DISCLAIMER: Nope. Don't own it. Wish I did. Especially after these two awesome episodes of season 10!
AN: Thanks to Emy who is always there with a kind word and a review! Also, super special thanks to my two prereaders! Love ya, Gus and G!
WARNING: Trigger warning for violence against women. It doesn't get graphic, but I felt the need to put the warning up here. It happens on July 3rd, so be aware. :)
February Twenty-Eighth
Ryan sucked in a breath as she looked at the pregnancy test again. She'd looked at the damn thing fifty million times since she'd taken it this morning and it had given her the little blue plus sign. Shit, she thought. I'm fucked three ways from Sunday with this. She honestly hadn't thought about getting pregnant when she and Dean were together. It hadn't even crossed her mind that it could happen that quickly. She knew, looking back, it hadn't been the right time in her cycle. There was no way she should have been able to get knocked up that night before the vampire attack, yet, somehow, she'd done that very thing, and now look at her.
She licked her lips nervously as she tossed it in the trash and walked out of her bedroom and down the hall. She had to tell Hope. This wasn't going to be easy and she didn't know what to do. "Hopey?"
Hope looked up from her homework at the kitchen table. "Yes, Mommy?"
Ryan swallowed the nausea gnawing at her stomach. "Uh, I need to talk to you, okay?"
Hope smiled. "Sure. Can I take a break from my homework?"
Ryan nodded. "Absolutely, pumpkin. Wanna get a drink and have a seat in the living room on the couch?"
Hope jumped up, went and grabbed a juice pouch from the refrigerator, then proceeded to flop onto the couch. "What's going on, Mom?" the girl asked after she punched the little straw into the packet with determination.
Ryan bit her lip as she walked into the living room and perched on the end of the sofa. Hope quickly moved to snuggle closer, she usually did.
Ryan was speechless for a moment. She honestly hadn't anticipated having this conversation, not now, not ever, actually, but then certain events took place three months ago and well, now…
Hope's big, doe eyes looked up at her. "Mommy? Are you okay?"
Ryan hugged her tightly to her. "Yeah, hun, I'm fine, why?"
"You haven't felt good lately."
Ryan winced. What she'd felt, was terrible. "You're right. I haven't felt well."
"And you haven't been hunting much."
Ryan shook her head. "No, I haven't. I didn't feel well, and after all the hunting I did in the fall, I didn't want to take time away from you over the holidays and your birthday…" Then, once I suspected what was going on, I didn't want to risk hunting…
"And now you're sick. What's wrong, Mommy? Can I make you feel better?"
Ryan hugged her daughter. "Oh, honey, I'm fine, I promise."
The little girl pulled away, sat back and put her feet up and her head resting on her knees. "You're not…you're not dying are you? You don't have the cancer, do you?"
"What?! No, of course not!" Ryan exclaimed in shock. "Where did you hear about cancer?"
"Janie McAlister's aunt has breast cancer. She's having to have her bobbies removed! But they said she will be okay after she gets some kind of medicine that makes her hair fall out. We talked about it in class."
Ryan nodded. "Yes, some people do get cancer, sweetheart, but, no, I'm fine."
"Then what's wrong?"
Ryan opened her mouth when the phone rang. "Damn it," she muttered under her breath. "Hold that thought, sweetie, okay?" She stood and walked over to where her cell phone was plugged in on the kitchen counter. She glanced at the caller I.D. and smiled. Well, she guessed she could kill two birds with one stone on this thing. At least if Hope's little ears were listening, he couldn't yell at her too much, right?
She hit the button and began walking back to the couch. "Bobby, hey, listen, I'm getting ready to tell Hope something, you can listen in…"
"Ryan?"
She stopped. The voice definitely was not Bobby Singer. "Who is this?"
"It's Sam. Sam Winchester."
She gasped and grabbed onto the kitchen chair as the room spun. "Sam? What are you doing calling me from Bobby's phone? Is he alright? Is Dean?"
"Dean's fine. I'm on my way to a case. Dean's neck deep in this Leviathan thing. I just…I wanted to call you."
Her brow furrowed. "Okay…"
"Listen, I don't know how close you and Bobby are, but I think he knows you pretty well, so, I just wanted to be the one to call and tell you…"
Her breath caught. "Sam…" No. It couldn't be. Not Bobby. Never Bobby…
"Ryan, I'm sorry, Bobby's dead."
She let out a sob as she sank to the floor. "No, Sam, no."
"I'm afraid so."
"H-How?" she managed as Hope ran over to her and squeezed as close to her as she could.
"It was Dick Roman," his voice stated flatly.
Her brain wasn't computing. What? "The entrepreneur?" she managed.
"Yes. He's Leviathan. He's trying to take over the world."
"You're kidding."
"No. He…the three of us found out he's contaminating the meat at [Big]ersons. I don't know what he's up to, but it's bad, Ryan. You keep your head down, alright? I just…after we met up a few months ago, I just figured you'd want to know. I'm going through Bobby's phone and calling all his contacts, letting them know."
She could barely form words but she managed to eek out, "When?"
"A couple of weeks ago."
"And did you…" she couldn't ask if they'd burned his body. She knew they had, of course they'd given him a proper burial.
"He got a hunter's funeral, yes. Dean and I took care of it."
She swallowed and had to resist the nausea rolling again. Bobby was dead. The only person in the world who knew the truth about Hope. Except Gabe, who went incommunicado. She hadn't heard from him months. She didn't feel any different, but she could only assume he'd bounced. "How are you? How's Dean?"
"Fine."
"Sam…" she warned.
He chuckled. "Yeah, we're not fine. But we're alive. We'll be okay. You okay?"
She thought of the news she was about to spring on Hope, what she had hoped to tell Bobby. Oh, he would have chewed her up and spit her out and probably forced her and Dean together, but now… "I'm fine," she whispered.
"Okay, well, take care of yourself."
"You too, Sam," she whispered as she punched the 'end' button on her phone.
"Mama?"
Ryan pulled her daughter tight to her and sobbed.
April Thirteenth,
Ryan grabbed the phone on its fourth ring. "'Lo?" she panted. She'd misplaced the damn phone again. She was getting more and more forgetful each passing day of this damn pregnancy. Of course, she was still adjusting to the new house, even weeks later.
They'd moved two weeks after Sam called telling her about Bobby's death. She'd made up an excuse to Tory and Andy about her cousin wanting to see her kid, that she was in a dropped down detox facility and surprisingly, they'd bought it with hugs and tears. She'd told them she needed to take time off from hunting. She hadn't lied. She did need to take time off from hunting. She certainly couldn't risk the life of her unborn child.
"Ryan?"
She smiled. "Hey, Garth. What's up?"
"Are you anywhere near Kansas by any chance?"
She glanced down at her now rounding stomach and grimaced. "Nope. Sorry. What's up?"
"Aww, nothing, I guess. I've just got an issue down here."
She listened with half an ear as she got Hope's glass of milk and peanut butter crackers for her bedtime snack. "What kind of issue? Can I help over the phone?"
He blew out a breath. "No. I don't know what's going on. I thought it was a vengeful spirit, so, I Garth'd her, but it must not be her…just had another body show up."
She winced as the baby kicked her in the ribs. She was five months along. She hadn't remembered being able to feel Hope this early on in the pregnancy, but she figured every kid was different. "Sorry, Garth. I'm a little busy at the moment, can't just drop everything."
"No biggie, Ryan. Thanks anyways. You know if Tory is available?"
"I don't know. I haven't talked to her lately, Garth. You got any chips you can call in?"
He paused, thinking. "Yeah, I do. Dean owes me one."
She blinked as her heart rate sped up. "Dean…Winchester?"
"Yeah. I helped him out a few months back when his brother was hooked up with some chick. Something about a love potion."
Ryan rolled her eyes. If it wasn't one of those two getting into trouble, it was the other. She missed Bobby's stories about them almost as much as she missed Bobby. "Okay, well, good, I guess. Talk to you later, Garth."
"Yeah, talk to ya later, Ry's."
She grinned at his nickname for her and hung up the phone.
"Mama? Who was that?" Hope asked as she came to the table for her snack.
"Just a hunting friend, baby."
"We don't see any of our friends anymore."
Ryan rubbed her stomach again. "No, we don't, sugar. I'm sorry."
"I hate it. I wish we could move back to Phoenix! I wish we could go back to how we were! I hate North Carolina! I wish this stupid baby was never being born!" She turned and ran down the hallway and Ryan jumped as Hope's door slammed shut.
Ryan felt the baby kick again and she sighed. "Gabe, I sure wish like hell you were still here. Do you know how hard it is not to have anyone?"
Hope had been shocked to learn she was going to have a little brother or sister, which had led to a slew of questions that had then led to the birds and bees talk. Luckily, Ryan gave her an abridged version of sex. At seven, the kid didn't need to know all the dynamics of making a baby. Ryan felt sure she'd have plenty of time to spill those particular beans in the future.
It took some time for Ryan to assure the girl that yes, she would still love her, even after the baby came, and that, also, yes, they had the same daddy, she then had to calm the girl's fears about their daddy loving the new baby more than her. That, naturally, had led to tears on both sides as Ryan reminded her she might never get to meet her daddy, and neither would the baby. It sucked ass, it really did, and Ryan had picked up the phone more than once, bringing up Dean's telephone number, before punching the 'end' button and sitting to sob awhile.
She swallowed hard, then made her way down the hall. She lightly tapped on Hope's door with her finger. "Hope? Can I come in?"
She didn't hear a reply, so she slowly opened the door to find the girl draped dramatically over her bed, sobbing. Well, give those folks at Disney a round of applause. They sure do know how to teach a kid how to throw a sob fit.
Ryan walked over and perched on the edge of the bed while rubbing Hope's back gently. "I'm so sorry, sweetie. I know this isn't fair to you."
"Why can't we tell, Mommy? It's good news when people has a baby. You said so."
Ryan smiled softly as Hope slipped up on the words. Usually, the little girl spoke like a miniature adult, but occasionally, Ryan was reminded of how young her daughter actually was. "It is good news, and I'm not ashamed of this baby, Hope, but it isn't safe. You know I've told you how we have to keep it a secret that you're my daughter, that you're Dean's daughter…well, the same goes for your brother."
Hope turned over then and stared at her mom. "But…Mommy…they were your best friends! Can't you tell them a secret?"
Ryan bit her lip. Gabriel never said she couldn't tell her friends, and truthfully, she knew Tory and Andrea would both be hurt by the fact she had hid this from them, but she had to protect these kids. It was worth more than her own life. She knew that. "Some secrets can be shared, yes, but some have to be kept at all costs, Hope. Bobby knew the truth about you and me and Daddy, but he was the only one. Now, he's gone."
"But…I love Tory and Andy. I miss them."
"I miss them too," Ryan admitted. "It's only for a few months, babe. Once the baby's born, then we can get settled down and then we can hook back up with them again."
"You promise?"
Ryan smiled sadly and opened her arms for a hug, which Hope fell into with another sob. Ryan rubbed the girl's hair and kissed her forehead. "I promise, sugar, we'll get back with them sometime soon." She pulled her daughter away and looked at her. "Besides, won't it be nice to make new friends?"
"I always make friends, Mommy, but you never do. You never have any friends."
Ryan opened her mouth to argue, but the girl was right. She kept everyone at arm's length, had for years, since long before Hope's arrival. Andy and Tory had been the closest she'd let anyone in for a long time, and then, at the first sign of a change on the wind, she'd abandoned them. She knew it was for the best. It had to be. At least for now. "Well, I'll start making more of an effort, how about that, Hopey?"
Hope hugged her again. "Okay, Mommy."
Ryan's arms tightened around her daughter until the little girl squeaked. "Mom!"
Ryan smiled as she continued hugging and rocking the girl. "I'm still hugging you, I'm still hugging you," she sing-songed until they were both in a puddle of giggles.
They both fell back on Hope's bed and Hope snuggled into her mom's side. "I love you, Mommy. Let's always be like this."
"Of course we will, sugar. You'll always be my little angel-face. Don't you forget it."
The girl was silent for a moment before she pondered, "Wonder what the baby's name will be?"
Ryan shrugged. "I don't know. I thought maybe Robert, or Jonathan, or Samuel…" Something to honor people that Dean loves.
"No, not the baby's name-name. His nick-name. You call me 'angel-face' so what's his name?"
"You don't like Peanut?" Ryan had been calling him "Peanut" ever since she found out she was pregnant, and it had caught on with Hope.
Hope shook her head. "Nope."
Ryan chuckled. "Well, I'm sure we'll think of something."
"M'kay." The girl yawned.
"Ready for bed?"
"Can you tell me a story?"
"Sure, sweetie. What kind of story?"
"About how you and Daddy fell in love."
Ryan's heart lurched. She knew Dean didn't love her, but that didn't diminish the love she felt for him. So, she put on a smile. "Well, let's see…it goes all the way back to when I was a little girl."
"Like me?"
Ryan chuckled. "Nope, even younger than that. See, Daddy and I knew one another as babies."
"I didn't know that!"
Ryan nodded. "Mmm-hmm, yep. We did. Our mothers were good friends. We played together every day on the playground near our houses."
"But then Daddy's mommy died?"
Ryan paused. "Yes, then Daddy's mommy died."
"A monster killed her."
"A monster did kill her, you're right."
"And Daddy's daddy became a hunter."
"Right. He became a hunter and taught Daddy and Uncle Sam everything he knew…"
Ryan talked until her voice went hoarse and the little girl was slack against her. Ryan stood, kissed the little girl's forehead, made sure her stuffed dog was tucked into her side, then slipped from the room.
She made it to her own room before she broke down and sobbed. It's not supposed to be this hard. I'm not supposed to care this much. I'm not supposed to love Dean this absolutely…but she knew it was all a lie. She couldn't love him less if her soul depended on it. She was his, no matter what.
June Twentieth
"No. NO!" Ryan screamed as she finished reading the words. "No, no, no, no, no, no…" she had the phone in her hand before she could think. "Please, God…no…"
The voicemail picked up and she heard his voice. "This is Dean's other, other cell phone. If you've got this message, you know what to do."
"D-Dean? Please…God…Dean, it's Ryan. Please…" The phone fell from her grasp as the sobs enveloped her. Dean and Castiel had killed Dick Roman and vanished. That's where the gospel ended. They vanished. That was it. The end. Poof. "No!" she cried again as she picked the phone up off the floor and called Sam's cell number.
"Hey, this is Sam. Leave a message."
"Sam…it's Ryan. Please. I need to talk to you. It's important." She bit her lip and pushed the "end" button. This…this wasn't happening. Was it?
July Third,
Ryan blew out an exhausted breath. She'd tried every contact she could find and no one knew where Sam was, no one had heard anything about Dean, it was as if both Winchesters had fallen from the face of the earth. She hadn't received any new Gospels, either, so she was floundering. She put on a happy face, though, it was the best she could do. Hope didn't need to know about any of it, and the worry wasn't helping Ryan or her pregnancy anyway.
"Hopey, come on! I need to get to the grocery store before they close if you want me making cupcakes for the Fourth of July party tomorrow!" Why she had agreed to go to the lake when she was big as a barrel, she wasn't sure, but Hope had made friends with the next door neighbor and Kaylee's mother had invited them to the lake for fireworks, and, Ryan, being a sucker for the patented Winchester Pout couldn't say 'no' to Hope's pleading.
"Coming, Mommy!" the little girl cried as she ran past her and out to the car.
Ryan resisted the urge to roll her eyes. The child was a blessing, that much was true, but she was also the slowest person on the planet. Seriously, Hope had her own time frame and you didn't fuck with it.
The little one squirmed and she placed a hand on her stomach. "I know, little guy, she drives me crazy, too, but we love her."
She made her way down the steps slowly, careful of her huge belly and walked to the car. "Hope, did you get the grocery list?"
"Uh…lemme check," Hope stated as she looked in her mom's purse. "Yep! See! I told you I could do it!"
Ryan smiled. "Thanks, sweetheart. Okay, now, you said yellow cake with Mama's special chocolate frosting, right?" Ryan had intended on making a flag cake, or something that looked a bit more festive, but she let the kid choose, and the kid loved chocolate, and, well, Ryan's chocolate icing recipe really was fucking epic.
Hope nodded as she buckled her seatbelt. "Yup, and red sprinkles!"
"Naturally," Ryan stated as she put the car in reverse and backed out of the drive.
The grocery store was only about a ten minute walk, but with her stomach distending more each day, she was having issues with walking too far. Honestly, had she not known the exact day she'd conceived, she would swear she was further along than she was. With Hope, she'd gained a little weight, once she started keeping food down, that is, but with this one, she looked like she swallowed a beach ball or possibly an inflatable pool.
The grocery store was dead, which, considering it was almost ten o'clock at night, didn't surprise Ryan in the least. She had meant to get the cupcake supplies a few days ago, but Hope had come down with strep throat which, thanks to a doctor's visit had caused her to catcha stomach bug, which Ryan had caught and became dehydrated and almost had to be hospitalized, so now that they were on the mend, they were making up for lost time.
Hope skipped eagerly by her mother's side, sticking right with her as Ryan always made her do. Ryan kept a close eye around as they walked into the store, always cautious of her surroundings, now even more so since she was pregnant.
They made quick work of their list. Ryan was eager to get them both back in the car. As they walked out of the store, the hairs on the back of her neck stood up and she felt a trickle of cold fear run down her spine. She wasn't sure why, she just felt like something was off.
"Mama?" Hope asked uncertainly, no doubt feeling the edge to Ryan's mood.
Ryan took another glance around the empty parking lot. The store was on a fairly busy highway, but at this time of night, there was little traffic. Two of the security lights were out in the lot as well, making the area dark and spooky. "Hurry and get in the car, Hope. Grab Mama's bag…" Ryan always kept a .45 in a secondary bag along with the one in her purse and a spare under the seat to go with the arsenal in the trunk and the gallon of holy water on the back floorboard. She tossed the grocery bags in the back seat when something shoved her to the ground. She felt the skin tear across her temple as she landed.
Hope screamed and Ryan turned over as quickly as she could onto her back to look up…right into the face of a werewolf. She reached for her purse which had fallen to the ground and the thing snarled at her and picked her up by her shirt. "Mmmm…pregnancy hormones taste delicious in your blood," he whispered and she smelled his repulsive breath fan across her face, causing her to gag.
"You're so pretty, little lady. And look, a little girl, too. Innocent hearts taste delicious as well. I can't wait to taste you both…"
"Mama!" she heard Hope cry and Ryan's eyes narrowed as she started punching and kicking.
The werewolf just laughed as he backhanded her, knocking her to the ground again and this time her head bounced off the pavement. She could feel the sticky wetness of blood begin to matte in her hair.
"Oh, a fighter, hmmm? I like that."
He stomped on her left leg, breaking it, and she cried out as the pain shot through her. She began crawling on the ground toward her purse. If she could just reach it…she always kept her guns stocked with silver bullets, just in case, unless she was going to be working a case she knew wasn't werewolf in nature. She had the silver knife stowed on her hip, under her maternity top, but she didn't want to use it. It could get too close and either bite her, or claw her, and that thought terrified her to her toes.
"Tut, tut, tut, don't crawl away from me," he sing-songed as he came to her, flipped her, and picked her up by her throat, shoving her against the front quarter panel of her car. He bent her backward over the hood and took a long sniff of her. "My, my, my, I will definitely feast tonight."
"Hey, asswipe!" Ryan heard as she felt the blackness encroaching. "Don't you know it's impolite to play with your food?"
The gunshots rang out, pop, pop, pop, and Ryan collapsed to the ground, gasping for breath, hitting her head again in the process. She looked over to see Hope holding the smoking gun. "Hope!" she cried, crawling over the werewolf's corpse to her daughter.
Hope dropped the gun. "Mama!" She ran and fell sobbing into Ryan's arms.
"My baby, oh, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" She started checking Hope over for wounds.
"I'm fine, Mommy. Is the baby okay? Are you okay?"
Just then, a horrible pain gripped Ryan's midsection and she cried out as her stomach tightened. No, no, not now! "H-Hopey, I…I think I might be going into labor…"
Hope's eyes were wide with horror. "What do we do, Mommy?"
Ryan swallowed back a sob. Oh, how she hated the fact that her daughter was so sad and scared. She hugged her even though the pain was definitely not normal. Something wasn't right at all. "Call 9-1-1. Tell them the man attacked us. Someone came up and shot him and left. Con-convince the cops, o-okay, sweetie?" She felt unconsciousness envelop her again. "Hope…I love you. It'll-It'll all be okay…"
She couldn't fight it even as she heard Hope's screams of terror as the blackness took hold.
When Ryan regained consciousness, she was in the back of an ambulance. "Hope!" she screamed, trying to get up.
"Calm down, Mrs. Young," the EMT said and Ryan smiled despite the pain, fear, and uncertainty coursing through her. Hope was smart…she knew to check her mother's wallet for her fake ID first and adjust her story accordingly. The kid was a natural. "Your little girl is riding in the police car right behind us."
She breathed out a relieved sigh but then groaned loudly as another contraction almost split her in two. "My baby…" she managed as she wrapped the arm not currently sporting an I.V. around her stomach.
"…Seems determined to come. How far along are you?"
"Thirty one and a half weeks…"
The EMT's eyes darkened slightly. "You're sure?"
Ryan nodded and swallowed back a tear. "Y-yes. D-during my husband's leave, b-before he went back to Afghanistan…" It was the lie she had been telling from the start, ever since she started using the fake ID of Ryan Young, a call back to the first alias she'd heard Dean use.
The EMT looked down at her sadly. "Alright, it will be fine. Do you have anyone you can call? Your daughter said you two are all alone."
Ryan nodded. "It-it's just us." She had hated cutting ties with Tory and Andy, but, once the baby was born and she was back to fighting again, she would hook back up with them. She hoped.
"Okay, we'll get you taken care of. Your leg is broken but we can set it. Unfortunately, if the doctors can't stop your contractions, this little one may be coming out early."
"No…" she whimpered as the pain assaulted her again.
Just then, the bus pulled to a stop and she was moved out into the night. "Mama!" she heard and she turned her head in time to see Hope with a grandfatherly looking cop.
"She's in good hands," the man shouted as they rushed her through the doors.
Everything after that passed in a whirl of activity. The baby must have sensed her distress because he was coming right then. She barely had time to prepare before she was wheeled to a delivery room. They hadn't even had time to x-ray her leg. She dilated faster than anyone anticipated, and since both of their vital signs were good, she was allowed to deliver him.
She sobbed as he was taken away for the nurses to look at while she delivered the afterbirth. He was whisked away to the NICU before she had a chance to see him. At four pounds, two ounces, he was tiny but actually large for his gestational age, which the doctors seemed quite pleased with. And the OB/GYN on call who delivered him felt he was quite well developed, also.
She was taken to x-ray for her head, which, naturally, showed a concussion, and of course, for her leg. Luckily her leg had a clean break of her Fibula and only a hairline fracture to her Tibia so it was set without much fanfare. She was put in a cast before she was wheeled up to a private room. "Where is my daughter?" she asked when the nurse came in only a few moments more.
"She's being brought up by Sergeant Steadman."
Ryan dropped her head back against the pillow and winced. She felt like she'd been worked over by Mike Tyson. At least she wasn't missing an ear, too.
"Mommy!" she heard and saw Hope running into the room at full speed, stopping short just at her bed. "Mommy, are you alright?"
Ryan smiled and held her arms out wide for her daughter, not caring how sore she was. She needed one of her babies in her arms. "You've got a little brother, sweetheart," she whispered.
"What's his name?"
Ryan closed one eye and looked at Hope. "I don't know. What do you think?"
Hope thought a moment, then smiled. "Bobby. Just like grandpa."
Ryan sobbed all the harder. Hope had begun calling Bobby her grandfather sometime in the first weeks after his death. "Robert. I like it."
Hope nodded. "Robert Gabriel."
Ryan gasped. "What makes you say Gabriel, Hope?"
The little girl shrugged. "I dunno, it just seems like it fits. Robert Gabriel Winchester," she whispered to her mom.
Ryan swallowed back the fresh batch of tears and nodded. "Done." She turned to the nurse that walked in with the paperwork for the baby's birth certificate. "Robert Gabriel will be his name." She had contemplated naming him "John" or "Jonathan" but had eventually decided against it. This was perfect. Bobby meant something to both sides of this little boy's family, so Hope was right, it was perfect. His birth certificate would end up being forged just like Hope's was, anyway.
Ryan filled out the papers as the nurse busied herself around the room. "When will I get to see him?" Ryan asked tiredly as she handed the clipboard to the woman after she checked her blood pressure and vital signs again.
"In a few hours. He's perfect, Mrs. Young. I saw him in the NICU nursery. He's just a bit small," the nurse soothed with a smile.
Ryan saw her slip something into her IV and before she could object, she felt sleep overtaking her.
"Mommy, I'll be here when you wake up…" was the last thing she heard.
Ryan awoke all at once and gasped as consciousness slammed into her. "Fuck," she muttered under her breath as the pain accosted her.
"Mommy?"
She smiled guiltily over at her daughter, who was coloring on the table pulled over to the recliner. Day was breaking outside. "Hey, munchkin," she said with a smile as she held open her arms for the girl again. "Did you sleep?"
Hope shrugged. "A little. I wasn't sleepy and I wanted to stay away in case another werewolf came. I hid the gun and snuck it in my backpack. I didn't figure you'd be mad…"
Ryan shook her head and held back the tears as the little girl slipped onto the bed with her. She kissed Hope's hair and breathed in the wonderful creature in her arms. "No, you did good, Hopey. You saved me and Bobby. You're a hero."
"Like Daddy?"
Ryan's breath caught. She still hadn't told her Dean had disappeared. There was a time and a place for that. "Exactly like Daddy. He would be so proud if he knew."
The little girl was quiet for a moment before she grinned. "Hey, did you know? Bobby's a firecracker! His birthday is on July Fourth!"
Ryan laughed through the tears that were now cascading down her face. "Well, ain't that something?" She was silent a moment before she added, "I'm sorry I won't get to make you cupcakes for the party, honey." She had tried so hard to be the perfect mother for her daughter and she had failed the child yet again.
Hope turned her head to the side with a knit brow. "Are you kidding? I got a baby brother today! How cool is that? It's way cooler than some dumb old lake party and fireworks! Besides…" She leaned into Ryan a bit more and whispered, "I got to kill a werewolf, Mom! That's like…the coolest!"
Ryan narrowed her eyes at her daughter. "Don't think just because you got off a lucky kill shot, it means I'm going to let you hunt anytime soon, Hope."
Hope grinned ruefully. "I know, Mom. But still…how many other people can say that?"
Ryan inclined her head. "Too true. And if your dad were here, he would be so proud of you. You saved me and your little brother, Hope. You are truly a Winchester. You are a hunter, no doubt."
Hope beamed. "You think, one day, I'll get to meet him, Mom?"
She thought a moment. She couldn't tell the kid the truth. Not now. "I think it is very possible you'll get to meet him, Hope, someday. If you ever do, you know how to handle it, right?"
Hope nodded. "Don't let him know who I am, but let him see how awesome I am, let him see me for me, and like it because I'm awesome."
Ryan smiled sadly. She knew Dean would find his way out of wherever the hell he was, that was The Winchester Way, so to speak, but she didn't know if Hope would ever meet her father. Only time would tell with that. "Yeah, exactly that. I'm sorry, sweetie."
Hope shrugged. "It's okay, Mom. You said he can't know because it puts him and us in danger. It will make him less of a hunter if he's worried about us, so he can't know. And it will put us at danger because no one can know who my real father is because they would want to hurt us to hurt him."
Ryan pulled the girl tighter to her, ignoring the pain that radiated through her body. "You're too smart, sweetie. I'm so sorry it has to be this way."
"You said it has to be, right? Gabriel said."
"Yeah, Gabriel said."
"And Gabriel said I'm special 'cuz I've got the grace…" Ryan stayed silent and Hope continued. "Do you think Bobby will be special, too?"
Ryan thought of the baby and punched the button to call the nurse. She needed to see her son. Now. "Well, I don't think he'll have the angel grace, but I'm certain he'll be special in his own way." She wasn't actually certain about that. Gabriel had stayed quiet after she met up with Dean, but she couldn't be one hundred percent certain he didn't bounce after she'd conceived. She guessed she would never know.
A different nurse came in, with a bitchy look on her face at Hope being on her mother's bed. Hope made to scurry off the bed, but Ryan held her fast. She was still a hunter. She was stronger than most women in her situation. "I want to see my son," she stated, though, even to her ears, it sounded like a demand.
The nurse didn't say anything at first before she nodded in a clipped sort of way. "I will get a wheelchair for you, Mrs. Young. We will take you to see him."
Ryan nodded curtly. "You do that."
It seemed as if it took entirely too long for an orderly to arrive with a wheelchair, but finally he arrived. "Sorry, ma'am," the orderly told her after situating her in the chair and hanging her IV bag on the attached pole. He gestured his head toward Hope. "Kids can't come to the NICU."
Hope grinned and held up her coloring book. "I'll wait here."
Ryan shot her a sad look. "Sorry, kiddo. I know coloring isn't your favorite thing."
Hope shrugged. "It is my Littlest Pet Shop Activity Book from my bag. It's cool, Mom. I'll be right here. With you gone, I can watch cartoons on TV."
Ryan laughed lightly. "Well, enjoy yourself."
"Cute kid," muttered the orderly, making small talk as he wheeled her toward the NICU corridor.
Ryan's smile was genuine as she said, "Yeah, I think I'll keep her."
"So, you're all alone?"
Ryan blew out a breath. If only you knew how alone I am. "Yeah, well, got family coming in when we get home," she told him guardedly. She didn't need anymore attention than she already had.
The orderly nodded. "That's good. And it's lucky you broke your left leg. If your car's an automatic, you can drive in a few days, I guess, depending on what the docs say."
Like I'm not going to drive my own happy ass home, she thought. She had driven herself home the day after Hope was born. It would have been nice having some help, but that wasn't in the cards, was it? She'd had to pay the volunteer fifty bucks to look the other way as she'd gotten in the driver's seat of Demon with Hope strapped into the backseat. She felt sure she could do the same thing again this time, as long as she didn't have any pain meds in her system. She wouldn't try that, not with her precious cargo. Maybe she needed to call a cab…she still had to get her car from the grocery store parking lot, anyway.
"Here we go." The Orderly punched in a code and she was wheeled down the NICU corridor. "Someone will come and get you from here," he told her, parking her outside a door.
"Thanks," she murmured as she looked in the window. She didn't even know which one Bobby was. Had they gotten him right? What if someone had stolen him? What if demons used this hospital for their own personal baby buffet? What if...
The door opened just then and a cheery looking R.N. stepped outside. "Mrs. Young? We've been waiting for you!"
Ugh. Really? She's this cheerful around sick babies all day? How do these kids not have cavities by the time their teeth come in? But Ryan smiled as the girl wheeled her into the room.
She drove Ryan over to wash her hands and helped her put on some kind of gauzy gown over the top of her hospital gown and then wheeled her over to a bed. "Ready to meet your son?"
"More than," Ryan breathed as she looked into the bed. She didn't know why she doubted. As soon as she saw him, she knew he was hers. He looked identical to Hope when she was born, right down to Dean's nose on the baby's face. "He's beautiful," she sobbed as the nurse picked him up. Ryan couldn't quite stem the tears, then, decided just to go with it. She was a blubbering mess, but she didn't care. This, right here, this boy, and Hope, were her reasons for existence.
The nurse, Candace, Ryan noticed her nametag said, smiled. "Yep. He's a healthy little guy! Stronger than he was a few hours ago already! The docs are amazed. They've never seen such a preemie doing so well! It's almost unnatural."
Ryan's eyes shot to her questioningly and the nurse laughed. "No, it's fine, trust me. They've checked him all out, it's just, we aren't used to little ones with quite this much of a fighting spirit."
Ryan chuckled slightly at that. "Yeah, you should meet his dad if you want to talk about fighting spirit." She gasped as the pain radiated through her, but she took a calming breath. One day, she would be able to tell Dean about this. She knew it. This…him being gone, it was just temporary, she knew it.
"I don't know, his mom seems pretty brave. Sister too. They're talking about you, how that meth head attacked you."
Ryan shivered, despite herself. "Yeah, that was…terrible," she finally agreed.
"So, this little guy has been without a ventilator, so that's a good sign. His lungs are pretty good. He was wailing earlier. Apparently he's quite impatient when he's hungry.
Ryan couldn't help the laugh. "Another one of Daddy's traits. Dee doesn't like to wait for food either. Neither does Bobby's sister."
The nurse grinned. "Okay, so, we're probably going to start you pumping breast milk today. The lactation consultant will want your milk to come in so we can get all that fatty goodness for the baby's growth. He's being dropper fed formula for the time being. Don't worry, we won't give him any of your milk until you're off some of the stuff for your leg. We want those pain meds out of your system before we start giving him your milk. And, obviously, you'll need to stay on those for a few days and…"
"No," Ryan stated flatly. "I won't need any more pain meds."
"But your leg…"
"It'll be fine," Ryan said through clenched teeth. "I've got a high tolerance for pain. I wouldn't have taken what they gave me but they shoved it in my arm once they realized I wasn't allergic to anything." It wasn't the first broken bone she'd had. The last one, she had set herself with nothing more than a flannel shirt fashioned into a sling, a broken broom handle, a determined nature, and a bottle of whiskey until she could get to a doctor that would put a cast on without reporting it. "I, uh, I have had addictions in the past, so I don't like to tempt fate, you know?" It wasn't true, but she'd be damned if she was going to dull her senses any more than they already were. She needed to stay on her toes.
The nurse glanced at the scars running down Ryan's arms and nodded. "Well, in that case, we'll let you go twenty four hours without anything stronger than ibuprofen, then we'll reevaluate. You have a daughter, so you've nursed before, I take it?"
Ryan nodded dismissively as she eyed her son. She needed to hold him.
The nurse must have realized it, too, because she gently placed him in Ryan's arms. The baby grunted unhappily at being shifted around, but settled down easily enough in Ryan's embrace.
"Hiya, Bobby," Ryan cooed as she hugged him gently to her. "Oh, baby, you're beautiful. You look so much like your sister, it's not even funny. Man, did Daddy have to take all of your DNA? Would it kill you to look a little bit like me?"
The nurse was changing Bobby's bedding, but she smiled. "I've heard that the first born children look like their fathers, something about nature helping the fathers to bond or some crap, not sure I believe it. But then the second born children look like their siblings so they can somehow sense their familiarity. He'll probably look more like you the older he gets."
Ryan almost hoped if Dean ever did see Hope, he wouldn't guess she was his. She couldn't handle the hurt on his face if he found out before he was supposed to. "Hasn't worked for Hope thus far, but I guess we'll see. She's starting to look a bit less like Dee, but she definitely has her daddy's facial features. She's built more like me, though, I guess. Has my hair color, too."
"And it's a beautiful color. Chestnut, isn't it?"
Ryan shrugged. Her hair lightened to reddish more in the summer months, darkened in the winter. She'd never given it a lot of thought. She didn't put much stock in her appearance, anyway. She wasn't out to get a man, and Dean seemed to like her as she was, so that was all well and good.
"The doctor is coming to talk to you about the baby's health," the nurse reminded her a few moments later.
"I thought you said he was fine," Ryan began.
"He is, but he is a preemie. And preemies need different care than babies who are born thirty seven weeks or later."
Ryan just nodded as she nuzzled the baby. He was tiny, but he definitely seemed like a fighter.
The doctor strode in a few moments later. Ryan eyed him. He seemed like a cocky bastard, but since she was in love with a cocky bastard, she withheld further judgment as he held out a hand for her to shake. "Well, Mrs. Young, you've got a little fighter on your hands."
She smirked. "So I hear. How is he, Doctor? Really?"
"Other than being early? Fairly perfect, to be honest. His APGAR scores were eight and nine, so that's promising. His lungs are a little weak. We put him on a CPAP machine when he came in, but he hasn't shown any signs of respiratory distress. He is eating surprisingly well. Honestly, we're all a little shocked at how well he's doing. If I were a praying man, I'd say he'd been handed a miracle. And if I believed in voodoo, I'd say he'd had a spell cast over him for health. At this rate, I think it's safe to say we will be sending him home much earlier than the usual six weeks in NICU."
Her brain was bouncing in overdrive with worry. Miracles and voodoo. Well, wasn't that just her luck? But the baby seemed fine, and she knew for a fact he was all human, so she wasn't too worried. She was paranoid, had been ever since Hope's birth. And with good reason as her daughter had angel grace, but what could you do? "So you think we will get out of here sooner rather than later?"
He chuckled and looked at the cast on her leg. "It'll be a while, but, yes, I think so."
She was wheeled back to her room a short time later, more exhausted than she cared to admit. Bobby was perfect, she could tell. And that was all that mattered for this instance.
Hope was lounging on clean sheets on Ryan's bed when she was brought back in. "How's Bobby?" the little girl demanded as she scampered off the bed.
Ryan smiled as the orderly helped her back into bed. "He's awesome, Hopey."
"Good."
She gave a thanks to the orderly, who left without saying a word and patted the bed. Hope grinned and gently eased onto the mattress to snuggle with her mom. The nurses were holding the police at bay, for which Ryan was extremely grateful. She would have to make sure her story matched with Hope's, but that would come in a little bit. She'd been told they would come by tomorrow sometime.
They were silent for a moment and Ryan found herself rocking and humming "Smoke on the Water" like she used to do when Hope was a baby.
"Mommy?"
"Hmm?" Ryan had almost dozed off.
"I'm a big sister now."
"Yup, 'fraid so, kiddo." Ryan felt her eyes slipping closed.
"Just like Daddy's a big brother."
"Indeed." She didn't know how much longer she could stay awake.
"I'll protect Bobby just like Daddy protects Uncle Sammy."
Ryan smiled into her daughter's hair. "Of that, my dear, I have no doubts."
Hope yawned and Ryan did as well. They needed to get some sleep, if the nurses would let them. She could only hope they wouldn't have a problem with Hopey crashing in there with her until she was discharged. "Come on, the nurse said you can sleep in that cool little chair over there…"
Hope eyed the recliner warily. "Can't I just sleep on the bed with you, Mama?"
Ryan knew the kid would probably have nightmares, and if she were honest with herself, she probably would too. "Sure, babe. I think we can just sleep together in this little hospital bed. We'll just have to squeeze close."
And that's just what they did.
Ryan was discharged from the hospital two days later. Hope stayed with her the whole time. Bobby had to stay in the hospital for only three weeks before he had grown to six pounds, three ounces. He was strong, almost too strong. Ryan knew something wasn't quite normal for him to be that healthy that fast, but she had checked him over herself.
She gave him a bath in holy water, after she first tested a tiny patch on his foot. Nothing. She then brushed the flat edge of her silver knife over him and he didn't react to that, either. She had even gone so far as to steal a sample of his blood and perform other tests on it, but he didn't pop positive for anything. She knew, too, the werewolf didn't bite her. He hadn't even scratched her. She wondered if it was due to the vampire blood that had briefly been in her system right after she had conceived, but when she exposed Bobby's blood sample to dead man's blood it didn't do anything, either. After all those tests, she just went with the fact he was a fighter.
August Seventeenth,
They tried to settle back into their routine as best they could. Hope wasn't comfortable enough to sleep by herself in her room and Ryan was too terrified, herself, to even let Hope, so, they slept together until Bobby came home from the hospital. The cool factor of killing a werewolf wore off just as soon as the nightmares of it coming back to kill them started. Ryan she knew they couldn't continue living there. As soon as she got her cast off and moved to an air boot, she realized it was time for a move…
Ryan strapped Bobby into his car seat and jingled the little toys above his seat. He was fascinated by the sounds of them, already. She glanced over at her daughter. "All ready?"
Hope watched the moving van pull out with all their stuff in it. "They'll be careful, won't they? I don't want my lamp broken…"
Ryan smiled. The kid was a worrier. She had wanted to heal Ryan's broken leg, but outside of letting the girl touch it once or twice, Ryan refused to let her heal it completely. It was healing faster than normal, but Ryan didn't want her daughter taxing herself. "It's fine, Hopey. They move stuff for a living."
Hope eyed her warily. "Are you sure you know how to drive a trailer this big behind our car?"
Ryan didn't trust anyone else moving Demon, which was why her metal baby was situated in an enclosed rental trailer behind her newly acquired Ford Expedition. So, maybe Hope got her worrying from her mommy… "Trust me, Hope. I kill monsters for a living."
Hope shook her head. "That's your second job. Or maybe your third. You're a mommy first and now you're a business owner. You're not quite as big and bad as you think you are."
Ryan shot her a look. "I can handle driving a damn trailer, Hope," she stated irritably. Hope was all for this move and had wanted to leave as soon as Ryan mentioned it, which was good. Ryan wanted Hope to start the school year on time. She knew life had been tough on the Winchester boys and she didn't want that same fate to befall Hope, which was why they tried not to move too often. She really hoped they could stay, this time. Buying the business was a big risk, one she hadn't anticipated, but the deal was too good to pass up.
"You said you know the lady sheriff?" Hope was asking.
Ryan shook her head. "No, I don't know her, but Bobby did. He trained her some."
"And she knows the truth?"
Ryan nodded. "She does. She's killed zombies!"
"Cool," Hope's voice was full of awe.
Ryan chuckled under her breath as she Bobby's door shut and hopped up behind the wheel. "What ya say? Taylor Swift?"
"It's not Tuesday or Thursday, Mom."
"But it's a road trip. Road trips have different rules. We'll listen to one of your CD's, then one of mine this time. Deal?"
The little girl grinned. "Deal!"
She had given the moving truck instructions for once they arrived at her house in Sioux Falls, so she took her time driving up, making the road trip more of a vacation than anything. Hope had fun and that was the important thing.
Four days later she turned onto the long dirt driveway. "Is the place secure?" Hope questioned cautiously.
Ryan nodded. "I had special iron fencing put up and it connects here to a beam hiding under the driveway. We're basically inside a big iron square. It's some of the best protection I could give you guys. The door handles are inlaid in silver, and I'm going to add rosaries to the well so the water that comes through the house is all holy water."
"Mom! You're epic!"
Ryan chuckled. "I want you to feel safe, sweetheart."
"I always feel safe when I'm with you, Mommy," the little girl said, unbuckling and leaning up to give Ryan a hug.
They arrived at the house and Ryan smiled before she handed Hope a Hello Kitty key. "Here's your key to the house, sweetie. Go in and check it out."
Hope took the key and squealed as she dashed out of the car and to the house.
Ryan blew out a breath as she went to unstrap Bobby. She hoped she was doing the right thing moving to Sioux Falls. She had debated moving somewhere farther away from any other hunters, but at the same time, she didn't want to hide anymore. She needed a confidant, someone she could tell the truth to about Hope and Bobby. When she had read in the gospels time and again about Jody Mills, she knew where she was supposed to head next. She hoped maybe in buying the diner here she could cultivate a friendship with Jody, someone who knew Bobby and cared about him. Jody was a motherer and she would help Ryan. She felt sure of it.
As if her thoughts summoned the woman, the sheriff's car drove up. Ryan smiled. She had spoken to Jody on the phone a few days before they left and told her when they would be pulling in. She got Bobby out of the car and turned to the Sheriff. "Hello."
Jody smiled. "Hi, Ryan, right?"
Ryan nodded. "Good timing. We just pulled in."
"Good. I was here two days ago and watched the moving crew getting you settled in."
"Thanks, Sheriff Mills. You didn't have to do that."
"Jody. And I didn't mind, really. Anyone that was a friend of Bobby's is a friend of mine."
Ryan smiled. "Well, this is Bobby, too."
Jody looked at the baby with a sad smile. "Bobby 2.0, huh? You got some big shoes to fill, mister."
The baby looked at her and she grasped his fat little hand. "You're a cute little stinker, aren't you? You as charming as your namesake?"
Ryan snorted at that. "I highly doubt it."
Just then, Hope ran out of the house. "Mom! This place is perfect! They put my stuff in the room I would have wanted and everything!"
Ryan didn't bother telling the girl she had given the movers specific instructions on where the big furniture was supposed to go, so she just let that one slide. "Good, honey. Come meet Sheriff Mills."
Hope came over and shook the woman's hand. "Mom says you know about…stuff."
Jody knelt down to the little girl and nodded. "Yeah, I do. You're safe with me, kid, I promise. I had some great teachers."
"Mama told me. Papa Bobby trained you, right?"
Jody nodded. "And so did the Winchester boys. Have you heard of them?"
Hope's eyes grew wide. "You-you know them? Do they come here often?" She turned to her mother. "Mom! She knows them! She knows them, too!"
Ryan closed her eyes and took in a calming breath. "Hope, grab your suitcase from the car and go on inside, put that stuff away, alright? That way we can find your toothbrush and stuff easily tonight."
Hope bit her lip and nodded. "Yes, ma'am."
The two women watched her get her bag before she ran back to the house. "You, uh, you wanna tell me what that reaction was, Ryan? I mention Winchesters and get excitement from the kid and dread from you."
Ryan blew out a breath and gave Jody a half smile. Well, wasn't this just as good a time as any? "Want a cup of coffee? I think you need to know the truth."
Jody's eyebrow rose. "Oh boy. Why do I get the feeling I don't want to know?"
Ryan just laughed at that.
Ryan had managed to find the coffee pot easily enough, had set the baby in the bouncy chair she found sitting in the living room, and snagged the cooler from the car along with some Oreos and before long, they were settled at the kitchen table, talking.
"So…wait, let me get this straight…an angel gave you the ability to have kids, as long as they were Winchesters by blood, and you can't tell their daddy about it?"
Ryan nodded. She had debated telling Jody the whole truth ever since she'd made the decision to move to Sioux Falls and knew now it was the right thing to do. "I had contemplated handing you a pile of lies," Ryan told her, "But I couldn't do it. Bobby trusted you. I'm…I'm all alone, Jody. I have to trust someone."
Jody eyed her thoughtfully. "Well, I'm glad it was me you trusted with your secret. You don't know why this angel wanted this?"
Ryan shook her head. "No, I have a few ideas, but he wasn't exactly forthcoming with information. I swear, Jody, I didn't do this to mess Dean around. I…I care about him." She took a sip of her coffee. The decaf brew wasn't quite as stimulating nor as delicious as her favorite Jamaican Blue Mountain, but it would do until she'd quit nursing. "Gabriel was quite convincing. So I'm just doing as he said until it's time for the truth to come out."
"And when will that be? I mean, the boys don't come this way often, but they do come up here. Are you sure you wouldn't be safer somewhere far away from the odds of them seeing you or the kids?"
Ryan bit her lip. She didn't want to tell Jody about the boys being missing. Truthfully, she wasn't certain where they were, but she knew they would find their way back. Some days, she just had to reaffirm it to herself. "I thought about it," she said finally. "I could travel to anywhere, find a place to survive, but I didn't want to. I want to feel safe. I want Hope to feel safe. And here, at least, you know which way the wind blows. You know if there is something evil afoot and you can help me handle it, or vice versa. I can be here to help you, too. I'm still a hunter. I keep my skills up. I'm training Hope the same way, with less of the regimentation John Winchester did, but still, she knows how to handle the weapons, knows what kills what, we'll be an asset, not a burden, I promise."
Jody reached over and put her hand over Ryan's. "I don't care about burdens, Ryan. I know you'll help me if I need it. I'm a sheriff first. If you need safety and security, of course you have it. I'm just warning you, the boys may come through here."
Ryan sucked in a breath. "I know. And if they do, well, I already know what I'll say. It's the same story everyone else will hear. I can't let anyone know these kids are Dean's. It could be more than a little dangerous."
"You think?" Jody muttered. She sighed. "Fine. We'll keep it from the boys. But…Hope…she looks so much like Dean."
Ryan smiled as she thought of her daughter, who had insisted on looking for a specific toy and was rummaging through the boxes in her room. "I know. The brown eyes detract from it. She looks more like me the older she gets, thankfully, that will make things a bit easier. As soon as Bobby saw her as a toddler, he knew she was Dean's."
"Guess it's too early to tell with Little Bobby. His hair is light, though."
Ryan's smile grew. "I have a picture of Dean as a little boy. Mom had a bunch of us together and I've kept them all. He had light blond hair as a toddler, too. It must have changed the older he got."
"I can't believe you two knew one another and all these years you've managed to meet up. It's as if someone upstairs wanted you to be together."
Ryan shook her head. "We aren't together, Jody. He's got his life and he needs to live it, no matter what. I just happen to have the…the pieces left behind. It doesn't bother me," she added on quickly. She would never want anyone to think she would, for one second, trade the life she now had. "I made the choice and I love every inch of these kids." She was silent for a few moments, getting her thoughts lined up. "I…I hold what Dean's life could have been had it not been for that yellow eyed bastard. I'll tell you this; had Dean not killed him, I would have done it for them for the pain and suffering he has thrust upon those boys."
"It all goes back to that, doesn't it? Why they are what they are? Back to their mother's death?"
Ryan nodded. "And that's why I am what I am and where I am…damned demons. I'll rid the earth of them before I'm dead."
Jody took a sip of her coffee and regarded Ryan over her mug. "Sounds like a plan. But it looks as if you're a bit busy for demon killing at the moment."
Ryan smiled at the baby who had dozed off while they talked. "Yeah, you're right. But one day…"
Jody grinned. "One day, I'll help you. I've got my own reasons for eradicating demons from the planet."
October Twelfth
Ryan was bussing a table of some of her regulars when her cell phone rang. Her hunting cell phone. She sighed and looked at it. Tory. Great. "Hello?"
"Ryan! Hey, girl! Long time no hear! What, like, six months? Dudette! I thought you were dead!"
Ryan forced out a chuckle. "Nah, I'm good."
"You still with your cousin?"
Ryan paused before she sighed. "No, I'm not. We were in North Carolina with her for a time, then had a run-in with a werewolf. We're up in South Dakota now, Sioux Falls."
"Where Bobby Singer used to live?"
"Yeah."
"Cool. I'm only a few hours from there. Andy's with me and we just took down a coven of witches. Wish you could have been here."
Ryan smiled despite herself. She hadn't dealt with witches in ages. "Yeah, me too." It sounded a lot more fun than the disgusting diaper she changed which made Hope late for school and her late for work.
"Can we come by, see you?"
Ryan bit her lip as she held up a finger for Bo, her newest hire. "Yeah, that sounds great. I've got a few things to tell you, too."
"Oh. My. God. Do you have a man in your life? Andy! I think Ryan's got a man!"
Ryan laughed out loud. Her friend wasn't exactly wrong. "I'll see you jokers when you get here. Come to the diner where I work." She gave them directions and stuck her phone back in her pocket. Boy, were they in for a surprise.
Five hours later, Bo knocked on her office door. "Boss?"
She blinked and rubbed her eyes. She was tired of looking at paperwork. She knew they were in the red. She didn't need to check the fucking bookwork again. She glanced up at the young man and smiled. With his tattoos, multiple piercings, and oddly spiked hair, a lot of people in the small diner gave him pause, but then they saw his easy smile and his cheerful demeanor and realized he was a punk-shaped teddy bear. "Sup?"
"Two hot chicks are here to see you."
She giggled. "They're off limits, Bo. They're friends of mine and they could eat you alive."
He smirked. "Ya think?"
She nodded sagely. "I know." She glanced at him. Today, he was wearing a marijuana tee-shirt with the saying, "I've got Glaucoma" on it. He was in some simple blue jeans, but she'd noticed his wardrobe was expanding, just like his tattoo collection. Of course, she had gone with him when he got his first tattoo. He had been nervous and asked her about hers so they'd researched, found a decent joint nearby, and while he was getting his nautical star, she had gotten her new anklet that read "Hope" and "Bobby" and their birthdates. Since then, he'd gotten addicted to the tattoos. She knew the feeling. She had been tempted to get more than just the kids' names and birthdays, but decided against it. She could always get another, later.
She stood, sucked in a breath, then made her way out of the office. She spotted her friends immediately. Victoria's long hair was swept up into a knot on top of her head and Andy had gotten her hair cut into a short, curly bob. "Hey, guys," she said shyly as she walked to them.
"Oh. My. God! Ryan! You look terrific!"
She blushed at that. She didn't. This second time around, the weight was a little harder to lose after Bobby's birth. She was working out, though, like the hounds of hell were on her ass. She was strong, too. Her leg was healed, she was building up muscle, and she had continued her research of monsters. Part of her was enjoying this lull in activity, but the other part of her was jonesing for the adrenaline of the hunt. She missed it, even though she didn't hunt too often with Hope, in any case. "Thanks," she told Andy as the shorter woman enveloped her in a hug.
She hugged Tory, too, who was grinning. "So? Who's the guy?"
Ryan sucked in a breath as she pulled out her personal phone so she could show them the picture of Bobby. "This is Robert Gabriel."
Tory's mouth fell open as Andy took the phone from Ryan. "I…he…you…"
"My cousin failed to tell me she was knocked up again until I got there," Ryan told them flatly. She still couldn't tell them the truth. Sure, she'd told Jody, and in hindsight, she knew she should have shared the burden of Hope's secret identity with her two friends, but she couldn't, and now, it would look as if she had lied to them on purpose, which, she supposed she had.
"You're shitting me," Tory muttered as she snatched the phone from Andy. "Well, damn, Ryan. You're one of the best hunters we got and you're benched? For how long?"
Ryan shrugged. "I don't know. Until he's a year old, I guess? Maybe less. It's taken me some time to recover from my broken leg I got during the werewolf debacle, so I haven't been hunting in months."
"Dude. This sucks ass," Tory pouted as she handed Ryan the phone before she crossed her arms. "We were wanting to see if you wanted in on a hunt, but I guess not…"
"I'm sorry," Ryan stated softly. Her emotions were still out of whack since Bobby's birth, and she felt the tears come unbidden.
"Oh, honey," Andy began as she pulled Ryan into a hug. "It's okay."
"I feel like I'm letting everyone down. And I bought a house and I have this place and Hope is great, and Bobby's adorable but I just…"
"It's a lot, isn't it?" Tory asked softly. She smiled at her friend and hugged her, too. "Do you want us to help you? I mean, we could…I don't know, we could do something, I guess?"
Ryan chuckled. "No, I'm good, really, just a little overwhelmed. Who knew my life would take a turn this direction, right? I mean, it was just Hope I was looking after. I had it all figured out. Then…well, it's just a lot to process. I don't regret moving up here and buying this place, though."
"You own it?"
Ryan nodded. "The old owner was selling it for a steal. It's really a decent place."
"But…wow. A mortgage, a business, two kids…damn, it's almost like you're going straight, Ryan."
Ryan snorted. "Never." She heard the bell over the door jingle and grinned as Jody came in. "And here's the sheriff. She's a hunter's apprentice, I guess you'd say."
"Ha!" Jody said as she walked up. "Apprentice my ass. I haven't seen you killing any zombies," she muttered under her breath causing Ryan to grin.
The women all shook hands and Jody pulled up a chair to the booth. "So, hunting buddies, Ryan?"
Ryan made quick introductions and before she realized it, it was time for her to go pick up Bobby. Luckily, it had been a slow afternoon, and Bo, as well as Miguel in the kitchen, had picked up her slack. "I've got to get Bobby, Hope went home with a friend for a playdate. Do you want to come to dinner? I can pick up Hope, then come to the house. Jody? You still coming? You know I feed an army when I cook, and that Brunswick Stew should be heavenly by the time I get home."
"Sounds good," Jody stated as she stood.
Andy and Tory both nodded. "That sounds terrific, Ryan. Guess we should get a hotel, then we can come over."
Ryan was writing down directions from the café. "Don't. Stay with us. You know Hope would love it if you two stayed the night. She's missed you."
The two women shared a look, then nodded. "Sounds great," Andy said.
Tory grinned. "I've missed the little stinker. Sounds like a fun night to me."
It was a fun night. Jody fit in with their little group seamlessly and she took down both Andy and Tory's numbers just in case she ever needed backup or help with anything. The huntresses made over Bobby and marveled at how big Hope had gotten, and ended up staying a few days before they both went back home. Andy had moved over the summer, back to Ohio, and Tory, well, Tory didn't have a house, she mostly camped out of her van, but she had been hanging out with Andy quite a lot and had all but moved in with her friend. Ryan was glad. She had missed them so much. Their time was cut short, however, when Andy had to go back to work. She had gotten a job as a sub at the elementary school near her house, and she was called in to teach. It didn't pay much, but it kept her happy and still in the field she was trained in.
December Fifth
"Hope Deanna Winchester! If you don't take put that tinsel on the tree instead of in your hair, so help me…!" Ryan growled teasingly.
Hope grinned and tossed the tinsel at Ryan, who ducked and ran after her daughter. They went tearing through the house, giggling like mad until Ryan had Hope pinned to the floor, tickling her mercilessly. That was when they heard the doorbell rang.
"Is it Jody?" Hope guessed, wiggling quickly out from under her mother and ran toward the door.
"Hope! Wait!" Ryan called, but it was too late, Hope had already opened the door.
"Hi! Who are you?"
The woman bent down and looked at Hope. "I'm Charlie. And you must be Hope."
Hope gasped. "How do you know my name?"
Charlie looked up at Ryan and smiled. "Hi, uh…I'm…"
"Charlie Bradbury," Ryan whispered, more than a little surprised to find the hacker standing in her doorway. "But…how did you find me?"
Charlie's eyebrows shot up. "How did you know who I am?"
Ryan blinked. "Well, I guess we both have some questions and answers, don't we? Would you like to come in?"
Charlie just looked at her a moment. "Just like that? I figured you'd be paranoid."
Ryan's eyes narrowed. "If you are Charlie Bradbury, then I have no doubts of how you found me. I'm guessing Frank had some of my information on the hard drive you hacked. The rest was easy, wasn't it?"
"Mama?" Hope asked uncertainly.
Just then, Ryan heard Bobby start to cry, a sure sign he was awake and wet from his nap. She sighed as she felt her milk come in. "Fuck," she muttered under her breath. She shook her head. "Hope, why don't you go find a snack for you and Charlie, yeah? Let me go check on Bobby, then I'll come back down."
"Is it safe, Mama?" Hope asked softly, fearfully. Ryan knew the girl realized she'd done something wrong.
Ryan put on a smile and bent down to Hope's level. "It's fine, sugar. Just…it's fine, really. She knows Dean and Sam."
"Really?"
Ryan nodded guardedly. "Remember what we've talked about, okay?"
The little girl's eyes widened, and she nodded. "Got it."
Ryan stood and smiled. "Okay, Charlie. Give me about twenty minutes. I'm sure Hope can keep you entertained."
Charlie looked from Ryan to Hope and smiled too. "Okay, kiddo, lead the way."
Ryan watched the two make their way to the kitchen and sighed. Life's not handing me any breaks this year, is it? She walked up to the baby's room and smiled at her little man. At five months old, he was already turning over both directions, sitting up, and army-man scooting across the floor. The doctors were amazed as how much he was moving already, but he had a determined set to his jaw and wouldn't let anything stand in his way. He also already had four teeth, which Ryan could hardly believe. Hope hadn't even broken her first tooth through at six months.
"Hey, Bobby. You hungry, little man?" She picked him up and changed his diaper before she made her way to the glider across the room. She got herself situated and he latched on hungrily, nipping her with his teeth in the process.
"Hey, watch it, you little monster," she teased gently as she rubbed his hair. It was coming in blond, thick, and curly. He looked just like Dean's baby pictures. She sighed contentedly as she rocked and hummed to him. He liked it when she hummed Metallica and she'd scoured the internet to find acoustic versions of their songs so she could have it playing in his room, which was what was going now. She hummed along to "Fade to Black" while he nursed as her mind wandered.
Charlie is here. Charlie Fucking Bradbury is here. What does she want? Gabe…I wish you were still here. I sure could use your help…She hadn't realized how much she had come to rely on the angel until he was gone. She was about half pissed at him for abandoning her with no warning. She would let it go. For now. But if she ever came up on him again, well, she would definitely be having a few choice words with him.
Bobby finished nursing quickly enough and Ryan fixed her bra and shirts before she made her way back downstairs. She found Hope and Charlie sitting in the living room, Hope snuggled into Charlie's side, Ryan's paperback copy of The Wizard of Oz on Charlie's lap. Ryan hadn't read it in forever. She listened with a small smile on her face as Charlie read. Finally, Bobby made a noise and two heads popped up.
Ryan smiled. "Sorry. You two were having a moment."
Charlie sat the book down and stood. "I'm sorry. I talk when I get nervous and I didn't know how much the kid knew and then I was like, well, maybe we should read and she pointed me to your bookshelf and…"
Ryan held up a hand. "It's fine, Charlie. Are you still going by Charlie?"
Charlie grinned. "Not officially, but since it's not my real name anyway, it works."
Ryan laughed. "Okay, then." She turned to Hope. "Hopey, you can go on upstairs. Make sure you latch the gate at the bottom so Bobby can't crawl over there, alright?"
"Sure, Mama." She beamed at Charlie. "Nice to meet you!"
"You too, Munchkin!"
Ryan watched her daughter skip up the stairs and sighed. "So…"
"So…" Charlie said at the same time. They both laughed.
"Dare I ask what brings you here, Charlie?"
The woman looked shamefaced. "Well, okay, so, I took Frank's hard drive, as you obviously know, though, I still don't know how…"
"Let's just say I have the inside track," Ryan stated guardedly.
Charlie nodded. "Yeah, well, on Frank's hard drive, he had a folder marked Miscellaneous Research. I clicked on it and it had additional security. Color me intrigued, so, I went snooping…"
"And there I was," Ryan finished, defeated. Of course, Frank had to know some of Ryan's most personal information, even though she'd given him fake information to begin with, she knew he would dig. And as paranoid as Frank was, of course, he knew everything about her. "What did it say?"
"It's what it didn't say that I wondered about."
Ryan's brows knit. "Like what?"
"Like the fact both those kids are Dean's," she stated softly.
Ryan blinked. "I would say I'm surprised you know, but oddly enough, I'm not. How did you find out?"
"Well, Frank did. He left his trail of research, he just didn't keep any of it on record. I'm guessing you're as paranoid as he was?"
Ryan shook her head. "No. That's not it. It's…complicated."
Charlie sighed. "Isn't everything attached to Sam and Dean complicated?"
Ryan laughed at that. "Yeah, it is." She paused. "How did you know about Bobby?"
Charlie blushed. "After I found out about you, and Hope, I continued digging. Sorry."
Ryan chuckled. "Well, I am keeping them secret, from the hunting community at the very least."
"And Dean?"
Ryan licked her lips nervously. "There are…extenuating circumstances behind my betrayal."
"I'd be interested in hearing them."
"Got a few hours?" Ryan shot at her.
Charlie grinned. "Want me to go get us food?"
Ryan shook her head. "I've got a pot of chili on. You hungry?"
"I'm so hungry, I could eat a hippogriff."
Ryan giggled despite herself. "You sure you aren't hungry enough to eat a Chinese Fireball?"
The other woman's eyes widened at the Harry Potter reference and grinned. "Well, maybe a Swedish Short-Snout."
Ryan's smile grew. "As long as you don't compare my chili to a Hungarian Horntail. I think that would be rather tough to chew." Charlie laughed out loud as Ryan added, "Come on, let's go into the kitchen. I've got to put on the cornbread."
"Oh! Yum!"
Four hours later found them both relaxing with a glass of wine. The kids were in bed and Charlie had agreed to stay the night. Ryan hadn't told Charlie everything, but she told her enough. She didn't mention the angels, or Gabriel, but did say she was keeping the kids from Dean for his own good. Charlie didn't comment on whether she agreed or not, but then, she didn't know Dean very well, despite digging into their pasts as much as she could. She had also stumbled onto Chuck Shurley's books and had read them all, much to Ryan's chagrin. "You do realize they're works of fiction, right?"
"But they're true."
Ryan giggled and took a sip of her wine. "Yes, they're true, but they are embellished. Chuck got flashes of their lives. The rest he…filled in."
"Oh." Ryan smirked at Charlie's obvious disappointment. "Okay."
Ryan bit the inside of her cheek. "But the good stuff is true."
Charlie smiled. "Well, there is a lot of good stuff in there." She paused. "You read them? I mean…do you know about…I mean…Dean's…"
"A manwhore?" Ryan replied. At Charlie's laugh, Ryan added, "Yeah, I got the memo. I don't care."
"You love him."
Ryan took another sip of her wine before she nodded. "Yeah, I do."
"Then why won't you tell him the truth?"
"About what? The kids? Come on, Charlie, he's not in the right place for a kid."
"He might be. One day."
"One day isn't today, Charlie. Would I love for him to be their father and do daddy stuff with them? Of course. But…he's got his own life to live, one that doesn't include us."
"It would if you told him, Ryan."
"I'm not going to argue over this. There are a lot of things you don't know, Charlie. Things I'm not comfortable discussing."
They stared at each other for a moment before Charlie sighed. "Yeah, okay. Be Miss Mysterious over there."
Ryan smiled at her. "Well, hell, Charlie, I don't trust people. That's all I know how to be."
Charlie was quiet a moment and accepted more wine when Ryan held out the bottle. Finally, she said, "You know, Frank dug into other stuff about you, too."
Ryan sighed. "I figured."
"I've got all your medical records."
"Including the sealed ones?"
Charlie nodded.
"Well, if we're going there, then we need stronger shit than the wine," Ryan mused as she stood.
Charlie reached out and grabbed her arm gently. "Ryan, don't. We don't have to talk about it. Just…I know, okay? So, like, if you want to talk about it…"
"I don't talk about it!" Ryan snapped. "To anyone, alright?"
Charlie held up her hands as a sign of surrender. "Okay. I get it."
Ryan collapsed back onto the sofa. "Look, I've had a lot of weird shit happen in my life. A lot of bad, really weird, shit. I don't like to think about it, okay? I've seen every shrink under the sun and they didn't do a damn thing for me. The only thing that 'fixed me' was a touch from an angel. And that was only because he wanted something from me. So, no, I'm not comfortable with talking about my life to a complete stranger. No thank you." She bit the inside of her cheek. She hadn't meant to explode that way. She waited for Charlie to ask what she meant, but Charlie surprised her by nodding softly.
"I got it. I understand."
Ryan clenched her jaw before she sighed. "Charlie, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"
"No, I'm sorry. It isn't my place. I just…sorry."
They sat there in awkward silence for a few more minutes before Charlie attempted to yawn discreetly. Ryan chuckled. "Tired?"
Charlie shrugged. "Being on the lam is less than fun, to be honest."
Ryan laughed out loud. "Been there. I've been running most of my life. Go on to bed. Let me clean up and I'll see you in the morning."
They both stood and Charlie handed her the now empty wine glass. "Thanks, Ryan. You didn't have to let me in or talk to me or anything. I just…I really appreciate it."
Ryan bit her lip in thought a moment before she spoke. Finally, she said, "Charlie, I know what it's like to be alone, to feel like you're the only person left in your world. Believe me. That isolation can seriously mess with your head. I'm always accepting of that, and I'm more than happy to now call you a friend."
Charlie's eyes filled with tears. "Thank you," she whispered.
Ryan smiled. "Thank you, for keeping my secret."
Charlie opened her mouth to say something, but then shut it and shook her head. "I promise, the kids' secret identities are safe with me."
AN2: So, here we are at the end of another chapter! I have one more before Dean meets up with Ryan in South Dakota. But the next chapter has a few fun hunts in it!
Reichenbach review: Oh. My. God. It was awesome. I've only watched it three times so far, but I've been busy. Planning on watching it again after I post this. My only complaint? The fact they used "Cherry Pie" again. Like, I know strippers strip to other music besides that and the last time it was used in SPN was Dean's dream with the devil and angel strippers Anna interupted in "The Song Remains the Same". But the rest? Perfection!
I may be too emotionally compromised next week to post anything. Have you SEEN the extended trailer for it?! I was in a funk for three hours after seeing Demon!Dean and Sam! Gah. My heart. Ya'll know I'm a Dean girl, but I am SO loving bad-ass Sam this year! He's determined and just...BAMF to the maxx. Love it.
Anywho, until next time, my lovelies!