EARTH JQ06, August 17, 2015.
LEIVRELI, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
Before the alarm clock even went off, Autumn was up and eager to get ready for her first day of college. Last night in her dreams, she had blitzed her chakras and came the conclusion that this wasn't something to dread, but something to be excited about! There was no telling what was going to happen this time! A whole day of new experiences waited for her to take pursuit. The sky was the limit, by really it wasn't, since we put a man on the moon for crying out loud! There were no limitations!
She roused her precious Kodeekins from his adorable slumber because he needed to share the consciousness.
"Up and at em!" Autumn exclaimed.
He rubbed his eyes. Today was the big day.
They hopped out of bed and walked inside of their huge closet to select from their wardrobe. Autumn put on a soft pink, purple, and blue tye dye t-shirt; purple shorts, blue and pink feather earrings, soft blue sandals, and a blue and purple bow. Kodee wore a blue and turquoise tank top, a blue skirt, blue high heels, and a black fedora with a turquoise feather. They admired themselves in the mirror.
Autumn went to the nightstand by the bed and got out her glasses. It had been a while since she'd needed them. She had vision as good as a human with 20/20, but she wasn't a human. Her eyesight was supposed to be better than that. When she put them on, she regained the ability to zoom in on things change her hue recognition. The glasses were purple and cateye shaped.
Autumn stuffed an entire bag of Hot Cheetos in her bookbag just in case.
Autumn and Kodee went into the bathroom. Roxy and Nepeta were there freshening up, but these homies were just gonna have to move. Autumn brushed past them to get in front of the mirror. Her face was so close to it that she could see her reflection in her eyes. She brushed her teeth with glittery mint toothpaste and swallowed the toothpaste. Kodee hovered over everyone to see himself and rinsed his mouth with mouth wash. When he spit it out, it spewed all over the girls, so they all had to take a shower together.
Once that ordeal was over, everyone in Supernova sat at the table for some bacon. Bacon that Kodee cooked in the microwave.
10/10 Top Chef.
Everyone got their shit together and hopped in the van to drive to school. Autumn and Kodee sat in the driver's seat together so that they could take turns. In two miles, they made it to the school. They parked in the damn gravel because there was nowhere else to park.
It was 10:15. They may have arrived a TAD BIT early. Autumn and Kodee were eager to at least get to their class, so they went ahead and took off.
":33 Wait!" Nepeta meowed.
She ran to catch up with them. That's right. They had the same class.
They walked to the building they were meant to be in and Autumn paused at the entrance. She gazed up at its beautiful infrastructure and thought to herself, Now is the time. In this moment, I am the star. This is me.
Okay, so this morning, when they went upstairs to their damn first period, some guy was standing in front of the door to their class. He handed them a map with glowing coordinates.
"This room's closed for maintenance," he said.
So, the homies valiantly followed the coordinates on the map. They soon realized why it was glowing. Deeper into the maze of hallways, they came to an area that was dark. There were only a few dim lights by the entrance to the restrooms. A muscular anthropomorphic dog was leaning against the wall with a cigarette in his mouth. Autumn may have made awkward eye contact with him a few times.
After navigating through the dark and mysterious hallway, they finally made it to the classroom they needed to be in. They were 37 minutes of ecstasy early, but that's okay 'cause they could see by looking through the window that the class was already packed.
"GREAT BALLS OF DICK!" Autumn exclaimed as she bust into the door. "Pardon my Czechoslovakian. WE'RE FINALLY HERE!"
There weren't many places to sit, so Autumn, Kodee, and Nepeta had to sit away from each other. The teacher was standing in front of the board, which had a glowing slideshow on it. He turned his head to face them. Then, he turned away.
Autumn, Kodee, and Nepeta were astonished because the teacher was in fact Gamzee Makara.
"aLrIgHt AlL yOu MoThErFuCkErS," he said to his pupils. "i WaNt YoU aLl To TaKe OuT yOuR tExTbOoKs AnD rIp ThEm Up. I dOn'T wAnT tHeM rUiNiNg ThE mOtHeRfUcKiNg MiRaClE oF cInEmAtOgRaPhy."
And so all of the textbooks were torn to shreds. They were tossed into an oven at the front of the room to be burned.
"tHiS mOtHeRfUcKiNg PiEcE oF eQuIPmEnT wAs PuT hErE fOr ThE sAfE dEsTrUcTiOn Of PrOpErTy," Gamzee said. "LaSt MoThErFuCkInG tImE, i HaD a BoNfIrE iN tHe CeNtEr Of ThE rOoM, AnD tHaT's WhY It'S uNdEr MaInTenAnCe. sO rEmEmBeR, If YoU'rE gOiNG To BuRn BoOkS, uSe A mOtHeRfUcKiNg OvEn."
*The more you know!*
The students watched from their desks as the books they paid 50 dollars for were obliterated in a scholarly inferno. Gamzee sat in his spinning chair and grinned as he stared off into space. Then, he looked over at Autumn. He continued to stare, and Autumn wondered if she had done something wrong.
After the books were in ashes, Gamzee turned the oven off and walked back in front of the presentation board. He used a remote to go to the next slide. It said:
"sTuDeNt InTeRvIeW:
1) yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiNg NaMe PlEaSe
2) HoMeLanD
3) mAjOr
4) FaVoRiTe FiLm
5) FaVoRiTe MoViE gEnRe"
"aLrIgHt ThEn, AlL oF mY mOtHeRfUcKiNg BrOtHeRs AnD sIsTeRs," Gamzee said. "YoU'rE gOiNg To InTeRvIeW sOmEoNe yOu DoN't KnOw. YoU hAvE rOuGhLy FiVe MoThErFuCkInG mInUtEs."
Autumn turned to the person sitting beside her. She was an anthro maned wolf with a feather accessory tucked around her right ear.
"Would you like to go first?" the furry girl asked.
"For asking or answering the questions?" Autumn inquired.
"Either is fine."
"Okay. Sooo...what's your name?"
"Cyona."
Autumn began writing things down in her notebook. "Homeland?"
"Central Leivreli."
"And the other stuff?"
"My major is Fine Arts, my favorite movie is "The Room" and my favorite genre is comedy. And how about you."
Autumn cleared her throat. "Well," she said. "My name's Autumn Rose Rainbowlight III, but you can call me Autumn, Rosie, or RosieQ. I hail from the Pacific Ocean, my major is Early Childhood Education, my favorite movie is most certainly "Space Jam", and my favorite genre is comedy."
Cyona wrote all of it down in her notebook. "That's nice," she said. "Both of us are into comedy."
"Yeah," Autumn replied. "That's pretty dope."
There was an awkward silence for a while. Autumn looked at her schedule.
"You'know," she said. "I was a bit surprised to see so many people when I came in this early. I didn't even know we could come in so soon."
"You weren't early," Cyona said.
"Yes I was. Class starts at 11:00."
Autumn showed Cyona her schedule.
"You're in the wrong class," Cyona said. "This is the 10:00-10:50 period."
Autumn's eyes widened as the realization of her stupid mistake set in. "I didn't know there was one."
Autumn turned to Kodee. She lifted her schedule into the air and flailed it around. He shrugged. Autumn got up and brought it over to him and explained what the deal was. Then, they explained it to Nepeta. The three of them went to Gamzee, who was sitting at his desk.
"Umm, Mr. Makara?" Autumn asked.
"gAmZeE's FiNe," Gamzee replied.
"Oh, well, the thing is, we may have come to one of your earlier classes by mistake. We didn't realize you had a class before ours, so we thought that we were supposed to come in advance."
"wElL, tHaT mOtHeRfUcKiNg ClEaReD sOmE tHiNgS uP. i ThOuGhT yOu WeRe LaTe. LoOkS lIkE yOu WeRe WAY tOo MoThErFuCkInG eArLy."
"Do you want us to come back in for your next class?"
"DoN'T fUcKiN wOrRy AbOuT iT. No PoInT iN CoMiNg In TwIcE. JuSt Be In ThE RiGhT cLaSs NeXt TiMe."
Autumn, Kodee, and Nepeta sighed with relief. After they took their seats, the class presented their findings in the interviews. Turns out that Nepeta's favorite movie was "The Aristocats". Kodee's was "A Troll In Central Park", which Autumn already knew because the two of them were like two besties in a pod.
Once the class was over, the three Supernovites walked out into the fresh air. The walkways were filled with balloon arches containing the school colors- fuchsia, orange, turquoise, and blue.
Due to the class mix up, they now had two hours to do whatever they wanted. Nepeta left to find Roxy, leaving Autumn and Kodee together. The two lovers decided to check out the school's food inventory to perhaps get some lunch. They went down the walkway and to the Student Center, which had a poster advertising Chick Fil A.
"This must be the place," Autumn said.
They went inside the building and climbed the stairs. The ascent was painful because their bookbags were loaded up. Autumn was panting at the top of the stairs. They went around the corner and wound up in a place surrounded by bookshelves. A few people were standing around.
"Can someone tell me where I can order my food?" Autumn asked.
"You're in a library," someone replied.
"Oh."
Great Joshua in the land of snickerdoodles! They had fucked up again. This might even be worse than coming to class an entire period too early. Autumn had one last look around just to make sure there wasn't food around here before walking back downstairs with Kodee to continue on their quest for Chick Fil A. They re-examined the poster.
"Chick Fil A- Building A"
Son of a bitch. If only they'd read the entire ad.
Well, they took a long walk all the way to building A, and by this time, Autumn was about to collapse from the weight of her bookbag. Kodee took it and carried it for her.
Along the way, some guy handed them invitations to a party. Autumn stashed them in her magic purse.
The lovers finally reached the Chick Fil A, but alas, the line was stretching in all sorts of directions. At least 40 people must have been standing there waiting to order. The cashier was snorting some cocaine.
"I'm not waiting this long," Autumn said.
"Yeah," Kodee replied. "Let's eat what you packed."
They made the journey out to the grassy field near buildings C and B. Autumn and Kodee sat in a large chair together and munched on the bag of Hot Cheetos. Random passersby stopped to look and may have secretly wanted to ask for some, but they just carried about their business.
It was a cloudy day and so the entire campus was shaded. A gentle breeze blew through the air. Autumn loved cloudy skies because they reminded her of the ocean. Both were beautifully colored filled with water particles.
Autumn reached into her purse and pulled out the party invitations. She handed one to Kodee and looked at hers. It had a picture of a guy in a bikini standing on a cop car. The front said, "OFFICIAL START OF THE SEMESTA BASH". She flipped it over. The back said, "Slumber party! Chicks get in for free! FREE mechanical bull rides!"
"Sign me the fuck up!" Autumn exclaimed.
"We totes gotta go to this," Kodee replied.
"I'm cheap cause I got tits."
"That's real nice."
Kodee looked over his invitation. Dudes had to pay $10 to get in. This was blatant sexism! Then again, it encouraged there to be an exceptionally large showing of lady prizes. Autumn noticed the smug grin on his face and giggled.
Kodee ate a few more Cheetos and laid back to take a nap. While he was being a lazy samurai, Autumn decided to take a walk around campus. Might as well get more familiarized with the area.
She found her way to an area with few people walking around. As she rounded a corner, she spotted possibly one of the most terrifying creatures known to man.
A spider crab!
The thing was freaking gigantic. She'd had no idea that these things existed on Leivreli or anywhere in this realm for that matter. There was no way that she was going to let this thing multiply. She drew her katana from her magic purse and charged towards the spider crab with it. She sliced through the thing's body, causing its hideously long legs to sprawl everywhere. Once it was finally all the way down on the ground, she whacked it multiple times. Then, the picked it up and slammed it all around on the concrete. One of the legs broke off in her hand and she ran away with it.
She charged back onto the field, the detached leg flailing around in the air. She used it to whack Kodee on the head, bringing his nap to an abrupt halt.
"ということは、あなたの新しいディルドですか?!" Kodee asked.
(What was that for?!)
Autumn was seriously confused because she thought that Kodee could only speak French and English, with French being his first language. Luckily, Autumn also spoke shitty Japanese.
"野菜は、食品ガイドプレートから除去されなければなりません!" Autumn responded.
(There are freaking spider crabs on campus!)
"洗濯機!" Kodee replied. "私のディックを吸います!"
(Oh my Josh! That's terrible!)
"クロックは砂利の味を理解することはありません."
(Protect me, Kodee-Chan.)
Kodee held Autumn tight. She let the mangled leg drop to the ground, where moments later, a squirrel came and got it. The squirrel carried the spider crab limb up to his tree to present to his love interest. The love interest accepted the fetishistic gift and the two squirrels got it on.
Autumn and Kodee watched the squirrels make love. Autumn took a picture of it on her phone and posted it to Tumblr. It instantly got two likes.
The time for their second class was approaching, so Autumn and Kodee decided to go ahead and head to where they needed to be. They went inside Building B and made their way up the stairs only because the elevator was packed.
Roxy and Nepeta were with a bunch of other students outside the classroom.
"sup," Roxy said.
"Yo," Autumn replied. "How's it goin'?"
"pretty good. nepeekins ova here found sum free seafood on the sidewalk and captchalogued it fo later."
"It didn't happen to be a spider crab, did it?" Autumn asked.
"yeah thats totes what it waz."
Autumn stared into the distance. Looks like this is what they would be having for dinner tonight. She turned to Kodee and he nodded.
After about a minute, everyone realized they could go ahead and enter the classroom. It was a big room with long tables. There was a whiteboard on the left side of the wall opposite to the door. On the right side of that same wall, there was a Smartboard. The window on the left wall had a lovely view of the campus with a tree off to the right side. The teacher wasn't here yet.
Autumn and Kodee sat side by side at the right of the front row. Nepeta sat to Autumn's right and Roxy sat to Nepeta's right. Terezi came in and took a seat behind Autumn.
"H3LLO 4LL YOU N3RDS :]," she said.
"Greetings," Autumn replied.
Kodee pulled a pack of Nerds candy out of his bookbag. What, was he waiting on that? He handed it to Terezi. The Nerds were cherry flavored.
"WHY, TH4NK YOU," Terezi replied. She opened the pack and took a big whiff. Then, she dumped all of the candy into her mouth.
While everyone was getting situated, Mr. teacher walked in. He was a black anthro horse, about middle aged, with pale silver eyes. His raven black mane flowed gracefully down the right side of his head. He had a huge horse dick that wasn't covered by anything because he was wearing absolutely zero clothing.
Autumn wished that the Zahacks were here to see this. She turned around and saw that Equius and Horuss were sitting in the back of the class. What luck! That must mean Aranea's team was here, too!
Kanaya and Rose were also there, and they were holding hands. Aww. A few seats down, Dave Strider was chilling back in his seat.
"Greetings, class," the horse man said. "My name is Mr. Obsidian. Welcome to History I, and if this isn't where you're supposed to be, leave now."
A giraffe named Falconlover got up and left.
Mr. Obsidian looked around at everyone else. "Well, then, it's nice to see all of you. I'll pass around an attendance sheet. Be sure to write down your name or you will be marked absent."
He passed around a sheet. After that, he went into a lecture about what everyone would be learning in his class. He went on about the atomic bomb and how civilization went on to create a bomb powerful enough to blow up 14 planets.
"This bomb still exists today," he said. "It's hidden deep within one of America's most secret locations."
That was a bit unnerving. Anyway, he also talked about the beatniks, which later evolved into hippies.
"Now remember class," Mr. Obsidian said as he beat his iron hoof down on one of the desks. "Hippies and hipsters are two completely different things. Hippies smoke pot and hipsters complain about whatever is cool at the time. Hippies have also been around for a much longer period of time, way before hipsters were cool, so the hipsters can just calm the fuck down. Anyway, onwards to the creatures we call 'yippies'."
Autumn was fascinated by everything this teacher had to say. She took notes on key facts in history that he planned to go over in detail throughout the semester.
For third period, Autumn, Kodee, and Terezi had Computer Class together. They headed there right after History ended, since they didn't get a long break between these classes. Latula flew by them on a skateboard.
"yo, yo!" she called. "w4z up!"
"Do you even have a class here today?" Autumn asked.
"nop3, just fuck1ng 4round try1ng 2 f1nd m1t2n4!"
"Good luck!"
Latula skated into the distance until she was out of sight. Autumn, Kodee, and Terezi entered Building C and walked down the hall. They were soon able to enter their third block classroom. The floor was made of dark blue pixels that briefly turned turquoise wherever they stepped. The areas around the tables were covered in dark purple carpet. The computers were the latest hi tech equipment. In fact, they were so high tech that they may even be from the future!
A strip of dark purple carpet lined the wall in the front of the room, which contained a huge Smartboard. The teacher walked in front of it. She was a human with azure shoulder length hair with indigo highlights. She had turquoise eyes and black glasses with square frames. She was wearing a purple Japanese kimono outfit.
"Kawaii!" Autumn exclaimed.
"Hello," she said. "My name is Ms. Azeria and welcome to Computing Class!"
She walked up to her computer to set up a video. It glitched out on her, so she had to stop to fix the problem.
Autumn used this time to have a look around to see who was here. The only person she could recognize was Eridan Ampora. That guy was leaning against his desk all lonely and such.
"wwhy does the fanbase hate me?" he whimpered.
He really needed to get laid. Autumn was kind of turned on at the moment, so she began thinking of strategies to get with him. Maybe if the teacher was busy with her technology crisis long enough, she could bring him out of the room.
Before she could act, Kodee jumped to the rescue.
"I don't hate you," he said.
"r-really?" Eridan asked.
"Sure, now do me."
They held hands and walked out of the room. Terezi looked at Autumn.
"YOUR BOYFR13ND 1S W31RD," she said.
"I was going to bang Eridan first," Autumn said.
Terezi tilted her head with even more confusion. I know, it's hard to understand. Eridan is just so hot and gorgeous. Maybe one day, we can all appreciate his glorious dick.
Also, Autumn and Kodee weren't dating! They were soulmates slash morails with benefits slash whatever. Kodee had explained it better in one of the earlier parts of da story.
Meanwhile…
Kodee and Eridan were in like the boy's bathroom stall meant for handicap people. It was time for some kinky gay sex. Kodee took off his shirt and flung it into the air, knocking his fedora off in the process. Then, he removed his undergarments. Eridan removed his own clothes and pressed Kodee to the wall. They both made out gayly and passionately. Their penises rubbed against one another.
After the kissing was done, Eridan bent Kodee over and did him in the gluteus maximus. Kodee held onto the toilet paper dispenser for support. They both came at the same time, coating the bathroom floor with manly jizz. That was the janitor's problem, not theirs.
They got dressed and walked back into the classroom together. Everyone was staring at them except for the teacher, who was still trying to fix the computer. Damn technology these days was just too damn complicated.
"How did it go?" Autumn asked.
"It was funarific," Kodee replied. "It kind of hurts to sit."
"Now you know how I feel."
The more you know! *Rainbow!*
Ms. Weeaboo finally finished solving the problem and pulled up a video about the importance of technology today. Everyone watched intently. The guy who created Facebook made a cameo and talked about how his career started because he wanted a simple site that he and his siblings could use to communicate. Autumn thought it would be cool if she could do something like that. Maybe, she could use this class to become famous again!
Yes, Autumn was famous at some point because of something that happened during her tragic backstory, but we'll get to that later.
At the end of class, there was a big confusion because lots of people, including Autumn's posse, were supposed to leave at 3:15, but Ms. Azeria's schedule said 3:45! Thankfully, she let the 3:15 people go.
Autumn and Kodee headed to math class together. It was a long and torturous walk, especially with all of those books. Autumn managed to tough it out with any help this time, resisting any and all help offers from Kodee. They went to Building A and walked into the giant room that was their math class. In the back, there were many rows of seats, each row sitting higher off the floor going back. The front wall of the room was curved and the floors were tiled with blue and jade tiles. In the center of the front of the room, there was a giant beanstalk. This was the teacher.
"I am the Great Beanstalk of Knowledge," quoth he. "But you may call me Mr. Beanstalk."
Autumn had heard about him in legends. He had fed Joshua's disciples when they were on the verge of starvation, allowing them to continue on their quests to become Pokémon masters.
Autumn looked around the room to see who else was here. Karkat was sitting in the back of class, John was in the center row, and a few seats down, there were Arbus and Ater from The Grey Garden.
"Today shall be a simple day of rules and expectations. First off, I want you to know that is the lowest of the low math classes for those who don't really need it."
Autumn was already feeling content in this class. She used to be good at math, but then middle school hit. Middle school was a bitch- not just academically, but because all of those pre-pubescent spawns of Satan used to antagonize her.
Anyway, Mr. Beanstalk went on to discuss the course. He asked everyone to write a paper about themselves for homework and dismissed them half an hour early. Woo hoo!
Autumn was beginning to get hungry. She and Kodee had eaten all of the Cheetos, so she decided to get something out of the vending machine. The machine only accepted $1 bills, but all Autumn had were 10's and 20's. With all of the great technology at this school, you think the people in charge would install a more money efficient piece of equipment. Autumn tried her debit card, but it failed.
She walked with Kodee outside and headed with him on a long trek towards Building B. There was bound to be food there. The heat and bookbag weight caused Autumn to become so fatigued that she coughed up blood. Kodee took the bookbag from her and stacked it on top of his own.
They went inside and took a trip to the bagel shop near the study hall. They bought a cinnamon sugar bagel to share and went to one of the round white tables to eat. Autumn put one end in her mouth. Kodee latched his teeth on the other end and they did tug of war like dogs, scattering cinnamon everywhere.
By the time they were finished eating, it was time to return home. They walked to the van where the others were waiting for them. Latula drove everyone back to the house.
Everyone was kind of exhausted from all of the learning and shit, so they went to their rooms for a while to chill and goof off. Hours went by, and Autumn and Kodee went into the kitchen to cook. Nepeta handed Kodee the mangled spider crab. Autumn shrieked.
":33 Fur you," Nepeta said.
Kodee took it and placed it in the sink. He cleaned it off with dish soap and hot water and put it in a large pan full of butter. He slid that thing right into the oven and set the temperature to the appropriate level.
"I'm not eating that shit," Autumn said.
"You have to," Kodee replied. "I'm the head chef. I get to decide."
Nepeta stood close to the oven and smelled the seafood. The aroma was delicious. Terezi also stood next to the oven and inhaled the scent. To her, it kind of also smelled like cherries, cause' she could smell colors and crabs were red.
The rain began to pour outside. Kodee took the crab out of the oven and they all ate it in the living room.
"soo, how w4z 3v3ryon3's dayz?" Latula asked.
"It was totally rad," Autumn replied. "I almost died, but thankfully, I didn't."
"oh?"
"Yeah, the bookbag thing. I'm gonna need to purchase a rolling bookbag."
"Not me," Kodee said. "I'm strong."
"Good for you."
Autumn bit right into her crab leg. The shell crunched under her teeth and squirted the juice of the meat into her mouth.
"I didn't have class today," Vriska said. "I walked home and stayed there for a while."
"KOD33 4ND 3R1D4N W3R3 DO1NG N4UGHTY TH1NGS," Terezi divulged.
"EWW!"
"Quit bashing on Eridan!" Autumn exclaimed. "He's a decent person! By the way, Kodee, I was supposed to have him today."
"You were too slooooow," Kodee replied.
"l3t's g3t th1s sh1z b4k on tr4ck," Latula said. "w3 w3r3 t3ll1ng stor13z."
"Oh, right," Autumn said. "Who wants to go next?"
":33 M33!" Nepeta exclaimed. "Roxy and I got candy fur being the furst to answer a question!"
"mmm," Roxy said. "it waz fuckin delish."
"What type of candy was it?"
"butterscotch."
"Eww."
"dont diss the scotch, gurl."
Latula did a rad hairflip. "1 got 4n 1nv1t4t1on to 4 rock1ng 4w3som3 p4rty th1s fr1d4y!"
"no way!" Roxy exclaimed. "me 2."
Turns out that everybody got one. They all held up their initiations as a show of proof. Totally awesome coolkids, these people were.
"We're totally going to that party," Autumn said.
"of cours3 w3 ar3," Latula said. "l34d3r's ord3rs." She motioned to herself. "th343'z no w4y my t34m 1z m1ss1ng out on som3th1ng so k1ck1ng r4d!"
Everyone cheered.
"oh, 4nd 1 4lmost forgot to br1ng som3th1ng to 3v3ryon3's 4tt3nt1on," Latula said. The peeps were silent so they could hear. "4r4n43's whol3 t34m 1s on c4mpus. th3 whol3 coll3g3 th1ng 1s 4 probl3m th4t h4z 4ff3ct3d us on 4 glob4l sc4l3. LO4 1s throw1ng p3opl3 out of the HQ r1ght 4nd l3ft, 4nd 1t's b3g1nn1ng to dr4w susp1c1on from 1ts m3mb3rs. r3m3mb3r now th4t w3'r3 only pr3t3nd1ng to st1ll b3 p4rt of th3 l34gu3 of 4w3som3, 4nd 4t th1s po1nt 1t w1ll b3 h3lpful for g3tt1ng v4lubl3 1nform4t1on."
Everyone nodded.
The rain was coming down hard like a mofo. When Autumn looked outside through the back door, it was nearly impossible to see through all of the torrent. Bright lighting flashed, followed seconds later by thunder. It kaboomed so loud that she could feel it. Even Meulin probably could've heard that shit from if she was there.
The thunder continued on for an hour. Once, the power went out for about a minute. The storm didn't seem to want to recede. Another giant thunderboom erupted outside, causing the house to shake.
"Alright," Autumn said, clearly starting to get annoyed. "That needs to quit."
Everyone else was getting pissed, too, because it was disrupting the TV signal. Nepeta used this time to ship some of her new classmates. She made use of all four quadrants to put together her majesty matchmaking desires.
At last, the storm subsided and Autumn and Kodee went off to bed. It had been a long motherfucking day. They had some kinky pillow sex before going off to sleep.
EARTH JQ06, August 18, 2015.
LEIVRELI, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
Tuesday meant no school for Autumn and Kodee. Roxy and Terezi also had the day off to do whatever the heck they wanted.
When Vriska, Latula, and Nepeta left, they took the magical flying van with them, thereby leaving the others with no driving options. Autumn and Kodee decided that they would need a vehicle of their own to get around. They flew into Minet City and found their local car dealership. It was a huge place filled with a wide variety of vehicles. When they looked to their left, they saw nothing but lines and lines of cars.
A man in a glittery cowboy uniform walked up to them.
"You, how 'bout a car?" he offered.
"Are you a seller?" Autumn asked.
"Indeed I am. Come on with me; we've got a fine selection of driving equipment that is sure to delight even the pickiest of roadgoers."
Autumn and Kodee followed the man down the lot to a shiny red Ferrari.
"This thing makes so much noise that it will sound like you was mauling a T-Rex," the man said.
Autumn and Kodee looked at each other. "Uhh…" they said.
"Maybe not," the man said.
He brought them over to a giant army jeep. Autumn was thinking the whole time how the hell she would ever be able to park that thing.
"This has 690 horsepower," the man said. "It'll get you where you need to go."
"Perhaps we should have a look around," Kodee said.
"Well, suit yourselves."
Autumn and Kodee walked away from the man to search on their own. They knew instantly which car they wanted when they laid eyes on it. It was a 2015 Honda Civic with a teal coat and cobalt streaks down the sides. The seats were pale periwinkle cotton fleece.
"Mr. Car Man!" Autumn explained.
The salesman walked over to them. "Yes, dear lady?"
"We want this one!"
"Alrightie then. Now all you have to do is pay the fee and prove that you can parallel park it."
"Say whaaaat?"
"That's right. Leivreli law requires each buyer to be able to parallel park their car before they can keep it. You'll have to drive this baby to the road testing facility behind the dealership before you can do anything else."
Okay, so Autumn and Kodee were handed the shiny key to the car. They hopped in and drove to the facility where they had to wait in line. Blue flames blazed from the tailpipe. They were then given a number and took a seat in one of the rows in front of the reception desks to wait for that number to be called. Lame.
Autumn examined the number. It was 665, just a number away from 666. 666 was considered to be evil among Christians and Joshuans alike because its dark swirliness was associated with the Illuminati. The Illuminati used to just be this rebel group of people trying to overthrow the government, but it later faded into behind the depths of common knowledge and secret organizations were working to seek it out.
Anyway, back to the stupid driving test. Their number was called and they went to the car with a test administrator. Autumn sat in the driving seat, the administrator sat in the passenger seat, and Kodee chilled in the back.
Autumn was nervous about this test. She was a failure at many things both logical and incomprehensible. Now, she had to maneuver a vehicle sideways into a designated area.
Nevertheless, she passed, and victory went to her and Kodee. The two lovers drove back to the car dealership with their certificate of not sucking and paid the fine of 100,000 Goober Dollars. Then, they drove out of there. When Autumn turned on the radio, the Space Jam theme song was playing. She cranked it up to full blast. It seemed that the universe was on her side today. Thank Josh. Too bad the universe was only a concept of infinity's vastness or otherwise Autumn would have totally had sex with it as a thank-you.
Along the way home, they stopped by a store where Autumn purchased a rolling bookbag for herself. It had a leopard print with a teal, blue, and purple background and purple zippers. She brought it in the house and moved everything from her other bookbag into this new bookbag.
After that, Kodee and Autumn realized that they needed to watch "Princess Mononoke." It had been a while since they'd seen it. So, they sat down and watched it. It was so epic that they decided to become wolves. Their fur was pure white just like the ones from the movie. They ran out into the backyard to have an epic duel.
Autumn charged with her wolfie paws and pounced for Kodee. Kodee dodged and lunged for her side, knocking her onto the ground. She got up and dashed away. Kodee took pursuit, panting wildly. Autumn leapt onto the roof of the house and howled to the sky. Kodee joined her.
"OOOOoooooOOOO!"
Enough of that. They turned back into humans and leapt into the grass below. More pretend games lied ahead.
They went up to their room where Autumn decided to start her own imaginary fast food stand. She used a toy chest as the counter.
Kodee walked up to it. "I would like to order a sandwich," he said.
"Yes, sir," Autumn replied. "One sandwich coming up." She reached into the toy chest and pulled out a few wooden blocks. She stacked them together and handed them to Kodee. "Here you go."
"This isn't a real sandwich. Get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich I can be proud of."
"Shit, it's not supposed to be a real sandwich, you blockhead. Now eat the damn thing before I jump over the counter and bust your jaw."
Kodee shoved the mass of building blocks in his mouth and bit hard. It tasted like wood and broken dreams. The broken dreams of a fast food cashier who wanted to act on Broadway but never got the chance. It also hurt like hell to chew.
"I don't want to eat this," Kodee said.
"Okay," Autumn replied. "Then throw it out the window."
The windows couldn't be opened because they were pretty much what the walls were made of, so Kodee went out onto the deck to toss the bitten blocks. They fell into the bushes below. Kodee went back inside.
"You deserve to be fired," Kodee said.
"You should tell your friends about this place," Autumn said. "Then there will be someone who knows your pain."
"Okay."
Kodee went and got Roxy and Terezi. They walked up to the counter (toy box) to order some food.
"WH4T DO YOU H4V3?" Terezi asked.
"Sandwiches," Autumn replied.
Autumn reached into the toy box and pulled out some wooden building blocks. They were pale brown, which meant they carried a lame scent for Terezi.
"1F YOU COLOR TH3M W1TH M4RK3RS, TH4T M1GHT M4K3 TH3M 3D1BL3," Terezi said.
Autumn got some scented markers out of the drawer by her work desk. There was really no point in the markers being scented; we've established many times over that Terezi smells colors, which just makes this redundant. Autumn colored three of the blocks with red, teal, yellow, and green. She stacked them up and handed them to Terezi.
Terezi held onto the "sandwich" for a moment, wondering if she was really going to eat it. She thought, 4H, WH4T TH3 H3CK, and put it in her mouth. Her pointed teeth grinded into it. The outside was tasty and colorful, but the inside was still just the dull wood color. She threw it on the floor.
"Okay, next," Autumn said.
Terezi moved aside so that Roxy could place her order.
"do u hav any drinks?" Roxy asked.
"Umm," Autumn said. She tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Yes."
"hit me up wit some alchomahol plz."
Autumn went to the mini fridge and pulled out a Mountain Dew. She handed it to Roxy.
"Here you go," she said. "I hope this works on you like it works on me."
Roxy opened it and guzzled some of it down.
"nope, feeling pretty sober," Roxy said.
"Nobody is happy with my service," Autumn said. "I quit."
Kodee, Terezi, and Roxy cheered. After that, Terezi and Roxy left the room to go do something else.
It was time for Autumn to stop procrastinating and do her homework. She pulled out a leaf of paper and a plum glitter pen and got to writing.
"Name: Autumn Rose Rainbowlight III
Date: 8-18-15
Behold my awesome name found in the header. I am Autumn. I leak awesomeness, but no need to worry, for that which flows out of me easily gets replaced. My hobbies include sex, drugs, and goofing off. I don't really have a favorite anything, except for Kodee. So, if you ask me what my favorite color is, I'm going to say Kodee. Favorite drink? Kodee. Favorite movie? Okay, maybe Space Jam, but also Kodee!
Sometimes, when I have nothing else to do, I turn on the microwave and listen to the soft purr. It calms me down.
As far as relationships go, I have a complicated romantic affiliation with Kodee and my black quadrant is filled by Vriska, a huge bitch. If you see her, perhaps you can use your vines to whack her around a few times. I would very much appreciate that."
That seemed like the perfect introduction to give to her teacher. She stuck it in a folder and put it in her bookbag.
Later that day, Vriska, Latula, and Nepeta came home. Nepeta had collected x1 Spider Crab and x2 Geese for the team's dinner. Kodee didn't want to serve sidewalk-kill for the second evening in a row, so she was just going to have to share that with her cat. She went in her room to do just that. Eww, rhyming.
Over dinner, the team discussed their days. Latula told everyone that she had found Mituna but hadn't gotten any more information on LOA. She had, however, learned more about the party. Turns out that Meenah was hosting it at her huge, giant mansion!
Everyone cheered with glee because they were so ready to get down at the party on Friday! Too bad, today was only Tuesday. I don't care what anyone says; Tuesdays are worse than Mondays! At least on Monday, people have just had their two day long break and could maybe use some work to do. On Tuesday, work has already gotten tiresome and then there is still almost the entire week to go. It's evil. Pure evil!
EARTH JQ06, August 19, 2015.
LEIVRELI, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
Ohmigod it's Wednesday. We had to get out of that hardly mentionable yesterday existence we call a Tuesday. Also, autocorrect tried to change "Ohmigod" to amigo. What the actual cavalier double decker baloney Swiss cheese?
Autumn and Kodee leapt out of bed. It was another day of school, another day of knowledge engulfment. They drove to school on their ownest and went to the building of driver services to get a special parking pass. They parked their sweet ride in the super cool parking garage on the third floor. Rather than walking, they flew all the way to the building that held their first class. Yay!
Nepeta didn't have school today, so Autumn and Kodee walked to their first period class alone. They navigated down the dark, scary hallways and wound up in a large room with a pool. Small lights on the walls illuminated the area in pink. Autumn leapt into the pool.
A tour guide walked by here with a couple of the new transfer students. "And here we have the water unit. It filters the water out to be sent into drinking fountains around the school."
Autumn jumped out of the water and ran away. Kodee went with her. She was soaking wet, so she had to go into the creepy restroom down the hall to change. Luckily, she had some spare clothes in her magic purse. She put on a purple top, a black bra, black panties, and a black skirt. Kodee watched her change from around the corner.
The lovers continued onwards and at last located their classroom. They were right on time this time. Gamzee beckoned them inside.
"wElcOmE tO yOuR pRoPeR fIrSt pErIoD cLaSs," he said.
Kodee and Autumn bowed to him and took a seat side by side at the front of the class. Feferi and Jade were there.
"gOoDmOrNiNg MoThErFuCkErS," Gamzee said. "tOdAy We'Re GoNnA vIeW a SlIdEsHoW oN fIlM."
He pulled up the first picture of the slideshow. It had a picture of two juggalos having sex while a third juggalo videotaped it. He went through the slides, which were pretty much juggalos and porn. Then, he went to YouTube and clicked on a clip from the movie "It". Autumn started giggling because she found everything about that movie hilarious. She couldn't not laugh at clowns.
While the clip was rolling, Gamzee sat off to the side in his swivel chair. He was starting to get an erection. Autumn ceased laughing and looked at it, grinning. The shape of it was clearly visible through his polka-dot shorts. Gamzee grasped his member and held it tightly. His gaze moved from lala land over to Autumn. He made a motion with his finger for her to come to him. She did as he commanded. He let his shorts fall to the floor, causing his erection to spring free.
Autumn knew what she had to do. She took off her skirt and underwear. She was a bit nervous because she had a large audience, but this was film class. It time to shine bright like a diamond.
She sat in Gamzee's lap, Gamzee's member entering her body and causing her to moan. He grabbed onto her and slowly thrusted her up and down. The "Wizard of Oz" theme song began to play in her head. His movements became faster, causing her to cry with ecstasy.
Tears fell from Kodee's face- not out of jealousy, but because it was such a beautiful performance. He watched that and the "It" clip simultaneously while munching on popcorn.
Gamzee and Autumn reached a climax, sending juices running down their legs. Gamzee lifted her off of him. She stood on the floor and put all of her clothes back on.
"50 pOiNtS eXtRa CrEdIt," Gamzee said. "nOw TaKe A mOtHeRfUcKiNg SeAt."
Autumn skipped back to her seat and sat beside Kodee. Kodee wanted the remainder of the Gamzee cum, so he got between Autumn's legs and licked it all up. The video ended and he got back in his chair.
A bunch of other learning took place and the class was released. Autumn and Kodee hit the Chick Fil A again, and this time, they braved the line. It moved along pretty fast. Both of them ordered chicken and waffle fries. They ate their food outside at one of the round tables with blue umbrellas.
Next, they journeyed to History class, where they had to take notes. Different people were here today, such as Sollux and Aradia. Mr. Obsidian covered the windows and used the entire period to present a historical PowerPoint.
It was onward to Computer class. Eridan, Sollux, Vriska, and Latula were here. Autumn and Kodee sat side by side as usual. They were directly across the room from Eridan where they could wink at him and make kissy faces.
"Ampora," Autumn said seductively. She batted her eyelashes and swayed her body in the comfy leather swivel seat.
Eridan winked at her. Kodee blew him a kiss and she caught it.
"What the fuck?" demanded Sollux, who had witnessed the whole thing.
"Those two are in lust with Eridan," Vriska replied.
"Fuckiing eww."
Ms. Azeria appeared from her desk and walked to the center of the classroom. She spent the first part of class talking about a project that everyone must partake in. Then, she got to assigning groups.
"You two," she said, pointing to Autumn and Kodee, "Work with the people over there."
She motioned to a group of anthropomorphs. Autumn and Kodee walked over to them and took their seats in some nearby chairs.
"Alright, so what was it the teacher wanted us to do?" said a furry shiba inu with white fur and black spots. She was wearing square rimmed glasses.
"We has to research how the info on the internet is helpful or harmful," replied a pale pink Chihuahua furry with mint green eyes. "You should of paid attention, Furfrou."
"The name is Frufru. I told you that at least six times."
"Quit arguing," replied a golden hamster furry with a squirrel tail and brown markings over her face. "I swear, you two are so dumb. I'm going to disown you as friends."
Autumn and Kodee looked at each other. At this rate, they were doomed.
They looked to their own remaining partner, an anthropomorphic snowshoe hare with a black heart outline around her right eye. She was typing away at her laptop.
"Seems like we're going to need to meet outside of class if we're going to get this done on time," said the hamster furry. "Bunny, can you write down everyone's information and make sure it gets to all members of the group."
"The name's Frosalys," she replied. "I'd be happy to collect information. I'll need your social security number, date of birth, full legal name, password to all-"
"Hang on. I just need you to collect names and phone numbers."
"Okay. What would your name be?"
"Flanzia." She motioned to the shiba and Chihuahua. "These are my idiot friends, Frufru and Shellbiee."
Flanzia gave out numbers while Frosalys typed away.
"What about you two?" Frosalys asked, motioning to Autumn and Kodee.
They gave her their information as well. For the rest of class, the group tried to work out a plan. Frosalys got up and left in the middle of it.
Meanwhile, Vriska, Latula, Sollux, and Eridan were working together in a group.
"You're to so called computer whiz," Vriska said. "You do the project."
"ii'm not gonna work whiile you a22holes lay around and nap."
"Well 222222222 8ad!"
"How fuckiing dare you."
"guyzz!" Latula exclaimed. "pull your sh1t tog3th3r."
"lat is right," Eridan added. "wwe must wwork together as a team."
"I don't want to 8e in a group with you," Vriska replied.
A tear fell down Eridan's face.
Okay, so this is how it goes with fucking partners at school. Once class was over, Autumn and Kodee headed to Math with Vriska and Latula. It was a long journey from point C to point A.
"I h8 my group," Vriska said.
"My group makes zero sense," Autumn said.
"At least they're tolera8le."
"You have no idea. Were you even watching us?"
"No; I was too 8usy dealing with losers."
"1'm no los3r," Latula said.
"I meant everyone 8esides you."
"just mak1n' sure ;]"
They reached the class of mathematics. Karkat was here as well as John, Dirk, Jake, Flanzia, Frufru, and Shellbiee. Everyone took their seats. Mr. Beanstalk was in his spot at the front center of the room, as he couldn't really move with being a beanstalk and all. Poor dude.
"Good afternoon," he said.
No one replied.
"Good afternoon!" Autumn exclaimed.
"Yeah!" Kodee added. "Good afternoon!"
Mr. Beanstalk passed out the attendance sheet. Class was officially in session, and thus, no one expected anymore visitors. Mr. Beanstalk took the sheet up using one of his many vines and placed it on a table off to the side. He motioned to the whiteboard to his right. A presentation began to play on it. Everyone grabbed a worksheet off the table and began to take notes on it. Mr. Beanstalk went over various types of probability.
Then, out of nowhere, a furry lime green elephant creature came bursting through the door. "I KNOW WHERE BABIES COME FROM!" he shouted.
"That's really mature," Mr. Beanstalk replied. "Who are you and why are you barging into my class?"
"My name is Fred FredBurger and I can spell my name real good. F-R-E-D-F-R-E-D-B-U-R-G-E-…R! Fred FredBurger, YES!"
"Yes, and why are you here?"
"I'm your student and I'm also late. I was late this one time because I had to stop for frozen yogurt, yes. There were so many flavors to choose from, like mint, chocolate banana…um…mint…"
Karkat clenched his fists. "WILL SOMEONE DO A VINCENT VAN GOGH ON MY EARS SO THAT I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS ASSHAT?"
"My mama said to never use that word."
"Fred FredBurger," Mr. Beanstalk said. "Will you please just take a seat?"
Fred FredBurger took a seat right next to Karkat. Karkat was seething with rage that burned within his tortured soul.
Once Mr. Beanstalk was done going over the notes, he told everyone to pair up and work on the worksheet problems together. Naturally, Autumn and Kodee teamed up. They were able to figure everything out with ease.
"Hey," Flanzia said. "Wanna compare answers?"
"Sure," Autumn replied.
They compared answers. Everything was a perfect match. Frufru and Shellbiee walked up to Flanzia.
"Hey, can we has a look?" Shellbiee asked.
"Sure, what'ja get?" Flanzia asked.
Shellbiee showed them her paper. It was blank. So was Frufu's.
"You two are so stupid," Flanzia said. "Have you even thought over the project?"
"No," Shellbiee replied.
"You, Frufru and I need to discuss it through email."
"You know I only check my mail every once a month."
Flanzia did a face palm. She used her free hand to block them. "Say no more," she said. "You have failed me as friends. Go to your desks and reevaluate your lives."
Her friends departed.
"You two," Flanzia said, pointing to Autumn and Kodee. "You're my friends now. You have brains."
That was a lot to live up to. They weren't sure if they were ready to take on the responsibility of being considered smart. Dangerous things happened to smart people. Stephen Hawking had been lucky to rise to Josh Tier when he did or otherwise the vultures would have gotten him.
"Okay, students," Mr. Beanstalk said. "Bring forth your homework from last night so that thou can by judged."
Everyone who did the assignment passed their work to the front of the room. Mr. Beanstalk picked up the papers with his vines and pulled them into his body. Then, he dismissed the class.
Autumn and Kodee got into their shiny car and drove home. That evening, it rained hard again. Thunder rumbled over the floating island and water drenched all of the plants.
Terezi was on the porch swing out back, and Vriska was cuddled up next to her. Both girls were quiet as they watched the rain fall. Terezi didn't actually watched, but she could hear the patter of it on the grass beyond the porch.
"If only you could see how 8eautiful you are," Vriska said.
"M3?" Terezi asked.
"Yeah. Who else could I 8e talking to?"
Terezi blushed. Vriska leaned in and gave her a kiss. They continued to snuggle as the weather went from bad to worse. As long as they had each other, they weren't scared.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Homestuck, The Grey Garden, or The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy!