everything." And even though my words are corny and a little too movie-romance not to be embarrassing, he just kisses harder.
"We done with the serious now?"
I giggle and nod, and then I'm the one sighing as his arms come around me tight. As he pulls back to press one last kiss to my forehead, I give my last wall its demolition notice.
"Uh... do you think I could come in?" I ask awkwardly, because as much as I love cuddling Edward, a hallway is not my preferred place to do it.
"Oh, uh, of course!" he says, inexplicably flushing. "Er, so, I should warn you that-"
"Holy crap on a cracker!" I say as soon as I step over the threshold, my eyes bulging at the sight of Edward's apartment. Each of the walls of his living room is covered in superhero movie posters or cool vintage-looking canvases. I even spot a profile shot of Heath Ledger as The Joker - in sepia, and with what appears to be several Instagram filters obscuring it. I try to ignore the fact that it's framed, but I laugh before I can help it.
I stop as soon as I catch sight of Edward's face. He's unsure and uncomfortable, palming the back of his neck the way he does when he doesn't know what else to do.
"I love it," I tell him honestly.
"You do?" he asks, his voice tentative and more than a little doubtful. He's doing that thing where he shifts from foot to foot again too, another sign of discomfort.
"I really do," I say. "It's you."
I can tell the moment he gets it because his eyes melt into that softness.
"Bella," he whispers.
Nothing else, but his tone says it all.
"I'm sorry about tonight. Truly sorry," I tell him, because I am, and I don't think I can say it enough, even if we're meant to be done with the serious business. Being here, seeing Edward's apartment, just reminds me of what I came so close to giving up."It wasn't long after you left that I realized what a mistake I made."
"Don't be sorry," he says. "My night's looking up." He's back to giving me that sweetness. "And anyway, this way I got you to come home with me."
Edward's cheeks are blazing bright red as his words sit in the air between us. I stare at him, and he stares back, the corner of his lip sucked into his mouth.
"Yeah, you did," I say quietly, feeling a new tension all around us.
He looks away then, his eyes drifting down to my shirt. "You, wearing that shirt and sitting in this room..." he trails off, clearing his throat and adjusting his glasses.
Now I'm the one blushing, because I can guess the effect it's having. The shirt's not too clingy, but it's form-fitting, and the logo is placed directly across my chest, right where Edward's eyes are currently trained.
"Making things hard for you?" I ask him, throwing his words from outside the restaurant back to him.
His stare shoots back up to mine, even more of his lip disappearing inside of his mouth. Then he laughs, wide and brilliant and beautiful. His laugh is enough to spark mine, and soon we're giggling and blushing and looking at one another in the low lighting provided by his Iron Man lamp.
When our final chuckles die down, Edward moves to sit on the couch beside me. He skims the backs of his fingers down my cheek, his touch gentle enough to show me I'm precious. Then he tucks my hair behind my ear in a way that should make me roll my eyes, but it doesn't - because he's Edward and because his mouth follows his fingers toward my ear.
His breath is hot against the sensitive skin of my neck as he presses his face into mine so our temples touch. "You want to stay the night?"
I swallow hard, suddenly hyper-aware of his proximity. That old book smell mixed with the faint spice of cologne floats in the air until I feel drunk off it, and I'm too busy trying to remember to breathe to give an answer.
"Just to sleep," he clarifies softly. "I just want to hold you."
I'm not sure whether I'm relieved or disappointed, but I nod anyway. Edward seals the agreement by kissing the skin on the side of my throat, one hand coming up to tangle in my hair as he lets his tongue slide across the goosebumps on my neck.
As incoherent as his touches and kisses make me, I know one thing for sure.
Library Boy definitely does not have just sleeping in mind.