Sorry for the delay. I planned on updating when I finished the next chapter but no such luck only half finished with it and this has been sitting around so I decided to go ahead and post it.
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Tears well up in Caren Jones' eyes as the hatred she has developed for her husband blossoms. When she met Reese, he wasn't as he is today. Or so she thought. There were tell-tell signs that she should have recognized, but she was too blinded by love and the fact that she, as a successful black woman on the rise, had captured the elusive successful black man. What a crock. She'd have been better off by herself, but then she wouldn't have her beautiful daughter. And she would suffer that lowlife all over again if she got to have her Merci. Her lovely daughter was worth all the heartache and pain in all the world. She'd endure it for her.
That is why she finds herself on the brink of a breakdown. She promised her daughter that she would always be there for her no matter what, but when it really matters, now, when her daughter is drowning in murky waters, she has allowed her wretched husband to take the lead in their daughter's road to recovery. Had she had full control of her faculties, she would gladly be the council her daughter sorely needs; however, she's an alcoholic and an emotional wreck. She couldn't help Mercedes even if the child would let her. Because of this, Caren goes along with Reese's suggestion, but she would be the one to break the news to their daughter if it kills her and drives a bigger wedge between the once inseparable mother daughter duo. Maybe she could soften the blow.
With tears streaming down her face, the forlorn mother attempts to get her daughter's attention. "Uhm, Merci, baby. I need to tell you something."
Nothing. Mercedes does nothing. She can't do anything.
"Your dad," Reese clears his throat, "we think it would be best if you-when you leave today…you won't be going home, sweetie, your dad signed you into Willow Brooke the mental health facility a few miles from here. You check in today." Caren waits for her daughter to say or do something, anything.
But what she doesn't know is Mercedes is on the edge. If she gives in just a little. If she acknowledges what's happening in her surroundings she would fall apart. Crumble right before their eyes. So, she doesn't; she holds herself together with fragile fingers that threaten to break if the slightest bit of pressure is applied.
His blood pressure is through the roof. His skin has increased in temperature and black spots are bursting in front of his eyes. He is livid. This is how they decide to break the news to her. This is when they decide to tell her that she's about to be committed. His grip tightens on the catatonic girl in his arms. Puck closes his eyes trying to gain some kind of composure. He can feel his blood boiling and the anger swelling up inside of him ready to spew over. He almost succeeds with his effort, but one look at English Girl and he willingly succumbs to his rampant anger. Mercedes can't stand up for herself; he understands that. It would take more than she has to give into negativity at this point, but I have enough for the both of us and I intend to make it known. I rise from the bed breaking free from Mercedes, only to grab her hand and intertwine my fingers with hers.
"You're committing her! What is it with you two? She's not crazy." He says glaring at Caren. Puck clenches his eyes shut. He doesn't want to see her parents; looking at Mrs. Jones standing there wide-eyed and confused and Reese's smug expression causes his free hand to ball into a fist automatically. "She's perfectly fine and if you two took the time to focus on her instead of your own immature problems, you would know that." When I finish I'm looking directly in English Girl's mom's eyes, but my attention is quickly snapped away when her big mouthed father opens his lips.
"You better watch yourself, boy."
I could see the vein in his forehead bulging. He wants to hit me. I know he wants to hit me because I want to hit him, but I wouldn't do that in front of Mercedes she wouldn't want me to. "No, Mr. Jones, you watch yourself. Your daughter doesn't need to be hauled off to some psych ward. She needs her parents. Mrs. Jones, I thought better of you, stood up for you, but you two have your heads stuck so far up his butt that you can't see what's happening right in front of you." I squeeze Mercedes hand and she reciprocates. I feel my heart swell knowing she's still there and hasn't given up entirely.
She hates that she sees every intimate gesture Noah gives her daughter. She hates herself because her baby won't let her touch her as he does. Won't talk to her or look at her. She hates that she has to put her daughter in a mental institution. All the guilt squirming around in her head causes Caren to break down in a fit of tears mumbling to herself about how sorry she is, "She has to, Noah, I can't…I – I can't help her. I want to but she won't let me and I don't even know if I can. There's too much-she'll be better off-"
"Better off? You're full of it if you think she'll be better off with strangers than for you to try." Puck lowers his voice looking at Caren somberly. "She needs you."
"Her mother would only make things worse. She let you stay and now she doesn't talk. Look at her."
"Could you let your wife talk without shooting her down or trying to control what's coming out of her mouth? You are the absolute worse. Person or parent, you know that? Mercedes does talk. To me. But even if she was talking to everyone you wouldn't know because you haven't been here since day one. I mean, if she was my daughter I wouldn't have missed a day; she's not my daughter and I haven't missed a day. You just plain suck. And if I didn't care so much about your daughter I would-"
"None of that matters. None of it, boy. She's going to Willow Brooke and there is nothing you can do about it." The self-righteous tone Reese adopts doesn't betray his inner turmoil. He's hurt. Ashamed. He's been worse than an absent father. It would have been better if his Bambi never even knew him if it meant that his deeds didn't taint his beautiful daughter. That she wouldn't miss him when he didn't come home for days at a time. That she would have to second guess herself because he can't look at her without seeing the image of her mother reflected back at him. But he can't surrender to those emotions; he's never once in his life and he would not start now. A cruel smile curls onto his lips as he stares into the eyes of the teenager before him. He revels in the sudden dissipation of the fire flaming in the young man's eyes. The defeat. Reese has won this battle. Who is this boy that his daughter has chosen over him anyway? The thought sickens and infuriates him. His Bambi, called so because of her doe-like eyes, should want him. Should choose her daddy over some guy he's sure she hasn't know for very long. The fact that she is so welcoming to a stranger over blood is why she must go get help. His baby doesn't make sound decisions. He's doing what is best for her whether anyone else likes it or not.
Just as he is about to say more to Puck, burst his bubble a little more, Mercedes begins to stir drawing all attention to her.
Her head is downcast and her chest is rising and falling in quick succession with her short panting breaths. They hear a low rumbling growl emanating from the girl. Puck turns around to face her tightening his hold on her hand. He doesn't speak, though, for fear of agitating her further. The rumble gets louder as her breathing becomes more haggard until they can make out what she's saying. Her words come out slowly and hushed initially, "get. out. get. out. GET OUT. GET OUT. GET OUT!" escalating to a screech at the top of her lungs.
Puck, Caren, and even Reese make to leave the room, but one she will not let go. Feeling his grasp on her hand slacken, Mercedes tugs on his arm looking up at him with wounded eyes that speak volumes.
He lets her parents exit the room before taking residence on the bed beside English Girl, cradling her to his side.
Suffocating under the weights of her life, she releases it all onto Puck, yet again. This time she doesn't worry about what he thinks about her because she knows. She trusts him. He's the only person she wants to see her like this. So, she sits face buried in Puck's armpit crying it all out. She would need to if she had to go to Willow Brooke where she would know no one. God only knows how often she would be able to see Puck. After several minutes, Mercedes finally settles down.
"Hey, you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm…better. Thanks." She says trying to smile.
"No problem. Though I don't know what you're thanking me for."
"You're too modest." She nudges his side causing him to grin down at her. "For letting me soak another of your shirts and standing up to my parents. The stuff you said…"
"Like I said, no problem."
"I don't want to go, Noah."
"I know, I don't want you to go either, but if it helps I'll come to visit you every day that they allow me."
She hugs him firmly snuggling deeper into his side, "I would love that." For the first time, her mind lets her feel him. His hard muscles his beating heart, which seems to be beating a bit fast. But that doesn't matter she's too worried about the pace of her heart. Is something wrong? Is she having a heart attack? It feels like it. She takes a deep breath, and her rapidly beating heart nearly stops, her olfactory senses going into overdrive. He smells of soap with a musky hint that she knows is uniquely him. Closing her eyes, she allows it to sooth her frayed nerves drawing her back to the issue at hand. "Because if I have anything to say about it, which I probably won't, Mom and Dad are coming nowhere near me."
His heart quickens and he swears mentally. He shouldn't be feeling this way. Not now. The feel of her wrapped around him shouldn't affect him so, but it does. It shouldn't, so, he tamps down his excitement willing his racing heart to calm down.
"You think you can do me a favor?"
"Depends, what is it?"
"Promise me you'll do it."
"Noah, this sounds suspect. I don't like agreeing to something I know nothing about."
"Just promise. It's nothing bad, please."
Mercedes looks up at Puck and melts under his pleading eyes. "Okay, fine, I give in."
"You have to say it. Say you promise."
"Pushy. I promise. That better. Now, what is it I just promised to?"
"You just promised to do your best to get over this stuff with your mom. I don't care about your dad. You can hate him forever for all I care, but your mom, she doesn't deserve it. She loves you and only wants the best for you."
"Noah, I don't know-"
"Just give it a try. You promised remember."
"Yeah, yeah." She thinks for a while. "Why are you so concerned with my mom and me?"
"I don't know. I guess because it's just me and my mom-"
"Just you and your mom?"
"Yeah, my dad was never really around, and the last time I saw him, I was a little kid. I don't even remember his face. But my mom she's been there the whole time. She never stopped loving me, when I gave her plenty reason. She never left me even when I was acting out. So, I just feel strongly about how people treat their moms. You only get one, and you're really lucky if you get a good one. And you have a good one," Mercedes narrows her eyes, "she has her flaws, I know, but she's good. She loves you."
"I don't know."
"She does; trust me."
"I-I guess, but I-it'll take time."
"All I ask is that you try."
She looks up at him nodding her head, "Okay."
She rests her head on his shoulder again tightening the arms that are still wrapped around his body hugging him again this time much longer than before. Ignoring the nagging in the back of her head that she shouldn't be getting this close to him so soon. He very well could walk away and she would be left alone to deal with everything without his help.
Puck places his chin on top of her head breathing in her magnolia scent getting lost in the moment. He wants to be sensitive to the situation. He shouldn't be getting so close to someone who just tried to off themselves. Not for himself but for her. She's not ready for anything like that so soon. She needs time to adjust to life again. But for now, he hugs her back letting his mind drift away where the circumstances are different and English Girl isn't going to a mental hospital when she leaves Lima General.
"Aww, look at you two. If you guys aren't the cutest couple."
The two teens startle at the voice, and jump apart, yet, find a way to keep some contact. "Hey, Nurse April?"
"Yes, Noah, hello, how are you doing today?"
"I'm fine. You?"
"I'm doing great, I got Miss Jones, here, to speak to me when nobody else could besides you," she says with a wink, "and I get to check her out. Are you ready Mercedes?"
"Not so much."
April frowns at the response.
"Her parents are checking her into Willow Brooke today."
"Oh. I'm so sorry honey. But I'm sure it won't be so bad with this fine young man visiting you every day."
They both blush but don't say anything. Neither of them knows what to say. They aren't together and their friendship is fledgling, but both would be fooling themselves if they said the thought hasn't crossed their minds. There is a definite connection between them; however, it is too soon for them to define. It would be rash and reckless. So they ignore it because for now she needs him and he wants to be there for her.
April eyes the teenagers who are still touching hands despite their distance. And odd bunch. Clearly in love but too shy to show it. "I hate that you don't want to go, but you have to, so, how about you hop into this wheelchair and let me wheel you out. I saw your parents in the hall and they said they'd be waiting for you outside."
Puck breaks the contact we have been maintaining since he entered the room he stands up to allow me access to the wretched wheelchair I'm supposed to ride out of here in. Except I refuse to move. I just look up at Noah questioningly. It takes him a second; he's confused, but just as he always seems able to read my mind, he deciphers what I want.
"Uh, Miss April, do you think it will be okay if I rolled Mercedes out."
"Sure, that'll be fine. I'll be outside waiting on you two." Nurse April walks out of the room smiling. Oh to be young and in love.
Mercedes eyes the wheelchair dreading being wheeled out as if she's lost the use of her limbs. Puck catches the leery expression. "Aww, come on. It's policy, and you get me to shove you around instead of some nurse."
"And that makes it better how?"
"Because you'll be the girl being pushed around by some crazy hot guy, which translates into cool and not the other way around with the nurse."
"O—kay. I take back what I said earlier. Someone is mighty full of themselves."
"Never said I wasn't, but you got to do it; it's regulation or something."
"How do you know that?"
"My mom told me once, I think, but it's true. So you gonna hop in?"
"Yeah, in a minute?"
"Sure. Take your time." Puck strolls over to fill the space near Mercedes. Sitting there he wonders if he would have ever gotten a chance to know Mercedes as he does now. If not for that ill-fated day, would he at some point have gotten over his hang-ups, broke away from the crowd and spoken to English Girl? I don't know. I would like to think I would have but who's to say. All that matters is that I'm here for her now.
His forearm lies just millimeters away from her own. She can feel the warmth of his skin as if it belongs to her. She's going to miss this. Seeing him every day. Him being there whenever she needed him. A distant part of her wishes that they could have become friends before her attempt on her life. Maybe she wouldn't have ever fallen in love with Finn and maybe she wouldn't have felt like throwing her life away. But the better part of her knows there was no chance of that happening in this past or that future. She detests the thought and the light it shines on Puck, the crude realization it places on her burgeoning friendship with him, which only happened because he saved her life. Had he not been there for her that day she might only be English Girl to him and he that dumb jock to her. Or she would be dead. So, contrary to how she feels about why they are now friends; she is grateful she has him all the same.
"You ready yet?"
Taken from her thoughts, Mercedes nods in affirmation, and climbs into the wheelchair. Puck follows behind her grabbing the handles on the chair pushing her hesitantly toward the door. He doesn't realize he's barely moving until Mercedes questions him about it.
"Hey, I'm okay; you know we can go a little faster, right?"
"Uh, oh. Yeah." He speeds up only to slow down again finally stopping. Standing behind Mercedes, Puck stuffs his hand into his pocket immediately wrapping his hand around the worn paper. Anxiety fogs his mind. He has to tell her about the letter. She hasn't asked, probably hasn't thought of it, but he feels that she should have it. Should face her demons. Maybe not today, but she should eventually. "Uh, English Girl?"
"Yeah?" She turns around to look up at him, the nickname making a slight smile grace her face.
He avoids her gaze and moves to stand in front of her. Going with the Puck approach, he pulls the letter from his jean pocket thrusting it into Mercedes' face. She eyes him confused, one eyebrow raised, head tilted to the side.
"Uh, I know – well, it's – uhm, you wrote a letter?"
Recognition takes over her features. Mortification replaces it. She can feel the sting of tears in her eyes. He's read it; she knows. Mercedes doesn't say anything. What does she say? Things have not progressed to a place where she can openly talk about all of the things that caused her to want to end it. She's not ready for that, so she just looks at the letter as if it were the plague without uttering a sound.
The conflict warring within English Girl registers with him. He is aware that this could possibly put a dent in what it is that they have, could cause her to shut down, and close him out, but he promised to be there, to help. So he is.
"I don't really know what you're thinking, but you're probably wondering why I have it still or at all, and why I haven't given it to you. I guess I was waiting for the right time – I didn't want to spring it on you and it upset you – though you seem pretty freaked right now, but I don't know, I just thought now would be the best time." He's rambling, he knows it, but she's looking at him with an expression he can't read so in spite of wanting to shut up, he knows he has more to explain. Taking her hand and squatting in front of her, he tells her what he thinks she needs to hear. "I know seeing this letter brings back all of these feelings and memories, like reliving your hurt. But I believe that one day you'll look at this and the urge to hurl won't be there because you have overcome all the junk that hurt you in the past." He pulls a broken pocket watch from his coat pocket. "My dad gave me this the last time I saw him. Days later I broke it because he had lied to me essentially abandoning me. For a long time, I hated the site of this thing," he says turning it over in his hands, "hated how it made me feel when I saw it, but as time went on and with my mom's help, I saw it for what it was, my dad saying goodbye. He gave me all that he could give me. So now I just remember my last day with him and how happy I was. It hurts. It will always hurt but not like before. Not ever as much as before."
Mercedes wraps her hand around the letter Puck is holding, but before she can pull her hand back, her hand is opened and the broken pocket watch is placed atop the letter. "Whenever you feel like the pressure is getting too much or you're hurting too much just remember with time it will get better. That you are stronger than your past."
A tear streams down her face and she turns her head from the boy in front of her. She's grateful he doesn't say anymore and moves to push her towards what she feels is going t be the highest hurdle she has ever attempted to jump.
Rolling through the sliding doors to the outside, she is faced with her parents still arguing, unaware that she has finally left that horrible room. Her only comfort is the smiling face of Nurse April and Puck's reassuring hold on her shoulder. Once they reach the nurse, Puck stops pushing and Mercedes climbs out of the chair. She gives April the warmest smile the lady has ever seen. To the girl's surprise, the nurse wraps her in a bone crushing hug. "Don't let this one go. He loves you very much and wants to be there for you, so, let him. Things will be much easier with his help." Mercedes nods her head returning the hug. When they separate Nurse April takes the wheelchair and bids them both a goodbye.
Glancing in the direction of her parents, she freezes. These two people who are responsible for my existence can't be bothered to set aside their difference to make this as pleasant an experience as possible for me. Noah has no idea how much his presence means to me. If not for him…I don't want to think about it. Clutching the watch in my hand, I allow my thoughts to focus on the person standing behind me. Spinning around, I bury my face in his chest embracing him as tightly as my arms permit. I need him to feel my gratitude because I fear that if I try to express myself verbally I wouldn't be able to hold it together.
"Mercedes!"
"Reese leave them alone."
Mercedes ignores her father's call continuing to hug Puck. When she untangles herself, his hands find her face cupping each cheek her hands rest on his hips. "Don't worry, okay. I'll be there every day that I can. I promise."
"Mmhm, I know." Mercedes whispers; her eyes boring into Puck's.
"Mercedes! Let's go. We have to check you in before four. Hurry up. I'm sure he'll be around in a week when they allow visitors," her father says arrogantly.
She jerks around fuming at her father. She would have to go an entire week without her only support system. She sheds silent tears. Her body trembles with her sniffles and she feels like she's about to collapse. Then as if he'd read her mind, she feels his strong hand grasp her shaking one stepping beside her. "Hey, everything is going to be okay. As soon as the week is up I'll be there. I know it seems like forever, but it's just a week. It'll be over before you know it." Lowering his mouth to her ear, he whispers, "Don't let them get to you. And don't forget what you promised me." He's angry. So angry he could kill, but he has to be strong for English Girl. If that means smothering his anger to make her feel better, he will do it gladly.
For a moment, Mercedes' breath hitches and her heart flutters. The feel of his warm breath that oddly smelled of chocolate playing over her ear causes her stomach to lurch as if she were falling. Not wanting Puck to notice she quickly gathers herself. He couldn't know how pathetic she truly is. "I won't. Will you walk me to the car?"
"Of course, anything to further annoy your lousy dad."
"What about me?" she asks in jest.
"I'd do anything for you."
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nakala