Chapter 14

Age, 25

Scorpius walked through the kitchen, still in his pyjamas and his hair a mess. He opened the fridge and drank straight from the juice box.

"Why aren't you dressed yet?" I asked sharply. He blinked.

"What? Why?"

I rolled my eyes.

"We're having brunch with Teddy and Victoire, remember?"

He put the juice back in the fridge.

"Oh, shit. Was that today?"

I sighed. So typical Scorpius.

"Yes", I said, "so get your arse to the wardrobe and put some proper clothes on!"

"Yes, sir!" said Scorpius and left the kitchen quickly. I could hear him chuckling in the bedroom.

Twenty minutes later we were both dressed and ready to go. I was clutching a wrapped gift in my hand.

"What's that?" asked Scorpius nodding towards it. Then he frowned. "Wait, is it someone's birthday? Who?"

"It's a teddy bear", I said, "seriously, don't you ever listen to me? They just had a baby."

"When did you tell me this?" asked scorpius confused, "You didn't-"

"Yeah I did, last night."

"Yeah, but I was asleep last night, that might explain a few things."

"Whatever. Let's just go now, OK?"

We Disapparated, landing at the edge of the garden. Teddy and Victoire had a cute little house by the seaside, very much like Fleur and Bill's. We walked up to the door and knocked.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" asked Scorpius while we waited for someone to let us in.

"It's a boy", I said, "His name is Remus."

"Remus?" Scorpius raised an eyebrow.

"They named him after Teddy's dad", I said impatiently.

"That's the werewolf right?" Scorpius grinned. "Never thought they could have babies. Good thing he wasn't born with fangs an-"

"Hi, Teddy!" I interrupted him loudly as Teddy opened the door. He had dark shadows under hi eyes and his turquoise hair looked as if it hadn't been brushed for several days.

"Hey, guys", he said and smiled tiredly. "Come on in."

We stepped inside. A smell of toast and coffee came from the kitchen. My cousin Victoire came out in the hall to greet us.

"Hello", she smiled.

Victoire looked, surprisingly enough, not half as worn and tired as her husband. Maybe it was the veela blood she had inherited from her mother. Her blond hair sat in an elegant bun on her head, effortlessly perfect. There was no way of telling she had had a baby just two weeks ago. Victoire looked very much like her mother, except for her freckles - they were from her father. In her arms, Victoire carried a little bundle of baby pink fabric.

"Say hi to Remus." She let the blanket fall back a bit and revealed a little pink bay face. "Do you want to hold him?"

I hesitated, but Victoire held little Remus out to me.

"Go on", she said.

I wasn't sure of how to hold a baby, are there some kind of rules? But I took the bundle carefully in my arms. My first thought was that there was more blanket than baby. His tiny chubby face looked so peaceful. He blinked up at me and yawned, it was ridiculously cute. I stroke his cheek with my finger. I couldn't help worrying about breaking something. He felt so fragile.

The others had walked into the kitchen and I followed them.

"Lovely, isn't he?" sighed Victoire, putting out a jug of juice on the table.. "Totally worth those nine months of hell."

"Oh, it wasn't that bad", said Teddy. He pulled out a chair and sat down. "Dig in."

"Easy for you to say", said Victoire, sitting down as well. "You didn't have to turn into an elephant."

"At least it was a very pretty elephant", said Teddy and got himself a kiss on the cheek from his wife.

They all reached for marmalade and toast and started eating. I wasn't sure if I could hold the baby with just one hand without dropping it or something, so I just sat still.

"Here, I can take him", Teddy smiled and lifted the baby from my arms.

It was a nice brunch, very pleasant. But when we went home the weight that had been weighing down my heart these last couple of weeks crawled back.

"That was one fluffy brunch", said Scorpius and crashed down on the couch. "They're very lovey-dovey, don't you think?"

"Yeah", I sighed, "seem very happy, though."

The lightheartedness drained from Scorpius' voice. I sunk down in the armchair.

"Something bothering you, sweetheart?" he asked and looked at me with a bit of concern. I avoided his eyes. "You've seemed very down lately."

I didn't say anything, I didn't have to, Scorpius already knew.

"It's the baby-thing, isn't it?" He said with a deep sigh.

"I can't let it go", I said. I didn't know how much I wanted to have a kid until Scorpius told me he didn't want one. I didn't know what to do, and it was killing me inside. "I just can't."

"I wouldn't be a good father, I'd mess that kid up for the rest of his li-"

"I know!" I snapped and cut him off. "You already said that. But how can you know that'll happen?"

"I just don't want to take any risks." Scorpius' voice remained annoyingly calm, while mine got closer and closer to screaming.

"What are you so scared of?" I yelled, "That he'll turn out like you? There's nothing wrong with you!"

"I wouldn't force my miserable life on anybody else!" finally he raised his voice.

"But you're not miserable anymore. You're happy now, aren't you?-"

"Yes!"

"Let me finish!" I shouted. "You're happy now, so why would you make the child's life miserable?"

"You don't get it-"

"Yes, I do! This isn't about your father. You're just being a coward!"

Silence crashed down on us. Scorpius' eyes burned against me, he was breathing heavily. I gritted my teeth. I would not take it back. I would not feel guilty. I would not apologise. I had not gone too far. No matter how much I told myself this, I couldn't stop myself.

"Sorry, Scorpius I..." I faltered. Scorpius shook his head.

"Don't say you didn't mean it", he muttered, "because you did."

I stood up, without saying a word. I wouldn't deny it. I wouldn't. No. I would not say sorry again. I marched off into the bedroom and slammed the door shut. This always happened. I couldn't fight with Scorpius without feeling guilty. I was always the first one to say sorry. I hated it, but I just didn't seem to be able to stop doing it.

There was a knock on the door.

"Al", said Scorpius softly, "Sweetheart ..."

"Don't", I growled, "leave me alone!"

"Maybe you're right", Scorpius sighed after a while, "Maybe I am a coward. We Slytherins aren't exactly known for our bravery." There was a silence. I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying anything. I fought to stay mad at him, holding on to every bit of anger I could.. Scorpius spoke again. "You can't blame me for being scared, Al. It's not a light decision. Our lives would never be the same again."

"So?" I said weakly. My anger slipped away from me, pushed away by the hollow longing I had felt for weeks.

"I'm happy like this." I heard him sitting down and resting his back against the wall. "I thought you were as well ... But I guess I was wrong." He spoke the last words so quietly I barely heard them.

I turned around with a deep sigh. Scorpius scrambled to his feet as I came out of the door. He put his arms around me.

"I love you, sweetheart", he whispered into my ear and hugged me tightly.

"Love you too", I mumbled, "you know that."

"I do ... So let's have a baby then."

We pulled apart and I stared at him.

"You don't mean that", I said hesitantly. Scorpius looked me straight in the eyes.

"Yes, I do. Why wouldn't I?"

"You just told me you didn't want a baby. Please don't do this, Scorpius."

"Do what?" He stroke my arm. "You want a baby, so let's have one. What's wrong now?"

"You don't want one. You said it'd make you miserable." I stared at the floor. Scorpius shook his head.

"No, I said I'd make the child miserable. But you said you wouldn't let me do that. So I changed my mind."

"Just like that?" I asked afraid to get my hopes up. I didn't dare to believe that he was being serious with what he said. Scorpius shrugged.

"Just like that."

And once again I was reminded of why I loved Scorpius so incredibly much, why I couldn't imagine life without him and my face cracked up in a huge grin.

No sooner said than done, we jumped on the baby-hunting wagon - well, that's what Scorpius called it. We contacted a wizard's adopting bureau. Now, don't get me wrong, this didn't go in the wave of a wand, it was a long, tiering process. But it didn't matter. I didn't mind waiting as much now that I knew it was going to happen.

After nearly a year we got the owl saying there was a baby available. The mother was a nineteen-year-old witch, two years out of Hogwarts. Melanie Becker was her name. A meeting was arranged and my nerves started to build up. They had been lying low from the start, but as the meeting drew closer I got more and more nervous.

"What if she doesn't like us", I said to Scorpius on the morning of the meeting. "What if she doesn't want to give us her baby?"

He ruffled my hair, so it got all messed up again and I had to comb it again.

"Always so worried", he said, "You're a sweetheart and I'm handsome, she'll love us. Don't worry." He blinked at me in the mirror.

I sat down shakily by the table at the three broomsticks. Melanie came in with the adoption manager, a tall dark haired woman. Melanie had brown hair, she was rather short and wore an apprehensive look on her pretty face - I bet she was at least as nervous as I was, probably even more. There was no doubt that she was pregnant, she kept one hand on her round belly as she sat down by the table. She smiled carefully at us. I tried to smile back, just hoping I didn't look constipated - something Scorpius so nicely had pointed out I often did when I was nervous. He on the other hand looked perfectly comfortable in the situation, but he always did. We shook hands and were introduced by the adoption manager.

"You take it from here", she said smilingly to Melanie, "Ask any questions you might have, that's why we're here."

Melanie cleared her throat awkwardly.

"Well", she said and cast a shy glance at us, "tell me about yourselves."

Tell me about yourself. It was a very hard question to answer. Where to start? What to tell? I couldn't define myself in just a few sentences, not the real me. I don't think anyone can. I guess I could give her the general idea, but what would that really tell her about me? That's where I got the idea for this. This whole thing. I got the idea to write down the story of my life, of who I am. So I did. I wrote it down for Melanie, and for Scorpius and everybody else in my life who ever wondered who I really am. I'm still not sure I can define myself, but that doesn't matter. This is more than I've ever told anyone about myself.

But back to the meeting. So we gave Melanie the general idea of ourselves. Luckily she liked us, and we liked her too.

"I love my baby, I just want it to end up in a nice home, with nice parents who'll love it more than anything", she said. "I'm not a mother, not yet. I couldn't do it - raise a child you know - it wouldn't be fair to the baby. I want it to be happy, do you know what I mean?"

And of course we did, especially Scorpius. I had no doubt whatsoever that he would be a wonderful dad, only he did.

She decided to make us the parents of her baby. We sighed the papers. And suddenly it was all done. All that was left to do was wait. And we did. On the first of august Melanie Becker gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Lorraine Potter.

This brings us to present time. I have some people I'd like to say a few things to, my family. I wrote this for you:

My husband Scorpius - who helped me find myself, stood by my side and loved me. I love you too, darling.

My mother Ginny - who told me her stories and helped me find a place in this family. You're the best, mum.

My father Harry - who let me be who I am, whoever I am. I love you, dad.

My brother James - Who is always spreading his good mood and hilarious (most of the time) jokes wherever he goes. You're a great brother.

My sister Lily - who never really understood me. Sorry if I confused you sometimes, Lils.

My uncle Ron - to show him that not all Malfoys are the same. This is why I love my Scorpius, uncle Ron.

My aunt hermione - because I know how much she likes to read. I hope you enjoyed this, aunt Hermione.

My parents in law Draco Malfoy and Astoria Greengrass - who never really knew their son. Maybe this will give you a hint.

Melanie Becker - who gave us the most precious gift of all, the gift of life. We can never thank you enough. I hope that you never regret your decision. We love you, you're amazing and I promise you that Lorraine is in good hands.

And last, my daughter Lorraine - we named you Lorraine because it means strength. One day, when you're old enough, I hope you'll read this and maybe it can give you some help through hard times. If not, at least you'll get to know how your dads met. We both love you unconditionally. As I'm looking at you right now in your crib I can't yet tell what kind of girl you'll grow up to be, but no matter who you are, I'll make sure that you are happy.

The end

A/N: It's the end guys! And I know this took ages, sorry about that ... If you're reading this I assume that you have read the whole story - so Thank You! I hope you enjoyed it:) You know where to leave your thoughts so I'm not even going to tell you;p Bye for now!^^